Roast Our Gameplan

[Winston_Smith]

The greatest scientific and football minds in the world, aided by the modern technology "computer", have so far failed to interpret the Collingwood Football Club's current game plan and coaching direction. In a last ditch response, those minds have now turned to the "human computer", codename Rainman, to attempt to discern a pattern, and the stunning results of his analysis can now be revealed. The game plan's elusive quality, gentlemen and ladies, is only matched by its beautiful simplicity, and here it is :

Step 1. Stand back and wait for opposition player to get the ball. Tackle.
Step 2. If tackled player disposes to a team-mate or a ball-up is called, go to Step 1. If tackled player spills the ball, go to Step 3.
Step 3. Begin a nervous, poorly executed handball chain* between a maximum of three Collingwood players. Go to Step 4.
Step 4. Kick directly to an opposition player. Go to Step 1. (If no opposition player presents, kick to an unfavourable contest.† Go to Step 1.)


* All handballs must be either short of the intended target, over the target's head, or to a player under immediate pressure. Extra credit is awarded for hand-balling into the man on the mark when attempting to play on.
† If a Collingwood player accidentally wins a mark or contest inside forward 50, that player must then kick the ball out of bounds on the full. If kicking out on the full fails, the player must mongrel kick to a contest deep in the pocket, while simultaneously all small forwards must exit the ball-drop zone and allow opposition players freedom of movement to crumb and rebound from half-back.

 

[TyronePie]

We have a gameplan?

 

[Pera]

I seem to like the 'push everyone back bar Cloke and kick long to 6 on 1 contests' gamelan. Surprised it hasn't worked so far.

 

[Winston_Smith]

I seem to like the 'push everyone back bar Cloke and kick long to 6 on 1 contests' gamelan. Surprised it hasn't worked so far.

In 2013 Reid put a stop to this gameplan not working, so we had to switch to another. With Reid injured we are starting to return to that same gameplan and it is now not working a treat.

 

[MooreTreloar]

I like the 'playing the same bunch of hacks week in week out' part of it.

It seems to be working well.

 

[DinoSoar]

Sorry, I'm scratching my head and am a little confused ...... we have a gameplan? Hadn't noticed.

 

[Big Bryza]

I seem to like the 'push everyone back bar Cloke and kick long to 6 on 1 contests' gamelan. Surprised it hasn't worked so far.

I came to post this.

Seen it for 3 years now and to my surprise it hasn't worked once.

 

[Premier Pies]

OP left out the part where you allow yourself to be bashed, humiliated, intimidated and embarrassed. Don't show any fight whatsoever.

 

[Jasper84]

The fact that the players can't kick or handball is not because of the game plan. We couldn't kick or handball 4 years ago, hence the kick along the boundary game plan, which has now been figured out by the opposition.Recently, we have brought in a fair few players who have skill (I'll accept that Adams isn't one). It is just going to take time to bring them through.

 

[DAWESOME!!]

You forgot about the bit about making sure if you do somehow end up in kicking distance of the goals, you must kick a point. A few players (Beams, Seedsman) are still struggling with this, but a ratio of 1:3 goals to points should be a central plank of our efforts. Has been the case since 2010 at least.

 

[ottoman]

You guys have got it all wrong. I have finally cracked the code.
Game plan is;
During the week all players and coaching staff are to read all the posts on BF
Make a list of all the things that annoy us supporters
Go out on match day and do all the things that annoy us.

Has been working well.
Bucks has been reading for quite some time that we want Martin in. Therefore no Martin
Bucks noticed that we were all excited about BK last week. A guy with skill and speed and can kick goals. Therefore make him sub
BF posters noticed a while back that Adams was much better as inside mid and not as good as defender. Therefore send him back to defence
Bf posters were happy for a few weeks, thinking Cloke was back in form. Therefore Cloke instructed to go back to being a spud
BF posters unable to comprehend constant selection of Blair. Therefore make him a lock
Bf posters identify the need for some goal kickers. Therefore don't bring any into team and if you do play them in defence (Faz)

The list goes on and on. And you must admit they are playing to this game plan perfectly

 

[Yidaki]

Super thread.

 

[Venkman]

I seem to like the 'push everyone back bar Cloke and kick long to 6 on 1 contests' gamelan. Surprised it hasn't worked so far.

You're missing the point. It's not about winning it's about keeping it simple for the players. If you get the ball forward of centre you don't need to overthink it.

 

[TheWoodsOf72]

It's all about intensity regardless of outcome.

 

[jjsmitty8]

You mean that thing we do when we get the ball and kick it back to the opponent. Seems to be working a treat.

 

[TradeDraft]

What Gameplan?