I simply don't understand ...

[TigerTank]

I simply don't understand …


… how Sam Newman can say with a straight face that he is a Geelong supporter.

… why thousands of people actually choose to watch Who wants to be a Millionaire?

… how Rod Quantock can have a 30-year career as a comedian without once being funny.

… ditto for Wendy Harmer.

… why, after all is said and done, St Kilda STILL has supporters.

… why Hawthorn merchandise is BLUE in colour?

… what the designer of the latest Eagles jumper was thinking.

… who is buying Human Nature CDs.

… how there are people who actually bought a Daiwoo Matiz.

… why the bad guys in movies always have cooler uniforms.

… what possessed me to buy shares in Pasminco.

… that someone married Mick Martin.

… that James Hird didn’t marry himself.

… that Shaggy ‘performed’ “Angel in the Morning” but, if I shot him, I’d be the one who would end up in jail.

… that the St Kilda Football Club can’t turn a multi-million dollar profit based purely on what the players’ spend at the Social Club bar on alcohol.

… that there might be someone out there who doesn’t feel Dr Quinn: Medicine Woman was the worst television show EVER!

… in what way Shoaib Akhtar is a “chucker” but Muttiah Muralitharan isn’t.

… why Crows supporters think we actually care.

 

[Jars458]

Why would you understand.

there there, have a pandaol!

 

[Danny Chook Fan Club]

... why people watch lifestyle shows, when the primary purpose of them is to make you feel inferior and go out and spend money to compensate.

... why Kyrgyzstan is never a puzzle on Wheel Of Fortune. "Can I buy a vowel please Rob?" Yeah, good luck.

... Kylie Minogue. At all.

... why lawyers, univerally detested by man-kind, have been the heroes of dozens of TV shows and hundreds of films.

... cats.

... people complaining that Harry Potter promotes Satanism and witchcraft. Haven't these people heard of Mary Poppins?

... modern art.

... why America persists in using the imperial system of measurements.

... the person who thought up synchronised swimming. "They'll have fake smiles and pegs on their noses. I tell you Ralph, this will be a ratings bonanza!"

... people who pay to watch a golf tournament live. In what way are you getting a better view of proceedings than the people at home?

... Shane Clayton getting a consistent game in the hardest team in the competition. I'm amazed he makes it out of training alive.

... why we're supposed to think Glen McGrath is a good bloke. Ugly, ugly human being.

 

[TigerTank]

Originally posted by Danny Chook Fan Club


... why lawyers, univerally detested by man-kind, have been the heroes of dozens of TV shows and hundreds of films.

Yeah! Why, the hell, is that?

 

[Jars458]

Originally posted by TigerTank


Yeah! Why, the hell, is that?

'cause some of us lawyers are heroes!!

 

[Dan26]

Great thread.

Chooky and TT,

Are you two related?

 

[TheMase]

... why katey hasn't got a bf .. woah ..

 

[PowerGirl36]

Originally posted by TheMase
... why katey hasn't got a bf .. woah ..

no one else thinks the same way u do masey

and i'm right about me, you're wrong

 

[Dan26]

Originally posted by Danny Chook Fan Club
people who pay to watch a golf tournament live. In what way are you getting a better view of proceedings than the people at home?

Ditto Motor Racing.

 

[TheMase]

Originally posted by PowerGirl36


no one else thinks the same way u do masey

and i'm right about me, you're wrong

Nah Im right. No doubt about it.

Now do you really want anyone else to think the same way that I do? i dont think so

 

[Dan26]

I don't understand:

- Why my Dad, with the internet at his disposal, spent several thousand dollars on the Encyclopaedia Britannica.

- Why that very same individual watched Fox Sports news at 10:30pm, then switched to channel 10 to watch exactly the same sports stories on Sports Tonight, but didn't want to let me change the channel for fear of missing something.

 

[PowerGirl36]

Originally posted by TheMase

Nah Im right. No doubt about it.

Now do you really want anyone else to think the same way that I do? i dont think so

How can you even suggest such a thing

 

[Jars458]

I don't understand why.............


left turn signs say turn left with care - you wouldn't normally take care??

revolving doors - which way are you supposed to push them?

banks increase their fees due to "competition"

petorl price flucturates so much

Rohan and Dan don't get along

people vote Liberal

only overtake when safe to do so signs???

you get a ticket in the footy park car park which doesn't need to be displayed or given to anyone

NSW cricketers get a gold pass into the Australian team

crotchless underwear

 

[TigerTank]

Originally posted by Dan25


Chooky and TT,

Are you two related?

Gack! cough!! splutter ...

 

[Danny Chook Fan Club]

Originally posted by Dan25
Chooky and TT, Are you two related?

What a master race that would be.

The answer is no.

 

[Stucey]

.....how about locks on 7 - 11 stores doors, they are open 24 - 7. What is the need???

Or why they are ever called 7 - 11, they should be called 24 -7!!

 

[TigerTank]

I have this mental image of:


The kind and mild-mannered Dr Buzz "DCFC" Jeckle sighed, and picked up the powerful chemical concoction known as 'Light Beer'.

He took a sip and paused.

Suddenly, he twitched and then clutched at his throat. As he staggered about the laboratory, his clothes became darker and more stylish, and his features became roguish and handsome.

"Must ... stay ... bland ...", he croaked before falling, convulsing, to the floor.

A roar escaped from his throat, and a sinister and forboding sneer came to his now devilishly goodlooking face.

"Thank goodness," he said with a deep and melodious yet chilling voice. "Ah, the 'Hyde' of some people," he smirked.

The villainous figure glided towards the door towards a jet black Ford Falcon V8.

"I have some Carlton and Collingwood supporters to fry," he sang to himself as he pivoted elegantly on the spot. "For I am the evil Mr Tank!"

 

[Stucey]

I don't know why:

When something is delivered by Ship, it is called Cargo.

When something is delivered by Car, it is called a Shipment.

Strange!!

 

[Danny Chook Fan Club]

Originally posted by TigerTank
Suddenly, he twitched and then clutched at his throat. As he staggered about the laboratory, his clothes became darker and more stylish, and his features become roguish and handsome.

I've always wanted to look like John Stamos.

 

[TigerTank]

Originally posted by Danny Chook Fan Club
I've always wanted to look like John Stamos.

@#&*%#!!

 

[Blues2001]

- why you would press # rather than just hang the phone up (if you press # you STILL have to hang up the phone)

- why there isn't more credit card fraud

- why people don't want an Australian republic

- why Colonial stadium employ so many people to stand there in purple and pretend to help us get to our seat

- Why Carlton ever bothered to get Optus Oval that new scoreboard

- what drugs the person who invented the tennis scoring system was on

- why do shops always run out of choc jam donuts before other donuts (ie. why don't they just order more in, knowing that they run out first)

- why exam papers have the message "This page is blank" on pages that are obviously no longer blank

 

[Asgardian]

I simply don't understand, and never will

Mantis

 

[Bee]

.......men!

 

[roobear]

...Cantonese.

But seeing how all my Asian friends can speak English, it probably isn't really a problem.

 

[TigerTank]

Here's a few hints Bee:


When a man says ...

"You look lovely this evening!", it really means "I want to have sex with you!"

"Isn't it a beautiful sunset!", really means "I want to have sex with you"

"Is that the time?", means "I want to have sex with you now!"

"Are you thirsty?", means "I want to have sex with you"

"What about them Tigers!", means "I want to have sex with you"

"I like what you've done with your hair", means "I want to have sex with you"

"Hmmm, I DON'T like what you've done with your hair", means "I want to have sex with you anyway!"


And if a man says:

"I want to have sex with you", it really means "I want to have sex with your sister."


Does that help?