Perfect long term relationships that go sour

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deedog2 said:
Sorry about this stream of consciousness...
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Mate it’s ok to have an outlet to vent. It’s definitiely a hard time. As long as you are making positive progress. . Seeing someone for help is a good step in the right direction to move forward. Just make sure you are aware of negative thoughts and actions. They just don’t help you move on.
 
deedog2 said:
Sorry about this stream of consciousness...
Click to expand...
don't ever be sorry about it mate. I used this thread almost as a daily blog of s**t I was going through

you will look back at this one day and laugh. I promise you that
 
Not me but my cousin's just come off a somewhat 6 year relationship absolutely devastated as it was their first one.

To say it's knocked us all for 6 is an understatement.

Going to their house on Saturday, I honestly thought it was gonna be tensive but I needn't've worried and it wasn't at all discussed.
 
deedog2 said:
I'm so glad that nearly all of you are in a better place than you were... I just don't think it's possible... I gave everything... and now I have nothing left ..
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its only once you hit rock bottom that you can truly start again, afresh, a new life, doing what you want, being a better you (not that you were not a good person, everyone can be better).
there are dozens of people who have contributed to this thread (and thousands, millions out there) who have and are going thru what you are going thru.
it sucks. it hurts. the thoughts. the regret. the what ifs. we have all had it.

find something or a few things to focus on.
for me, I started walking 30 mins every day listening to podcasts that made me laugh. its important to laugh. every single day. do this.
also, go to a gym or just do push ups, sit ups and pull ups at a local park or at home. this will be good physically and mentally for you.
and the footy starts right now - watch and attend as many games as you can. every melb game you can, travel interstate if you can afford it, even alone if need be. I did and saw lots of footy games the last two seasons.

the sun will rise. every day. some days it hurts. but other days it wont as much. eventually, the hurt will subside. when you are ready, start meeting girls for a coffee or drink. not to try lay them. just to have conversation. that helps a lot and you will meet some new friends and that's all they may be.
 
Billy ray said:
its only once you hit rock bottom that you can truly start again, afresh, a new life, doing what you want, being a better you (not that you were not a good person, everyone can be better).
there are dozens of people who have contributed to this thread (and thousands, millions out there) who have and are going thru what you are going thru.
it sucks. it hurts. the thoughts. the regret. the what ifs. we have all had it.

find something or a few things to focus on.
for me, I started walking 30 mins every day listening to podcasts that made me laugh. its important to laugh. every single day. do this.
also, go to a gym or just do push ups, sit ups and pull ups at a local park or at home. this will be good physically and mentally for you.
and the footy starts right now - watch and attend as many games as you can. every melb game you can, travel interstate if you can afford it, even alone if need be. I did and saw lots of footy games the last two seasons.

the sun will rise. every day. some days it hurts. but other days it wont as much. eventually, the hurt will subside. when you are ready, start meeting girls for a coffee or drink. not to try lay them. just to have conversation. that helps a lot and you will meet some new friends and that's all they may be.
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Fantastic advice here!
 
Deepdog2; hang in there mate, you just need to read the opening pages of this thread for perspective. Some of the guys were feeling exactly how you felt; helpless. You are not helpless and your life will improve! It may even turn out to be a blessing in disguise. You just need time.

This experience will only make you stronger. And you are strong. Try and embrace this time to concentrate on yourself and be a better you.

I haven’t been on this forum for years but stumbled across this thread as I was looking for thoughts on the Facebook/Cambridge Analytica scandal . This thread has been so much better. Really inspiring stories and so great to see (relative) strangers support each other and turn around such dark periods in their lives. Much respect to Dave123, GottheGoodes, Dips and Billy Ray. I was so engrossed in your stories today and so happy that things improved quickly. Do you have any more updates?

Dips is your relationship still going strong?

Billy Ray and GottheGoodes; how is the dating scene and life in general?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
heypenny said:
Deepdog2; hang in there mate, you just need to read the opening pages of this thread for perspective. Some of the guys were feeling exactly how you felt; helpless. You are not helpless and your life will improve! It may even turn out to be a blessing in disguise. You just need time.

This experience will only make you stronger. And you are strong. Try and embrace this time to concentrate on yourself and be a better you.

I haven’t been on this forum for years but stumbled across this thread as I was looking for thoughts on the Facebook/Cambridge Analytica scandal . This thread has been so much better. Really inspiring stories and so great to see (relative) strangers support each other and turn around such dark periods in their lives. Much respect to Dave123, GottheGoodes, Dips and Billy Ray. I was so engrossed in your stories today and so happy that things improved quickly. Do you have any more updates?

Dips is your relationship still going strong?

Billy Ray and GottheGoodes; how is the dating scene and life in general?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Life in general is great. almost 6 months with my new gal. going great. getting on well with my ex too
 

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Yeah, where is Dave? Has he shagged his way across the Nullarbor yet?

Hey deedog2 , hang in there mate, the first time your heart gets broken is pretty savage. Try and focus on things you enjoy, be it football, music (not sad music!), movies or whatever. If you like animals get yourself a pet, whether it's a cat, dog, bird or even a hamster, it's nice to have something to come home to and something that'll give you unquestioned love.

If you're in Melbourne I can lend you my Labrador for a few days. He's a loveable psycho but if I ever am having a bad time he cheers me up instantly (even if I'm chasing around the yard trying to get something back).
 
Did any of you have these moments where you're just like, 'has this really happened...? This can't be real..'.

I'm having this happen quite frequently... I'll just be staring at the computer at work... and all of a sudden it just hits me...my stomach just has a rush of pain... and I am still in utter disbelief...this must be what is like for any loved one not in your life anymore... for whatever unfortunate reason that may be...
 
deedog2 said:
Did any of you have these moments where you're just like, 'has this really happened...? This can't be real..'.

I'm having this happen quite frequently... I'll just be staring at the computer at work... and all of a sudden it just hits me...my stomach just has a rush of pain... and I am still in utter disbelief...this must be what is like for any loved one not in your life anymore... for whatever unfortunate reason that may be...
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Yep.

It's grief. Genuine and utter grief. You are grieving the loss of a loved one. And just like any kind of painful event it takes time to deal with that loss. It's no different to the multitude of sadnesses we are faced with & carry as lessons with us every day. Use it to learn, grow & be happy & content with yourself & the life you lead now & in the future. Eventually the time between thinking about it will become greater & greater to the point where it becomes insignificant in it's impact on you.

I'd highly recommend opening up about it & trying to practice mindfullness. This might sound a little bit out there but it really helped me & I'd recommend everyone adopt a more mindful approach to their lives.

I.e. knowing when you are thinking about it, recognising that feeling in your gut, realising you have drifted off into that negative space... Then drawing yourself back out of it. Breathe. Tell yourself it will all be ok (because it will). Think about it in terms of actions now. Think about you. What you have & the opportunities & amazing life you have in front of you. Have some phrases you can use to empower yourself &/or bring yourself back to reality. You are here. This is your life right now. How can you make the best of it?

I found myself using: "You're ok & you're going to be ok. It will all be ok."

When things get tough or I think I have doubt then I also use: "You can. You will. You are."

Anyway, completely normal to get those moments of "is this real?" Etc. Healthy to really dig down into what you are feeling and why you are feeling it. Be honest & be open. Future you will thank you.

All the best mate.
 
GotTheGoodes said:
Yep.

It's grief. Genuine and utter grief. You are grieving the loss of a loved one. And just like any kind of painful event it takes time to deal with that loss. It's no different to the multitude of sadnesses we are faced with & carry as lessons with us every day. Use it to learn, grow & be happy & content with yourself & the life you lead now & in the future. Eventually the time between thinking about it will become greater & greater to the point where it becomes insignificant in it's impact on you.

I'd highly recommend opening up about it & trying to practice mindfullness. This might sound a little bit out there but it really helped me & I'd recommend everyone adopt a more mindful approach to their lives.

I.e. knowing when you are thinking about it, recognising that feeling in your gut, realising you have drifted off into that negative space... Then drawing yourself back out of it. Breathe. Tell yourself it will all be ok (because it will). Think about it in terms of actions now. Think about you. What you have & the opportunities & amazing life you have in front of you. Have some phrases you can use to empower yourself &/or bring yourself back to reality. You are here. This is your life right now. How can you make the best of it?

I found myself using: "You're ok & you're going to be ok. It will all be ok."

When things get tough or I think I have doubt then I also use: "You can. You will. You are."

Anyway, completely normal to get those moments of "is this real?" Etc. Healthy to really dig down into what you are feeling and why you are feeling it. Be honest & be open. Future you will thank you.

All the best mate.
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Great post. The other one to use is when the anxiety of those thoughts makes you ill, or even long before, shout out STOP as a way to derail them.
 
heypenny said:
Billy Ray and GottheGoodes; how is the dating scene and life in general?
Click to expand...
Life has been great thanks heypenny!

It's been a while since I've dated & it's been a bit of an eye opener! The online dating thing is a bit harsh & superficial but seems to be the way it's done now. (I just don't get people trying to not look like themselves in their photos, anyway...). I've met up with a handful or so matches from Tinder & POF + met a few lovely women via friends of friends etc. Unfortunately none of them have lead to anything more serious than at most a few initial catch ups & 2 of which we might've hooked up a few times.

The one's that intrigued me the most I messed up by being bumbling awkward me... But life goes on! :)

Really enjoying the freedom of single life atm. I've been able to better focus on my career & planning things around me. Like footy, holidays, even small things like what to watch on telly, what to eat for dinner or what sheets to put on the bed. It's been good & I'm planning on making this year even gooderer :p
 
Just woke up... wow... had an epically awful nightmare, the worst one yet, it was the first one without any hope on my part that we could be together again. The last thing I remember is me asking 'are you doing this because you want to be with other men?' and she replied, 'Yes...'.

I'm literally shaking and crying as I type.

This is just pure torture.
 
Last edited:
So, we've had some ups and downs over the past little while. We've got a holiday coming up and we are looking forward to that. We have spoken about giving each other a little space when we get back though. Not full-time, but just a few days out of the house here and there for each of us. She swears she doesn't mean it as a step towards divorce but more of step-back from the day-to-day family grind and hopefully reconnect. It's still scary. I'm kind of emotional about it and she's a little numb but she does want to see a counsellor individually to work some of her issues. For now, she said she loves me and does not want a divorce so I'm thankful for that.
 
Catfish Alley said:
So, we've had some ups and downs over the past little while. We've got a holiday coming up and we are looking forward to that. We have spoken about giving each other a little space when we get back though. Not full-time, but just a few days out of the house here and there for each of us. She swears she doesn't mean it as a step towards divorce but more of step-back from the day-to-day family grind and hopefully reconnect. It's still scary. I'm kind of emotional about it and she's a little numb but she does want to see a counsellor individually to work some of her issues. For now, she said she loves me and does not want a divorce so I'm thankful for that.
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time apart is so important. you hanging with the boys. she with the girls. doing your own thing, holidays apart even (short ones with mates)

good luck with it all
 
deedog2 said:
Just woke up... wow... had an epically awful nightmare, the worst one yet, it was the first one without any hope on my part that we could be together again. The last thing I remember is me asking 'are you doing this because you want to be with other men?' and she replied, 'Yes...'.

I'm literally shaking and crying as I type.

This is just pure torture.
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it sucks man.
it really does.

but you will get through this.
have you started exercising? watching lots of footy? hanging out with mates more? even doing things on your own and being comfortable with who you are? things like hiking or going to a movie ?
 
Catfish Alley said:
So, we've had some ups and downs over the past little while. We've got a holiday coming up and we are looking forward to that. We have spoken about giving each other a little space when we get back though. Not full-time, but just a few days out of the house here and there for each of us. She swears she doesn't mean it as a step towards divorce but more of step-back from the day-to-day family grind and hopefully reconnect. It's still scary. I'm kind of emotional about it and she's a little numb but she does want to see a counsellor individually to work some of her issues. For now, she said she loves me and does not want a divorce so I'm thankful for that.
Click to expand...
Thanks for the update
I understand why you’re emotional - but having space/some solo time seemed to work out well for you last time in that you came back recharged? Sending you love and thoughts . Happy to chat anytime .

The last line is the most important thing though :) . Have a wonderful holiday and all the best
 
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