Lame Jokes Part 2

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crowmyzone

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Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around K-Mart when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too.... I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her... what does she look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?'

To which the old guy says, Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours." :think:
 

crowmyzone

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Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class.
Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!"
Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?"
Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful."
Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.
 

crowmyzone

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Teacher: "Children, tomorrow I would like you to give me an example of a development that is currently being built near your home and what are the advantages of this new development.

At the end of the class, the teacher asks that all the little girls remain behind for 5 minutes.

Teacher: "Young ladies, I have received numerous complaints from your parents concerning Little Johnny's' crude remarks. It is very likely that tomorrow he is going to say something dirty and that is why I am asking you all, to avoid any further problems - that if he says anything that appears rude, I would like you all to get up and leave the classroom."
Everybody agreed to this plan.

Next day:
Teacher: "Is everybody ready with their assignment? Go ahead Anita."

Anita: "Near my home, a supermarket is being built. Now my mommy doesn't have to walk so far to get bread and milk."

Teacher: "Very good Anita! Yes - Suzie!"

Suzie: "Near my home, they are building a furniture factory. My daddy is a carpenter and this allows him to work near home."

Teacher: "Excellent, thank-you Suzie!"

At this point, little Johnny's hand shoots up and the Teacher asks: "Johnny, tell me, what new development is being built near your home?"

Little Johnny: "Near my home, they are building a brothel."

All the young ladies get up and proceed to leave.

Little Johnny says: "Hey, relax girls... it hasn't opened yet!"
 

worbod

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Three mates are walking home, and as they turn the corner of a street, a power line falls down in front of them. The man who checks tickets on a tram for a living did not have time to react, stepped on the power line and died. The second man, who stands out the front of an orchestra for a living, went to help his friend, but when he made contact with his body he was immediately electrocuted. The third man, who works in a bakery, accidentally stepped on the power line, but he did not die. He was a non-conductor.
 

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crowmyzone

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Finnegan’s wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning him.
“Did she say anything before she died?” asked the sergeant.
“She spoke without interruption for about 40 years,” said Finnegan.
 

RedmanWasHere

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Person 1: Did you hear any ads about Pink Panther on radio?
Person 2: No.
Person 1: Me neither.
Person 1: All I heard was;

"Dead air."
"Dead air."
"Dead air."
"Dead air."
"Dead air."
"Dead air."
"Dead air."
"Dead aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiir."
 

crowmyzone

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Just went into the pub and asked for a pint of anything except Stella.
"What's wrong with Stella..?" asked the Barman.
"I had 12 pints of Stella last night and the next thing I remember, I was ****ing skint." I replied.
"12 pints of anything costs roughly the same, mate." He said.
"Yeah, I know." I replied. "But Skint is my dog."
 
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Finnegan’s wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning him.
“Did she say anything before she died?” asked the sergeant.
“She spoke without interruption for about 40 years,” said Finnegan.
I’ve leafed through this thread and the ‘Pearlers’ one. You have literally the worst sense of humour I’ve ever come across.
 
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