Vintage Bay Mofra's Bottom 50 for 2023

[the avoca drover]

Player 30 - Jacob Hopper

Pictured: Ollie Wines from wish.com

Likes: Kicking
Hates: At a target

Jacob Hopper is yet another first round draft pick from GWS who decided to move to back to Victoria because, as a NSW resident growing up, he was homesick.

A former pick 7, Jacob is very good at winning the contested ball. But the problem with football is you need to kick the thing, and Hopper seems to think a Target is where you get a Kris Kringle gift for a co-worker you don't particularly like. It kind of reminds me of getting a discount vibrator for an ex-girlfriend and then she told me she couldn't use one anyway, because last time she tried she chipped her teeth.

Anyway after 114 games for GWS he disappointed their dozens of loyal fans and went to Richmond on a monster $750k, 7 year deal. They paid a second rounder and a future first round pick because Richmond mortgaged their future to try and keep Hardwick, who treated them like a 'first wife' and left anyway. Hopper really wanted to play under Hardwick... and for a few weeks of his 7 year deal, he got that opportunity. Richmond offered a similar contract deal to Taranto too, who is a bit like Hopper except he can play forward occasionally and gets a bit more of the ball. I think they do skills training together.

This year, as one of Richmond's highest paid players, Jacob finished equal 14th from 16 games in their B&F, kicking 7 goals for the season and going at 54 per cent efficiency by foot. He has officially killed the phrase 'you get what you paid for'. Teams can often carry a ball winner with poor disposal but two of them in the one midfield? Gippsland has better mushroom recipes than this so called recipe for success. Richmond wiped themselves out of two drafts, and both players are on 7 year deals. Given they missed finals this year and have nothing to rebuild with, Richmond are facing a future so bleak their fans rank somewhere between 'US action on gun control' and 'St Kilda's trophy room' on the hope index.

Fun fact: Jacob Hopper debuted in 2016 and managed a whopping 32 disposals on the way to a 92 point win against Gold Coast in his first ever game. He hails from Leeton NSW which considers itself 'Australia's rice capital', which also happens to be where Mark Taylor grew up. Hopper's lack of ability by foot led to the town closing their Target store in January 2021.

Jacob, Hoppsy (I made that up), enjoy the next 6 years at Richmond and welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2023.

Harsh, but probably fair.

 

[MC Bad Genius]

Player 30 - Jacob Hopper

Pictured: Ollie Wines from wish.com

Likes: Kicking
Hates: At a target

Jacob Hopper is yet another first round draft pick from GWS who decided to move to back to Victoria because, as a NSW resident growing up, he was homesick.

A former pick 7, Jacob is very good at winning the contested ball. But the problem with football is you need to kick the thing, and Hopper seems to think a Target is where you get a Kris Kringle gift for a co-worker you don't particularly like. It kind of reminds me of getting a discount vibrator for an ex-girlfriend and then she told me she couldn't use one anyway, because last time she tried she chipped her teeth.

Anyway after 114 games for GWS he disappointed their dozens of loyal fans and went to Richmond on a monster $750k, 7 year deal. They paid a second rounder and a future first round pick because Richmond mortgaged their future to try and keep Hardwick, who treated them like a 'first wife' and left anyway. Hopper really wanted to play under Hardwick... and for a few weeks of his 7 year deal, he got that opportunity. Richmond offered a similar contract deal to Taranto too, who is a bit like Hopper except he can play forward occasionally and gets a bit more of the ball. I think they do skills training together.

This year, as one of Richmond's highest paid players, Jacob finished equal 14th from 16 games in their B&F, kicking 7 goals for the season and going at 54 per cent efficiency by foot. He has officially killed the phrase 'you get what you paid for'. Teams can often carry a ball winner with poor disposal but two of them in the one midfield? Gippsland has better mushroom recipes than this so called recipe for success. Richmond wiped themselves out of two drafts, and both players are on 7 year deals. Given they missed finals this year and have nothing to rebuild with, Richmond are facing a future so bleak their fans rank somewhere between 'US action on gun control' and 'St Kilda's trophy room' on the hope index.

Fun fact: Jacob Hopper debuted in 2016 and managed a whopping 32 disposals on the way to a 92 point win against Gold Coast in his first ever game. He hails from Leeton NSW which considers itself 'Australia's rice capital', which also happens to be where Mark Taylor grew up. Hopper's lack of ability by foot led to the town closing their Target store in January 2021.

Jacob, Hoppsy (I made that up), enjoy the next 6 years at Richmond and welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2023.

BOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Stop stinking up this fred with your nonsensical posts about potatoes.

 

[HomerThompson]

View attachment 1849418
Wilfred!

And just as we reached the 50-Fred mark, Mofra provides the next Bottom 50 entrant.

Coincidence? You be the judge.

 

[Saint12]

Fred the Head (podcast)....am I too late??

 

[Grand Uncle Horace]

One of the best this season. One small opportunity missed was mention of Hedda Hopper, a terrifying Hollywood gossip columnist.

 

[Saveloy Rockstar]

One of the best this season. One small opportunity missed was mention of Hedda Hopper, a terrifying Hollywood gossip columnist.

Probably because you're the only person on the Bay who was alive then

 

[DocT]

Player 30 - Jacob Hopper

Pictured: Ollie Wines from wish.com

Likes: Kicking
Hates: At a target

Jacob Hopper is yet another first round draft pick from GWS who decided to move to back to Victoria because, as a NSW resident growing up, he was homesick.

A former pick 7, Jacob is very good at winning the contested ball. But the problem with football is you need to kick the thing, and Hopper seems to think a Target is where you get a Kris Kringle gift for a co-worker you don't particularly like. It kind of reminds me of getting a discount vibrator for an ex-girlfriend and then she told me she couldn't use one anyway, because last time she tried she chipped her teeth.

Anyway after 114 games for GWS he disappointed their dozens of loyal fans and went to Richmond on a monster $750k, 7 year deal. They paid a second rounder and a future first round pick because Richmond mortgaged their future to try and keep Hardwick, who treated them like a 'first wife' and left anyway. Hopper really wanted to play under Hardwick... and for a few weeks of his 7 year deal, he got that opportunity. Richmond offered a similar contract deal to Taranto too, who is a bit like Hopper except he can play forward occasionally and gets a bit more of the ball. I think they do skills training together.

This year, as one of Richmond's highest paid players, Jacob finished equal 14th from 16 games in their B&F, kicking 7 goals for the season and going at 54 per cent efficiency by foot. He has officially killed the phrase 'you get what you paid for'. Teams can often carry a ball winner with poor disposal but two of them in the one midfield? Gippsland has better mushroom recipes than this so called recipe for success. Richmond wiped themselves out of two drafts, and both players are on 7 year deals. Given they missed finals this year and have nothing to rebuild with, Richmond are facing a future so bleak their fans rank somewhere between 'US action on gun control' and 'St Kilda's trophy room' on the hope index.

Fun fact: Jacob Hopper debuted in 2016 and managed a whopping 32 disposals on the way to a 92 point win against Gold Coast in his first ever game. He hails from Leeton NSW which considers itself 'Australia's rice capital', which also happens to be where Mark Taylor grew up. Hopper's lack of ability by foot led to the town closing their Target store in January 2021.

Jacob, Hoppsy (I made that up), enjoy the next 6 years at Richmond and welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2023.

Grand Moff, ur the best. I always wondered where you had the time to dream up all these pearls. You must be living off the royalties from Flight Centre for using ur image. Well done, you deserve the best.

 

[Wallaby]

I'd just like to say I'm upset by that, and I have several counter-arguments that show how clever I am, and where you are wrong, but then I'd be lying.

 

[Chronz]

Player 30 - Jacob Hopper

Pictured: Ollie Wines from wish.com

Likes: Kicking
Hates: At a target

Jacob Hopper is yet another first round draft pick from GWS who decided to move to back to Victoria because, as a NSW resident growing up, he was homesick.

A former pick 7, Jacob is very good at winning the contested ball. But the problem with football is you need to kick the thing, and Hopper seems to think a Target is where you get a Kris Kringle gift for a co-worker you don't particularly like. It kind of reminds me of getting a discount vibrator for an ex-girlfriend and then she told me she couldn't use one anyway, because last time she tried she chipped her teeth.

Anyway after 114 games for GWS he disappointed their dozens of loyal fans and went to Richmond on a monster $750k, 7 year deal. They paid a second rounder and a future first round pick because Richmond mortgaged their future to try and keep Hardwick, who treated them like a 'first wife' and left anyway. Hopper really wanted to play under Hardwick... and for a few weeks of his 7 year deal, he got that opportunity. Richmond offered a similar contract deal to Taranto too, who is a bit like Hopper except he can play forward occasionally and gets a bit more of the ball. I think they do skills training together.

This year, as one of Richmond's highest paid players, Jacob finished equal 14th from 16 games in their B&F, kicking 7 goals for the season and going at 54 per cent efficiency by foot. He has officially killed the phrase 'you get what you paid for'. Teams can often carry a ball winner with poor disposal but two of them in the one midfield? Gippsland has better mushroom recipes than this so called recipe for success. Richmond wiped themselves out of two drafts, and both players are on 7 year deals. Given they missed finals this year and have nothing to rebuild with, Richmond are facing a future so bleak their fans rank somewhere between 'US action on gun control' and 'St Kilda's trophy room' on the hope index.

Fun fact: Jacob Hopper debuted in 2016 and managed a whopping 32 disposals on the way to a 92 point win against Gold Coast in his first ever game. He hails from Leeton NSW which considers itself 'Australia's rice capital', which also happens to be where Mark Taylor grew up. Hopper's lack of ability by foot led to the town closing their Target store in January 2021.

Jacob, Hoppsy (I made that up), enjoy the next 6 years at Richmond and welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2023.

Well deserved for flogging up my supercoach team.

 

[Mofra]

Player 29 - Jacob Koschitzke

Pictured: Jacob celebrates his favourite themed round, 'Non-symmetrical head' week

Likes: People remembering his first name
Hates: People calling him Justin

I'm going to let James Ormond kick this one off.

Australia batsman Mark Waugh was unimpressed when England bowler Ormond (career batting average 15.16) came out to bat in the final Oval Test of the 2001 Ashes. Waugh, brother of Australia captain Steve, let rip at slip: "Mate, what are you doing here? There's no way you're good enough to play for England." To which Ormond replied: "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family."

Jacob has, inexplicably, made his cousin Justin 'the good one' in a change of character not seen since Kid Rock, who grew up in a mansion and the son of millionaires, somehow made people think he was a poor redneck instead of a rich one.

Jacob was drafted to Hawthorn in 2018 and tried to establish himself as a back-up to Mitchell Lewis

2

Mitchell Lewis

Age

27

Ht

199cm

Wt

99kg

Pos.

Fwd

Career

Season

Last 5

D

9.5

2star

K

5.9

2star

HB

3.6

3star

M

3.4

3star

T

1.3

3star

G

1.2

4star

D

4.3

1star

K

2.8

1star

HB

1.5

1star

M

0.8

1star

T

0.3

1star

G

0.3

3star

D

8.6

3star

K

4.6

2star

HB

4.0

3star

M

2.6

3star

T

1.8

4star

G

0.6

3star

, a KPF famously taken as the Hawks were getting rid of Mitchell and Lewis (good luck finding a kid called Wingard O'Meara in the draft this year).

I'll skip to the end bit here - being traded to Richmond this trade period - which was inevitable this year because Koschitzke's goal kicking tallies have been reducing in series of 9 each year:

2021: 27 goals
2022: 18 goals
2023: 9 goals

If he stayed at Hawthorn two more years, he'd be on a negative goal-kicking tally and either the umpires had gotten it very very wrong or time would collapse.
This year Kosi forced a rebuilding Hawthorn to get rid of a guy who is only 23 years old by just not performing at all. 3 of his 9 goals were against Brisbane which sounds impressive, but then you remember that was at the MCG and Brisbane tend to do a "Scomo at Engadine Maccas" reenactment whenever they play there. He also chopped out in the ruck a little bit, and as a back up ruck and, to be kind, he's at least in the top 3 rucks at each ruck contest when he does.

Anyway he's off to Richmond next year who might try and turn him into a defender, because the last tall to swap between the two clubs was so successful (Ty Vickery). Oh my bad, he went from forward to defendant.

Jacob, Kosi, good luck next year and welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2023.

 

[Elmer_Hauser]

Player 29 - Jacob Koschitzke

Pictured: Jacob celebrates his favourite themed round, 'Non-symmetrical head' week

Likes: People remembering his first name
Hates: People calling him Justin

I'm going to let James Ormond kick this one off.

Australia batsman Mark Waugh was unimpressed when England bowler Ormond (career batting average 15.16) came out to bat in the final Oval Test of the 2001 Ashes. Waugh, brother of Australia captain Steve, let rip at slip: "Mate, what are you doing here? There's no way you're good enough to play for England." To which Ormond replied: "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family."

Jacob has, inexplicably, made his cousin Justin 'the good one' in a change of character not seen since Kid Rock, who grew up in a mansion and the son of millionaires, somehow made people think he was a poor redneck instead of a rich one.

Jacob was drafted to Hawthorn in 2018 and tried to establish himself as a back-up to Mitchell Lewis, a KPF famously taken as the Hawks were getting rid of Mitchell and Lewis (good luck finding a kid called Wingard O'Meara in the draft this year).

I'll skip to the end bit here - being traded to Richmond this trade period - which was inevitable this year because Koschitzke's goal kicking tallies have been reducing in series of 9 each year:

2021: 27 goals

2022: 18 goals
2023: 9 goals

If he stayed at Hawthorn two more years, he'd be on a negative goal-kicking tally and either the umpires had gotten it very very wrong or time would collapse.
This year Kosi forced a rebuilding Hawthorn to get rid of a guy who is only 23 years old by just not performing at all. 3 of his 9 goals were against Brisbane which sounds impressive, but then you remember that was at the MCG and Brisbane tend to do a "Scomo at Engadine Maccas" reenactment whenever they play there. He also chopped out in the ruck a little bit, and as a back up ruck and, to be kind, he's at least in the top 3 rucks at each ruck contest when he does.

Anyway he's off to Richmond next year who might try and turn him into a defender, because the last tall to swap between the two clubs was so successful (Ty Vickery). Oh my bad, he went from forward to defendant.

Jacob, Kosi, good luck next year and welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2023.

Lol Triggering Tiger thinks this Bum is the recruit of the century

I honestly don't think ZeBoyz has ever seen him play.

Great work as always Mof

 

[Foley#41]

Have we got Alfred E Neuman?

View attachment 1848855

My niece’s hallowe’en pumpkin carving

 

[AvantGardener]

Lol Triggering Tiger thinks this Bum is the recruit of the century

I honestly don't think ZeBoyz has ever seen him play.

Great work as always Mof

It even says shit in his name. Tells you all you need to know

 

[Elmer_Hauser]

It even says s**t in his name. Tells you all you need to know

Ask long term Bay Stalwarts about Glubber Lang or KFC Boy Mark II

He has a long and hilarious history of self pawnage, our Tiger supporting doofus

 

[philreich]

 

[Triggering Tiger]

Lol Triggering Tiger thinks this Bum is the recruit of the century

I honestly don't think ZeBoyz has ever seen him play.

Great work as always Mof

At least he's not a drug addict like that spud you recruited from the Suns.

 

[AvantGardener]

At least he's not a drug addict like that spud you recruited from the Suns.

Not that the odd pinger or bag matters but fancy the club that recruited a player who had been deregistered saying that.

 

[Triggering Tiger]

Not that the odd pinger or bag matters but fancy the club that recruited a player who had been deregistered saying that.View attachment 1850381

He joined us in the twilight of his career, he wasn't a young 21 year old kid was he?

 

[AvantGardener]

He joined us in the twilight of his career, he wasn't a young 21 year old kid was he?

Ahh yeah a 21yo kid experimenting is different to a grown man with a full on addiciton. Good point

 

[Triggering Tiger]

Ahh yeah a 21yo kid experimenting is different to a grown man with a full on addiciton. Good point

Thank you!

 

[GetDimmaBack]

Don't care if we got 50 already, this bloke is the GOAT Fred!

 

[Seeds]

You’ve just outed yourself as obviously “young” to many in this thread, in a way that’s got nothing to do with Garfield or Fred Basset

Will take that as a compliment

 

[Fadge]

Don't care if we got 50 already, this bloke is the GOAT Fred!

View attachment 1850445

Great nomination.

How has he not been nominated until now?

 

[All Aust]

Great nomination.

How has he not been nominated until now?

Because of the obvious? The dog in "One man went to mow, went to mow a meadow....." is obvious.....

well obvious to me, so is a lifetime award Fred and therefore ineligible under rules that swim in my head.

Like, if petty club v club bickering tries to re-enter this thread again, my mind will go to la, la, la....... 50 cowbells.

The Cowbells in "Don't Fear the Reaper" whether Song or SNL Comedy Skit, lifetime award, I cannot count it. I'm also giving B52's Loveshack a lifetime award no count.

I do accept Rock Lobster, The song is fricking awesome, especially around the time that Kate Pierson starts screaming. Oh, it is also written and sung by a Fred. It is chill.

 

[Mofra]

Player 28 - Anthony McDonald-Tipungwuti

43

Anthony...

Age

33

Ht

171cm

Wt

78kg

Pos.

Fwd

Career

Season

Last 5

D

12.6

3star

K

7.6

3star

HB

5.1

4star

M

3.3

3star

T

3.9

5star

G

1.1

4star

D

8.7

2star

K

4.5

2star

HB

4.2

3star

M

1.7

2star

T

3.8

4star

G

1.2

5star

D

16.8

4star

K

9.6

4star

HB

7.2

5star

M

3.2

4star

T

3.2

5star

G

0.0

1star

Pictured: A barrel kicks a barrel

Likes: Retirement
Hates: Supplements

Anthony William Watson "Walla" McDonald-Tipungwuti is both an entire scrabble set and an Essendon small forward who once had a song written about him. No, not "Guess who's back", this one:



Walla grew up on Melville Island and played his junior football for the Tiwi Bombers, who presumably haven't won a final for over 7000 days. He certainly got his AFL opportunity the hard way - moving to Gippsland and learning English while attending high school, then playing VFL and then getting a rookie chance with Essendon.

Walla quickly became a fan favourite. He even won Essendon's goal kicking award in 2020, and set a record of 126 consecutives games for Essendon before missing a week. After an injury-interrupted 2022 where he didn't get onto the paddock, he retired in May only to be convinced in November to make a come back and play in 2023.

2023 went about as well as could have been expected. Gaining a few kilos and not quite having the agility he once did, Walla kicked a goal in each of his first 4 games and then none in his next 3.
That's 4 goals from 7 games... which shockingly still put him in their top 10 for average goals per game. I thought the Bombers had a weak forwardline, but that's borderline homeopathic (For any Kiwis, that refers to a debunked pseudoscientific therapy, not that the Bombers forwardline is scared of gay people).

Walla's last game was in round 24, 13 rounds after his second last game. It gave Essendon fans a reason to turn up to the game,

Fun fact: Despite only having a population of a few thousand people, the Tiwi Islands have produced 3 Norm Smith medalists and a whole bunch of super-skilled, quick footballers... about 57 of them named Rioli.

Walla, enjoy retirement and welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2023.