Post BF Upgrade Feedback - Click Here

Remove this Banner Ad

Turning down best man request

  • Thread starter Thread starter ash_1050
  • Start date Start date
  • Tagged users Tagged users None

🥰 Love BigFooty? Join now for free.

You might need to work on yourself a bit more.

Someone asking you to be their best man when you're so clearly ashamed to be around them speaks of a person who isn't strong in their convictions.

You should be a man and talk to these people who call you friend enough to ask you to accept that privileged place in their life on a special day so they can see how you really feel about them.
 
Taylor said:
You might need to work on yourself a bit more.

Someone asking you to be their best man when you're so clearly ashamed to be around them speaks of a person who isn't strong in their convictions.

You should be a man and talk to these people who call you friend enough to ask you to accept that privileged place in their life on a special day so they can see how you really feel about them.
Click to expand...

Whack, thanks for the counter perspective and you've hit the nail on the head. /thread
 

Log in to remove this Banner Ad

ash_1050 said:
I would feel uncomfortable being best man as it's by proxy an endorsement of his worldview and comments about people that aren't straight white men who live in country Victoria and on this basis would want to decline it. Is it acceptable to decline the invite, or is it better to thrash it out with him and advise it's conditionally accepted on the basis he tones down the derogatory comments?
Click to expand...

One would have hoped over that period time, that one benefit of a friendship, is that it makes you and him a better and happier person.

I think you owe him a conversation to tell him how you feel about his views given the length of the friendship, that you dont agree with and whether he would reflect on this opinions and consider a different view point, ie respect. Is that the way how he genuinely feels or is it his poor attempt to be funny? Mates do say and do stupid shit all the time with another, but treating everyone with courtesy and respect is an expectation at all times.

If those opinions are real and natural and the "only" glue holding you together is just "sport". It may be time to move on and distance yourself from him.

You could I guess use the opportunity of being the best man to view this as a way of closure to end the friendship. Be selfish here, do whats best for you. After all your mate doesnt seem to mind voicing his thoughts amongst your Melbourne friends.
 
ash_1050 said:
Whack, thanks for the counter perspective and you've hit the nail on the head. /thread
Click to expand...
No matter what though, think about it thoroughly, because what you are ending is most likely going to end the friendship permanently.

So give it plenty of time and consideration.

If it does end, try and reflect on the good times and memories you shared and move on.
 
ash_1050 said:
/thread
Click to expand...

I feel you are either friends or not friends.

Friends accept friends for their good and bad. That doesn't mean you share their views or endorse their views by being their friend.

Good luck with your decision but I'd say if you are friends, you should live up to that obligation over what others may think about his views.
 
GROTTO said:
Mates do say and do stupid sh*t all the time with another, but treating everyone with courtesy and respect is an expectation at all times.
Click to expand...

Taylor hit the nail on the head with her comment that I need to be a better friend and talk to him about it rather than complain on Bigfooty.
 
ash_1050 said:
Taylor hit the nail on the head with her comment that I need to be a better friend and talk to him about it rather than complain on Bigfooty.
Click to expand...
Complaining here gives you a myriad of ideas and thoughts and hopefully helps you reach the right decision for you and your personal situation.

Personally I think he will agree with what you say, but I dont think he will change. After all his environment would probably not help facilitate change.
 
GROTTO said:
Personally I think he will agree with what you say, but I dont think he will change. After all his environment would probably not help facilitate change.
Click to expand...

I'd say that's probably the likely outcome, but being a proper friend means addressing it with him and giving him the option to facilitate change rather than deciding it's a lost cause and acting accordingly.
 
Taylor said:
You also need to decide if you're a strong enough personality to be friends with imperfect people or if you need to jettison people who might reflect poorly on you to be around.
Click to expand...

I think it's just a case of keeping people separated. There's a whole string of phrases like 'black c**t', 'vegan fa**got', 'queer' 'jew', 'useless N***a' 'tr*nny' 'dumb b*tch' etc that haven't been found in my vocabulary since my edgy high school phase but are not uncommon phrases from said friends that live in country Victoria.
 

Remove this Banner Ad

Is there some kind of back story to this? Like did you sleep with his fiance or something? Was it your Dad?
 
craigos said:
Is there some kind of back story to this? Like did you sleep with his fiance or something? Was it your Dad?
Click to expand...

Yep. Big massive orgy, involving copious amounts of blow, the fiance and also some farm animals.

Was quite the evening.
 
ash_1050 said:
I think it's just a case of keeping people separated. There's a whole string of phrases like 'black c**t', 'vegan fa**got', 'queer' 'jew', 'useless N***a' 'tr*nny' 'dumb b*tch' etc that haven't been found in my vocabulary since my edgy high school phase but are not uncommon phrases from said friends that live in country Victoria.
Click to expand...

On a separate note, is he nasty with the comments or just inappropriate?
 

🥰 Love BigFooty? Join now for free.

ash_1050 said:
Taylor hit the nail on the head with her comment that I need to be a better friend and talk to him about it rather than complain on Bigfooty.
Click to expand...

doing both is OK
 
Shell said:
Yep. Big massive orgy, involving copious amounts of blow, the fiance and also some farm animals.

Was quite the evening.
Click to expand...

WTF goes on, in country victoria?
 
I turned down a groomsman request. It was my sister's wedding and my sister and her husband to be wanted me in the bridal party. I wasn't particularly stoked with my sister's choice of husband so declined, telling them that I think it would be better if it was someone he knew a bit better.
 
Ive been best man 3 times,i couldnt turn a mate down.
To me it would end the friendship.
 

Remove this Banner Ad

Remove this Banner Ad

🥰 Love BigFooty? Join now for free.

Back
Top Bottom