Dad jokes - add yours

[Harvey Manfrenjensenden]

A guy goes to his doctor because he can see into the future. The doctor asks him, "How long have you suffered from that condition?" The guy tells him, "Since next Monday."

 

[gokangas]

My drug test came back negative. My dealer sure has some explaining to do.

 

[gokangas]

When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

 

[gokangas]

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

 

[gokangas]

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

 

[WayneShimmiesTheBush]

What do you call a camel with no humps?

Humphrey

 

[Orange Peanut]

I was so bored today I got up and walked by my clock, just to pass the time.

 

[Mav]

The Dalai Lama walked into a pizza shop and asked them to make him one with everything.

 

[SonofSamsquanch]

I was so bored today I got up and walked by my clock, just to pass the time.

Reverting to my preschool days (early 60s), this is probably the first joke I ever heard....

Why did the boy throw the clock out the window?





Because he wanted to make time fly.

 

[Bertie22]

Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.

 

[Bertie22]

Whatever you do, always give 100%... unless you're donating blood.

 

[Bertie22]

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

 

[Roscoe]

I always wear 2 pairs of pants when I go golfing. Just in case I get a hole in one.

 

[Bertie22]

John Travolta tested negative for coronavirus last night. Turns out it was just Saturday night fever.

 

[Mav]

 

[gokangas]

Two guys were in court for stealing a calendar. They got six months each.

 

[gokangas]

Why is a football game a good place to go on a hot day?
Because there are lots of fans.

 

[gokangas]

My father has a fear of speed humps. He's slowly getting over it.

 

[gokangas]

I invented a new word today: Plagiarism.

 

[gokangas]

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. Now that can’t just be a coincidence.

 

[gokangas]

I now have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying. At the time it seemed very important to him that I have it.

 

[Hojuman]

My father has a fear of speed humps. He's slowly getting over it.

Side note: in lndonesia speed-humps are called " bapak polisi tidur " - literally " sleeping policeman " Always made me laugh.

 

[Bertie22]

Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

 

[Bertie22]

The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

 

[Bertie22]

What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth?


Someday my prints will come.

(Sorry guys, I think they are getting worse!!)