(He'll Never Be An) Ol' Man River

[ReservoirDog]

I'm on the drug,
I'm on the drug,
I'm on the drug that killed WCE.

I saw his body thrashing round.
I saw his pulse rate going down.
I saw him in convulsive throes.
Benny said "I'll have one of those."

Fletcher had,
Fletcher had,
Fletcher had it in his veins.

Hillary had Everest in his veins;
Armstrong did moon, was not the same;
Heroes explore to give us hope;
Benny pushed back the envelope.

Drank the slab,
Drank the slab,
Drank the slab that Sampi drunk.

 

[#1 Dogs Fan]

y

 

[The Royal Sampler]

I actually got a laugh out of this.

 

[Adrian Shelton]

c'mon someone do a couple more verses

 

[royalist]

I actually got a laugh out of this.

So you should. After all you,r only a Vic.

 

[Adrian Shelton]

ok, i'll try then

I drank the slab that Sampi drunk
Injected some of Fred Cooks junk
Booked a seat on Footscrays plane
Alan Schwabs motel room i stayed in the same.....

 

[Bretski]

Im #1 Dogs Fan #1 Fan. He always manages to be the first replyer, hes a champ

 

[Sedat!]

ok, i'll try then

I drank the slab that Sampi drunk
Injected some of Fred Cooks junk
Booked a seat on Footscrays plane
Alan Schwabs motel room i stayed in the same.....

If you really wanted to go the bad taste option, you say:

I booked a seat on Man Utd's plane...

 

[Strike Swiftly]

So you should. After all you,r only a Vic.

And after all, you only have bitumen roads because of us. You only have white goods because of us. And you only have drug addictions because of us. Basically you rely on us. So bow to us Victorians, you insignificant little peasant.

 

[Chewy]

I drank the slab that Sampi drunk
Injected some of Fred Cooks junk
Booked a seat on Footscrays plane
Alan Schwabs motel room i stayed in the same.....

Top work.

To the tune of another TISM song from the same era, "Greg, The Stop Sign"

The guy captained the football team
But the job was not for him
Turns into a grade A di*khead
Who eschews all discipline;
That guy who's the first to use cocaine,
The wild boy breaking free,
Ends up in a court of law
And banned indefinitely
Remember the Eagles captain?
Success was a matter of time
I can hear them now as they scream
'Ben! You missed the stop sign!'

Forget Snoop Doggy Dogg
Forget ol' Fiddy Cent
The true word out on the street
Is John Kizon’s homeboy Ben...
What good's the use of striving?
As life's road in front unravels
We’ll get Gardy to do the driving
But don't choose the direction we travel.
Do crystal meth, or ice for weeks
Snort up another line;
It don't matter when you hear that scream:
'Ben! You missed the stop sign!'

Some time in the next few years
The penny, it will drop
Crushing rocks with a credit card
Another gram to chop
The rich kid becomes a junkie
His folks are none the wiser
What a tragic waste of potential
His buddy Kerr is not so good either.
His folks struggled hard for what he got,
He was the fruit of their vine;
But what you sow is what you reap
'Ben! You missed the stop sign!'

Bought a car the other day
A Mercedes ‘cos he’s a gun
But when he saw the cops ahead
Thought he’d cut and run
Got a Brownlow round his neck
He’s West Coast’s favourite son
Everybody was his friend
Thought he was number one.
Hardwired into everyone's head
Is the person they're gonna be
Growing up ain't a matter of choice
When you’re on a drinking spree
And so kids, yeah, you can do it!
You can be the best
Just remember to flush your system
You can pass the test
I'm OK, you're OK, We're all right, we're fine
I thought I saw Gardy’s commodore
Ben! You missed the stop sign!

 

[Corpuscles]

Chewy

THIS IS SERIOUS MOTHERF***ER!

Again astounding

 

[NSWCROW]

No lyrics needed for this one - WHATAREYA ??

Classic band
What have they been up to ?

 

[Herbs]

Haha not bad, love thy TISM.

 

[Ted Ed Fred]

Top work.

To the tune of another TISM song from the same era, "Greg, The Stop Sign"

The guy captained the football team
But the job was not for him
Turns into a grade A di*khead
Who eschews all discipline;
That guy who's the first to use cocaine,
The wild boy breaking free,
Ends up in a court of law
And banned indefinitely
Remember the Eagles captain?
Success was a matter of time
I can hear them now as they scream
'Ben! You missed the stop sign!'

Forget Snoop Doggy Dogg
Forget ol' Fiddy Cent
The true word out on the street
Is John Kizon’s homeboy Ben...
What good's the use of striving?
As life's road in front unravels
We’ll get Gardy to do the driving
But don't choose the direction we travel.
Do crystal meth, or ice for weeks
Snort up another line;
It don't matter when you hear that scream:
'Ben! You missed the stop sign!'

Some time in the next few years
The penny, it will drop
Crushing rocks with a credit card
Another gram to chop
The rich kid becomes a junkie
His folks are none the wiser
What a tragic waste of potential
His buddy Kerr is not so good either.
His folks struggled hard for what he got,
He was the fruit of their vine;
But what you sow is what you reap
'Ben! You missed the stop sign!'

Bought a car the other day
A Mercedes ‘cos he’s a gun
But when he saw the cops ahead
Thought he’d cut and run
Got a Brownlow round his neck
He’s West Coast’s favourite son
Everybody was his friend
Thought he was number one.
Hardwired into everyone's head
Is the person they're gonna be
Growing up ain't a matter of choice
When you’re on a drinking spree
And so kids, yeah, you can do it!
You can be the best
Just remember to flush your system
You can pass the test
I'm OK, you're OK, We're all right, we're fine
I thought I saw Gardy’s commodore
Ben! You missed the stop sign!

LMFAO

 

[Chewy]

Anyone remember Ian Dury and The Blockheads?


I'm Charley, you know..
I'm Chad pleased to meet you
I'm Chicky, hello
Embers.
I'm Johnny, how are you doing Gardy?
My name is Daniel
And I'm Ben… and … guess what? Oi!

I want to be straight, I want to be straight
I'm sick and tired of taking drugs and staying up late.
I wanna reform, I wanna conform
I wanna play with a fire extinguisher with Fev in a dorm

I want to be straight, I want to be straight
I wanna create a place of my own in the Victorian state
Brrrr, gonna be cold, brrrr, but never you mind
It might be a wrench but think of the stench I'm leaving behind

I want to be straight, I want to be straight
And listen to Sheeds, or Rocket Eade and don't deviate
Petrol tickets are spent, I wanna give my consent
I'm learning to hate all the things that were great when I used to be… bent!

Straight! Straight! Bent! Bent!
Straight! Straight! Bent! Bent!
Straight! Straight! Bent! Bent! Ben!

I want to be bent, I’ll never repent
I'm sick and tired of staying clean and paying the rent
My name is Ben Cousins, I’m not Jimmy Stynes
So pass me a mirror, roll up a note, I'll chop out a few lines

I want to be Ben
I want to be Ben
I want to be Ben
I want to be Ben
I want to be Ben
I want to be Ben

 

[Ando_4]

Bought a car the other day
A Mercedes ‘cos he’s a gun
But when he saw the cops ahead
Thought he’d cut and run
Got a Brownlow round his neck
He’s West Coast’s favourite son
Everybody was his friend
Thought he was number one.
Hardwired into everyone's head
Is the person they're gonna be
Growing up ain't a matter of choice
When you’re on a drinking spree
And so kids, yeah, you can do it!
You can be the best
Just remember to flush your system
You can pass the test
I'm OK, you're OK, We're all right, we're fine

Bloody brilliant.
hahahahaha!

 

[-VC-]

That is classic Chewy!

 

[LeonMcS]

Well done Chewy, havnt heard that song for years but you nailed it.

 

[HFC082]

Ron Hitler Barassi is a my hero

 

[Adrian Shelton]

Chewy is king!!

 

[ReservoirDog]

You bunch of pathetic sycophants!! Get a life and write something more than an arse kissing sentence. TISM would spit on you.

 

[plough]

The Slab ( or Benny's worry)

I was looking to see your career slip through your fingers
I was walking past that casino where memory lingers
If there were pills, if there was gear that I could drag you back with
If there was one single little snort that I could break your back with

Here we go
Oh yeah
Better get my head down there
Oh where?
Down there in that cavern where methyl grows

It's somewhere down there between daytime and the dark
And I'm gonna sweat beneath the pen of Andrew Rule
Oh yeah
Better get my head down there
Oh where?
Down there in that cavern where methyl grows

Out here in the creek, naked in front of God and everyone
I'm beginning to see a booze bus yawning down there
And I'm just sitting here waiting for my brother to come
Cram that page baby, you know I'm marvellous
You think I'm sweating like this just for fun?

And hey I know it's true but I just can't say it
Say it Gooding, say it
Hey I know it's true but I just can't say it
Say it Worsfold, say it
All right, all right!

Just one puff
And everything will be all right

 

[diesel and dust]

Interesting that it was a TISM song that inspired your lyrics, as TISM are big footy fans.......One of the guys is called Ron Hitler Barassi....Teddy Whitten was on the cover of one of their albums...and once when i saw them live, they were doing hand ball drills during one of their songs

They have quite a few footy references spread throughout their songs and a couple centrally focused on it....

'The Back Upon Which Jezza Jumped' is about THAT mark....


My favourite is probably the song 'Father and Son' about the bond with your old man over footy


Father and Son

My old man used to take me to the footy, now it's me takes him
Been barracking for the Sainters, season on end, season cold and grim
Every season we'd pretend that we were the great pretenders
And watch, in the rain, getting done again by the real contenders
Oh hear the cry, ring out to the Moorabbin sky!
Nothing can stop it!
Winmar, Winmar, Winmar to Lockett!
Winmar, Winmar, Winmar to Lockett

Those Collingwood bastards did us by a point the day my mother died
When I told Dad he shook his head and said, "Makes you want to cry"
Winmar, you're a football genius, and oh let me tell you son
Remember my old man, cos he wasn't referring to Mum
You've got my heart, when you've got the leather!
For the gods' sake don't drop it! Yeah
Winmar, Winmar, Winmar to Lockett!
Winmar, Winmar, Winmar to Lockett!

Old Dad'll be gone in ten season's time, and you know they can
Build rockets that can think, have prime time TV, napalm Vietnam
Just for my Dad, they could give us a flag, who says they oughtn't?
It ain't a matter of life and death, it's more importantHere comes Nicky!
Tony's broken free!
Winmar to Lockett!
Winmar, Winmar, Winmar to Lockett!
Winmar, Winmar, Winmar to Lockett!
Winmar, Winmar, Winmar to Lockett!
Winmar to Lockett!
Winmar, Winmar, Winmar to Lockett!


'you've got my heart when you've got the leather' love that line

 

[The Kipster]

Love Chewy's work there...Top stuff should knock off John Butler Trio off the number 1 spot..

 

[Monkster]

Top work.

To the tune of another TISM song from the same era, "Greg, The Stop Sign"

The guy captained the football team
But the job was not for him
Turns into a grade A di*khead
Who eschews all discipline;
That guy who's the first to use cocaine,
The wild boy breaking free,
Ends up in a court of law
And banned indefinitely
Remember the Eagles captain?
Success was a matter of time
I can hear them now as they scream
'Ben! You missed the stop sign!'

Forget Snoop Doggy Dogg
Forget ol' Fiddy Cent
The true word out on the street
Is John Kizon’s homeboy Ben...
What good's the use of striving?
As life's road in front unravels
We’ll get Gardy to do the driving
But don't choose the direction we travel.
Do crystal meth, or ice for weeks
Snort up another line;
It don't matter when you hear that scream:
'Ben! You missed the stop sign!'

Some time in the next few years
The penny, it will drop
Crushing rocks with a credit card
Another gram to chop
The rich kid becomes a junkie
His folks are none the wiser
What a tragic waste of potential
His buddy Kerr is not so good either.
His folks struggled hard for what he got,
He was the fruit of their vine;
But what you sow is what you reap
'Ben! You missed the stop sign!'

Bought a car the other day
A Mercedes ‘cos he’s a gun
But when he saw the cops ahead
Thought he’d cut and run
Got a Brownlow round his neck
He’s West Coast’s favourite son
Everybody was his friend
Thought he was number one.
Hardwired into everyone's head
Is the person they're gonna be
Growing up ain't a matter of choice
When you’re on a drinking spree
And so kids, yeah, you can do it!
You can be the best
Just remember to flush your system
You can pass the test
I'm OK, you're OK, We're all right, we're fine
I thought I saw Gardy’s commodore
Ben! You missed the stop sign!

Top stuff much better than the OP

How about having a go All Eagles Are Dopeheads?