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Home & Garden Spiders can get ****ed

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this is harder than i thought. really awkward position/ getting bigger every time i look at it
 
Watching tv last night and a white tail spider was abseiling to the floor from the air con duct in the roof which is almost directly above the couch I was lying on. Sprayed Mortein on the ****, am now living in fear a spider army is going to attack whilst I sleep.
 
I am not a fan of spiders, I am glad that I am not living in a place which has lots of dangerous and lethal spiders...
 

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HannahSambuca said:
Quick little story, I have a massive phobia of spiders, reading this thread makes me feel quite sick, but it's humouring me lol.

Anyway, last night I was heading the the bathroom to do my business and what not, felt something on my foot, didn't look, just moved it, next minute a red and grey/green spider came running out, I have never seen a spider of this colour before, as I live in the UK, so I grabbed some tissue, and grabbed the sod, me being a smart arse and thinking it was dead, took a closer look, then, it started to do some kung fu shit with it's legs and I screamed to the high heavens, and dropped the tissue, and now I can't find the shit bag, I did a little research on it, and didn't find much info, "Woodlouse spider" which it can't be, as it's native to America, or somewhere miles away from England so I'm just lost, and very very worried as it might be lurking in my room waiting to eat my face :(
Click to expand...

I read online this week that the redback has made it to the UK! Payback for the convicts i guess, but reports of "aussie angry ants" as they called them are being spotted everywhere. Some people didn't know that they were camping out in their luggage while they travelled over there from australia.

So enjoy them my pasty looking chubby pommy friends - a gift from us to you.
 
Don't mind spiders at all - as long as they stay away from my car. They keep the flys away, which are far worse. Just chuck 'em outside.
 
Broken Hill has been subject to a rise in variety of the ****ers this year, thanks to above average rainfall. Caught a mouse spider not long ago, and also been a few funnel webs spotted. Had one come on a delivery truck once. I ran for the hills while the boss dealt with it. Coming your way south australia!

I never kill any spiders in my room, would hate to stumble on the dead body remains and shit myself. I just open all the windows from the outside and sleep on the lounge. Although one time, woke up, went for a shower, came back and seen a huntsmen in the bed I was only in 20 minutes beforehand. Picked up the closest blunt object which was my acoustic guitar, and belted to **** out of it, in an effort that would impress many a rockstar. Thankfully the guitar was ok, as I was only hitting a mattress. Left the spider body there to go somewhere else and calm down with a coffee. Go back later with a dust pan to scoop it up, but it's got up and down to the floor and casually walking away! At this point I cut lose with the dust pan smacking it, and by the time I was finished the remains blended in smoothly to the carpet. Then I got the vacuum cleaner just to make sure.
 
the worst are of course the big hairy ones i think if they grew up to a meter in length they'd almost be the dominant species lol.

I was watching a show on discovery channel called man vs monster and the guy went into Brazil (amazon) and stayed with a tribe for a while that had reported numerous sites of a freakish bird eating spider that rules the jungle... and i guess that's were big cats get the name pussy cos they can't be scared of much else.

Anyway turns out the tribesmen exaggerated but a species of tarantula are native that constantly grow to 30-40 cm iirc. freaky stuff :D
 
Saw a scary looking baby spider climb up my window and out of sight.
Inb4 it grows up and kills me in my sleep.
 
Happy with the pet cat, from Friday night to Saturday morning (within approx 12 hours) it had attacked, killed and eaten 2 white tails, 1 regular garden spider and 1 of those jumping spiders.
 
... lifted up a fridge packing box in the carport intending to bin it ... one black garden spider

... and a very weird redback-like creature ... had like daddy-longleg legs, oval grey body and the red stripe ... size of 20cent piece ... a young'un or a mutant???

... either way, squished so I cant send it for identification!
 

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tb_fanboy said:
the worst are of course the big hairy ones i think if they grew up to a meter in length they'd almost be the dominant species lol.

I was watching a show on discovery channel called man vs monster and the guy went into Brazil (amazon) and stayed with a tribe for a while that had reported numerous sites of a freakish bird eating spider that rules the jungle... and i guess that's were big cats get the name pussy cos they can't be scared of much else.

Anyway turns out the tribesmen exaggerated but a species of tarantula are native that constantly grow to 30-40 cm iirc. freaky stuff :D
Click to expand...
this is why the amazon should be burnt to the ground!!
 
I don't have a spider phobia as much as a snake phobia. Even those tree snakes give me the shivers.

Though If I came across a funnel web or tarantular it would be baitch slapped with whatever I could get my hands on, rubber thongs are weapon of choice at my house.
 
Yesterday I went to the Museum and went into the Bugs Alive exhibit.

If you're an arachnaphobe, chances are going here will do little to change that. But I will say there's something therapeutic about seeing a tarantula behind glass and the pride from not looking away or squealing when you see it.

(also saw the Tutankhamun exhibit. Highly recommended, but BOOK AN EARLY SPOT!)
 
While I was hanging out the washing earlier I had a close call with an unidentified species. Was very large and freakish, oval body with grey and white stripes on its abdomen.

Anyway, as I was going in to take a closer look, it spotted me and put it's front legs up in a striking pose. I ran inside screaming like a sissy. Regained my composure, went out fully armed - mortein and decent size broom. Sprayed the mother****** until it was begging for mercy. Then the final blow - a decent blow with the broom. My heart was filled with pride when I saw the corpse on the ground.
 

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My recent story

Delivering some furniture to a client, my employee unpacks a box of chairs and this big black spider (well over 50 piece size) jumps on this poor bastards leg. He swipes it on the floor and pissbolts out the door, nearly wetting himself! Customer looks at me like 'you brought the ****er in, get it out!'

Great! Nice white carpet so a squishing not an option, plus left my shoes at the door. Grab this small triangular plastic thing that is used to protect the corner of a glass table, and scoop this mean ****er in, and head out the door, eyes always on the beast.

As I'm exiting, I noticed that I can now see only half the spider. Yep, turns out this plastic thing has a hole in the other end, and it's now got 4 legs on my fingers. I let out a gay shreik that only fogs could hear and, in reflex, threw it onto the road!

As we're driving away, offsider notices the bastard crawling up his leg again. Jumps out of a slowly moving truck and pulverizes it!

Ugh!
 
Ohh do I hate spiders, i suppose it's not much of a surprise. Everyone hates them. Anyway I've been pretty blessed with avoiding spiders (the shit ones I mean) for a good two years i reckon...until now. One week ago I saw 5 huntsmans (least i think they were) in a matter of one day! Now I guess for some people interstate perhaps, you see these sorts of things all the time and generally are prepared to combat these ****ers. I do believe they are harmless, I don't care! I don't want them anywhere near me!
So it started off with me walking into my study room, turn the light on and there's a huntsman on my wall. No biggy, but i do think to myself "how the **** does it get in my room, windows are closed and the door was closed" anyway it wasn't a big deal at the time, i was considering killing it as i usually do but i thought "look it hasn't done anything I'll let it go outside" but i made sure it was well away from my house so i let it go on the road. So i thought that'd be the end of that...
No, I go back inside this time into my bedroom and there's another huntsman and it's on my bed. Now I start getting pissed, because now they are up close and personal and i don't know if there are anymore. This time, it dies but I make sure it's off my bed first so i sort of give it a swipe, now this probably wasn't the smartest thing at the time cause my bedroom isn't really the cleanest of rooms. But thankfully it went under the bed and managed to kill it.
So now i realise i need to get ready for work and as i work during nights it's obviously dark (no shit!). So I start the car and as i start reversing out of my driveway i see something out of the corner of my eye but it was dark but somehow knew something was there (sixth sense or something). I put my foot on the brakes, put the interior lights on and indeed it's a ****ing huntsman next to me on the passenger seat! I went ballistic! I almost forget to put the car in park but i manage to remember and i quickly jump out. I live close to work but i'm running close to being late so i need to drive, plus i want this spider dead! So i grab anything i see, anything...i pick up an empty bottle thinking this will do. Then...I lose sight of it, it runs around the back of the seat, I see it again but it quickly moves and I lose complete sight of it. "So I think...**** it! I'll deal with it later." I run inside to grab my mums car keys. I get in the car and i start reversing...I find out I haven't backed my car back enough for mine to get through. "Farrrk!" Now I'm starting to panic because I'm late and the spider is still alive and i have to get in my car and move it back. So i quickly run inside to get my car keys again. I look for the spider, I see it! It's on the passenger seat again. I grab the water bottle and attempt to wack it. IT JUMPS!....WTF "huntsmans don't jump! or do they?" Now I ****ing freak out, i thought i killed it, but not entirely sure and it could be a spider i've never encountered before. I'm scared but I know i still need to move the car, so i lean in with my feet still outside the car, put the keys in the ignition. Chuck it in neutral and the car starts rolling down the driveway. I almost lose the car but luckily put it back in park with the car taking a big jolt. Problem solved! Run back in to put my keys away and get in mums car and quickly rush to work.
So I get to work and i try to calm down but I still feel edgy, anything that moves i take a small gasp, anything...like a fluff of dust thinking "is that a spider?" I start feeling itchy. Finally i calm down and I'm about to finish my shift. I start thinking, "what am i going to do about this spider? I need to drive tomorrow because i have an exam and need to get somewhere after." I never bring my wallet to work so i asked one of my workmates for some cash, she gladly does and tell her i'll fix her up later in the week, I end up buying one of those fly spray bombs. Thinking that will do the trick. Still not thinking this is the end of the apocolypse. I check my mums car for any spiders, nothing to be seen. So i'm calm. I drive up to my driveway and I'm listening to a song i like so i turn the car off but with the radio still on. As I'm gazing around, I notice something...surely not! No not again! It's another huntsman, this time on my side of the car, just above the window. I ****ing freak! I jump out of the car but through the passenger side. That itchy feeling comes back. I give myself a couple minutes to regain composure. "It's okay, as long it's not in my car" So i lean in to grab the keys in the ignition and the bomb i purchased before. I forget about the spider and leave it there. As I'm walking into my house, I'm thinking "this is ridiculous, i've never seen so many huntsmans in one night, i let one spider go and i get this sort of treatment....wait a minute...surely that spider i let go was not the same spider in my car?" From then on, I know now, every spider i see dies! Period. I go back to my room, check every corner, even check inside my pillow, mattress and blanket. All check, make sure every window is closed and every door is closed.
So now I wake up and study for some hours in preparation for my exam later in the afternoon, I venture outside to my car. I look inside...I see something on the passenger seat...who would've thought? it's a dead spider!? Turns out i did kill the spider, thank ****! Would've liked to have known that 12 hours ago. I set the bomb anyway to make sure nothing else is in my car. Half an hour later and i see all these small spiders dead at the back of my car. I'm amazed at how well these bombs work. I feel at peace, i go back inside to do more study.
Fast forward a few hours and I'm on my way to my mates place to celebrate end of exams. I'm driving along at night and in a quick instant i notice a spider crawling up my windscreen, i let out a big scream "ahhhh farrrk, not again!" I then realise it's actually on the outside, so a huuuge relief to me. Then notice my ****ing window is open, I quickly close the window. I wonder, how the **** again is there another ****ing spider! Everything is closed. Perhaps it fell on my car, surely it didn't come from inside? I don't know. But i get to my mates place and I get out and turn the hose on and rinse my car down. My mate who's already drunk comes out thinking "wtf are you doing!". I explain...he laughs out loud...I knew how stupid this looked but i had to do it. All I cared about at the time is that i hope that spraying my car down will get that spider away from my car. I don't know if that spider is still on my car. It's been a week now so I'm assuming the best.
But **** me 5 spiders over one day! Ridiculous. Huge reality check for me. From now on, fly spray in the car, spare thongs in the car, windows always closed until out in the open, along with checking in my bedroom i check my car everytime i get in now (not when i get out), any spider seen must die, no mercy! I can put up with spiders, but i cannot stand spiders in my personal space and that includes my bedroom and my car.
 
Marklar_33 said:
My recent story

Delivering some furniture to a client, my employee unpacks a box of chairs and this big black spider (well over 50 piece size) jumps on this poor bastards leg. He swipes it on the floor and pissbolts out the door, nearly wetting himself! Customer looks at me like 'you brought the ****er in, get it out!'

Great! Nice white carpet so a squishing not an option, plus left my shoes at the door. Grab this small triangular plastic thing that is used to protect the corner of a glass table, and scoop this mean ****er in, and head out the door, eyes always on the beast.

As I'm exiting, I noticed that I can now see only half the spider. Yep, turns out this plastic thing has a hole in the other end, and it's now got 4 legs on my fingers. I let out a gay shreik that only fogs could hear and, in reflex, threw it onto the road!

As we're driving away, offsider notices the bastard crawling up his leg again. Jumps out of a slowly moving truck and pulverizes it!

Ugh!
Click to expand...

Fairly sure that sort of stuff only happens in the deepest, darkest recesses of the most haunted mental asylums on the planet, in the twisted minds of the world's most abject arachnophobiacs.
 
I've always been a complete p*ssy when it comes to spiders.

however I console myself by casting my mind back to the days when I lived at home, and to Mum's partner, Big Ron, a big burly guy covered in tatts, who was so irrationally petrified by the 8-legged f*ckers that he made me look positively heroic by comparison.

Unfortunately for the both of us, we were living up in the Hills at the time and that area is spider-city.

many a time I was forced to 'step-up' and save myself and Mr. Wannabe Bikie despite my own inherent terror.

Best example : was up late watching the Ashes on the box. it was late at night, we had the lounge room light switched off.
Big Ron was sitting in the corner on his chair, I sat reclined upon the couch.

I offered him a cuppa, he accepted and I went to make us both a brew.
Turned the lounge room light on upon my return so as to avoid spilling the hot beveredges all over the joint, and that's when I saw it : a huuuuge, fat tarantula perched nonchalantly above the Ron's head ...

If there's anything worse than seeing a grown man cry it's seeing him wee his pants; so, with a sense of compassion and a level of bravery bordering on the super-human, I calmly asked him to leave his chair as I 'wanted to show him something'.

Once he was a relatively safe distance from our Arachnid intruder, I pointed out the spider's position and with some amusement watched as the colour drained from his face in microseconds.

Of course the spider was perched *right in the corner* of where the wall joined the roof; I couldn't whack it with a shoe or anything 'convenient' like that.

By this stage Big Ron was quivering, trembling and literally begging me to do something about the situation.

I've always been resourceful when it comes to killing spiders.
I swear to god I was once stuck in a very small room with the biggest White-tail spider you will ever see (evil f*ckers they are !!) and improvised by spraying an aerosol at a lit lighter, thus making an impromptu flame-thrower with which I incinerated the white-tail. It's demise came with the smell of burning hair ...

anyway, I digress ... eventually I hit upon the idea of using a broom handle and jabbing it at this cleverly-positioned uber-tarantula.
I'm not totally stupid, I could clearly envisage a situation whereby my trembling hands missed the spider, allowing it to fall to the floor and ATTACK.

So we cleared the surrounding area (Big Ron was next to useless throughout this ordeal, merely offering the odd quavering word of encouragement), I moved as close as I dared to the Beast, lined it up and BANG !!!!

I ran the broom clean through the monsterous tarantula - but unfortunately, also put a massive hole in the roof with the broom stick.
Despite my unintentional vandalism I was hailed as the hero of the hour.

... and yet that story was nothing when compared to the time an even bigger, almost muscle-bound tarantula casually sauntered up the *inside* of the driver-side window while Big Ron was driving ...
 
Hatchy1992 said:
While I was hanging out the washing earlier I had a close call with an unidentified species. Was very large and freakish, oval body with grey and white stripes on its abdomen.

Anyway, as I was going in to take a closer look, it spotted me and put it's front legs up in a striking pose. I ran inside screaming like a sissy. Regained my composure, went out fully armed - mortein and decent size broom. Sprayed the mother****** until it was begging for mercy. Then the final blow - a decent blow with the broom. My heart was filled with pride when I saw the corpse on the ground.
Click to expand...

Sounds like an epic tale from Skyrim hahaha
 
I haven't seen that "spider" since, hopefully it's gone, have been seeing a few strange creatures lately though, most native to Australia and America, I do not enjoy waking up to strange spider on my ceiling, the size of a fist, (ok exaggeration) but still, they're getting bigger every year, UK house spiders are usually just hairy little buggers but I'm sure I'm starting to see them with tattoos and gold teeth, luckily enough though I haven't seen anything for a few days, but since I've been on here, I'm sure I will have a nice visit form something tonight, since the weather is diabolical at the moment, can't wait! -_- :thumbsd:
 

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