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Do you know what seems odd to me?
Numbers that aren’t divisible by two.
 
Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school?
Because she sprained her angle.
 
How does a mathematician plow fields?
With a pro-tractor.

What’s a math teacher’s favorite kind of tree?
Geometry.

Parallel lines have so much in common …
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
 
Why doesn’t anybody talk to circles? Because there’s no point.

Why was the obtuse triangle always upset?
Because it’s never right.

Why was math class so long?
The teacher kept going off on a tangent.
 

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What do you call a beehive without an exit?
Unbelievable
 
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
 
The farmer, a father to 3 daughters was answering the door as his 3 daughters were getting dressed to go out on dates on a Saturday night.
The first man knocked on the door; ‘Hi I’m Eddie, I’m here to take Betty out for spaghetti?’ ‘No’ said the farmer
The second man knocked on the door; ‘Hi I’m Joe, I’m here to take Flo to the show?’ ‘No’ said the farmer
The third man knocked at the door; ‘Hi I’m Chuck’……. The farmer shot Chuck
 
Eddie McGuire flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play Aussie Rules, and is suitably impressed, and arranges for him to come over to Collingwood. He's signed to a one-year contract, and joins the team for the pre-season.

Two weeks later, the Magpies are down by 6 goals to Carlton with only 10 minutes left. The coach gives the young Iraqi the nod, and he enters the fray. The kid is a sensation - he kicks 7 goals in 10 minutes, and wins the game for the Magpies.

The fans are thrilled, the players and coaches are delighted, and the media are in love with the new star. When the player comes off the ground, he phones his Mum to tell her about his first game of AFL. "Hello Mum. Guess what", he says. "I played for 10 minutes today - we were 6 goals down, but I kicked 7 goals and we won. Everybody loves me - the fans, the media....."

"Wonderful", says his mother, "let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten, and your brother has joined a gang of looters - all while you were having such a great time."

The young Iraqi is very upset, "What can I say Mum - I'm so sorry."

His mother replies, "Sorry? You're sorry? It's your fault we moved to Collingwood in the first place!!!"
 

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The Jesus said:
Eddie McGuire flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play Aussie Rules, and is suitably impressed, and arranges for him to come over to Collingwood. He's signed to a one-year contract, and joins the team for the pre-season.

Two weeks later, the Magpies are down by 6 goals to Carlton with only 10 minutes left. The coach gives the young Iraqi the nod, and he enters the fray. The kid is a sensation - he kicks 7 goals in 10 minutes, and wins the game for the Magpies.

The fans are thrilled, the players and coaches are delighted, and the media are in love with the new star. When the player comes off the ground, he phones his Mum to tell her about his first game of AFL. "Hello Mum. Guess what", he says. "I played for 10 minutes today - we were 6 goals down, but I kicked 7 goals and we won. Everybody loves me - the fans, the media....."

"Wonderful", says his mother, "let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed and beaten, and your brother has joined a gang of looters - all while you were having such a great time."

The young Iraqi is very upset, "What can I say Mum - I'm so sorry."

His mother replies, "Sorry? You're sorry? It's your fault we moved to Collingwood in the first place!!!"
Click to expand...
Cant be true, sounds too gentrified for Collingwood
 
krakouers said:
Why doesn’t anybody talk to circles? Because there’s no point.

Why was the obtuse triangle always upset?
Because it’s never right.

Why was math class so long?
The teacher kept going off on a tangent.
Click to expand...
There are two types of mathematicians in this world. Those who can count.
 

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Miss Brown is teaching a grade 3 English class, and given the recent pandemic, decides to introduce the kids to some new words. She asks the class, "does anybody know how to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence?"
Only one hand goes up, and it's little Johnny's. She hesitates, but has no choice but to ask him to proceed. "Yes, Johnny?"
"Well Miss," he starts, "my Dad and I were driving out to our block in the country, and we saw a truck that musta taken a corner too fast and he lost his load of logs, and there were logs all over the road, and the driver had no idea what to do". Miss Brown's perplexed by where the story is going but asks him to continue.
"My Dad started laughing and said it's gonna take that contagious to get all those logs back onto his truck!"
 
fnarr fnarr said:
Miss Brown is teaching a grade 3 English class, and given the recent pandemic, decides to introduce the kids to some new words. She asks the class, "does anybody know how to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence?"
Only one hand goes up, and it's little Johnny's. She hesitates, but has no choice but to ask him to proceed. "Yes, Johnny?"
"Well Miss," he starts, "my Dad and I were driving out to our block in the country, and we saw a truck that musta taken a corner too fast and he lost his load of logs, and there were logs all over the road, and the driver had no idea what to do". Miss Brown's perplexed by where the story is going but asks him to continue.
"My Dad started laughing and said it's gonna take that contagious to get all those logs back onto his truck!"
Click to expand...
In a bizarre coincidence, Grant Denyer was shopping in his local Coles a while back and he bought a bag of oranges. As he was walking out to the car, the mesh bag split, the oranges fell out and they rolled all around the car park........
 
Young trainee teacher is taking the class of 12 year olds in Melbourne's north in the 80's. Hoping to extend the kids' vocabulary, she starts talking about Rob De Castella's (Deeks) recent efforts in winning the Commonwealth Games Marathon in stifling Brisbane conditions. She asks the class to suggest words to describe how Deeks would be feeling at the end of the race. Tired, Exhausted, Worn Out, all get a run. The young lady keeps probing for more examples, without further success. Getting frustrated, she says that the word she is looking for started with F. Sure enough, little Johnny knows and exuberantly suggests that the word she was looking for was "F...ed." Young lady's heart skips more than one beat while exclaiming "No, no, I mean Fatigued," as she hands over to the supervising teacher.

True story.
 
Bertie22 said:
Young trainee teacher is taking the class of 12 year olds in Melbourne's north in the 80's. Hoping to extend the kids' vocabulary, she starts talking about Rob De Castella's (Deeks) recent efforts in winning the Commonwealth Games Marathon in stifling Brisbane conditions. She asks the class to suggest words to describe how Deeks would be feeling at the end of the race. Tired, Exhausted, Worn Out, all get a run. The young lady keeps probing for more examples, without further success. Getting frustrated, she says that the word she is looking for started with F. Sure enough, little Johnny knows and exuberantly suggests that the word she was looking for was "F...ed." Young lady's heart skips more than one beat while exclaiming "No, no, I mean Fatigued," as she hands over to the supervising teacher.

True story.
Click to expand...
The way he ran down those two Tanzanians he would have been.
 

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