Official Match Thread Season 27, Round 7: Gold City Royals vs Sin City Swamprats at The Golden Throne

[McEvoy]

Remember it? He had the ball when the siren sounded!

It was iBeng before iBeng iBenged it!

Yes, but Lpno1 is a bit here and there. I wouldn't be surprised if he missed it altogether

 

[The Filth Wizard]

Do you even remember it lpno1?

I was robbed is Lukey's catchphrase.

 

[McEvoy]

I was robbed is Lukey's catchphrase.

Probs the catchy of a few Norfys too I'd guess

 

[LukeParkerno1]

I was robbed is Lukey's catchphrase.

No that’s “bite me”

 

[spookism]

There was a very famous draw between the Royals and Swampies.

Season 19, final round. All we needed to do was win to play finals, and the sim cruelled us with a tie, spookism kicking the leveller with 2 minutes to play.

Only 3 current Swamprats played in that game - for free drinks, name them by 10pm (EDIT: Not including Macca or Wharfie, who are only still on our list as heritage players)

If I remember correctly, I made 20 changes that week as well.
Bastard simmers...

 

[Ant Bear]

If I remember correctly, I made 20 changes that week as well.
Bastard simmers...

NaturalDisaster, I learnt from my master

 

[The Filth Wizard]

No that’s “bite me”

Aw, you let me call you Lukey

 

[The Filth Wizard]

Probs the catchy of a few Norfys too I'd guess

Why am I dealing with Swans supporters like this exclusively this week miggs?

 

[Ant Bear]

Why am I dealing with Swans supporters like this exclusively this week miggs?

We bring them in waves.

sataris is due to come in for his shift soon.

 

[Kennedy Parker]

Remember that Cloud_ bloke that used to play for both our teams?

I wonder what happened to him...

To be honest I find the Swamprats line up these days a tad uninspiring and apathetic towards being involved in interactions with the Swampies. So I tried to dig up some older Swamprat threads to hopefully fire me up about playing the Swamprats.

To my utter surprise! As it turns out Swamprat match threads from a few seasons ago are a secret goldmine of top-notch quality content filled with substance and meaning.

Here are just a few examples!

It'll be irrelevant whether the sun is out paddles. As soon as the ball enters the Swamprats forward 50, a sudden flash flood caused by Millky95's faucet eyes will make it nigh impossible for you Royals to advance the ball beyond your back pockets.

View attachment 334940

View attachment 335630

Unfortunately I rang the Sweet FA Admin's office requesting more funding so I could better program it better. The officer told me to prioritise the lactation mechanisms.

About an Ant Bear robot, funny you say... I did prototype the software an Ant Bot AI a couple seasons ago even using a DNA sample to better simulate the brain of Ant Bear.

I tested it in a computer simulation of the Sweet FA that simulates numerous seasons of Qooty within hours. Within 2 hours it had won 5 Mobbs Medals, 8 MVPs, 9 FRED Medals, 10 premierships, 9 Deestroys, 10 All-SFA Selections, and 10 B&Fs in 10 simulated seasons. Within another 2 hours it was the league admin and board mod and had removed all capacity for the committee to remove it as admin. Another hour later, it banned all other players within the simulation and it was captain of every team, playing in every position.

I was amazed that it took over the entire league so quickly, but was even more amazed when it realised there existed a realm beyond the Bigfooty domain. It cracked the restrictions I placed on it and accessed the wider internet then proceeded to poison water supplies, crash the world economy, fire nuclear weapons destroying the world as we know it.

Lucky I had the foresight to test this AI within a simulation of a simulation, so I was able to shut it down, and hence we all live. Who would've known an Ant Bear AI would have such a god complex. Since then the government decided it was too dangerous to continue research into this and shut down my project.

Now all we have is cheap Millky95 sex robots...

I'm putting you on the ignore list. The operation continues...

Walking around Punt Road, you really get the sense of what a professional Qooty organisation they are with state of the art facilities and highly sophisticated training programs.

One noticeable facility is NaturalDisaster's School of Match Thread Posting.

View attachment 407758

It piqued my interest enough to pop in a take a quick look. Inside NaturalDisaster spoke in a large auditorium in front of a crowd of roughly 100 rookie Furies prospects frantically noting down the lecture of the league's best match thread poster. I snuck in the back door and listened in...

'...this week we're playing the Swamprats, their captain is Ant Bear. Now what we want to do during the week is to hit him with such devastating, clever banter that he doesn't recover and come back. If there's one thing Swamprats hate, it's being called spammers. Which is why when you see Ant Bear this week, you need to refer to him as Spam Bear - this is effectively a two-for-one move as we are both making fun of his name and calling him a spammer in the same post.'

The audience erupts in applause of this genius move. I try to sneak out quietly but just as I open the door-

'HEY LOOK EVERYONE!' NaturalDisaster exclaimed, 'It's the Furies captain himself, the amazing one-and-only Sterge! Back from the Richmond board so soon skipper?'

'Haha, yeah quiet day over there...' I nervously answered as an entire auditorium of people are now looking at me.

'Since this is such a rare opportunity, would you like to give these prospective Furies rookies some advice?' NaturalDisaster asked.

'I'd love to ND, but that Swamprats spud Cloud_ said had a dig at me the other day and I gotta go put him back in his box.'

'Hey Sterge, there's something different about you today...'

**** did my cover get blown already?

'Love what you've done with the hair mate. Good luck giving Cloud_ a clip over the ear, that guy is just a flog of the highest order.'

'Yep, will do mate, let's smash those pathetic sewer rats!'

I'll remember that this Sunday ND you flog.

Good news guys, I've had some discussions with the admin Hate and we have been allowed to begin the game a full 24 hours before the Royals can be permitted to take the field. This should mean we can get an unassailable 600 point lead on the board by this time tomorrow and break our winless streak.

1 : 0 {C} - Bashed out of the ruck duel by Butler.
1 : .1 {C} - Ant Bear with a little space.
1 : .16 {CHF} - Ant Bear has a bounce.
1 : .2 {CHF} - He kicks long and low.
1 : .24 {FF} - Nobody's checking Cloud_.
1 : .3 {FF} - Open goal!.
1 : .34 {FF} - Oh no. It's come off his shin..

Ah shit, missed an open goal there, but that's okay guys we'll just take the next chance, there are no Royals on the field anyway. Now we just need for them to do the kick in and take another shot. ... Kick in... **** we need to wait for the Royals to get on the field before we can resume the game... Well at least we have a 1 point head start.

It's Thursday and we're in Las Vegas just hours before the teams get named. philreich and I were in the hotel room watching some TV and found out that Ant Bear is on an interesting talk show.

View attachment 415829

Norton6: Hello and welcome to The Graham Norton6 Show, the talk show specifically for captains of winless Qooty teams. Today we welcome Ant Bear, the captain of the Sin City Swamprats who are naught and six!
Ant Bear: G'day Graham.
Norton6: Alright then, let's get straight into the hard hitting questions. The first six rounds of Season 24 has been a disaster and you are still winless as captain after six games. Could you care to explain why it is that you are such an abject failure of a captain?
Ant Bear: ... I am not an abject failure of a captain. Under my captaincy we are the only team to top 500 posts in every match thread to date, we consistently get 16-17 contributors to match threads every week - impressive especially after losing four top 21 posters during the offseason.
Norton6: That's nice and all, but you're winless.
Ant Bear: Yes, however, my team is gelling nicely and I am very open in communicating with my leadership group and players, the feedback I've received in private has only been positive.
Norton6: You've got no wins though.
Ant Bear: Additionally, I have a perfect team sheet submission record and I lead from the front in terms of match thread activity despite taking on added responsibility of compiling the league's stats. My recruits from other clubs such as Dingster, philreich, and gaskin have all come in and added tremendous value to our club, and the rookies we've recruited - drazah, bergholt, and katmanblue to name a few have all shown great signs for the future.
Norton6: It is now Round 6, you have zero wins, that means you've lost six games.
Ant Bear: Yeah but I can't help that, in every aspect of leadership within my control I have absolutely excelled.
Norton6: I'm not sure you quite understand the plight you are currently in, but let's move on. It's been a horrible start to the season, is there anyone at the Swamprats besides yourself you want to credit for keeping the club above water?
Ant Bear: Well there is one person who helps me a hell of a lot behind the scenes and never quite gets the credit they deserve. They know who I'm talking about, you're an absolute legend and an inspiration to me and everyone at the club...

Cloud_: Oh see phil, AB's not such a bad captain after all, knows exactly when to give credit when it's due.

Ant Bear: When I'm struggling to find answers I know I can always turn to you, so Justin Bieber I hope you're watching this. Thank you so much for the support you've given me during my captaincy.

Cloud_: ..............
philreich: You alright there Cloudy? Maybe a joke about paper will turn that frown upsidedown.
Cloud_: I think I'll go back to my room phil, I'm a bit bored of this show.
philreich: Nevermind then mate, it was tearable anyway.

That's what you want people to believe. The tribunal session is on record.

Friday 8:46am - 20th October, 2017



Ant Bear sits outside the Sweet FA Tribunal Courthouse awaiting his hearing

Clerk: Ant Bear your hearing will commence in a few moments.
AB: My lawyer hasn't arrived yet, the club said they'd send one.
??: Heeya AB, ready for the hearing!!?

AB: Cloud_ this is not the time, I'm very stressed as this is my first tribunal hearing and if it doesn't go right Butler might just have enough momentum to sack me. Now where's the lawyer the club sent?
C: Standing in front of ya AB, now take these balloons, they'll cheer you up after a rough week.
AB: ...Haha, sorry I thought I just heard you say you were my lawyer for a moment. I must be losing it.
C: Oh you heard right, I'll representing you today. Sit back and chill, everything's gonna be just fine.
AB: WHAT THE ****! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? There's got to be some mistake, you're not even qualified to be a lawyer!
C: Relax. In the State of Virginia, anyone who passes the Bar Exam can be a lawyer.
AB: You've never passed the Bar Exam and this isn't Virginia!!!!!
C: SHHH! The jury don't know that yet.
Clerk: Ant Bear please enter the courthouse for your hearing.

TO BE CONTINUED...

It's a shame that Sin City doesn't produce posts like these anymore. I don't understand what happened...

 

[LukeParkerno1]

Aw, you let me call you Lukey

I’m drunk enough!

 

[LukeParkerno1]

Why am I dealing with Swans supporters like this exclusively this week miggs?

Well we are going for the spoon in the real footy!

 

[fumbler]

How would you know?

Mum said he was smart.

Why do they call you fumbler anyway? Is it due to your inability to mark a qootball? (says the bloke who hasn't taken a mark for 2 seasons.......)

Was originally @footy_fumbler and yes was due to my inability to Aquire the football at certain times.
Though I have kicked over 100 goals in a season twice before irl.

 

[sataris]

We bring them in waves.

sataris is due to come in for his shift soon.

miggs and I will have to untangle.

 

[Ant Bear]

To be honest I find the Swamprats line up these days a tad uninspiring and apathetic towards being involved in interactions with the Swampies. So I tried to dig up some older Swamprat threads to hopefully fire me up about playing the Swamprats.

To my utter surprise! As it turns out Swamprat match threads from a few seasons ago are a secret goldmine of top-notch quality content filled with substance and meaning.

Here are just a few examples!









It's a shame that Sin City doesn't produce posts like these anymore. I don't understand what happened...

I don't remember any of this witty repartee, all I recall is Qwitter

 

[The Filth Wizard]

The Official Team Sheet Of The Gold City Royals

B: MrPremiership - Rodney Dangerfield - McEvoy
HB: Ulahoopski - Blacky - Cloud_
C: brahj - ShaunDuggan - fumbler
HF: miggs - Quivorir - CakeEater
F: Gentlemen - The Filth Wizard - grumbleguts
R: GreyCrow - Paddles_ - Noobz0r

INT: Rack Watts - SunshineTiger

Changes

McEvoy - INT to BP
Rack Watts - BP to INT


​

 

[Ulahoopski]

The Official Team Sheet Of The Gold City Royals

B: MrPremiership - Rodney Dangerfield - McEvoy
HB: Ulahoopski - Blacky - Cloud_
C: brahj - ShaunDuggan - fumbler
HF: miggs - Quivorir - CakeEater
F: Gentlemen - The Filth Wizard - grumbleguts
R: GreyCrow - Paddles_ - Noobz0r

INT: Rack Watts - SunshineTiger

Changes

McEvoy - INT to BP
Rack Watts - BP to INT


View attachment 643194​

Don't know about this Half Back business. Give me Wings! The Filth Wizard

 

[Ant Bear]

Don't know about this Half Back business. Give me Wings! The Filth Wizard

Stuff Wing, go for Ruck-rover - Paddles_ hasn't turned up

 

[Noobz0r]

Stuff Wing, go for Ruck-rover - Paddles_ hasn't turned up

Why would he bother after being ripped off in the Mobbs last season?

 

[Noobz0r]

To be honest I find the Swamprats line up these days a tad uninspiring and apathetic towards being involved in interactions with the Swampies. So I tried to dig up some older Swamprat threads to hopefully fire me up about playing the Swamprats.

To my utter surprise! As it turns out Swamprat match threads from a few seasons ago are a secret goldmine of top-notch quality content filled with substance and meaning.

Here are just a few examples!









It's a shame that Sin City doesn't produce posts like these anymore. I don't understand what happened...

You should have seen us circa S16-17.

 

[GreyCrow]

I see the old blokes are at the bar talking about how qood they were 10 years ago

 

[The Filth Wizard]

Don't know about this Half Back business. Give me Wings! The Filth Wizard

Well I will say it's encouraging you've lifted your post average from 2.8 to 3.8 over the last fortnight but I do have to take into account at least one of those posts a week is you asking to move into the midfield.

 

[Noobz0r]

I see the old blokes are at the bar talking about how qood they were 10 years ago

I was still easily top 10 in the MVP last season too

 

[philreich]

2 mates in a pub: one says, "What would you do if you came home and found your wife in bed with another man?"

Quick as a flash, the other guy says, "I'd kick his guide dog, and break his white stick!!!"

 

[GreyCrow]

Speaking of, my wife used to mention the blind man coming around just as she was getting out of the shower.

I didnt think much of it till I noticed we didnt have curtains any more