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Health Depression

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Run n Spread said:
I'm very sorry. Honestly.

However. I don't meant to be insensitive but in all seriousness public or private? Genuine question as I don't know many public hospitals that would out right admit someone. Do public hospitals do that? Or is it worth for those who need or may need help in the future getting private cover?
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Private for sure. We give our insurance an absolute caning. 10s of $1ks some years.

There's a big difference between voluntary and involuntary admissions, too. Voluntary in private you have control in our experience. Involuntary in public is terrifying.

Well it's all terrifying, but one feels like a prison and the other does not.
 
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Depression is an absolute bitch - been suffering from it on and off for the last eighteen months when my marriage started to severely fall apart. The last six months I've been trying to repair myself and really pull myself together but like any drug addict, it is pretty easy to "relapse" and fall into old habits. It doesn't help that I'm not a very strong person, mentally. But the thing about depression is that its a mindset. One of the first posts in this thread says the world is still the same when you have depression as when you don't and they are absolutely right. All depression really does is make you think things are bad but it's only because your mindset will focus on every little bad thing in your life. Unlike others who have suffered it, I have a lot of great things to live for - my beautiful boys, a fantastic job, plenty of great friends and family who support me and a lifestyle I genuinely enjoy. But when I'm depressed I can only focus on the bad things in my life - the difficulties, the hardships and the pain.

It's all about balancing things and getting your head right. Medication, treatment, Doctors, they all can help. Talking to someone about it is the first step. It feels so great to get something off your chest and is a humongous weight lifted.
 
The world is a shitty place...maybe you aint depressed but saner then the rest
 

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TJ Hendricks said:
I really hate the medication I'm on. Citalopram (Celexa) is what I'm on. Anyone else used that?
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I'm on the opposite one - Escitalopram. I find it to be effective in balancing me I suppose but I'm still prone to moments of severe anxiety at times.
 
Jordan... said:
Former benzo user but decided they cant be good for the long term
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Screw that, use them if required but just be careful. Isn't hard to get too many from Perth Docs anyway? I struggle to sleep at the best of times but have genuinely went in needing something for stress with big stuff at work that week requiring concentration and the flogs wouldn't give me anything :rolleyes: I think the 'Doctor shoppers' and gear heads trying to avoid their lame comedowns ruin it for people when they really do need them.

Out here they always give them to you if you ask because I guess there is only 2 clinics so they pretty much know that you aren't getting too many scripts..
 
TJ Hendricks said:
How long should you give a medication? I'm approaching two weeks. Give it longer or ask doc for something else?
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depends what your taking... I'm just on 2 weeks too and feel no different.

doc said 4 weeks or so for my meds smh
 
TJ Hendricks said:
I really hate the medication I'm on. Citalopram (Celexa) is what I'm on. Anyone else used that?
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The lead singer of The Wombats was on Citalopram. It's a big part of their song 'Anti D'. He didn't like it, and put on 12kg from using it.
 
First time poster here. The last five-six weeks have been a living nightmare for me. You never get a full picture of how bad mental health demons can really be until they hit you.

I've been battling crippling anxiety and depression just about every day, with horrible thoughts and bouts of panic which make it difficult to think or even do anything other than sit in a dark room. All this has been caused, or exacerbated by the fact I had to complete an honours thesis, which I ended up getting a 10 day extension for after seeing a counsellor. Last Friday, after going through the closest thing to hell I've experienced, ended up handing in a sub-par thesis that will probably just pass. I couldn't eat hardly anything for a week at one point and lost several kilos, was shaking incessantly. Went back down to my folks for a few days to get my normal eating back and to make sure I didn't do anything stupid.

Weekend was full of more horrible thoughts of how I've let people down and haven't given a good account of myself. Sleep was disrupted by waking up in cold sweats throughout the night. Was given some Valium to help me sleep a number of weeks ago but don't want to be using these on a frequent basis.

Now this week, I've had to try and get energy to study for my final exam, and prepare for my presentation in a few weeks. But there is nothing, I try and revise and its all a blur, nothing sticks at all. I have no motivation to do anything other than just lay in my room. Went into uni today and resembled a zombie, staring at a computer screen for two hours and being unable to concentrate on anything.

I've experienced exam stress before, and know what that entails, but this is something else worse. And who knows what the next few weeks are going to toss up. Didn't envisage it all being like this.
 

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Jordan... said:
I have the exact same symptoms of social anxiety too.. relate to the forums thing but i still have good friends i see or tlk too daily.


Last friday i saw a doc for the first time in over a year. He prescribed me Paxil (paroxetine), feeling like shit, nauseas, hand tremors. But apparently it goes away and starts working on your mental in 4-6 weeks..

I like talking to people with social anxiety... give us an update on whatever happens in yo life.
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Was on this for the same thing, for about a year. Coming off it was pretty bad, even on a low dosage, no way I'll ever go back.
 
Cotchin 9 said:
Was on this for the same thing, for about a year. Coming off it was pretty bad, even on a low dosage, no way I'll ever go back.
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true, I've been through Xanax withdrawals so I'm not too scared.. how long did it take for them to work? been on it 3 weeks now feel no different
 
Lost job today, have no car making finding work I have a chance at getting difficult , serious debt issues stressing me out like crazy.

Have been in bed predominantly all day and gave rugby training a miss as I am just not in a good headspace. Great bunch of people but cannot put my head down and be ordered to do serious training drills.

It seems that no matter what effort and loyalty I show to some employers, it means jack shit.

Have started speaking to financial councillors this afternoon. Cannot give you details because you know what some posters on this site are like.
 
juss said:
Anyone had any experience with Mirtazapine?
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As some one said earlier, will put you out like a light. Hasn't made me feel any different though, nor did sertraline (aka zoloft).

I'm on my second therapist and have tried different meds. One of the worst things for me apart from feeling like shit most of the time and having zero self esteem is the deep seeded belief that this will never change.

So FFS, some one tell a success story and help me believe that maybe, just maybe, there's light at the end of the tunnel.
 
Zarrix said:
First time poster here. The last five-six weeks have been a living nightmare for me. You never get a full picture of how bad mental health demons can really be until they hit you.

I've been battling crippling anxiety and depression just about every day, with horrible thoughts and bouts of panic which make it difficult to think or even do anything other than sit in a dark room. All this has been caused, or exacerbated by the fact I had to complete an honours thesis, which I ended up getting a 10 day extension for after seeing a counsellor. Last Friday, after going through the closest thing to hell I've experienced, ended up handing in a sub-par thesis that will probably just pass. I couldn't eat hardly anything for a week at one point and lost several kilos, was shaking incessantly. Went back down to my folks for a few days to get my normal eating back and to make sure I didn't do anything stupid.

Weekend was full of more horrible thoughts of how I've let people down and haven't given a good account of myself. Sleep was disrupted by waking up in cold sweats throughout the night. Was given some Valium to help me sleep a number of weeks ago but don't want to be using these on a frequent basis.

Now this week, I've had to try and get energy to study for my final exam, and prepare for my presentation in a few weeks. But there is nothing, I try and revise and its all a blur, nothing sticks at all. I have no motivation to do anything other than just lay in my room. Went into uni today and resembled a zombie, staring at a computer screen for two hours and being unable to concentrate on anything.

I've experienced exam stress before, and know what that entails, but this is something else worse. And who knows what the next few weeks are going to toss up. Didn't envisage it all being like this.
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Good luck mate, hope things work out for you. In the end your own health should come before anything. Exams and assignments are important but they pale compared to your mental and physical well being. Hope you are feeling better today. From experience, sometimes just having a good day without the thoughts can put you in a better place. All the best mate.
 
Nearly fainted at work the other day. Managed to disguise it/went to a quiet room and someone asked if I had the virus going around. I said yeah no good. Which was crap I was simply stressed exhausted and tired. Yet I have no idea what to do. I can't take time off/move. So who knows?
 

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Run n Spread said:
Nearly fainted at work the other day. Managed to disguise it/went to a quiet room and someone asked if I had the virus going around. I said yeah no good. Which was crap I was simply stressed exhausted and tired. Yet I have no idea what to do. I can't take time off/move. So who knows?
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Why cant you? You owe it to yourself to look after yourself. There is nothing wrong with taking some time to keep yourself well.

Mental health is an absolutely brutal issue.
 
vonn said:
Here's a terrible analogy for you all. Or a metaphor. I don't know. Rose Kennedy once said, 'time heals all wounds - I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.' Of course, I don't try and compare my issues with the awful things she went through, but I believe that depression is a wound. Something happens, and you're changed. You can recover from it but you're left with a scar that's with you for life, and there is always the threat of the cut opening up again and completely engulfing you. Time helps, but in your darkest moments you're reminded of all of the awful things that have happened in your life and it feels like depression is just around the corner.

I thought I was happier, and making more progress, but all it takes is one new, heart wrenching event to bring back old demons. I'm all about the positive outlook, on believing I can change and actively making steps too - but I'm getting tired. Sometimes you can immerse yourselves in life to try and get it all on track again - you can draw, socialise, write or exercise to your hearts content but how do you undo the effects of the past? I know all the cliches, I know that you can't let the past affect your future, but the reality is I'm the person I am today because of the past. I can't just go back and rewind X amount of years of living, and I can't just learn the lessons from mistakes without forgetting the pain.

I don't mean to sound arrogant, but it is tiring being intelligent because your mind is always active and thinking. Sometimes I wish I was blessed with naivety - to be happy in my ignorance about everything. It seems a happier existence to just be happy - where the simple things in life bring happiness. A lot of people may think I sound spoilt and ungrateful, and to a degree I really am because I don't understand what hardship is. I have, and will have, nearly everything handed to me on a platter, and that makes me feel worse. I know there are people out there who are in circumstances they can't change, or are barely getting enough food to eat so I hate that I can't be thankful for what I have. Who really takes the complaints of someone with it all seriously? Even I feel ridiculous typing this.

I'm not really sure who I am anymore. It seems so pathetic, because I can't think of anything I'm missing, but I'm just not happy and I can't really remember a time in my life I ever was - except maybe when I was 4. I know the advice from psychologists and from people with more experience than myself is to find something that makes you happy. I know all of that - but what do you do when all the things that gave you pleasure don't anymore? I can try new things - and I do, but what really is the point when everything and everyone makes me feel indifferent? I'm young, I'm only 21, but how do you find this evasive happiness that never really existed? So many rhetorical questions that I know have no real answer.

Everyone goes through experiences that shape them, and they just take it day by day, but my entire psyche is flawed. My upbringing - the way I've been raised - that's just not something that can ever be changed and those lessons I've taken from it won't ever change. If I wanted to be overdramatic, my entire development as a human is just off. I'm cold, and I don't think I'm capable of love. Sometimes I think of it like this. If life is like building a house, you can have problems in the construction and you get through it, just like you face hardships at different stages in your life and you can get through it. That's fine. But what do you do if the whole foundation of the house is off? You can't just rebuild a childhood or learn all of the lessons you were meant to.

Too much thinking for today I think.
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I wanted to update this, because it has been, what, a year? I wrote this when I was feeling absolutely terrible about life. I wrote this when I was completely over it and could not see a 'light' at the end of the tunnel. I want to update this, and every single post I have had in this whole thread. My first post was in 2013 I believe.

I'm still not 100% over it. I don't have depression anymore, but I do think having had it I am so much more conscious of its existence and its affect in my life. I finally. finally, after a very long time, got confirmation of my graduation when I finish 2 more semesters (which I will). If you guys remember, I started my degree and was incredibly disillusioned with University. I went through serious lows. I dropped units, I failed subjects, I was on the verge of discontinuing and wanted to transfer to something else. But I didn't - I stuck through it, and it has been five very long years. It will be six when I graduate with a double degree. On the brilliant advice of Caeser, who I'm not sure if he posts anymore, I switched up my modes of study and changed my majors.

I have had the worst time dealing with the effects of poor grades, I have spent countless nights and a shit load of hours making up for it, struggling with the anxiety of not being employable and somehow dragging my marks back to very respectable ones. It has not been easy, and I'm still not 100% secure, but I see the bigger picture now. I totally get that uni is not the be all and end all, and with the help of my psychologist - life is not that scary. That is such a huge revelation for me. I have not seriously applied to jobs yet, in part because I am moving to another country post-graduation, in part because I do not think I am ready for it yet mentally.

I still feel the way I do in my previous post. I still feel like I am not 100% happy, I still feel like I have a facade when I go out into the real world, but baby steps, and I can obtain enjoyment now from seeing friends. I can genuinely have a good time now and not want to sink into bed, exhausted at the thought of socialisation. I still have moments when I envelope myself in self-pity, but I can pull myself out of them quicker now because I've gotten better at it. Insert something about efficiency here.

I have also realised I cannot undo a childhood - I cannot unlearn the lessons that I have, but I can fight against it and try and make changes. I am less cold, and more in touch with my feelings. In fact, I am in an incredible relationship with the love of my life, who I look forward to starting a future with very soon. Perhaps that, more than anything, has made me realise how much of it all is your perception. I am eternally grateful for my partner, who went through depression himself yet has the strength to not just beat it but also talk me out of my seriously down moments. Those moments, maybe once every fortnight, month or half a year make me feel like I'm going to fall back into it and I am still a failure. Yet I don't, and that is more important than the self-pity.

I don't want this post to be a braggy one about how good my life is now. It's not. But I do want this post to be about inspiring others and having them realise their is a light. My posts have not been a few months apart, they have been several years apart. It really is a marathon. I still don't know of any quick-fixes for depression, and I am not fully over it, but I am at least out of a psychologist's office. I will also constantly advocate exercise over medication. It made an immeasurably difference to my recovery.

Who knows, I may update this in another few months or years time feeling horrendous again. But, for now, life is good, and I think that is what life is about, finding joy in those good moments, and having loved ones by your side to help you out of the shit ones. At the end of the day, life really is one big joke. Why bother taking it so seriously?
 
vonn said:
I wanted to update this, because it has been, what, a year? I wrote this when I was feeling absolutely terrible about life. I wrote this when I was completely over it and could not see a 'light' at the end of the tunnel. I want to update this, and every single post I have had in this whole thread. My first post was in 2013 I believe.

I'm still not 100% over it. I don't have depression anymore, but I do think having had it I am so much more conscious of its existence and its affect in my life. I finally. finally, after a very long time, got confirmation of my graduation when I finish 2 more semesters (which I will). If you guys remember, I started my degree and was incredibly disillusioned with University. I went through serious lows. I dropped units, I failed subjects, I was on the verge of discontinuing and wanted to transfer to something else. But I didn't - I stuck through it, and it has been five very long years. It will be six when I graduate with a double degree. On the brilliant advice of Caeser, who I'm not sure if he posts anymore, I switched up my modes of study and changed my majors.

I have had the worst time dealing with the effects of poor grades, I have spent countless nights and a shit load of hours making up for it, struggling with the anxiety of not being employable and somehow dragging my marks back to very respectable ones. It has not been easy, and I'm still not 100% secure, but I see the bigger picture now. I totally get that uni is not the be all and end all, and with the help of my psychologist - life is not that scary. That is such a huge revelation for me. I have not seriously applied to jobs yet, in part because I am moving to another country post-graduation, in part because I do not think I am ready for it yet mentally.

I still feel the way I do in my previous post. I still feel like I am not 100% happy, I still feel like I have a facade when I go out into the real world, but baby steps, and I can obtain enjoyment now from seeing friends. I can genuinely have a good time now and not want to sink into bed, exhausted at the thought of socialisation. I still have moments when I envelope myself in self-pity, but I can pull myself out of them quicker now because I've gotten better at it. Insert something about efficiency here.

I have also realised I cannot undo a childhood - I cannot unlearn the lessons that I have, but I can fight against it and try and make changes. I am less cold, and more in touch with my feelings. In fact, I am in an incredible relationship with the love of my life, who I look forward to starting a future with very soon. Perhaps that, more than anything, has made me realise how much of it all is your perception. I am eternally grateful for my partner, who went through depression himself yet has the strength to not just beat it but also talk me out of my seriously down moments. Those moments, maybe once every fortnight, month or half a year make me feel like I'm going to fall back into it and I am still a failure. Yet I don't, and that is more important than the self-pity.

I don't want this post to be a braggy one about how good my life is now. It's not. But I do want this post to be about inspiring others and having them realise their is a light. My posts have not been a few months apart, they have been several years apart. It really is a marathon. I still don't know of any quick-fixes for depression, and I am not fully over it, but I am at least out of a psychologist's office. I will also constantly advocate exercise over medication. It made an immeasurably difference to my recovery.

Who knows, I may update this in another few months or years time feeling horrendous again. But, for now, life is good, and I think that is what life is about, finding joy in those good moments, and having loved ones by your side to help you out of the shit ones. At the end of the day, life really is one big joke. Why bother taking it so seriously?
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Great to hear! Similarly:

Engimal said:
I sort of want to kill myself but I sort of don't want to die. I'm so soul crushingly lonely and I just wish things were like they used to be. I still have some friends but I see them once every couple of months and I'm far too embarrassed to tell them that I'm severely depressed.

I don't know what to do.
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One year ago (almost) I wanted to kill myself, and now I'm as happy as I've ever been, doing well at uni and working hard at my job.

It can get better! :)
 

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