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A guy goes to his doctor because he can see into the future. The doctor asks him, "How long have you suffered from that condition?" The guy tells him, "Since next Monday."
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Reverting to my preschool days (early 60s), this is probably the first joke I ever heard....I was so bored today I got up and walked by my clock, just to pass the time.
My father has a fear of speed humps. He's slowly getting over it.