Toast The New Carlton Thread: 5 wooden spoons this century (next worst is 2)

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No doubt Ken taught Voss everything he knows.

Problem is he's now run out of his ideas.

The return of crazy Vossy is nigh.

Stress Wtf GIF


P.S- Just realised the close up of this gif looks like known Carlton supporter Hughesy. So angry, so disgusted today I'm sure.
 
Last edited:
Today I am a better person. I am at peace. I have love in my heart.

Let me explain …

I am a child of the Collingwood - Carlton rivalry. I’ve lived through that era of the 1979 GF, the 1981 GF, of Jezza’s epic marks, of Carlton supporters being entitled idiots. Of their club never having won a wooden spoon!

People of my generation know that there is no greater rivalry in sport. It’s epic.

I’m normally a fairly decent, sensible person. But if something involves Carlton, I turn into a puerile teenager.

I am never more nervous than before a Carlton game, because they are games I just cannot bare us to lose. And if we do lose I go all …

C8A22889-3F36-4605-AE84-533FC495FA7A.gif

Thankfully that hasn’t been happening so much in recent years. Because they’ve been generally rubbish.

They’ve now gone through two decades of utter mediocrity. Five wooden spoons. Let’s do a roll call of those and admire them in all their glory …

2002 (with only 3 wins)
2005
2006 (again, with only 3 wins)
2015 (Mick’s “I can’t see us losing a game …” season)
2018 (They somehow managed the AFL + AFLW wooden spoon double this year)

Google the word “schadenfreude“ and you see this pic of me taking glee at Carlton’s demise …

AF4784DD-0FB8-4A55-9AFB-271A9B369048.gif

They’ve been a revolving door of failed coaches. I was a subscriber to the secret agent Mick Malthouse series of ruining them from the inside. I gotta admit, I was nervous when they finally ran a decent process and brought in Brenden “green shoots” Bolton but they seemed to go backwards if that was even possible. I wondered if Teague would bring back their mojo and didn’t have to wait long to find out that - Giggle - nup, they’re still rubbish.

They went all in on Clarkson and failed. <Giggle>

Their President proclaimed that they would play finals in 2022. Idiot. <Giggle>

And they end up with one of Collingwood’s rejects for a coach in Vossy. Would he end up being another hack on the scrap heap of failed Carlton coaches?

Let’s do a roll call of Carlton’s ‘Coach Killer’ victims. Now for context, and this is important, these are not development coaches who are rebuilding a list, they are all (with the exception of Barker) coaches who were expected to play finals and deliver Premierships.

David Teague 21-29-0
Brendon Bolton 16-61-0 (Ouch)
John Barker 3-11-0 (Ouch)
Mick Malthouse 20-33-1 (Ouch)
Brett Ratten 60-59-1
Denis Pagan 25-77-2 (Ouch)
Wayne Britain 18-28-0 (Ouch)

Rather concerningly, 2022 got off to a promising start for Carlton. After 10 rounds they were 8-2-0 and sitting third in the ladder. We were 10th. They were back baby, Grrr.

But patience dear cricket. As the famous saying doesn’t go, thirteen rounds is a long time in footy.

Carlton spent the rest on the year in the top 8. They needed to win just one game of their last four to qualify for finals.

But it wasn’t to be.

Round 23.

Hawthorn needed to beat the Bulldogs but didn’t.

It was the biggest home and away crowd for years, 88,000 people. Carlton dropped out of finals contention with 1:42 left on the clock. They suffered the indignity of the Collingwood chant reverberating around the MCG in the last minute of their home game.

And when all was said and done they had lost by one solitary point. They had missed out on finals by a mere 0.6%. Their win/loss and percentage would have actually got them into finals 16 of the last 20 years. But not this year.

Their two decades of mediocrity continues. This time not in their usual pathetic way, this is brutal

So what of me now? How do I process this?

Am I joyous? I am joyous at Collingwood‘s achievements.
Am I taking delight at Carlton‘s loss? I’m happy, but “delight”? … c’mon man, that was brutal.

This year we’ve finally caught up and overtaken them on the head-to-head ledger. They’ve been rubbish for so long. We’ve knocked them out of finals. There’s now nothing left.

I am no longer the puerile teenager. Make no mistake, the rivalry is still there, but now it’s more jovial banter than pathological enmity.

Today I am at peace.

I have love in my heart.

Go Pies!
 
Last edited:

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76woodenspooners said:
Today I am a better person. I am at peace. I have love in my heart.

Let me explain …

I am a child of the Collingwood - Carlton rivalry. I’ve lived through that era of the 1979 GF, the 1981 GF, of Jezza’s epic marks, of Carlton supporters being entitled idiots. Of their club never having won a wooden spoon!

People of my generation know that there is no greater rivalry in sport. It’s epic.

I’m normally a fairly decent, sensible person. But if something involves Carlton, I turn into a puerile teenager.

I am never more nervous than before a Carlton game, because they are games I just cannot bare us to lose. And if we do lose I go all …

View attachment 1486854

Thankfully that hasn’t been happening so much in recent years. Because they’ve been generally rubbish.

They’ve now gone through two decades of utter mediocrity. Five wooden spoons. Let’s do a roll call of those and admire them in all their glory …

2002 (with only 3 wins)
2005
2006 (again, with only 3 wins)
2015 (Mick’s “I can’t see us losing a game …” season)
2018 (They somehow managed the AFL + AFLW wooden spoon double this year)

Google the word “schadenfreude“ and you see this pic of me taking glee at Carlton’s demise …

View attachment 1486820

They’ve been a revolving door of failed coaches. I was a subscriber to the secret agent Mick Malthouse series of ruining them from the inside. I gotta admit, I was nervous when they finally ran a decent process and brought in Brenden “green shoots” Bolton but they seemed to go backwards if that was even possible. I wondered if Teague would bring back their mojo and didn’t have to wait long to find out that - Giggle - nup, they’re still rubbish.

They went all in on Clarkson and failed. <Giggle>

Their President proclaimed that they would play finals in 2022. Idiot. <Giggle>

And they end up with one of Collingwood’s rejects for a coach in Vossy. Would he end up being another hack on the scrap heap of failed Carlton coaches?

Let’s do a roll call of Carlton’s ‘Coach Killer’ victims. Now for context, and this is important, these are not development coaches who are rebuilding a list, they are all coaches who were expected to play finals and deliver Premierships.

David Teague 21-29-0
Brendon Bolton 16-61-0 (Ouch)
John Barker 3-11-0 (Ouch)
Mick Malthouse 20-33-1 (Ouch)
Brett Ratten 60-59-1
Denis Pagan 25-77-2 (Ouch)
Wayne Britain 18-28-0 (Ouch)

Rather concerningly, 2022 got off to a promising start for Carlton. After 10 rounds they were 8-2-0 and sitting third in the ladder. We were 10th. They were back baby, Grrr.

But patience dear cricket. As the famous saying doesn’t go, thirteen rounds is a long time in footy.

Carlton spent the rest on the year in the top 8. They needed to win just one game of their last four to qualify for finals.

But it wasn’t to be.

Round 23.

Hawthorn needed to beat the Bulldogs but didn’t.

It was the biggest home and away crowd for years, 88,000 people. They dropped out of finals contention with 1:42 left on the clock. They suffered the indignity of the Collingwood chant reverberating around the MCG in the last minute of their home game.

And when all was said and done they had lost by one solitary point. They had missed out on finals by a mere 0.6%. The win/loss and percentage would have actually got them into finals 16 of the last 20 years. But not this year.

Their two decades of mediocrity continues. This time not in their usual pathetic way, this is brutal

So what of me now? How do I process this?

Am I joyous? I am joyous at Collingwood‘s achievements.
Am I taking delight at Carlton‘s loss? I’m happy, but “delight”? … c’mon man, that was brutal.

This year we’ve finally caught up and overtaken them on the head-to-head ledger. They’ve been rubbish for so long. We’ve knocked them out of finals. There’s now nothing left.

I am no longer the puerile teenager. Make no mistake, the rivalry is still there, but now it’s more jovial banter than pathological enmity.

Today I am at peace.

I have love in my heart.

Go Pies!
Click to expand...

I can't like your post because apparently that hurts feelings, so here's my "like" reply.

As someone born in the 70s your post resonated. My derision of Carlton is part pantomime these days and the overwhelming feeling is happiness.
 
76woodenspooners said:
Today I am a better person. I am at peace. I have love in my heart.

Let me explain …

I am a child of the Collingwood - Carlton rivalry. I’ve lived through that era of the 1979 GF, the 1981 GF, of Jezza’s epic marks, of Carlton supporters being entitled idiots. Of their club never having won a wooden spoon!

People of my generation know that there is no greater rivalry in sport. It’s epic.

I’m normally a fairly decent, sensible person. But if something involves Carlton, I turn into a puerile teenager.

I am never more nervous than before a Carlton game, because they are games I just cannot bare us to lose. And if we do lose I go all …

View attachment 1486854

Thankfully that hasn’t been happening so much in recent years. Because they’ve been generally rubbish.

They’ve now gone through two decades of utter mediocrity. Five wooden spoons. Let’s do a roll call of those and admire them in all their glory …

2002 (with only 3 wins)
2005
2006 (again, with only 3 wins)
2015 (Mick’s “I can’t see us losing a game …” season)
2018 (They somehow managed the AFL + AFLW wooden spoon double this year)

Google the word “schadenfreude“ and you see this pic of me taking glee at Carlton’s demise …

View attachment 1486820

They’ve been a revolving door of failed coaches. I was a subscriber to the secret agent Mick Malthouse series of ruining them from the inside. I gotta admit, I was nervous when they finally ran a decent process and brought in Brenden “green shoots” Bolton but they seemed to go backwards if that was even possible. I wondered if Teague would bring back their mojo and didn’t have to wait long to find out that - Giggle - nup, they’re still rubbish.

They went all in on Clarkson and failed. <Giggle>

Their President proclaimed that they would play finals in 2022. Idiot. <Giggle>

And they end up with one of Collingwood’s rejects for a coach in Vossy. Would he end up being another hack on the scrap heap of failed Carlton coaches?

Let’s do a roll call of Carlton’s ‘Coach Killer’ victims. Now for context, and this is important, these are not development coaches who are rebuilding a list, they are all coaches who were expected to play finals and deliver Premierships.

David Teague 21-29-0
Brendon Bolton 16-61-0 (Ouch)
John Barker 3-11-0 (Ouch)
Mick Malthouse 20-33-1 (Ouch)
Brett Ratten 60-59-1
Denis Pagan 25-77-2 (Ouch)
Wayne Britain 18-28-0 (Ouch)

Rather concerningly, 2022 got off to a promising start for Carlton. After 10 rounds they were 8-2-0 and sitting third in the ladder. We were 10th. They were back baby, Grrr.

But patience dear cricket. As the famous saying doesn’t go, thirteen rounds is a long time in footy.

Carlton spent the rest on the year in the top 8. They needed to win just one game of their last four to qualify for finals.

But it wasn’t to be.

Round 23.

Hawthorn needed to beat the Bulldogs but didn’t.

It was the biggest home and away crowd for years, 88,000 people. They dropped out of finals contention with 1:42 left on the clock. They suffered the indignity of the Collingwood chant reverberating around the MCG in the last minute of their home game.

And when all was said and done they had lost by one solitary point. They had missed out on finals by a mere 0.6%. The win/loss and percentage would have actually got them into finals 16 of the last 20 years. But not this year.

Their two decades of mediocrity continues. This time not in their usual pathetic way, this is brutal

So what of me now? How do I process this?

Am I joyous? I am joyous at Collingwood‘s achievements.
Am I taking delight at Carlton‘s loss? I’m happy, but “delight”? … c’mon man, that was brutal.

This year we’ve finally caught up and overtaken them on the head-to-head ledger. They’ve been rubbish for so long. We’ve knocked them out of finals. There’s now nothing left.

I am no longer the puerile teenager. Make no mistake, the rivalry is still there, but now it’s more jovial banter than pathological enmity.

Today I am at peace.

I have love in my heart.

Go Pies!
Click to expand...
Well written and all true!

I live in eternal hope that we might rise from the s**t one day
 
Must be time to bump this magnificent thread.

Carlton look to be on their way to another mid table finish. The coach is in danger.

Some things never change.
 
jmac70 said:
Must be time to bump this magnificent thread.

Carlton look to be on their way to another mid table finish. The coach is in danger.

Some things never change.
Click to expand...

It was a head scratching appointment and never understood it.
 
Its where coaches go to die.


unimpressed morgan freeman GIF
 
unplugged said:
I fear if Carlton went badly enough to the point Vossy gets sacked, he'd end up replacing Skipworth on our coaching panel 😮‍💨
Click to expand...

That prospect is so frightening, I hope Carlton start winning.

There, I’ve said it.🫣
 
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