Health Depression

[Croweater]

I would hope that any of my close friends would be happy for me to speak to them if I was having problems, actually I'm 100% sure they would. Some people don't have that kind of strong friendship network (I'm talking 5 or so close mates I could "trust" in my case) and I can see how that can cause anxiety. Even if people go to their GP and get a referral there's no guarantee that the person they speak too is going to "gel" with you and feel right. In most cases it often takes people a couple of times to find the right psychologist who they feel comfortable talking too, that's just human nature (we like some people and not others even if they are very similar types of people).

In regards to your points, I find it ridiculous that people could say you have nothing to worry about because you don't have a mortgage, you live in Australia and you are on holidays. The level of ignorance of whoever has said those things is extreme, no doubt the same type of person that would try to cheer you up by saying there are kids in Africa that have nothing so you shouldn't be feeling down.

I know Croweater didn't mean it was easy for people to talk, it's not and he's not having a go at people that don't speak. It's often easy to ask that question though, "why didn't they say something?" when we can also ask ourselves "when did I last ask how they were doing?". Ultimately though people are really good at hiding how they're feeling, not sure if it's a pre-programmed part of human nature but showing a sign of weakness in the animal kingdom often ends up with you being targeted by others. Throw in the tough-guy male image and it's a problem that we're still a long, long way from improving.

I really do hope that schools are educating children about these issues, I know that there was no such thing when I was in school. The best we had was sex-ed and watching a cartoon guy jumping on a diving board and getting a boner, wtf that was about I'm yet to figure out but I know how to put a condom on a banana with my eyes closed

I've never suffered from anxiety or depression, but I know a lot about bottling stuff up.

Life is stressful, and in high pressure environments, you need to remain composed. The downside to that is that you compress everything deep into your psyche. Think of it like a balloon. You begin getting a little stressed but you supress it. Gradually you start to build up more stress and every time you build stress it's like blowing air into a balloon. The balloon has a breaking point. In this instance, you don't know when, you don't know how, and you don't know the impact it will have. Stress can be the result of anything. For me, it was relationship shit, my parents being overseas for three months, and an 80 hour per week workload. Most people release stress by exploding. Others implode. I was the latter. Mid semester break last year, I was so mentally exhausted that I thought about giving up Uni for a bit and moving to the US. Luckily I didn't. I said "enough's enough" and went to see a psychiatrist about my stress levels and about how to mitigate it. I spoke to my parents about it and they helped me through it. As did my now-girlfriend when I let her know about it a few weeks later.

My biggest problem is that I let my pride and my stubbornness get in the way of things. I'm working on that. I used to think similarly to most men; that vulnerability is weakness and that admitting you have shit to work on gives others an opening to walk all over you. I was wrong. Talking to someone took a great deal of strength and maturity, and it's one my proudest moments in hindsight. I can't comprehend what depression must be like for people to deal with on a day-to-day basis. I hope I never have to. But I do know how talking to someone - anyone - can make a difference.

And by the way, anyone who says that depression is valid only on the basis of low socioeconomic status, shithouse interpersonal relationships and a socially-deemed subpar lifestyle (read: Buddy Franklin shouldn't be depressed because he makes $1.2 million a year, lives in Bondi and f*cks Jesinta Campbell), doesn't know their arse from last Tuesday. My good mate who chose to end things went to an elite Adelaide private school, worked in business, was taking home a quarter six figures, and had a beautiful partner.

Depression doesn't discriminate. However, the good thing about a greater-informed society on these matters is that people are less likely to either. It's not easy to talk to someone; I'm not saying it is or it will be. But there can be a way out.

 

[PP34]

Haven't posted here in a while, but a night out gone bad Saturday has seemingly brought out a lot of the problems I was feeling late last year when I posted in this thread. I lost a phone which hurts a bit financially but I'll survive that, but it's just the feeling that I'm making such a mess of my life compared to where I was two or three years ago and just don't know where the hell I'm going and I feel like I'm just going to fail miserably. The phone loss keeps constantly annoying me because it isn't the first time I've lost things, and in my mind it's becoming blatantly apparent to those around me that I'm such a disorganised and careless person. I'm feeling like it's more anxiety like I've stuffed something up majorly. The financial loss unfortunately has just given me some bad memories of my two puppies I lost in the past three years. Neither made it to two years of age, and the loss late last year of my second puppy traumatised me for weeks, because the circumstances around his death were so awful and unexpected. I'm just beginning to feel like I each time I get past a shitty period, another one just comes to shit on my happiness. The phone loss has bought back the worry and anxiety I have about who I am as a person, and what kind of path I'm sending myself down.

Basically three years ago I was a quiet high school student, pretty focused on studies, played video games and didn't have a lot of worries in the world. Fast forward to the end of high school and heading into uni, drinking became a major part of my social life and probably changed me as a person. I went into a uni course that I didn't know a lot about, but chose because the line of work seems interesting, the subjects I have to do aren't all that bad and the subjects I excelled at and loved at school don't lead to a lot these days. I was good at things like English and History but I'm very cynical about the future of journalism and a lot of the stuff that goes along with studying it didn't appeal to who I am at all. So basically since starting uni my life has heavily focused on socialising (and that involves drinking), and uni studies have taken a major backseat. I've passed all but one subject so far, but am getting mediocre grades and that's where my issues start. Ever since about November last year where I began asking where the hell had all of the year gone I can't help but look at what a monumental difference there is in my work ethic since finishing high school and my focuses in life. I'm now almost a year out from finishing my course, without any clarity as to whether or not I'm going to enjoy working in the field I'm studying.

I just feel like I've thrown away a chance to really make the most of doing well at high school, and have instead turned myself into one of the most apathetic people going around. I know grades aren't the be all and end all, nor is landing a high paying job straight out of uni or even at all during life. But I just hate looking back at what I've done with myself in the past year. I don't have a lot I look forward to on a week to week basis other than seeing my mates on the weekend for a drink or maybe watching some sport. I don't know if my issues are anything serious or not, but I just have began worrying a lot. I never use to worry at all. Back in high school everything was pretty swell, I had periods where friends were an issue which was hard but I went out and made a lot of friends thankfully during senior school. My future never bothered me a great deal, and I could basically just plod along. That seems to be where I'm having problems now. I'm seriously worried that I'll finish uni next year with mediocre to decent marks, still without a great understanding of what the field/s I'm going into are all about and that once I start working there I'm going to hate it.

I'm just drifting through weeks going to uni sometimes, and working when I have to. I've been doing the same thing every since I finished high school. My sleeping pattern is totally rooted. I can be up on some days till 6am if I've got nothing on the next day and will just sleep through the day. I can spend days literally doing nothing but playing video games and browsing on my laptop. I don't motivate myself to do anything else that might benefit my studies in some way or provide some variety into my life. I feel like having my dog alive would have helped with this feeling of boredom and loneliness I seemingly get in these periods where I worry. That just makes the feelings worse. I've drifted away from my family completely as when we're all home I'm either out or off doing things on my own. I've never been one to really enjoy sitting around as a family or anything like that, but for some reason I'm missing that element that was there when I was younger.

The phone thing I can't even explain why it's making me feel this way. I keep just comparing myself to my younger self. I never would have been so careless with such a valuable item and never would have put myself into a position where I could carelessly lose my phone drinking like I did when I was out on the weekend. I'm getting genuinely upset/angry about it and it keeps playing on my mind.

I guess it's just making me question the person I've become. I don't feel like I've matured or learned anything useful as of late, and am basically just plodding along to what could be a career that I don't even like, only looking forward to the weekend, which I don't feel like is a healthy thing at all. I worry about eventually having to move out and being all on my own, not so much because of the independence factor, but because that companionship that I clearly need won't be there.

Death has even started playing on my mind again, not so much suicide, just what would happen if I ceased to exist.

Sorry for the long winded post. I don't even know if my post truly belongs here, but just would like to share and possibly have some people respond. I feel like a lot of people my age would have similar feelings and worries about their future, who they are, what others think of them etc but a lot of the time are too scared to talk about it.

 

[DrVanNostrand]

Hi guys, long-time reader, first time poster. I'm kind of unsure if I'm truly depressed, going through a bit of a rough patch, or just coming to terms with the stark pointlessness of life.

I graduated from uni about two and a half years ago, and as soon as I left uni I went overseas backpacking for a year to get out all the frustrations of the mundane life I'd been leading in Brisbane. It worked to an extent, I had some wonderful times, but when I was in foreign places, all I saw were unhappy people going about their daily grind, just going through the motions for 40 years until they can retire and die. I came back to Australia with the goal of heading back overseas to teach English, so I studied a TESOL course over summer at uni (which, stupidly, I didn't finish because I'd already found a job halfway though the course). So I went and worked in South Korea for a little over a year. It was a job I liked doing and a place I liked living, but during this time, I just felt the weeks and months slipping away in such monotony that it only compacted my previous feelings of the futility of life, working or even being. I thought about death, the brevity of life, and how there really is 'nothing' every single day.

I've been back in Australia now for two months after not renewing my contract over there. I figured it would be better to be closer to my family and friends if my mental state was going to deteriorate, and the money is always better in Australia. In this time, I've applied for over 50 jobs and I've gotten nowhere. I see stupid and incompetent people in jobs every single day and wonder how. I worked casually during uni, but that job isn't stable enough to go back to despite being welcome back any time. With each passing day, I feel more and more useless and my thoughts about death and killing myself only intensify. I would never actually go through with it, but I can't help but think how much easier that would be.

I'm not under any financial pressure and I have a wonderful girlfriend, so I also feel pretty selfish about feeling so down on myself. I haven't told anyone I'm having a battle internally, and I've developed constant stress headaches the last few weeks, so I hope getting this off my chest will help a little bit. Thanks.

 

[Glacier]

Hi all
I'm at a low point
I have been diagnosed with post traumatic stress
I was the first on the scene at an awful fatality last year
I can not even describe what it was like
However my trauma problems stem from years ago when a mate confided in me he was going to take his own life
I didn't support him and he went through with it
I have sat on this for years and been too afraid and guilty to say a thing
But the nightmares have been killing me
Up until last night, I'm now on medication, I haven't had a full night sleep in a long long time
I messed up at work, had a huge deficiency, and tried to cover it up rather than declare it, but things spiralled out of control and I made false refunds to pay it back whilst trying to make ends meet
Well you probably know what that led to
So I have spent the last few days in a psych unit and am now home
I don't know what will happen at work, although 23 years of fault free service hopefully will count for something
I have tried to hide my problems for so long, I now feel like I'm drowning in them
What I did was so out of character
I honestly wish it had of been someone else who opened that car door that day

 

[juss]

Hi all
I'm at a low point
I have been diagnosed with post traumatic stress
I was the first on the scene at an awful fatality last year
I can not even describe what it was like
However my trauma problems stem from years ago when a mate confided in me he was going to take his own life
I didn't support him and he went through with it
I have sat on this for years and been too afraid and guilty to say a thing
But the nightmares have been killing me
Up until last night, I'm now on medication, I haven't had a full night sleep in a long long time
I messed up at work, had a huge deficiency, and tried to cover it up rather than declare it, but things spiralled out of control and I made false refunds to pay it back whilst trying to make ends meet
Well you probably know what that led to
So I have spent the last few days in a psych unit and am now home
I don't know what will happen at work, although 23 years of fault free service hopefully will count for something
I have tried to hide my problems for so long, I now feel like I'm drowning in them
What I did was so out of character
I honestly wish it had of been someone else who opened that car door that day

A really difficult time which must be tough, just remember there is support available and times will improve. There is both long term support and acute immediate support available, all these things contribute to a more positive result.

Medication can help, but definitely so can regular psychology and counselling. There are other things you can do too, don't drink too much, meditate, exercise, eat a balanced diet, all these little factors can have a positive impact. If each thing only helps a small amount, then it still all adds up.

 

[nicky]

This is a good article regarding approach to keeping a gratitude journal.

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/tips_for_keeping_a_gratitude_journal

 

[Sam_Malone]

I'm sitting at my desk and all I want to do just jump off the roof.

I don't want to do this anymore. I've had enough.

 

[Billy ray]

I'm sitting at my desk and all I want to do just jump off the roof.

I don't want to do this anymore. I've had enough.

do you meditate at all?
if not, download headspace app.
first 10 days is free.
helped me a lot.

 

[Sam_Malone]

do you meditate at all?
if not, download headspace app.
first 10 days is free.
helped me a lot.

No, don't do that.

 

[Billy ray]

No, don't do that.

Try it. I was like nah not for me. But i found it helped. Nothing to lose.

 

[Sam_Malone]

Try it. I was like nah not for me. But i found it helped. Nothing to lose.

Thanks mate. I'll give it a go.

 

[Perth gal]

Thanks mate. I'll give it a go.

Or try a website called Mindspot. Really helped me.

 

[brutus76]

I have dysthymic depression after losing my son in court (haven't seen him in 4 years)

I moved interstate to save me - haven't regretted it.

Got a great employer and they are all aware of my condition and my mental health plan.

I'm really susceptible at Xmas, his b'day (4 weeks after xmas), easter, father's day etc. but we work out my shifts and rosters to best suit me. I don't open my Xmas presents until after New Years as it's too emotionally difficult. Fathers Day is the worst as I have to ring my Dad to wish him the beast. It's always awkward as he knows im hurting and probably hears it in my voice but its not his fault and he shouldn't feel bad.

I work every xmas and new year as I prefer to keep busy than feel alone and risk doing something stupid on emotion.

Don't be afraid to talk to people or a therapist/psychologist.

Find some things that help clear your head (for me it's walking the dog, golf or a nice long ride on the maxi scooter)

It's ok to cry every once in a while as a bloke.

Try some relaxation CDs to calm you to help ease your mind, especially when you are trying to sleep. Nature and beach sounds never worked for me but I found this gentle water/creek/brook flowing sounds with soft sounds works wonders.

 

[Run n Spread]

I reckon I'm too far gone to worry about depression anymore. Enjoy the ride of life for what it is. If you are in a funk do what it takes to get out. (Besides hurting anyone else obviously and committing "major" crimes). Anything else is fair game.

 

[Perth gal]

Hugs boys x

 

[Mootsy]

It's hard at work if you feel tired, stressed and down, feeling like you've run out of conversation and just wanting to sleep for two weeks or escape to an island resort.

You just feel useless, everyone else seems to have so much energy.

Perpetual physical exhaustion from working too hard comes at a cost it seems.

 

[Sausages]

This will be third or fourth (fifth?) time I've posted in this thread.....god, I wish I didn't have to.....

Had some of Maryborough's finest turn up to my house yesterday, after a call from a mate. Self harm ftw, eh?

That's the eleventy'th time I've been taken into custody pending a mental health assessment at a hospital. Twice I've been sectioned.

Life is utterly utterly bleak.

I wish this pain would just STOP STOP STOP STOP.
I wish I could see a future of any other colour than red.
I wish PEOPLE and THINGS didn't hurt.

One day, I tell myself....one day......

Somehow, I'm still truckin'.....no idea how......

 

[Billy ray]

This will be third or fourth (fifth?) time I've posted in this thread.....god, I wish I didn't have to.....

Had some of Maryborough's finest turn up to my house yesterday, after a call from a mate. Self harm ftw, eh?

That's the eleventy'th time I've been taken into custody pending a mental health assessment at a hospital. Twice I've been sectioned.

Life is utterly utterly bleak.

I wish this pain would just STOP STOP STOP STOP.
I wish I could see a future of any other colour than red.
I wish PEOPLE and THINGS didn't hurt.

One day, I tell myself....one day......

Somehow, I'm still truckin'.....no idea how......

hey champ. hang in there.
is there anything you can do to mix things up a bit - like moving to a different area? or different state even?

 

[Sausages]

hey champ. hang in there.
is there anything you can do to mix things up a bit - like moving to a different area? or different state even?

Mate, I wish there was. But not right now, no.

But I'll tell you blokes something - have a look at my story, in this thread.

It's not pretty - but we are all WARRIORS. We FIGHT EVERY SINGLE ****ING DAY to stay alive, to stay with the people and things, places, we want to be.

Nobody is worse than anyone else, I guess we all know that.

My psych has prescribed, as of now, a stay at an institution. Voluntary, today. Tomorrow, maybe not.

Just keep truckin' chaps....just keep truckin'.

It's all you can do.

 

[Jcpdragonx]

Models by Mark Manson saved my life. It's a dating book but it's actually a personal development book. Every other book, psychologist didn't work despite me agreeing with it. I couldn't sustain their advice and didn't progress enough. I could not care less if people knew my anxieties now.

 

[Sausages]

Well, got carted off to the hospital again monday night. Have just been discharged.

It's hard yakka, chaps. Really really hard....psych wards are more or less like jail - even as a voluntary patient, you can't be released until the doctors are satisfied that you are safe and that there are some plans in place to ensure your safety....something that is a little tough when you are 3 hours drive away from friends and family.

But, I got there. Have a new mental health plan in place, therapists and a case manager now. So, I cannot fault the response from a regional health facility that seems to be better than what I got in Brisbane.

It hasn't helped, at all, that some of the friend infrastructure I had in place over the last 10 years hasn't been helping - but my demise isn't their burden to bear and I have no ill-will towards those people. But geez....I've certainly got the scars inside and out to show.

So guys, when you are down - do something to make you feel better. I know from experience that it's often DAMN HARD to do...it might be to go for walk rather than pull a beer....it might be calling someone who you haven't spoken to for a while because there's unresolved issues....it might be calling Lifeline.....

I KNOW from experience that, when you are down, anything like that seems "too hard" or "not worth doing".

But they are - often the best things to do aren't what we WANT to do. I chose to stay an extra couple of nights in a psych ward BECAUSE I said I would to the doctors and my Dad. And I didn't want to - hell, most psychiatrists acknowledge you are better off at home. But, even though I COULD have stated my case, I knew, deep down, that being honest and open with these guys was a better bet. So, I stayed.

I have alot of work to do. But you don't want to go where I have been these last 20 years. It's not pretty, as I'm sure you all know yourselves.

Don't give up on yourself.
Don't stop fighting.

Keep trucking.

You wouldn't do it in a footy game....even if you were 10 goals down, 5 minutes into the final quarter against the wind....you'd keep fighting for the ball, running the extra yard, toughing out the game to snatch the win.

THAT'S WHAT HEROES DO.

I ain't no hero to anyone but myself....because I just kicked consecutive goals, and maybe the wind is swinging around.....

 

[Carl Hooper]

Well, got carted off to the hospital again monday night. Have just been discharged.

It's hard yakka, chaps. Really really hard....psych wards are more or less like jail - even as a voluntary patient, you can't be released until the doctors are satisfied that you are safe and that there are some plans in place to ensure your safety....something that is a little tough when you are 3 hours drive away from friends and family.

But, I got there. Have a new mental health plan in place, therapists and a case manager now. So, I cannot fault the response from a regional health facility that seems to be better than what I got in Brisbane.

It hasn't helped, at all, that some of the friend infrastructure I had in place over the last 10 years hasn't been helping - but my demise isn't their burden to bear and I have no ill-will towards those people. But geez....I've certainly got the scars inside and out to show.

So guys, when you are down - do something to make you feel better. I know from experience that it's often DAMN HARD to do...it might be to go for walk rather than pull a beer....it might be calling someone who you haven't spoken to for a while because there's unresolved issues....it might be calling Lifeline.....

I KNOW from experience that, when you are down, anything like that seems "too hard" or "not worth doing".

But they are - often the best things to do aren't what we WANT to do. I chose to stay an extra couple of nights in a psych ward BECAUSE I said I would to the doctors and my Dad. And I didn't want to - hell, most psychiatrists acknowledge you are better off at home. But, even though I COULD have stated my case, I knew, deep down, that being honest and open with these guys was a better bet. So, I stayed.

I have alot of work to do. But you don't want to go where I have been these last 20 years. It's not pretty, as I'm sure you all know yourselves.

Don't give up on yourself.
Don't stop fighting.

Keep trucking.

You wouldn't do it in a footy game....even if you were 10 goals down, 5 minutes into the final quarter against the wind....you'd keep fighting for the ball, running the extra yard, toughing out the game to snatch the win.

THAT'S WHAT HEROES DO.

I ain't no hero to anyone but myself....because I just kicked consecutive goals, and maybe the wind is swinging around.....

By carted off, you mean you took yourself there? Or somebody took you there?

 

[Sausages]

By carted off, you mean you took yourself there? Or somebody took you there?

Officers from Maryborough Police collected me sunday afternoon and then again monday night.

It's still classified as voluntary though - I'm unsure of the legal technicalities, but as a voluntary admission (via the Emergency Department), you have more legal rights to leave the hospital than an involuntary patient. However, you still need to be able to satisfy the treating psychiatry team (including nursing staff) that you are well enough and have some support structures in place to satisfy their duty of care. Which is fair enough.

 

[Sausages]

A scribble for a head,
wears a mask for others

A line for a head
swivels from point to point

A triangle head
Sharp, apexis-judging

A square head
level, flat, resolute

A pentagram head
rotating, connected

A cube head
solid, inviolate

So many heads
in this world
So many ways
people interact

So many ways
we can be decieved
even when we look
in the mirror


Writing poetry helps me...writing anything helps me. And when I'm not well, when the cycle of destruction begins....my writing dries up. So, the things I SHOULD be getting out, stay inside me, festering like a venomous bite on the soul.

 

[benchwarmer5]

Anyone try LSD or Ketamine for depression ?
I have heard good things