Computers & Internet Facebook Status Updates

[pcazzy]

Facebook is great. It's given us the ability to share the lives of hundreds of people we wouldnt stop to say hello to in the street, the ability for the entire world to see the photos the morning after the night before, and the ability to waste countless hours of our lives.

One little gem to come out of it is the status update. I'm sure there's plenty of good (or bad?) ones out there. Some that share way too much personal information with the public (ie. about relationships, families, health issues etc), and some that are downright hilarious.

My personal favourite is the holiday update. A big thanks to Rainer McBain for providing this perfect example.

"Random facebook friend is goin to Thailand in 4 days!!! yiiiipeee!"

"Random facebook friend is goin to Thailand in 3 days!!! yiiiipeee!"

"Random facebook friend is goin to Thailand in 2 days!!! yiiiipeee!"

"Random facebook friend is goin to Thailand in 1 days!!! yiiiipeee!"

"Random facebook friend is in Thailand!!! yiiiipeee!"

"Random facebook friend is finding Thailand to be a bit of a culture shock!!! Oh well, nothin some Louie and Pills can't fix up!!! LOLOL!"

"Random facebook friend met a hot bird last nite in Thailand and got some free sausage with it!!! LOLOL"

"Random facebook friend had the best time eva in Thailand!!! ZOMG, I like feel so cultured n stuff now!!!"

"Random facebook friend has added 1000 new photos from Thailand!!!"

"Random facebook friend wants comment on Thailand pics plz. Kthnxbye xoxo"

So what's the best thing that has popped up in your newsfeed lately?

 

[juddsentant517]

Thread should involve pics to get a full idea of facebook.

 

[DB10]

inb4pacemaker.

 

[pcazzy]

I don't want this to turn into another Girls of Facebook thread. Teh lawyerz would have to get involved

 

[jo172]

I GD memes.

Anyone have that pic of pacemaker's sister handy?

 

[Kahuna]

"Like this and ill rate you"

that seems to be getting a thrashing at the moment, just a complete waste of space.

Only good for those insecure people that need to have their friends telling them that they are 10/10.

 

[clivewaterhousen]

"just rubbed my testicles on the pavlova"

 

[Bennett.]

 

[Roos4eva]

That Rainier McBain; I sure do like the cut of his jib.

 

[indieswan96]

inb4inb4pacemaker...

 

[pcazzy]

"just rubbed my testicles on the pavlova"

these are the kind of quality updates I am after!!

 

[BotsMaster]

" A pie on a table with a dollar coin under it and no one in sight. hmm"

 

[Captain Jack]

I enjoy a good status update... At least, the thought provoking quotes, controversial comments leading to massive debates and the like are my main fare. Some don't like it (partly because they disagree with my views), but they can get ferked.
What I don't want to hear is that "I had the best weekend everrrrr, thanks for having me over ______" or "just finished 3 essays, Saaaaaaa tired". Bit hypocritical maybe, but that's how I roll.

 

[lions_den]

inb4pacemaker.

inb4inb4pacemaker...

You lost the game.

 

[nicko99]

I posted this in the FB thread on TLC

Status: "everything was just about perfect, ****" (person 1)

Replies:

Person 2 (former mate): go and get ****ed.

Person 1: **** off ****

Person 2: your a peice of shit mate, grow some ****ing balls ****

Person 1: alright man

Person 2: yeah nothing to say as expected, bow the **** down

Person 1: **** OFF YOU WEAK ****, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, WAIT FOR THE WILLY BOYS TO GIVE YOU WHAT YOU DESERVE ILL HAPPILY JOIN THEM IN BURNING YOUR GOD DAMMN HOUSE DOWN.

Person 2: YOUR A PIECE OF SHIT MATE IL DESTROY ALL THOSE PEICES OF DOGSHIT JUST YOU WAIT THEY WANNA KNOCK YOUR HEAD IN TO YA DUMB**** SO YOUR JUST A ******** NOW YOU LITTLE DOG SHIT FACED ****ER

Person 1: NAH MATE THEY ARE MY MATES ACTUALL MATES NOT LIKE YOU BACKKSTABBING DOG WHO WOULD TRY AND DO SHIT LIKE THAT TO HIS "MATES" GIRLFRIND ****IN DOG

Person 2: YEAH MATE JUST YOU WAIT, IM COMING TO YOUR HOUSE NOW AND YOU COME OUT THE FRONT AND ****ING SPEAK TO MY FACE **** IL DO WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT YOU WEAK DOG YOU TALK TO 189023873482423432 GIRLS **** YOU CANT TALK

Person 1: ****ING COME ****, ILL BE WAITING IBRING WHOEVER YOU WANT WEAK **** SEE WHAT HAPPENS MATE, WHO GIVES A **** IF I SPEAK TO GIRLS I DO WHAT I WANT

Person 2: WAAAAAAAAAAITING WEAK ****

Person 1: YEAH IM COMING NOW MATE YOUR ****ED

Person 2: ILL SMASH YOUR HEAD IN YOU THINK YOUR ALL SICK COS YOUR WOG **** OFF

Person 1: MATE YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME JUST WAIT YOU BALD ****

Person 3(#2's mate): oi deeks shut your mouth **** head

Person 1: YOU WANNA GO ME ASWELL DEE? YOU ****IN WEAK SHIT THINK YOUR ALL MAD COS YOUR MATES WITH THIS ****

Person 2: **** OFF DEEEKZZ UR THE BIGGEST ******** OUT MATE DONT EVER TRY ABUSE DMAC JUST **** OFF **** YOUR GONNA GET SMASHED SOON JUST WAITTT

Person 2: I WAS DRUNK **** I DIDNT MEAN TO TRY KISS TORI IT WAS A MISTAKE BUT THEN YOU HAD TO TRY AND KISS MY ****ING MUM YOU ****ING DIRTY ****ER **** IM GONNA STRANGLE YOU

Person 3: lol your ****ing joke deeks, wait till tomorrow ********

Person 2: THEN YOU ****ING TRY KISS MADDIE YOU campaignerTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Person 1:
mate i know more ***** then you dmac shut the **** up ill pound your ****ing head in
and sam i dont give a **** that you tried to kiss tori cos even coming close to trying to kiss your beautiful mother was amazing ♥ can you go tell her i lov...e and miss her.
and deee get on to maddie aswell let her know shes a sweet hook up love deeks

Person 2: JUST YOU WAIT YOU ****ING MONDREL **** MY MUM IS GOING TO THE POLICE FOR ABUSE YOU ARE ****ING DEAD **** I SWEAR IM CALLING YOU NOW ANSWER UR PHONE ****
Person 1: im already on the phone to your mother thats why its got the number busy tone hahahahaha **** YOU ****! I DON"T GIVE A **** ILL JUST DENY IT **** HEAD WHATS SHE GOT ON ME, ARE YOU GONNA COME HERE OR WHAT ****?

Person 3: Lol okay deeks, wait till I tell my brother.
Your gunna get your ****ing fat head kicked in ****

Person 2: just you wait deacon just you ****ing wait

Person 1: what the ****s he gonna do? BAHAHAHAHAHAHA soo mad go and tell him now, infact ill tell him myself.

Person 1: I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR 10 MINUTES NOW SAMMY MATE, YOU ONLY LIVE 2 MINUTES DOWN THE ROAD

Person 2: ENJOY THE ****ING EGGS ALL OVER MUMS CAR ****

Person 1: are you dumb? did you forget that i know where you live? i've got some masss rocks that are going straight through the windscreen of your car and house dumb ****.

 

[BotsMaster]

I lol'd, but it needs more pics

 

[Invigoration]

Deacon's ****ed, person 3 is gonna tell his brother!

 

[lions_den]

What a bunch of weak dogs, acting all tough but no one wants to sort it out man to man, rather do it over facebook. Hardcore gang bangers.

 

[Invigoration]

The updates looking for sympathy are the worst, drive me ****ing nuts.

Eg, Random slurry - i dont no y this always happens. The smallest of things always becomes the biggest problem! Y can't things just run smoothly! :-(

 

[lions_den]

Random slurry - i dont no y this always happens. The smallest of things always becomes the biggest problem! Y can't things just run smoothly! :-(

"Because you're a chaos loving whore who has daddy issues."

 

[Schulzenfest]

The updates looking for sympathy are the worst, drive me ****ing nuts.

Eg, Random slurry - i dont no y this always happens. The smallest of things always becomes the biggest problem! Y can't things just run smoothly! :-(

naww inbox me bb xoxo

 

[smiddaz123]

This one bloke is almost too stupid to be real. Apparently he's not taking the piss though.

"just want to give up and i will be nice to girls and i will not ask girls out and icould get some friends and a girlfriend"
Sunday at 6:43pm

" how was all the girls day"
Sunday at 8:17pm

" wat a shit day "
Sunday at 8:32pm

" ‎ "
Sunday at 8:34pm

" i wish i waset sad "
Sunday at 8:41pm

"so so so sad can someone cheer me up"

ur a ****** ur suppose to be sad
12 hours ago "
Sunday at 8:44pm

" sameone cheer me up"
Sunday at 8:55pm

" goodnight girls"
Sunday at 9:04pm

"hey all girls how are u u today"
13 hours ago

like my staus if u going to miss me when i move to queenland next year
10 hours ago

Rinse and repeat every day.

 

[Invigoration]

naww inbox me bb xoxo

'The smallest of things always becomes the biggest problem!', I think that might be referring to the little swimmer that currently resides in her uterus.

Still keen?

 

[Invigoration]

This one bloke is almost too stupid to be real. Apparently he's not taking the piss though.


















Rinse and repeat every day.

You know BACCS irl? Awesome.

 

[s1bbald]

Facebook is one of those things that shits me non-stop, but I can't find myself getting off it. Half the male "friends" I have act more girly than the girls! Examples include: "Bored, inbox me xo." "Had a great day shopping with herrrrrrr <3" "Fck all those who pretend 2 b my mates, now I no who my real friends r..." (Rinse and repeat every two or so months for that guy, ironic). I haven't posted a status update seriously in months, because I realised no-one gives a flying ****. So I just inundate my friends with puns about current affairs, most often taxed from either GD or Lamebook (ripper of a site).

EDIT: Another one from the "real friends" bloke that always gets me is "Think ya real tough calling me out ova the internet, lets see how tough ya r in person m8!", to which I usually reply with, "It's like raaaaii-aaaaiinn...", much to his bemusement...