Dad jokes - add yours

[ferball]

 

[gokangas]

I made the family a curry last night. Fugg me they whinged because I put Ginger in it. Seems they really loved that cat.

 

[Harvey Manfrenjensenden]

I recently discovered that I was addicted to doing the hokey pokey....


But I managed to turn myself around.

 

[Harvey Manfrenjensenden]

There are two things I regret most in my life.

1. How many times I've ****ed up.

2. Naming my dog "Up."

 

[Harvey Manfrenjensenden]

Sometimes I touch my knees to my chest an lean forward.

That's just how I roll.

 

[Harvey Manfrenjensenden]

I've never liked elevator music.

It's bad on so many levels.

 

[Harvey Manfrenjensenden]

My wife's threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.

More on this after the break.

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[krakouers]

 

[Aristotle Pickett the3rd]

Ok. Nuke this thread please mods.

 

[gokangas]

A balding mate of mine asked me if I knew where he could buy a toupe. "Not off the top of my head", I replied.

 

[gokangas]

My wife thinks I have an eight inch penis. Now I know she doesn't know which way to hold a ruler.

 

[krakouers]

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[SammyRoo]

Q:What did the guy say when kicked out of Vietnamese restaurant?

A: “ they Bahn mi pho life “ !

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[Samsquanch]

 

[gokangas]

I just found out that 85% of all statistics are made up.

 

[gokangas]

Had to rush my dog to the vet after he ate our Christmas tree lights. When the vet said he would be ok you should have seen his little face light up.

 

[gokangas]

Hiking in your 60s is a great way to meet people. Today I met two paramedics, a helicopter pilot, three nurses, a cardiologist and nearly met Jesus.

 

[andana]

What does the moon do when it needs a haircut? Eclipses it.

 

[Harvey Manfrenjensenden]

The other day my wife and I had great make up sex.

Well I say that, but the truth is she was out and I stuck her lipstick up my arse.