Competition The McInnes Prize For Season 34 - Yes It's Still A Thing

[Tonga Bob]

Threatening To Beat The Gumbies

"Or what happens if we beat the Gumbies? You'll release the dogs, or the beez ? Or the dogs with beez in their mouths and when they bark, they shoot beez at you? Well, go ahead! Do your worst!"

Bonz ​

 

[CursingFijian]

View attachment 1507665
Charge of the Old Boys
Tigerturbulance ​

The Extra-Lite Brigade!

 

[Falconista]

Killa On The Run

Depicts Bomber flyer and Baghdad stalwart Kilroy striding with sword in hand. Often to draw a line in the sand, and not to just strike mercilessly. When a usually level headed kilroy is on the move you can be sure that the Bombers are on the warpath.

CursingFijian ​

This is the winner. It causes many who see it a little expansion in their pants.


Also, Kilroy, call me maybe .

 

[Tonga Bob]

OK art critics, the deadline has come and passed and come again and now has passed again. We have a final tally of five (5) entries from renowned quintet of Bonz CursingFijian Falconista Pickitt & Tigerturbulance which are now being displayed for your viewing pleasure in the Sweet Art Gallery. Note that if you're wishing to attend purely to throw soup at the entries, please notify me in advance and I will instead arrange for you to be able to throw soup at the entrants (cold soup only).

And as an added treat, we've managed to procure The Persistence of Memory (1931) by Pablo Picasso to be viewed alongside our five finalists in honour of our ongoing fascination with the fluidity of time. Many thanks to our anonymous benefactor for stumping up the ClarkeMonies for such a prestigious procurement.

​

As is tradition, Kennedy Parker as the incumbent holder of the McInnes Prize has deliberated on this season's entries and within the next two days I will provide you with the contents of his deliberation to see who he will be passing the baton of Sweet's pre-eminent shooper to. Canapés and beverages will be served accordingly.

 

[Tonga Bob]

[pauses for generous amount of applause to die down]

Good afternoon friends,

It is my distinct honour to advise you all of the results for the season 34 iteration of the McInnes Prize!

Again I would like to vigorously thank this season's five entrants, as well as our judging panel. Without them this would just be another example of me being on my same old bullsh*t, and honestly who wants more of that hey?

* cricket chirping noises *

Exactly. I'll now hand over to head of the judging panel Kennedy Parker to announce the results.

Thank you Bob. Let me echo your sentiments regarding the entrants. Putting your hand up to contribute to things like this is nothing short of heroic, and all of you should consider yourselves as winners. In saying that, one of you actually won something, so let's find out who that is.

In fifth place is Koalas FFC by Pickitt. This is a beautifully constructed image of a Koala. However, it is just missing something, it lacks a soul and emotion and seems too much of a mechanical exercise. I feel like, if you were to reconstruct this image in MS Paint then you have a concept that really has potential. But on this occasion, it lacks the oomph factor.

In fourth place is Charge of the Old Boys by Tigerturbulance. This one is a lovely oil painting depicting the united front of the Ophidian Old Boys. It is a magnificent painting no doubt, but the issue I have is that this seems to aim for a bit more realism in its conveyance. But the piece is too inaccurate in its representation of the Old Boys - the Head To Body ratio of the soldiers is way off, they are far too small, in real life the Old Boys' players have heads that are at least 3 times the size of what is depicted in this image.

In third place is Threatening To Beat The Gumbies by Bonz. An excellent work capturing the essence of the SFA and the insanity within it. There's so much going on here you don't know where to begin but all you know is that it's an experience. A Gumbies with a gun that is shooting out a barrage of miniature Beez within a Simpsons reference. An exemplary example of absurdism displaying the most absurd notion of all which is the Gumbies being anything resembling a threat.

In second place, and by extension the runner up for this season's McInnes Prize, is The Dogma of Expansion by Falconista. This work is without a doubt the most clever work of art in this contest. It represents the committee and the diverse personalities within it. By representing the committee members as dogs and incorporating a witty play on words with the title including 'dogma'. And most impressively, it includes an image of me sitting in the middle of it, not giving a s**t. Which is a very accurate description of the real state of affairs.

I'd probably work a bit better if the committee members were all cats, cats are a lot more antisocial than dogs which makes them more relatable. This would be the runaway winner of the McInnes Prize if not for the actual winner.

And that actual winner of this season's McInnes Prize is Killa on the Run by CursingFijian! Purely from a technical sense, this is a beautifully shooped piece. Kilroy's face blends perfectly onto the chiseled, muscular body and the Bombers logo is seamlessly composited onto the red robe that he is wearing. In an age where most are asking how do we convince new players to join the SFA this is a glimpse into the future.

The answer is of course, fanservice.

If we were to print Killa on the Run over that image and pop it onto a BigFooty banner ad, we can really sell the sex appeal and attract a crowd joining the league in anticipation for the release of the next best-selling erotica novel - Killa on the Run, a story about an assassin in an ancient city that is in a war, assigned to infiltrate the enemy kingdom and kill the emperor only to fall in love with the emperor's daughter. Then he is faced with a choice, the fate of his people or the love of his life...

Put that up on the wall, that's money.

Thank you for those words Kennedy Parker and thank you for executing your reign as incumbent McInnes Prize holder so diligently. At ease, soldier.

Art lovers of Sweet, without any further ado please charge your glasses as we crown CursingFijian the winner of the McInnes Prize for season 34! Kalougata cuz!

 

[Robertio]

View attachment 1552335

[pauses for generous amount of applause to die down]

Good afternoon friends,

It is my distinct honour to advise you all of the results for the season 34 iteration of the McInnes Prize!

Again I would like to vigorously thank this season's five entrants, as well as our judging panel. Without them this would just be another example of me being on my same old bullsh*t, and honestly who wants more of that hey?

* cricket chirping noises *

Exactly. I'll now hand over to head of the judging panel Kennedy Parker to announce the results.

Thank you Bob. Let me echo your sentiments regarding the entrants. Putting your hand up to contribute to things like this is nothing short of heroic, and all of you should consider yourselves as winners. In saying that, one of you actually won something, so let's find out who that is.

In fifth place is Koalas FFC by Pickitt. This is a beautifully constructed image of a Koala. However, it is just missing something, it lacks a soul and emotion and seems too much of a mechanical exercise. I feel like, if you were to reconstruct this image in MS Paint then you have a concept that really has potential. But on this occasion, it lacks the oomph factor.

In fourth place is Charge of the Old Boys by Tigerturbulance. This one is a lovely oil painting depicting the united front of the Ophidian Old Boys. It is a magnificent painting no doubt, but the issue I have is that this seems to aim for a bit more realism in its conveyance. But the piece is too inaccurate in its representation of the Old Boys - the Head To Body ratio of the soldiers is way off, they are far too small, in real life the Old Boys' players have heads that are at least 3 times the size of what is depicted in this image.

In third place is Threatening To Beat The Gumbies by Bonz. An excellent work capturing the essence of the SFA and the insanity within it. There's so much going on here you don't know where to begin but all you know is that it's an experience. A Gumbies with a gun that is shooting out a barrage of miniature Beez within a Simpsons reference. An exemplary example of absurdism displaying the most absurd notion of all which is the Gumbies being anything resembling a threat.

In second place, and by extension the runner up for this season's McInnes Prize, is The Dogma of Expansion by Falconista. This work is without a doubt the most clever work of art in this contest. It represents the committee and the diverse personalities within it. By representing the committee members as dogs and incorporating a witty play on words with the title including 'dogma'. And most impressively, it includes an image of me sitting in the middle of it, not giving a s**t. Which is a very accurate description of the real state of affairs.

I'd probably work a bit better if the committee members were all cats, cats are a lot more antisocial than dogs which makes them more relatable. This would be the runaway winner of the McInnes Prize if not for the actual winner.

And that actual winner of this season's McInnes Prize is Killa on the Run by CursingFijian! Purely from a technical sense, this is a beautifully shooped piece. Kilroy's face blends perfectly onto the chiseled, muscular body and the Bombers logo is seamlessly composited onto the red robe that he is wearing. In an age where most are asking how do we convince new players to join the SFA this is a glimpse into the future.

The answer is of course, fanservice.

If we were to print Killa on the Run over that image and pop it onto a BigFooty banner ad, we can really sell the sex appeal and attract a crowd joining the league in anticipation for the release of the next best-selling erotica novel - Killa on the Run, a story about an assassin in an ancient city that is in a war, assigned to infiltrate the enemy kingdom and kill the emperor only to fall in love with the emperor's daughter. Then he is faced with a choice, the fate of his people or the love of his life...

Put that up on the wall, that's money.

Thank you for those words Kennedy Parker and thank you for executing your reign as incumbent McInnes Prize holder so diligently. At ease, soldier.

Art lovers of Sweet, without any further ado please charge your glasses as we crown CursingFijian the winner of the McInnes Prize for season 34! Kalougata cuz!

View attachment 1552354

 

[BLUEALLTHRU]

View attachment 1552335

[pauses for generous amount of applause to die down]

Good afternoon friends,

It is my distinct honour to advise you all of the results for the season 34 iteration of the McInnes Prize!

Again I would like to vigorously thank this season's five entrants, as well as our judging panel. Without them this would just be another example of me being on my same old bullsh*t, and honestly who wants more of that hey?

* cricket chirping noises *

Exactly. I'll now hand over to head of the judging panel Kennedy Parker to announce the results.

Thank you Bob. Let me echo your sentiments regarding the entrants. Putting your hand up to contribute to things like this is nothing short of heroic, and all of you should consider yourselves as winners. In saying that, one of you actually won something, so let's find out who that is.

In fifth place is Koalas FFC by Pickitt. This is a beautifully constructed image of a Koala. However, it is just missing something, it lacks a soul and emotion and seems too much of a mechanical exercise. I feel like, if you were to reconstruct this image in MS Paint then you have a concept that really has potential. But on this occasion, it lacks the oomph factor.

In fourth place is Charge of the Old Boys by Tigerturbulance. This one is a lovely oil painting depicting the united front of the Ophidian Old Boys. It is a magnificent painting no doubt, but the issue I have is that this seems to aim for a bit more realism in its conveyance. But the piece is too inaccurate in its representation of the Old Boys - the Head To Body ratio of the soldiers is way off, they are far too small, in real life the Old Boys' players have heads that are at least 3 times the size of what is depicted in this image.

In third place is Threatening To Beat The Gumbies by Bonz. An excellent work capturing the essence of the SFA and the insanity within it. There's so much going on here you don't know where to begin but all you know is that it's an experience. A Gumbies with a gun that is shooting out a barrage of miniature Beez within a Simpsons reference. An exemplary example of absurdism displaying the most absurd notion of all which is the Gumbies being anything resembling a threat.

In second place, and by extension the runner up for this season's McInnes Prize, is The Dogma of Expansion by Falconista. This work is without a doubt the most clever work of art in this contest. It represents the committee and the diverse personalities within it. By representing the committee members as dogs and incorporating a witty play on words with the title including 'dogma'. And most impressively, it includes an image of me sitting in the middle of it, not giving a s**t. Which is a very accurate description of the real state of affairs.

I'd probably work a bit better if the committee members were all cats, cats are a lot more antisocial than dogs which makes them more relatable. This would be the runaway winner of the McInnes Prize if not for the actual winner.

And that actual winner of this season's McInnes Prize is Killa on the Run by CursingFijian! Purely from a technical sense, this is a beautifully shooped piece. Kilroy's face blends perfectly onto the chiseled, muscular body and the Bombers logo is seamlessly composited onto the red robe that he is wearing. In an age where most are asking how do we convince new players to join the SFA this is a glimpse into the future.

The answer is of course, fanservice.

If we were to print Killa on the Run over that image and pop it onto a BigFooty banner ad, we can really sell the sex appeal and attract a crowd joining the league in anticipation for the release of the next best-selling erotica novel - Killa on the Run, a story about an assassin in an ancient city that is in a war, assigned to infiltrate the enemy kingdom and kill the emperor only to fall in love with the emperor's daughter. Then he is faced with a choice, the fate of his people or the love of his life...

Put that up on the wall, that's money.

Thank you for those words Kennedy Parker and thank you for executing your reign as incumbent McInnes Prize holder so diligently. At ease, soldier.

Art lovers of Sweet, without any further ado please charge your glasses as we crown CursingFijian the winner of the McInnes Prize for season 34! Kalougata cuz!

View attachment 1552354

Fantastic shoop and one of my favou rite movies of all time.

 

[Kilroy]

Brilliant job CursingFijian

Still don’t know how you did that.

Utterly captivating, sensually stunning and truly a work of art (… although I may be a little biased).

 

[CursingFijian]

[pauses for even more thunderous applause to die down]

Vinaka sara vakalevu falena!

This is a most unexpected award.

I’d like to thank Tonga Bob for funding and organising this prestigious event. It makes the effort of struggling artists like myself all worthwhile.

Thanks must go to all my fellow nominees for their wonderful contributions. They were great, but I was just a little bit better. I’d like to say a lot better but my father didn’t raise me to blow my own vuvuzela.

Also to Kilroy not for just being a poser and posing, but also for actually nominating the piece.

Thank you Kennedy Parker for actually making a decision. Judging by your time in the administration I know this can’t have been easy for you.

And lastly to my teammates at Baghdad. This one speaks to the winning culture that BLUEALLTHRU and KohPhi are developing within the club.

THIS. IS. BAGHDAD!!

 

[BLUEALLTHRU]

[pauses for even more thunderous applause to die down]

Vinaka sara vakalevu falena!

This is a most unexpected award.

I’d like to thank Tonga Bob for funding and organising this prestigious event. It makes the effort of struggling artists like myself all worthwhile.

Thanks must go to all my fellow nominees for their wonderful contributions. They were great, but I was just a little bit better. I’d like to say a lot better but my father didn’t raise me to blow my own vuvuzela.

Also to Kilroy not for just being a poser and posing, but also for actually nominating the piece.

Thank you Kennedy Parker for actually making a decision. Judging by your time in the administration I know this can’t have been easy for you.

And lastly to my teammates at Baghdad. This one speaks to the winning culture that BLUEALLTHRU and KohPhi are developing within the club.

THIS. IS. BAGHDAD!!

I loved the reaction from your brother.

 

[CursingFijian]

I loved the reaction from your brother.

Hey that guy owes me $20. Don't let him out of your sight.

 

[BLUEALLTHRU]

Hey that guy owes me $20. Don't let him out of your sight.

He bought me a pint so he's a gem in my books.