Dubai Quacker
Wily Old Campaigner
The Key Details:
Sydney Swans(11th) vs Fremantle Dockers (12th)
Venue: Sydney Cricket Ground (a.k.a “The Choke Dome”)
Date: Saturday May 13
Time: 1.45pm (just when I need to be running around to kids sport, thanks very much AFL)
Weather: fine, 22 degrees, with a light north easterly blowing. Or torrential rain and an icy, cyclonic southerly.
Preamble
Sydney versus Fremantle encounters have, in recent years, been absolute drudgery. Low scoring, defence-oriented slogs that made the final quarter feel like it dragged on for weeks.
Indeed, I had the displeasure of attending undoubtably the dullest AFL game in history – August 22, 2020 at Optus Stadium. The scars haven’t healed. Fremantle (7.8.50) defeated Sydney (2.7.17). There wasn’t even a half-time dancing competition at which caesar88 could Elaine his way to a $1,000 fuel voucher. It was so depressingly boring that post-game, Fox Footy decided not to show a highlights package, but instead featured a piece covering Fremantle’s proud history of draft and trade period clangers (a good dose of Freo selecting Trent Croad over Luke Hodge always lightens the mood – and that’s before the Des Headland vibe kicks in).
Anyway, in hindsight, I have come to release that Ross Lyon’s slow-play style appealed to the Freo fan-base. Because it is bloody hard to follow fast action after a solid day on the Reverend Green, moaning about how your organic cafe's kombucha in a mason jar is “soooooo mainstream nowadays”.
Lyon’s slow, methodical style didn’t win many games, but it did appeal to the mellowed-out Freo hipster crew.
Fremantle Gastro-Pub Beverage (2023)
Unfortunately, things haven’t changed much in the post-Lyon era. We face potentially yet another rather dull game. Which got me thinking – how do fans of other sports make things a bit more interesting?
Well, at the English soccer (tellingly, the 2nd most boring sport on earth, behind basketball), the fans get some terrific sing-a-longs going to amuse themselves. And no, I don’t mean bloody “Sweet Caroline”.
Unfortunately, Sydney and Fremantle fans are the most unimaginative supporter groups going around. Here’s the extent of their chants:
Sydney: “Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid-neeeeeeeeeey”
Fremantle: “Freeeeeeeeeee-ooooooooooow”
Sydney and Freo Fans in Full Voice (Optus, August 2020)
So, to help things along, I’ve taken the liberty of producing Volume 1 of Dubai Quacker's “Sydney Versus Freo - AFL Fan's Songbook", for implementation if & when things get boring at the SCG.
Sydney Versus Freo – Fan Chants (Volume 1)
Nothing gets the Swans’ faithful (e.g., Punts) more animated than the old “should we have drafted Serong instead of Stephens?” debate. To that end, the following little ditty should prove topical:
Caleb Serong (sung to “Ce Sera Sera”)
Caleb Serong, Serong
Whatever will be will be
You should play for Syd-er-nee
Caleb Serong, Serong
Caleb Serong, Serong
Whatever will be will be
We’ll give you the number 3
Caleb Serong, Serong
Of course, this song is a bit harsh on Dylan (who is, incidentally, going to be a better AFL player than Serong). It should therefore, always be immediately followed up with the following mandatory refrain:
We love you Dylan, we do!
We love you Dylan, we love you!
The next song is recommended for implementation following any sprayed shot at goal from Freo’s young but somewhat erratic tall forward, Josh Treacy (who, incidentally, should also play for Sydney, as his goal kicking would fit right in):
Josh Treacy (sung to “That’s Amore”)
When you’re sitting in row Z
And the ball hits your head
That’s Josh Treacy …
And whilst on the topic of missed shots, we can’t forget Luke Jackson:
Luke Jackson (sung to the Barmy Army’s “Mitchell Johnson”)
He kicks to the left
He kicks to the riiiiight
Your star man Luke Jackson
His kicking is sh*te
Of course, the Swans’ chants can’t all be about the opposition…..
Harry Cunningham (sung to “Mrs Robinson”)
So here’s to you Harry Cunningham
Sydney loves you more than you will know
Whoa-whoa-whoa
God bless you please Harry Cunningham
Horse has held a place for you today
Hey hey hey
Robbie Fox (sung to “Lets Talk About Sex”)
Lets talk about Fox, baby
Lets talk about Tom Pap-ley
Lets talk about all the Warners and the Big Macs and Blake-y
Lets talk about Fox!
Lewis Melican (sung to “Karma Chameleon”)
Karma karma karma karma karma ka-Melican
You come and go
You come and go
And if you’re seeking a bit of nostalgia, whilst reminding Freo of their empty trophy cabinet:
Barry Hall (sung to the Barmy Army’s “Stuart Broad”)
He’s big
He’s bad
Unlike you, he has a flag
Barry Hall!
Barry Hall!
I was going to complete Volume 1 with a tune about Isaac Heeney (sung to “Yellow Polka Dot Bikini”) – but I figured Heeney’s form doesn’t currently warrant a song. Not even a snarky one.
If he manages 3 goals and a few speccies this week (or indeed, just kicks straight at least once), I might re-consider for Volume 2.
The Teams
Freo appeared to come through their “match” against the AFL-approved tankers Hawthorn relatively unscathed, apart from Lachie Shultz copping a bit of a mangled shoulder. But although he was a tad maimed, he played out the game and there’s a fair chance that Freo go in unchanged.
Interestingly, Nat Fyfe, when introduced as the sub against Hawf, played predominantly in the midfield, so don’t be surprised if the Dockers deploy him in the guts again, in an attempt to overpower the Swans’ (according to Bigfooty) frail, skinny midfield.
As for the Swans, Pete Ladhams must be doubtful after carrying what appeared to be a bung shoulder through four quarters against the Pies. Ruck Jesus will likely be summonsed, although it must be said, McLean did battle manfully in the ruck & RJ didn’t set the world on fire in the VFL (but then again, nobody did against the might of Frankston). An interesting selection call looms if Ladhams is indeed ruled out.
The other forced change will likely be the unlucky Marc Sheather (whose right shin is currently the most accurate piece of kicking anatomy in the Swans’ entire playing list).
Expect HHK to be near a debut, although Horse will likely introduce him in the back pocket, if recent selection philosophy is anything to go by. Gus Sheldrick, who was strangely told to not bother turning up to any games this weekend, could also return, as could Dyl Stephens.
The other interesting selection consideration will be Buddy – who is certainly due for “management” (particularly after this week’s performance). But honestly, who knows.
The Verdict
Sydney has a few bogey sides.
Freo isn’t one of them.
Swans by 6 goals in a game that nobody can possibly claim to be a “blockbuster”.
In the words immortalized by The King!, we’ll p*ss it in.
Happy singing.
Sydney Swans(11th) vs Fremantle Dockers (12th)
Venue: Sydney Cricket Ground (a.k.a “The Choke Dome”)
Date: Saturday May 13
Time: 1.45pm (just when I need to be running around to kids sport, thanks very much AFL)
Weather: fine, 22 degrees, with a light north easterly blowing. Or torrential rain and an icy, cyclonic southerly.
Preamble
Sydney versus Fremantle encounters have, in recent years, been absolute drudgery. Low scoring, defence-oriented slogs that made the final quarter feel like it dragged on for weeks.
Indeed, I had the displeasure of attending undoubtably the dullest AFL game in history – August 22, 2020 at Optus Stadium. The scars haven’t healed. Fremantle (7.8.50) defeated Sydney (2.7.17). There wasn’t even a half-time dancing competition at which caesar88 could Elaine his way to a $1,000 fuel voucher. It was so depressingly boring that post-game, Fox Footy decided not to show a highlights package, but instead featured a piece covering Fremantle’s proud history of draft and trade period clangers (a good dose of Freo selecting Trent Croad over Luke Hodge always lightens the mood – and that’s before the Des Headland vibe kicks in).
Anyway, in hindsight, I have come to release that Ross Lyon’s slow-play style appealed to the Freo fan-base. Because it is bloody hard to follow fast action after a solid day on the Reverend Green, moaning about how your organic cafe's kombucha in a mason jar is “soooooo mainstream nowadays”.
Lyon’s slow, methodical style didn’t win many games, but it did appeal to the mellowed-out Freo hipster crew.
Fremantle Gastro-Pub Beverage (2023)
Unfortunately, things haven’t changed much in the post-Lyon era. We face potentially yet another rather dull game. Which got me thinking – how do fans of other sports make things a bit more interesting?
Well, at the English soccer (tellingly, the 2nd most boring sport on earth, behind basketball), the fans get some terrific sing-a-longs going to amuse themselves. And no, I don’t mean bloody “Sweet Caroline”.
Unfortunately, Sydney and Fremantle fans are the most unimaginative supporter groups going around. Here’s the extent of their chants:
Sydney: “Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid-neeeeeeeeeey”
Fremantle: “Freeeeeeeeeee-ooooooooooow”
Sydney and Freo Fans in Full Voice (Optus, August 2020)
So, to help things along, I’ve taken the liberty of producing Volume 1 of Dubai Quacker's “Sydney Versus Freo - AFL Fan's Songbook", for implementation if & when things get boring at the SCG.
Sydney Versus Freo – Fan Chants (Volume 1)
Nothing gets the Swans’ faithful (e.g., Punts) more animated than the old “should we have drafted Serong instead of Stephens?” debate. To that end, the following little ditty should prove topical:
Caleb Serong (sung to “Ce Sera Sera”)
Caleb Serong, Serong
Whatever will be will be
You should play for Syd-er-nee
Caleb Serong, Serong
Caleb Serong, Serong
Whatever will be will be
We’ll give you the number 3
Caleb Serong, Serong
Of course, this song is a bit harsh on Dylan (who is, incidentally, going to be a better AFL player than Serong). It should therefore, always be immediately followed up with the following mandatory refrain:
We love you Dylan, we do!
We love you Dylan, we love you!
The next song is recommended for implementation following any sprayed shot at goal from Freo’s young but somewhat erratic tall forward, Josh Treacy (who, incidentally, should also play for Sydney, as his goal kicking would fit right in):
Josh Treacy (sung to “That’s Amore”)
When you’re sitting in row Z
And the ball hits your head
That’s Josh Treacy …
And whilst on the topic of missed shots, we can’t forget Luke Jackson:
Luke Jackson (sung to the Barmy Army’s “Mitchell Johnson”)
He kicks to the left
He kicks to the riiiiight
Your star man Luke Jackson
His kicking is sh*te
Of course, the Swans’ chants can’t all be about the opposition…..
Harry Cunningham (sung to “Mrs Robinson”)
So here’s to you Harry Cunningham
Sydney loves you more than you will know
Whoa-whoa-whoa
God bless you please Harry Cunningham
Horse has held a place for you today
Hey hey hey
Robbie Fox (sung to “Lets Talk About Sex”)
Lets talk about Fox, baby
Lets talk about Tom Pap-ley
Lets talk about all the Warners and the Big Macs and Blake-y
Lets talk about Fox!
Lewis Melican (sung to “Karma Chameleon”)
Karma karma karma karma karma ka-Melican
You come and go
You come and go
And if you’re seeking a bit of nostalgia, whilst reminding Freo of their empty trophy cabinet:
Barry Hall (sung to the Barmy Army’s “Stuart Broad”)
He’s big
He’s bad
Unlike you, he has a flag
Barry Hall!
Barry Hall!
I was going to complete Volume 1 with a tune about Isaac Heeney (sung to “Yellow Polka Dot Bikini”) – but I figured Heeney’s form doesn’t currently warrant a song. Not even a snarky one.
If he manages 3 goals and a few speccies this week (or indeed, just kicks straight at least once), I might re-consider for Volume 2.
The Teams
Freo appeared to come through their “match” against the AFL-approved tankers Hawthorn relatively unscathed, apart from Lachie Shultz copping a bit of a mangled shoulder. But although he was a tad maimed, he played out the game and there’s a fair chance that Freo go in unchanged.
Interestingly, Nat Fyfe, when introduced as the sub against Hawf, played predominantly in the midfield, so don’t be surprised if the Dockers deploy him in the guts again, in an attempt to overpower the Swans’ (according to Bigfooty) frail, skinny midfield.
As for the Swans, Pete Ladhams must be doubtful after carrying what appeared to be a bung shoulder through four quarters against the Pies. Ruck Jesus will likely be summonsed, although it must be said, McLean did battle manfully in the ruck & RJ didn’t set the world on fire in the VFL (but then again, nobody did against the might of Frankston). An interesting selection call looms if Ladhams is indeed ruled out.
The other forced change will likely be the unlucky Marc Sheather (whose right shin is currently the most accurate piece of kicking anatomy in the Swans’ entire playing list).
Expect HHK to be near a debut, although Horse will likely introduce him in the back pocket, if recent selection philosophy is anything to go by. Gus Sheldrick, who was strangely told to not bother turning up to any games this weekend, could also return, as could Dyl Stephens.
The other interesting selection consideration will be Buddy – who is certainly due for “management” (particularly after this week’s performance). But honestly, who knows.
The Verdict
Sydney has a few bogey sides.
Freo isn’t one of them.
Swans by 6 goals in a game that nobody can possibly claim to be a “blockbuster”.
In the words immortalized by The King!, we’ll p*ss it in.
Happy singing.
