Autopsy Top and Bottom five AFL commentators

[Old Spice]

Everyone has their hobby-horses when it comes to AFL commentators and who they can't take. There was a thread on this years ago back when Tim Lane was getting a TV gig, but I want a reprise.

I reckon we'll find no-one agrees. Top five and bottom five if you will.

I'll get the ball rolling.

TOP

1. Dermott Brereton - think he is objective to the point of pain. Got scalped by Clarkson a few years ago for giving his opinion on the Hawthorn captaincy and this year has Hawks sliding. I like him as a personality and think he understands the game and club dynamics.
2. David King - very astute on the tactical side, although might be accused on occasions of over-analysing the game. Good humour and rapport with his brethren and game knowledge.
3. Anthony Hudson - always gets back to the action when it meanders but also has some nice, dry, cheeky digs at his fellow commentators. A very professional and well researched caller.
4. Gerard Healy - has a tendency to be a bit miserable at times but that also means he is fairly sober in his assessment. He seems to think Mike Sheehan is a dickhead so he gets extra points from me.
5. Glenn McFarlane - always objective in his reporting. Doesn't go in for the radio circuit like a tart on the make and writes some great articles on the Pies history and recently defending Maxwell.

BOTTOM
1. Mark Robinson - the ultimate equivocator who seemingly comes out strongly on one side of an issue, only to give the same emotional charge to the counterargument. In the end says nothing in his quest to stradle the fence and garner popularity as a passionate commentator. His shameless support for Essendon was only matched by his recent volte face once he named the Essendon players.
2. Tim Lane - still the biggest windbag and hypocrite floating around football with an axe to grind against the Pies. Always wanking on about a Tasmanian team. Hellooo knob, heard you the 1st time.
3. Andrew Maher - the ultimate little man yapping hard and not saying much. Can't listen to SEN in the morning because of his ridiculous arse-licking and his stance on the supplements scandal. Whoresque.
4. Dwayne Russell - Ohhh baby, that's shit.
5. Jon Pierik - invariably you'll find his name on the end of a North Melbourne pump-prime or reminiscence of Buckley snubbing North. Loves to get the bat out on Collingwood when things aren't travelling well.

I'm sure there are some I've missed in my lists and may have to do a rejig.

 

[Jonno94]

Can I make a bottom 10 instead?

 

[Manic Magpie]

I gather that you are referring more generally to people who make comments about football rather than those who commentate games. Not having Foxtel nor listening to much football on the radio, there are some in your list about whom I don't feel qualified to comment. If the purpose of the exercise was to rate people's calling of games, then Brereton would be well and truly in my bottom 5. As a live game commentator, he sucks the drama from the game with his endless waffle. Can't stand him or Luke Darcy because both largely ignore what is taking place in front of them.

 

[jefffff34]

Solid bottom 5.

 

[Pera]

Hate Dwayne Russell with a passion. Drives me insane.

Can't go past the Channel 7 team though on a Friday night. They are still the best IMO.

EDIT: Sorry, thought we talking about the people who actually call games. Play on, play on, advantage, advantage!

 

[Reykjavik]

Maher makes my brain bleed.

I struggle to find too many good. Probably ok with your top 5, none great, but all solid.

 

[Old Spice]

Commentators, in any media. Pre, during or after.

 

[Robroy22]

I'll take Commetti or Lane over Hudson or Whateley any day. At least they call football like football rather than a horserace.
Robbo isn't a commentator's jockstrap, he is the male version of Caroline Wilson.

Dermott is fine, he understands the game perfectly, sometimes he struggles for the right words.

I wish we could go back to "Smooth" ....his call of the 1990 GF still brings tears.

 

[forwardflanker]

Am I the only person who can't stand Gerrard Whately He's easily my most disliked commentator. His articles in the paper are terrible and what got me started hating on him. Also, the stupid book about the horse which he has apparently claimed. Can't stand the guy, he holds to many unqualified opinions on players and teams when I'd wager he's never played a level football higher than his 16's b team.

Honorable mentions to the horrible, self indulgent and gushing commentary of Bruce and Dennis on Friday nights. Dwayne Russel I can't stand and Gerrard Heally for a guy who has won a brownlow medal very rarely has anything meaningful to comment on. Don't go for Luke Darcy much either.

Dermott is the best special comments and it's not close. He has a high level understanding of what's going on in the match and is excellent at communicating it. David King deserves credit for trying to bring a bit of decent analysis back to the coverage. These guys aren't really commentators though.

I'd honestly say that I think Eddie is about the best atm. He just gets on and calls the game, doesn't gush and doesn't make comments about players, coaches and teams that he is unqualified to make. Hudson is decent. BT used to be the best but he has been ruined by Luke Darcy.

 

[mattys123]

As far as callers of the game go, I like the old style callers, Sandy Roberts, Drew Morphett, Peter Donegan, those types who just call the game without the extra shit that the likes of Dwayne Russell and Brian Taylor throw into their calling.

As for journos, there are so few and far between, Sam Landesberger is one of the better out there, and obviously Emma Quayle has it all covered when it comes to the drafts and youngsters.

 

[Old Spice]

I mean people who do the calling and special comments but also analysts, reporters - the whole gamut.

 

[Old Spice]

Am I the only person who can't stand Gerrard Whately He's easily my most disliked commentator. His articles in the paper are terrible and what got me started hating on him. Also, the stupid book about the horse which he has apparently claimed. Can't stand the guy, he holds to many unqualified opinions on players and teams when I'd wager he's never played a level football higher than his 16's b team.

Honorable mentions to the horrible, self indulgent and gushing commentary of Bruce and Dennis on Friday nights. Dwayne Russel I can't stand and Gerrard Heally for a guy who has won a brownlow medal very rarely has anything meaningful to comment on. Don't go for Luke Darcy much either.

Dermott is the best special comments and it's not close. He has a high level understanding of what's going on in the match and is excellent at communicating it. David King deserves credit for trying to bring a bit of decent analysis back to the coverage. These guys aren't really commentators though.

I'd honestly say that I think Eddie is about the best atm. He just gets on and calls the game, doesn't gush and doesn't make comments about players, coaches and teams that he is unqualified to make. Hudson is decent. BT used to be the best but he has been ruined by Luke Darcy.

I'm glad you raised it. I got FOXTEL for the first time last year and initially I thought Whately was good. But the more I saw the less I liked. I can't put my finger on it, but I think part of it was a frustration with the Essendon saga during which he just danced around the maypole while Robbo was flogging his log.

I just got so frustrated about this guy posing as an intellect and just failing to nail on air the most basic issues of the case while Robbo was off his nut. Whately stating in sombre tones that ASADA had ****ed up by telling Essendon that AOD9604 was not banned just drove me bananas. Yes Gerard, ASADA may well have told Essendon that it was not banned when Essendon asked them that specific question, but that is not the same as ASADA saying they could use it.

I mean he was supposedly all over it, but he couldn't or wouldn't comprehend a basic fact that thousands of fans knew - there are 3 ASADA categories: Approved, Banned and Not Yet Approved. AOD9604 fits in the last category - i.e. not to be used until approved - which thousands of part-time footy sleuths knew. Yet he repeatedly failed to mention this most basic point which would be raised within 5 minutes in a court proceeding by anyone with 1/2 a brain. FMD. Hoist on his own petard.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

No particular order.

Top 5

Sandy Roberts.
Huddo.
Drew Morphett.
Bruce McAvaney.
Dennis Cometti.

Because I love old school commentary.

Bottom 5.

Lynchy, Dwayne Russell, Luke Darcy and Tony Shaw all want to change the AFL rules in a heartbeat.
Big bad boring sounding Barry Hall.

 

[SApies]

I actually don't mind Brian Taylor...gets so excited in big moments!

 

[Quicky]

Favourites -

In print I really enjoy Glenn McFarlane and Rohan Connolly. The Age has some pretty decent writers outside of Caro who I find far too vehement and agenda driven.

In commentary no one beats Commetti. He's the Rodney Dangerfield of football commentators, his one liners are hilarious. And he knows his stuff outside of that too. Harps on about SA and WA football a lot but that never really bothered me. Totally agree on Dermie too btw. Much maligned but an excellent commentator and for many years too.

Most hated -

In print, can't stand Patrick Smith. Always quick to dig the boot in.

In commentary, Andy Maher is horrible. Truly horrible. Anthony Hudson bugs me too. But Bwuce. Holy shit how that guy is still persisting in television boggles.

On Tim Lane, my old man a die hard Pies man as much as I am always really rated him. But he reserved that for his work at the ABC. He reckons he changed when he started off at 10 on TV. I'm interested in others thoughts on this? He's a guy that gets roundly criticised around this forum.

 

[THATSGOLD]

I have MMM on at the ground cos I can't get SEN. So I'd say Gary Lyon is a fair all round commentator. JB bags Seedsman so he'd be my worst.

 

[Pedro]

No mentions of Jon Ralph yet? Has to be the biggest muppet in the media imo He is my number 1 on the worst list. Which is no mean feat when you consider he beats Andy Maher, Dwayne Russell, Gerard Healy and for some reason I just can't stand listening to Danny Frawley. One of the biggest stat regurgitators there is. Its like he's got nothing else to turn to. Brian Taylor might be bearable if he knew a few players names.

I agree that Dermie isn't too bad. His analysis is good. Sometimes I just wish he didn't try too hard to sound like he's intelligent. Anthony Hudson is one of the better ones I find. I don't mind David King, but as someone else mentioned, I think he tries a bit too hard and overdoes it sometimes.

 

[76woodenspooners]

By far the most excruciatingly bad commentatary is when you get the NRL commentators on the topic of AFL (Matty Johns, Mark Geyer, Gus Worland) ... That's what those of us up in Sydney have to put up with from time-to-time. Ray Warren is an exception.

Somebody who hasn't been mentioned is Debbie Spilane (ABC grandstand) - she has a good interviewing style and knows how to get the best out of interviewees.

I'm also a big fan of Patrick Smith. Even when I don't agree with what he says, he's often an entertaining read. If he didn't take himself so seriously and introduced a little more wit into his writing he wouldn't be far off AFL's Jeremy Clarkson.

 

[speedytiger]

OS your descriptions of your top 3 Bottom list (does that make sense?) could have come straight from me. I once loved tim lane years ago through the cricket and such but he hates Collingwood so much he can't hide it.

It took me a while to work Robbo out and he had me fooled for a while but you are spot on there.

Andy Maher, wow i feel yuck even typing his name. How on earth is he getting these jobs.

The Essendon saga has exposed so many in the last 12 months.

On Derm i generally like him but i do find he tries too hard to say something unique, often making a point that no one else is thinking. Sometimes it's because everyone has got it right and it is that simple and he just craps on.

I am with mattys123, i like the commentators on tv to just call the game, on radio i like a bit of crap thrown in

 

[Baltimore Jack]

Top 5
Commetti
Hudson
Eddie
Lyon
Now I'm struggling

Bottom 5
Derwayne
Lane
Darcy
BT
Maher
Johnson
King
Robbo
Bruce
Shaw
Campbell
Carey
Hutchy
(Non-exhaustive list)

 

[Baltimore Jack]

Yeah, I like Emma Quayle too, I should have added her.
Actually she is just about the best out of all of them

 

[Pedro]

Top 5
Commetti
Hudson
Eddie
Lyon
Now I'm struggling

Bottom 5
Derwayne
Lane
Darcy
BT
Maher
Johnson
King
Robbo
Bruce
Shaw
Campbell
Carey
Hutchy
(Non-exhaustive list)

Good list. I find Matty Campbell reasonably inoffensive and I'd add Brayshaw to the shit list

 

[THATSGOLD]

Drew? I doesn't know half the players names.

 

[Pedro]

Drew? I doesn't know half the players names.

He must do his homework with BT then

 

[General Soreness]

I don't mind (struggling to actually write 'like'):

• Drew Morphett in his radio days (does he still do radio?)

Yes.