Dad jokes - add yours

[gokangas]

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

 

[gokangas]

Why is it called Alcoholics ANONYMOUS when the first thing you do is stand up and say, ‘My name is Bill and I am an alcoholic’

 

[gokangas]

How come no one is ever listening to you, until you fart.

 

[gokangas]

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.

 

[Gimmeafree]

I sold our vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.

 

[gokangas]

K I T H E K L F I N V E N T O R X Z S O F X T H E F G Q W O R D S E A R C H G H A S J O D I E D

 

[Samsquanch]

K I T H E K L F I N V E N T O R X Z S O F X T H E F G Q W O R D S E A R C H G H A S J O D I E D

UOJRIPGTR

 

[ferball]

Dan Batten = The Lord Mount

Reminds me of a joke I heard as a kid.

Q. What is red and white and flies thru the air off Mullaghmore?

A. Lord Mountbatten's thongs.

 

[Samsquanch]

Reminds me of a joke I heard as a kid.

Q. What is red and white and flies thru the air off Mullaghmore?

A. Lord Mountbatten's thongs.

Boom boom!

 

[ferball]

Boom boom!

Probably an inappropriate day for that joke looking back on it.

Oh well.

 

[Samsquanch]

Probably an inappropriate day for that joke looking back on it.

Oh well.

Yeah. Copped it for reading the Chaser site.

 

[ferball]

Yeah. Copped it for reading the Chaser site.

/The Aristocrats

 

[Nylex]

Breaking news..
Humphrey Bear to coach Essendon in 2023…
He was the only one who couldn’t say no

 

[1975]

What is the collective noun for for drug addics?


A Hird.

 

[archereleven]

Who are the 3 kings that have only brought joy to the world?

Smoking
Drinking and
****ing

On SM-G991B using BigFooty.com mobile app

 

[1975]

Who are the 3 kings that have only brought joy to the world?

Smoking
Drinking and
*******

On SM-G991B using BigFooty.com mobile app

 

[pablo disco bar]

Why does barbie have no kids,?



Ken came in a different box

 

[kool kangas]

A pensioner drove his brand new BMW to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought,
"I'm too old for this nonsense !"
So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.
The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said,
"Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."
The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :-
"Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!
The Cop left saying,
" Have a good day, Sir "...

 

[Ligma]

2 slices of bread get married

The ceremony was going great, until someone decided to toast the bride and groom.

 

[BLUEALLTHRU]

What's the difference between two dicks and a joke?

You don't look like you can handle a joke.

 

[krakouers]

 

[krakouers]

 

[Ligma]

View attachment 1510173

Unfriended

 

[kool kangas]

I was in the golf pro shop when an elderly man tripped and fell into a golf club display stand.
The paramedics have said that he's stable but he's not out of the woods yet.

 

[krakouers]