Dad jokes - add yours

[kool kangas]

In hospital after a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside.
"Will I die?" she asks.
God says, "No, you have 30 more years to live."
With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it, and since she's in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks absolutely sensational!
The day she's discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed.
Up in heaven, she sees God.
"You said I had 30 more years to live," she complains.
"That's true," says God.
"So what happened?" she asks.
God shrugs.
"I didn't recognize you."

 

[krakouers]

 

[kool kangas]

Not a dads joke but very funny.......

 

[krakouers]

 

[krakouers]

View attachment 1719464

Into the Dangerzone with hackers?
You’ll soon be playing with the boys

 

[Ashley B]

Just received this KT has made an all star team . Not in the starting 18 but still effort to make the 22

 

[gokangas]

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

 

[gokangas]

Last night my girlfriend was complaining that I never listen to her… or something like that.

 

[gokangas]

I was riding a donkey the other day when someone threw a rock at me and I fell off. I guess I was stoned off my ass.

 

[gokangas]

People who take care of chickens are literally chicken tenders.

 

[gokangas]

Blunt pencils are really pointless.

 

[ferball]

Just received this KT has made an all star team . Not in the starting 18 but still effort to make the 22View attachment 1735432

Is Darren Milane the coach or something.

 

[Samsquanch]

Is Darren Milane the coach or something.

Too soon?

 

[Samsquanch]

I may have posted this before,...

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Mav]

 

[kool kangas]

 

[Passmore]

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[TazHawk15]

What did Spartacus say when the lion ate his wife?

Nothing.... he is Gladiator.

 

[Frank Thring]

Heard a building was shut down as it contained a brothel. I bet it has a few stories.

 

[krakouers]

Words to live by:
Life is like toilet paper
Either you are on a roll or you are taking s#!t off someone

 

[kool kangas]

A woman goes to see a divorce lawyer and says,
“I want to end my marriage with my husband! We’ve been married two days.”
The lawyer asks,
"What got you two together in the first place?"
She said,
"He came into my pharmacy and asked for ex ex ex extra large condoms."
The lawyer then says,
"Oh my! So why are you wanting a divorce?"
She said, "Turns out he stutters."

 

[gokangas]

A husband asks his wife what she wants for her wedding anniversary.
A divorce, she says.
Sorry, he says, but I wasn't intending to spend that much.

 

[Passmore]

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[Passmore]

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