Game Day Round 13: Essendon v Hawthorne, Friday 14/6/19, Marvel Stadium, 7.50PM AEST

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Resident Photoshopper
May 24, 2007
Round the Fields of Anfield Road
AFL Club
Other Teams
Liverpool FC



Not so much last week, but still not an overly impressive performance. A 41 point win against the old enemy doesn’t say much when the old enemy is Carlton.
Dylan Clarke, in just his second game, obliterated the best player in the competition, who responded with one of the best sole efforts in a game the week after. Clarke had 10 tackles, where Cripps had 11 touches.
36 touches for Heppell, once again proving the doubters wrong.
Walla with 3 goals, sticking with the theme of “if he goals, we win”.
Easily Conor McKenna’s best game of the year.
Matt Guelfi continues to improve, game after game.
Carlton’s score is the lowest total we have conceded since 1989. Only 4 goals.
Darcy Parish is a beast. True inside mid bull. Suits the wet conditions so well. 10 clearances and 2 goals.
It was an ugly win, but given our tendency to lose the ugly ones, you’ll take it.
**** Carlton.

ESSENDON BOMBERS 11.8 74 def. **** CARLTON 4.9 33

BEST: Heppell, Clarke, McGrath, Hooker, Parish, Hurley
GOALS: McDonald-Tipungwuti 3, Laverde, Baguley, Parish 2, Heppell, Langford



The routine continued with the Hawkes flying up to the GABBA for their now annual drubbing at the hands of the Lions.
The Hawkes got out to a hot start, kicking the first 5 goals against the youthful Lions side, but weren’t able to keep pace with the momentum shift as Brisbane got on top.
The Hawkes conceded 15 more contested possessions through the guts in the final quarter alone, and ended up losing the count 145-118.
Old mate Chad continues to look like a bit of a dud trade. Ping goes the hammy.
Sicily is such a flog. Just seriously, such a flog. How he got off this week is beyond me, especially when the AFL has been steadfast in their stance that any punching is not on. Although, apparently it’s not.
The Hawkes must just be getting used to losing to Brisbane now.
O’Meara is now the key worry in the Hawthorne engine room. He is sure to be Dylan Shiel’s main target.
The Hawkes have rejoined the mid-tier pack now, and are no longer the kings of the league. About ******* time.
**** Hawthorne.

BRISBANE 12.13 85 def. HAWTHORN 10.6 66

BEST: O’Meara, Stratton, Burgoyne, Worpel, Henderson, Sicily
GOALS: Lewis 2, Burgoyne, Henderson, Breust, Scully, Ceglar, Wingard, Impey, Cousins
INJURIES: Wingard (Hamstring)


Aaron Francis, Mark Baguley, Zac Clarke, Ben McNiece

Harry Morrison, Mitchell Lewis, Marc Pittonet, Daniel Howe


ESSENDON INS: Orazio Fantasia, Dylan Shiel, Jake Stringer (ooft)
ESSENDON OUTS: Aaron Francis, Mark Baguley, Ben McNiece (All omit)

HAWTHORNE INS: Dylan Moore, Ben McEvoy, Kaiden Brand
HAWTHORNE OUTS: Mitchell Lewis, Marc Pittonet (Omit), Chad Wingard (Hamstring)

Incredibly, this looks to be our strongest possible side (save for Daniher and Smith) that we've fielded this year. Talent across the entire park, with the old and slow (Baguley, Myers) playing in the VFL. Francis could consider himself a little stiff to be being in the VFL, but it isn't overly surprising either. His performances haven't exactly been stellar, but then again, it's playing a natural defender in the forward line. McNiece had a shocker a few weeks ago and while he was somewhat serviceable against Carlton a few weeks ago, he simply doesn't look to be AFL standard just yet. Baguley just doesn't seem to add enough around the ground anymore. Arguably three of our most important players, Shiel, Stringer, and Orazio are all back in this week after overcoming injury.

The Hawks have brought back premiership ruckman Ben McEvoy somewhat earlier than we had thought, though he may be slightly underdone. Dylan Moore and Kaiden Brand join him in the side at the expense of Mitchell Lewis and Marc Pittonet, who have been dropped. Chad Wingard's high profile move from Port to Hawthorn over the summer is increasingly looking like a bit of a dud, as his hamstring went ping again.


A majority of the pre-season hype was centered around the Canadian with the mullet and strong jawline, and for good reason. He had gained size, was running PBs in terms of both speed and endurance, and looked like he was primed to make the next step towards his potential superstardom. Did it happen in Round 1, like we all expected? No. In fact, it’s taken a good few months for Pigeon to find his feet (so to speak), when it comes to season 2019. While he’s been nowhere near our worst player this season, he hasn’t exactly stood out. That is, until, last week. With an almost-career high possession count of 32, 4 inside 50s, 6 marks and 16 kicks, McGrath was everywhere alongside his single-digit teammate in Darcy Parish. It was a wholly impressive performance, which goes to show that he’s starting to finally get into the swing of things in 2019.


I was one of those who was skeptical when we were looking at Shiel. I knew he was a brilliant player, an accumulator of the ball with lightning speed and yes, that hamstring video. Put that down to me not watching enough GWS games. The bloke is a jet, and looks like he’s going to prove that he was worth every penny. Even though he didn’t play against Carlton two weeks ago, who were so confident that their embarrasssing money-flex would be enough to secure his services, it feels like we haven’t seen him in yonks. The sight of Shiel cutting through the Carlton midfield delivering a lace-out pass to big Smack McKernan was one of the things I was looking forward to most this year. Even though I won’t be able to witness that for a while yet, the sight of him slicing Hawthorn apart will most certainly appease me.


No point hiding away from this one, O’Meara is a legitimate jet. Having taken the competition by storm when he was up on the Gold Coast, perhaps away from the glaring scrutiny placed on players within the Melbourne footy media, he was suddenly put in stark light when he made the choice to move to Victoria. His caliber as an A-grade player in the competition was never in doubt, but his ability to overcome his infamously buggered knees was the sticking point in any potential suitors. Essendon were keen, but were being safe and realistic when discussing his potential return time. Hawthorn went hell for leather, and as it turns out, they were correct. Credit where it’s due – the Hawks have done a fantastic job in getting O’Meara on the park again, and their medical team continue to defy belief. Maybe we can send Raz over there for a bit of treatment?


I’m not one to judge a player solely on demeanour. Generally, even if it’s well known that a player is a bit of a knob, then I’ll let that go if they’re great onfield. Generally. In Sicily’s case, the overwhelming ****-wit factor is enough to overlook the fact that he’s a great player. He is brilliant, and one of the most consistent performers in a Hawthorn side that have certainly had the wood over us in recent times. Usually, that’s enough. Not this time. With what has to be the single most punchable head in the league right now, and the childish, w***er behaviour that makes my Aspergers-affected half cousin look like the Dalai Lama, Sicily is one of those players which I wouldn’t feel sadness for if Paddy Ambrose ran through him and put him down.
What a ****.

It's the AFL.
The house is on fire, and they're just sitting there.

Round 1 Nominee: Dylan Buckley, GWS
Round 2 Nominee: Dan Hannebery, St Kilda
Round 3 Nominee: Steven May's Groin, Melbourne
Round 4 Nominee: Mitch Robinson’s Fortnite Obsession, Brisbane
Round 5 Nominee: Ben Brown's limp-dicked diving, lol Norf
Round 6 Nominee: Daniel Wells' glass body, Collingwood
Round 7 Nominee: The BigFooty Swear Filter
Round 8 Nominee: Sydney's Football Department (This one didn't end well)
Round 9 Nominee: The AFL
Round 10 Nominee: The AFL again
Round 11 Nominee: Carlton's lack of perspective
Round 12: Bye
Round 13 Nominee: The AFL... Again

I’ve said a few times this year that my enthusiasm and passion for the game has depleted somewhat. Usually, I’ll watch as many games as I can through the weekend, much to the annoyance of my wife. I’ll discuss gameplans, players who are and aren’t in form, and who looks like they can improve on what and where. This year, however, something is different. Even early on in the season, the AFL lacked its major draw factor for me.

I put it down to my boys in Liverpool playing so well. Maybe I was just more keen on the EPL and Champions League (By the way, we’ve won it 6 times) instead of the impending AFL season. Now that the season is over, the Champions League is run and won (6 times), nothing has changed. In fact, I’m even more blasé over the whole spectacle. It appears as though it’s not just me.

There are numerous reasons why people are jumping off the AFL trainwreck. The umpiring is the worst it’s ever been. Is it down to the AFL commission changing rules every single year, sometimes on the fly during the season? Perhaps. Does the fact that certain umpires are pushed through the ranks in the name of equality whilst being woefully under-prepared for the rigours of the highest level have something to do with it? Yes, of course. The interpretations of the rules, the fear of enforcing them, and the AFL’s inability to take full responsibility when their employees have made numerous incorrect decisions are another deciding factor; especially when their actions have ultimately decided the final scores of games. The umpiring is getting people riled up and angry. Especially when fans can point out rules better than those paid to do that exact job can.

These leads into the hot topic at this point. Fan behavior.

Now I’m no saint at the footy, and I’m the first to admit. I’ve screamed, yelled, swore, and I’ve accidentally broken a chair at Marvel Stadium. It’s footy. It’s 40,000+ passionate fans every single week, cheering their team on to come away with the points. The theatre and drama of an AFL crowd is spectacular and unique to our code. While most of the time, it doesn’t create the same atmosphere to European football, it’s special, and is one of the greatest features of our game. If it gets to a point where the fans feel as though their voice is being taken away, then that becomes a clear problem.

The social justice, politically correct diatribe has no place within a competitive sports arena. Off field? Sure. But when it comes to an actual game, let the people yell. Let them scream. There’s limits, of course – consistent swearing and screaming obscenities when there are kids around is simply not on. Threatening violence? That’s probably a step too far, too. But plain loud barracking? Disapproving of an umpires decision? Of course that should be allowed.

If the AFL and it’s corporate team of social justice warriors believe that our atmosphere is getting too intense, someone should ship them off to the aforementioned European football. Head over to Turkey and watch Beşiktaş JK vs Galatasaray SK. Head over to England and watch Milwall and their fans assault people simply for looking at them. See an English club descend on AS Roma, and watch the blood spill.

AFL, as a spectacle, is great the way it is. There’s atmosphere, there’s passion, and there’s proper barracking. Seeing this disappear from the game would be an immense shame, and whilst the AFL says that there’s no danger of that happening, the proof is in the pudding. Keep an eye on AFL crowd numbers, and if you’re heading into the game tonight, note how many security or police officers you see. If the atmosphere starts to feel a little flat in one of the biggest rivalries in the league, then the people are beginning to talk without saying anything.

We could very well be in a watershed moment for the league right now.

Two write-ups in a week is no problem for eth-dog .

Everyone remember the childhood song, "Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I'm going to eat some worms"? No? Oh well. For Hawthorne, I have a special adaptation:

"Nobody likes them, everybody hates them, let's make them eat some worms!" (This can be used for Carlton or Richmond or whoever else you hate, but I like using it for these *******s).

Yes, let's make the team with colours that truly belong in the toilet eat worms. I mean it. Every time their face is in the ground let's push it down just a little bit to make them taste the earth, and hopefully some worms. These guys are actually the worst. They pretend they're high class like people from Toorak or Brighton but they're actually gutter worms from Frankston or Belgrave or Broadmeadows in disguise. They play "unsociable football", but they don't like it in return.

These bunch of campaigners are actually the worst. Growing up in Glen Iris, the middle of Hawthorne heartland has warped my perspective perhaps but they're everywhere here. Or at least they have been since 2008. Don't remember many of them between 2002 and 2007. Their supporters have the faux-superiority down pat, to a level even beyond Richmond, Collingwood, and unfortunately us. They're smug. They're arrogant. And the worst thing of all they have every right to be.

Then we get onto the players. From Sam Mitchell confirming to everyone what a flog he is with the jab jab sledge (Cough, Manila folder, cough), to James Sicily just being an out and out ******. "The Chad" Wingard, a guy that demanded GWS not draft him so he could stay home, and then leaves for such a garbage club as Hawthorne. James Frawley, this may be unfair to him because I have nothing else, but his uncle is Spud Frawley so he must be a ****** by association.

I don't want to beat Hawthorne. No, that is far too good for these guys. I want to destroy them, break their back, have Dylan ******* Shiel get 35 disposals and 3 goals and Dylan ******* Clarke to keep Jaeger to 2 ******* possessions at the same time.

Let's ******* destroy this club, who's rightful place is in the ******* toilet.

ROUND 20, 2018

**** HAWTHORNE 16.11 107


ESSENDON BEST: Merrett, Heppell, Colyer, Hooker, Stringer
ESSENDON GOALS: Baguley, Stringer 3, Hooker, McKenna 2, Bellchambers, Brown, Colyer, Fantasia, McDonald-Tipungwuti, McGrath

HAWTHORNE BEST: Mitchell, O’Meara, Gunston, Burgoyne, Breust
HAWTHORNE GOALS: Gunston 5, Breust 3, Henderson, Smith 2, Roughead, Whitecross, Ceglar, Worpel



ESSENDON OUTS: Baguley, Brown, Colyer, Goddard, Myers, Smith, Francis, McNiece
ESSENDON INS: Ambrose, Laverde, Shiel, Redman, Guelfi, McKernan, Clarke, Begley

HAWTHORNE OUTS: Roughead, Whitecross, Schoenmakers, Mitchell, Miles, Burton, Morrison
HAWTHORNE INS: Moore, McEvoy, Scully, Sicily, O'Brien, Glass, Cousins

TV: Channel 7 (LIVE at 7.30pm AEST), FOX Footy (LIVE at 7.30pm AEST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 7.30pm AEST), Kayo Sports (LIVE at 7.30pm AEST)
RADIO: Triple M, 3AW, ABC, SEN
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)

TV: 7mate (LIVE at 7.30pm AEST), FOX Footy (LIVE at 7.30pm AEST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 7.30pm AEST), Kayo Sports (LIVE at 7.30pm AEST)
RADIO: Macquarie Sports Radio, NIRS, ABC
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)

TV: Channel 7 (LIVE at 7.00pm ACST), FOX Footy (LIVE at 7.00pm ACST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 7.00pm ACST), Kayo Sports (LIVE at 7.00pm ACST)
RADIO: ABC, Triple M, FIVEaa
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)

TV: 7mate (LIVE at 5.30pm AWST), FOX Footy (LIVE at 5.30pm AWST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 5.30pm AWST), Kayo Sports (LIVE at 5.30pm AWST)
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)


TV: 7mate (LIVE at 7.30pm AEST), FOX Footy (LIVE at 7.30pm AEST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 7.30pm AEST), Kayo Sports (LIVE at 7.30pm AEST)
RADIO: Macquarie Sports Radio, NIRS, ABC
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)

TV: Channel 7 (LIVE at 7.30pm AEST), FOX Footy (LIVE at 7.30pm AEST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 7.30pm AEST), Kayo Sports (LIVE at 7.30pm AEST)
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)

TV: Channel 7 (LIVE at 7.00pm ACST), FOX Footy (LIVE at 7.00pm ACST), FOXTEL Now (LIVE at 7.00pm ACST), Kayo Sports (LIVE at 7.00pm ACST)
MOBILE: AFL Live Official App with LIVE Pass (Unmetered on Telstra Mobile Network)

A bit of an interesting one, where we go into a match against our fiercest modern rival as favourites. While I personally disagree with the bookies on this one, our on paper team smashes the living **** through the Hawkes. With that said, the Hawkes are coached by Clarkson, who is worth his weight in gold.
15 years since the infamous line in the sand match, where we obliterated the Hawkes by 74 points, this could very well be another physical encounter, though perhaps without the assault by Richie “****wit” Vandenberg.

This will, if skills improve, be the match of the round, and I can see us coming away with the chocolates, albeit only just.

Essendon by 4.

**** Hawthorne.


Also congrats Doss you beautiful man

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Sep 2, 2008
AFL Club
Have a good feeling about tonight but in saying that I had the same feeling about the Geelong and Richmond games and both games were disappointing hoping Essendon prove me wrong this time


All Australian
May 27, 2017
AFL Club
Have a good feeling about tonight but in saying that I had the same feeling about the Geelong and Richmond games and both games were disappointing hoping Essendon prove me wrong this time
You have a bad feeling that your good feeling is actually a bad feeling. I can relate.
But we are going to smash this


Norm Smith Medallist
Oct 18, 2008
AFL Club
Thanks for the write-up VS+ethdog (DogSledge?).

I'd like to see us bury these cockroaches too, but a narrow margin will also make me very happy.

Perspective on McGrath and Parish is interesting. Makes the prospect of a fully fit midfield brigade very exciting. Complete that with a young, fit Sam Draper...

Anyway, I'm Dylan Clarke's #1 fanboy tonight. Shut him down, Dylzzzz!

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Norm Smith Medallist
Oct 18, 2008
AFL Club
I don't usually go in for rejoicing over opposition supporter meltdowns, but if we win I will genuinely revel. Never been in a crowd with Hawks supporters. I can only imagine the arrogance of some on their magnified live. Theirs are ones I dislike most, together with Port supporters, who I also can't stand.

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Jul 6, 2009
AFL Club
Would love somebody to remind me the last time we win these sort of games over the last decade...

On tonight's menu there are generally three choices...

A) Close but not close enough.
B) Not switched on mentally, particularly in the first half.
C) Both of the above. Start slowly and allow the opposition to build a lead... before pegging them back to go down by a narrow margin.

This Hawthorn team under pretty much anybody else would be vulnerable tonight. But Clarkson vs Worsfold? Totally different ball game. They will be fired up, guaranteed. We might be. That's the difference.
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