The off topic thread 3.0

[Thistle]

Think I should take leave, even if I dont go anywhere, even if I just crawl up into a ball in bed for a couple of weeks. Im not really functioning very well at work.

Sometimes I think, oh she must be struggling too and desperate to reach out and msg me. She must miss me etc. But then you realise they dont and that really sucks.

Thought this was it too. Sure she had two kids. But I love kids, am ready for my own and she said she wanted more. We get on SO well. We have the best banter with eachother, the sex is incredible. When it's just her and I in a room together, it just felt really right. I thought this is the girl im gonna grow old with. Never really felt like this before. Long term. Plus my age and I was really ready to settle down and make a life and a family.

Then this happens.

The sheer thought of having to start all over again feels completely impossible. Particularly at my age.

Sorry to hear mate. I found the best way to overcome heartbreak is to try and put yourself back out there on the dating scene. With the likes of tinder and other apps it's easy to meet a variety of interesting women which helped me quickly realise that there really are plenty of fish in the sea, many of whom are way better catches than the marlin thought I had. I honestly believed that my previous gf could have been the one but I'm so much happier with the girl I'm with now than I ever was before. Meeting one girl who who you enjoy spending time with can sometimes be all it takes to help turn things around, and I can guarantee there are plenty of those out there.

I understand you may not be ready but I agree with others that you should try to keep busy with passions, friends and family. An idle might can be mighty dangerous in these sorts of situations.

Best of luck.

 

[SM]

I must be a bad person then cos I laughed have to admit

I did too.

 

[bok_party]

Think I should take leave, even if I dont go anywhere, even if I just crawl up into a ball in bed for a couple of weeks. Im not really functioning very well at work.

Sometimes I think, oh she must be struggling too and desperate to reach out and msg me. She must miss me etc. But then you realise they dont and that really sucks.

Thought this was it too. Sure she had two kids. But I love kids, am ready for my own and she said she wanted more. We get on SO well. We have the best banter with eachother, the sex is incredible. When it's just her and I in a room together, it just felt really right. I thought this is the girl im gonna grow old with. Never really felt like this before. Long term. Plus my age and I was really ready to settle down and make a life and a family.

Then this happens.

The sheer thought of having to start all over again feels completely impossible. Particularly at my age.

Are you artistic in any way mate? I channelled a lot of my breakup with a girl into writing music and felt it was really cathartic plus I was so focused on the writing aspect that even though I was thinking about her during the creative process, I felt it got rid of my sombre mood's far more quickly than I expected.

 

[Bojan KantKick]

Is that that mini series from a couple of years ago? I really enjoyed that.

dunno mate. 4 hour long episodes ring a bell?

 

[SM]

dunno mate. 4 hour long episodes ring a bell?

Yep! Great series. Loved it.

 

[Bojan KantKick]

 

[Cooldude]

Emperor's new wall

 

[jod23]

I'M ENGAGED LADS!

Congrats mate!

 

[jod23]

Firstly Jod, very sorry to hear about this. Certainly sounds like a tough situation and it takes a brave person to be so open about it within a forum like this. Respect.

In all seriousness, I did wonder if something was up with you. Randomly came to me the other day that I hadn't really noticed you posting much on this board as often the last few weeks, which you're normally very active with.

I was meaning to drop you a note to check in, apologies I didn't. All it takes sometimes is for someone to reach out and ask are you ok?

Secondly, it does sound like you are experiencing some depressive symptoms. It doesn't necessarily mean you have depression, but certainly your symptoms do appear like classic signals of depression. I think our understanding of depression, anxiety and mental illness has exponentially increased in recent years that we are now much more aware of the warning signals to consider.

There's no one definitive definition of depression I believe. It's more so a continuum of a few contributing factors which then impact the signals within your brain. Your situation (on face value) appears to be triggered by the traumatic event of your relationship breakdown, but that's not to say there wasn't an underlying issue to begin with.

This event may have exacerbated something that was already there, perhaps even still lingering from the previous situation that you've spoken of.

I wholeheartedly agree with you about medication, in the correct situations it absolutely is helpful but I too often see and hear of issues being misdiagnosed, and medication being prescribed too hastily (which unfortunately can make a situation worse).

But also, it can be a bit difficult seeking the proper help from the internet, so I echo the suggestions of the other lads here and reaching out to the right place. There's too much at stake here, it needs to be given the proper context.

Some quick suggestions I have is to perhaps focus on some of the things within your control, that are known to have an impact (ie, sleep, diet etc). Steps such as meditation can also greatly help to clear some clutter in your mind, enabling you to perhaps sleep better or not continually think of the same thing. Again, these are just suggestions and different things work for different people.

But overall, please seek some expert guidance here. And for the people in your life that you do love and cherish, tell them. Tell them how much you appreciate them and what they mean to you. We just never know what's going to happen tomorrow.

Time is more valuable than money, so to those we you do want to be spending your time with, go ahead and tell them.

Good luck and stay safe. All the best.

Thanks mate.

Im usually good with words, but im really struggling to get across how i feel. I guess im a little bit embarrassed.

Just know that posts like yours and the all the other posts of support I got from all of you lads has really meant the world. It really has.

 

[jod23]

Are you artistic in any way mate? I channelled a lot of my breakup with a girl into writing music and felt it was really cathartic plus I was so focused on the writing aspect that even though I was thinking about her during the creative process, I felt it got rid of my sombre mood's far more quickly than I expected.

I write a bit. Like creative writing. Problem is I dont feel very creative at the minute.

Maybe just writing down my thoughts, even the bad ones could cathartic maybe.

 

[RPCB]

...

 

[Cruyff14]

Congrats mate!

Thanks mate!

Hope you're on the rise!

 

[UnitedWarrior93]

Saw I.T last night, was hoping for better tbh, thought it was quite average.

 

[go you pups]

This is a shout out for some help.

I've been struggling lately.

So I've been seeing this girl for nearly 4 years. We were already friends and had known eachother about 8-9 years. We used to work together. When I left the job, we just became Facebook friends and never really saw each other.

She went off and got married and had a kid. Then in Nov of 2013, I got a FB msg from her asking how I was. I rolled with it. Turned out after 4-5 years of marriage her husband had had an affair with her best friend. She found out about two months before getting in contact with me.

Anyways we begin seeing eachother.

It's a bit of a messed up situation. I guess I dont really need to get into details of the relationship.

But at the end of the day, she has recently called it quits with me.

Friends and family and co-workers are just like, that's devastating but you need to move on and meet new people and be happy.

But I dont know if that is easy for people. If that's normal? Maybe I'm not normal. But im completely devastated. Completely heartbroken.

I just dont know what to do. I think about her almost every second of every day. I can barely function at work. Ive had to go home a few times from work because im just too upset to deal with work. When I get home, Im not much better. I try to watch movies and tv shows to take my mind off it.

But whatever I do, I just feel lost. I feel ... like it's hard to describe. It's like grief and despair. Like I just dont know what to do or how to function. Im not like normal people where I can just move on and be happy. Before I met this girl I was crushed by another and spent 5 years trying to get over her. I fear im in for another 5 years of just being heartbroken.

I guess my question is ... have any of you guys had similar experiences to this. Any techniques that might help me get over somebody.

And not just the oh... go out with your mates and keep your mind off it, after a few weeks you will be all good. Im not wired that way. That doesnt work.

I dont know... any help lads would be great.

Sorry to hear mate

I broke up with my fiance nearly 2 years ago, I needed a heap of counseling throughout late 2015 and early 2016 as the situation got me really depressed, but as time passed and I started to implement the coping strategies my psychologist advised me on really helped me get some direction back in life.

Talk to your GP about it, he can refer you to a counsellor/psychologist and you'll get it through Medicare in what is called a care plan.

Your health and well-being is most important at the moment mate. I'm a little bit younger than you, but I know what you're going through, it's tough. Sometimes all we will want is closure and answers on why the relationship breaks down, why your partner doesn't want you in their life anymore etc, it absolutely sucks, but I've found some people just don't open up so I've found the best thing is to walk away, do everything to shut them out of your life, not seek answers and move on.

Moving on is the toughest thing to deal with and I needed a few months of work with my psychologist to do so. But yeah, in the meantime try talking to someone you trust for support, be it family or friends, bottling it up inside will do your head in, it did for me for a while.

 

[undefined]

This is a shout out for some help.

I've been struggling lately.

So I've been seeing this girl for nearly 4 years. We were already friends and had known eachother about 8-9 years. We used to work together. When I left the job, we just became Facebook friends and never really saw each other.

She went off and got married and had a kid. Then in Nov of 2013, I got a FB msg from her asking how I was. I rolled with it. Turned out after 4-5 years of marriage her husband had had an affair with her best friend. She found out about two months before getting in contact with me.

Anyways we begin seeing eachother.

It's a bit of a messed up situation. I guess I dont really need to get into details of the relationship.

But at the end of the day, she has recently called it quits with me.

Friends and family and co-workers are just like, that's devastating but you need to move on and meet new people and be happy.

But I dont know if that is easy for people. If that's normal? Maybe I'm not normal. But im completely devastated. Completely heartbroken.

I just dont know what to do. I think about her almost every second of every day. I can barely function at work. Ive had to go home a few times from work because im just too upset to deal with work. When I get home, Im not much better. I try to watch movies and tv shows to take my mind off it.

But whatever I do, I just feel lost. I feel ... like it's hard to describe. It's like grief and despair. Like I just dont know what to do or how to function. Im not like normal people where I can just move on and be happy. Before I met this girl I was crushed by another and spent 5 years trying to get over her. I fear im in for another 5 years of just being heartbroken.

I guess my question is ... have any of you guys had similar experiences to this. Any techniques that might help me get over somebody.

And not just the oh... go out with your mates and keep your mind off it, after a few weeks you will be all good. Im not wired that way. That doesnt work.

I dont know... any help lads would be great.

I understand your pain - ended a serious relationship on Valentines Day this year. 7 months later, and she only crosses my mind once every few days. Each time this happens, I realise that us splitting up was 100% for the best.

Time is the true healer, jod. This will sting for a while, but in time the metaphorical ripples of pain will begin to spread further and further apart. As difficult as it may seem to face reality and accept that this person you've loved has departed your life, it's for the best that you at least try to. There will be some dark days along the way to your heart's mending, but as time passes the brighter days will exceed them.

I encourage you to surround yourself with your loved ones as much as you possibly can. And never hesitate to share any concerns whatsoever with us - your voice will always be heard and answered to.

Calling our for help like this takes courage and is a massive step in the right direction. And if you ever need to air your thoughts to a random stranger, even if said thoughts resemble the verbal runs, you're more than welcome to do so in my inbox. Feel free to message me whenever.

All the best, mate. You've got this.

 

[SM]

I understand your pain - ended a serious relationship on Valentines Day this year. 7 months later, and she only crosses my mind once every few days. Each time this happens, I realise that us splitting up was 100% for the best.

Time is the true healer, jod. This will sting for a while, but in time the metaphorical ripples of pain will begin to spread further and further apart. As difficult as it may seem to face reality and accept that this person you've loved has departed your life, it's for the best that you at least try to. There will be some dark days along the way to your heart's mending, but as time passes the brighter days will exceed them.

I encourage you to surround yourself with your loved ones as much as you possibly can. And never hesitate to share any concerns whatsoever with us - your voice will always be heard and answered to.

Calling our for help like this takes courage and is a massive step in the right direction. And if you ever need to air your thoughts to a random stranger, even if said thoughts resemble the verbal runs, you're more than welcome to do so in my inbox. Feel free to message me whenever.

All the best, mate. You've got this.

Well said.

 

[glenferry23]

I understand your pain - ended a serious relationship on Valentines Day this year. 7 months later, and she only crosses my mind once every few days. Each time this happens, I realise that us splitting up was 100% for the best.

Time is the true healer, jod. This will sting for a while, but in time the metaphorical ripples of pain will begin to spread further and further apart. As difficult as it may seem to face reality and accept that this person you've loved has departed your life, it's for the best that you at least try to. There will be some dark days along the way to your heart's mending, but as time passes the brighter days will exceed them.

I encourage you to surround yourself with your loved ones as much as you possibly can. And never hesitate to share any concerns whatsoever with us - your voice will always be heard and answered to.

Calling our for help like this takes courage and is a massive step in the right direction. And if you ever need to air your thoughts to a random stranger, even if said thoughts resemble the verbal runs, you're more than welcome to do so in my inbox. Feel free to message me whenever.

All the best, mate. You've got this.

All class

 

[jod23]

Sorry to hear mate

I broke up with my fiance nearly 2 years ago, I needed a heap of counseling throughout late 2015 and early 2016 as the situation got me really depressed, but as time passed and I started to implement the coping strategies my psychologist advised me on really helped me get some direction back in life.

Talk to your GP about it, he can refer you to a counsellor/psychologist and you'll get it through Medicare in what is called a care plan.

Your health and well-being is most important at the moment mate. I'm a little bit younger than you, but I know what you're going through, it's tough. Sometimes all we will want is closure and answers on why the relationship breaks down, why your partner doesn't want you in their life anymore etc, it absolutely sucks, but I've found some people just don't open up so I've found the best thing is to walk away, do everything to shut them out of your life, not seek answers and move on.

Moving on is the toughest thing to deal with and I needed a few months of work with my psychologist to do so. But yeah, in the meantime try talking to someone you trust for support, be it family or friends, bottling it up inside will do your head in, it did for me for a while.

Yeah she doesnt open up at all. She's actually going through a lot in her life too at the moment but every question I ask, her answer is always I dont know. She says she feels numb and doesnt really feel anything. So when I ask her if she loves me anymore, she just says she doesnt know. What am I supposed to do with that.

I've tried for 6 weeks to find a way. First it was absolutely no contact. We went 11 days with zero contact. Then I turned up at a poker night where she was working and she fell to pieces in front of me. She just clung to me and cried and cried, saying she missed me so much, shes so happy to see me etc.

So then I thought maybe this isnt done. So we start msging eachother again all day everyday. I ask to see her to talk but she always has an excuse or doesnt have time. But she sending me raunchy pics one minute, then getting annoyed with me the next. I was so confused over the past month. Eventually we had another very small argument but I decided to just leave it.

So today is day 10 of no contact. I think you're right that I just have cut her off. Cut her out of my life. Which is quite possibly the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I have been seeing therapist. I dont know if it's helping but I enjoy going. She hasnt yet given me any real coping mechanisms or strategies, I might ask her about that actually the next time I go.

Also I appreciate you sharing your story mate. How are you now two years down the track? Have you moved on? Has your ex-fiance managed to move on to?

Also and if it's too personal you dont have to answer. But you did the breaking up right? Yet it seemed to affect you so much. But it was something you wanted, so why did you struggle with it so much? I ask because I want to try to understand her POV. She says it's really difficult. She doesnt want to do it, but needs to?? All that kinda stuff and I just dont understand. Like if she doesnt want to... then dont.

 

[jod23]

I understand your pain - ended a serious relationship on Valentines Day this year. 7 months later, and she only crosses my mind once every few days. Each time this happens, I realise that us splitting up was 100% for the best.

Time is the true healer, jod. This will sting for a while, but in time the metaphorical ripples of pain will begin to spread further and further apart. As difficult as it may seem to face reality and accept that this person you've loved has departed your life, it's for the best that you at least try to. There will be some dark days along the way to your heart's mending, but as time passes the brighter days will exceed them.

I encourage you to surround yourself with your loved ones as much as you possibly can. And never hesitate to share any concerns whatsoever with us - your voice will always be heard and answered to.

Calling our for help like this takes courage and is a massive step in the right direction. And if you ever need to air your thoughts to a random stranger, even if said thoughts resemble the verbal runs, you're more than welcome to do so in my inbox. Feel free to message me whenever.

All the best, mate. You've got this.

Dont know what to say to this.

Just blows me away how all you lads have come out with such support.

You've no idea how much I appreciate it.

Thanks a lot mate.

 

[go you pups]

Yeah she doesnt open up at all. She's actually going through a lot in her life too at the moment but every question I ask, her answer is always I dont know. She says she feels numb and doesnt really feel anything. So when I ask her if she loves me anymore, she just says she doesnt know. What am I supposed to do with that.

I've tried for 6 weeks to find a way. First it was absolutely no contact. We went 11 days with zero contact. Then I turned up at a poker night where she was working and she fell to pieces in front of me. She just clung to me and cried and cried, saying she missed me so much, shes so happy to see me etc.

So then I thought maybe this isnt done. So we start msging eachother again all day everyday. I ask to see her to talk but she always has an excuse or doesnt have time. But she sending me raunchy pics one minute, then getting annoyed with me the next. I was so confused over the past month. Eventually we had another very small argument but I decided to just leave it.

So today is day 10 of no contact. I think you're right that I just have cut her off. Cut her out of my life. Which is quite possibly the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I have been seeing therapist. I dont know if it's helping but I enjoy going. She hasnt yet given me any real coping mechanisms or strategies, I might ask her about that actually the next time I go.

Also I appreciate you sharing your story mate. How are you now two years down the track? Have you moved on? Has your ex-fiance managed to move on to?

Also and if it's too personal you dont have to answer. But you did the breaking up? Yet it seemed to affect you so much? But it was something you wanted, so why did you struggle with it so much. I ask because I want to try to understand her POV. She says it's really difficult. She doesnt want to do it, but needs to?? All that kinda stuff and I just dont understand. Like if she doesnt want to... then dont.

Gday mate, I'll PM ya in detail

 

[Spanish Sahara]

Love ya Jod

You will get through this and be stronger for the experience

 

[jod23]

Love ya Jod

You will get through this and be stronger for the experience

YNWA right.

 

[Bojan KantKick]

Ridiculous throw from Brady to Cooks to win the game for New England. Such a tight window to throw into under pressure in the pocket. He really is the goat QB. The Pats would be worried that they can't stop anyone though and they are pretty banged up on D.

 

[Latro]

Ridiculous throw from Brady to Cooks to win the game for New England. Such a tight window to throw into under pressure in the pocket. He really is the goat QB. The Pats would be worried that they can't stop anyone though and they are pretty banged up on D.

Rodgers is better.

 

[Bojan KantKick]

Rodgers is better.

better at what?