Turning down best man request

[dales.girl38]

I've just been asked to be a friend's MOH, it will be my second time but I haven't been in any other bridal parties as a regular bridesmaid. I don't know how it's possible to decline without damaging the friendship in some way

 

[Scotland]

I have one mate that doesn't have a lot of friends. I doubt he will ever get married but if he does I wouldn't be surprised if he asked me to be part of the bridal party. Which is kinda awkward because I have a whole bunch of closer friends.

 

[Roobs321]

I loathe the upscale & formal weddings in general, I'd much rather peeps just elope with a minimum of fuss. Hard to turn down a key request like best man, but if it is a regular wedding invitation then my policy is to not attend, and I'm fairly upfront about that in friendships/family. I'll be there for you, but not in attendance on your wedding day.

If you have put ypurself in a position where you receive a best man/MOH request, then yes you kind of have to go. They need you, ya gotta be present for them, you can expect drama if you don't.

The only real weddings to me are elopements unless you come from an ethnicity where relations weddings are always massive affairs and you'd be cancelled for doing otherwise.

 

[perthblue]

you cannot turn down the request without basically destroying the friendship

 

[burge13]

but if it is a regular wedding invitation then my policy is to not attend, and I'm fairly upfront about that in friendships/family. I'll be there for you, but not in attendance on your wedding day.

Incredibly selfish. It isnt about what you like, you should be there for them. What a friend you are

 

[Roobs321]

Incredibly selfish. It isnt about what you like, you should be there for them. What a friend you are

You're free to think that, I respect your opinion/perception. I however disagree wholeheartedly. We all have our personal pet hates and boundaries in a friendship, and for me big weddings are inherently ridiculous, and can be selfish and inconsiderate. I'd much rather volunteer to pay-in-full for a friend's honeymoon (or babysit existing children whilst away) or contribute to their deposit down payment than personally attend their wedding. But that's just me, I never grew up dreaming of a big wedding and I've never been in a relationship with someone who could stomach one either. I would seriously question marrying someone who needed a big wedding, a complete red flag to me.

 

[Shell]

Lol cant even say "forever the bridesmaid, never the bride"- I am that much of a loser- I've never even been asked.

Thought I may have gotten a gig with my lifelong BF nextdoor neighbour growing up, but no cigar. That was my best bet. Otherwise I got no sisters, and my other best mate will never get married, and all my close cousins are men.

 

[Scotland]

Lol cant even say "forever the bridesmaid, never the bride"- I am that much of a loser- I've never even been asked.

Thought I may have gotten a gig with my lifelong BF nextdoor neighbour growing up, but no cigar. That was my best bet. Otherwise I got no sisters, and my other best mate will never get married, and all my close cousins are men.

You could be a best woman.

Or you could identify as a man and be a best man.

It's 2021. World is your oyster.

Srs cat, one of my friends was a best woman. One of her closest friends is a bloke and he decided he wanted her to do that role. I say it's your wedding do what you want. I'm not being a maid of honour though, don't have the legs to pull it off.

 

[Roobs321]

I've always had a soft spot for those films like Made of Honor and The Switch where the woman has a male BFF. They inevitably betray you in the end as a romcom will do (the When Harry Met Sally... question of whether hetero/appealing men & women can really be friends), but I'd like to think that women could have a Man of Honor, or a guy a best woman, or some such, if that friendship was deeply besties.

 

[Shell]

I reckon I could look good in a (fitted) tux

 

[Roobs321]

Well you could just have a Best Woman in a dress, just performing the Best Man function. Or a tux man in the bridal party. Surely there have been many drag-less gay men bridesmaids at the very least.

 

[Caesar]

Went to a wedding a couple of months ago with a Best Woman - groom was from overseas, and due to COVID his sister was the only family member he could have at the wedding.

 

[Scotland]

 

[Brad Goodman]

We eloped. Probably the smartest thing either of us ever have or ever will do.

 

[Big Sauce 21]

I have 3 this year and none have asked me, to me that is a relief. They all know I'm quite reserved and shy. I wouldn't handle it.

 

[revo333]

I have been to two weddings where the best man didn't do a speech, understandable that people might be shy (I am as well) but I think it's awkward if the best man doesn't say anything at all. At worst all they have to do is say what an honour it is to be the best man and how good the bride looks.

One of these weddings was for one of my best mates, I wasn't in the wedding party (the brides 3 brothers got the nod instead) and with it now looking like I'll never be in a wedding party, for my mate to have the honour of being the best man and not doing anything during the service or ceremony at all will always annoy me for some reason!

 

[Run n Spread]

To OP tough one. If he's comments bother you why still mates? Didn't you drift apart or is it the only issue you have?
I'd do it if you value the friendship then sort the other stuff.
On the whole wedding thing never been too fussed. People take them too seriously. Half marriages end in divorce and others are unhappy. Really it's just a piss up to wish the couple luck. Culturally sure they are big things but more so with tradition and ritual opposed to who gives what speech.
I'm probably more unlikely to get married and even if I did wouldn't want a wedding. Just sign the papers. Never been a best man so no experience there

 

[Run n Spread]

I have been to two weddings where the best man didn't do a speech, understandable that people might be shy (I am as well) but I think it's awkward if the best man doesn't say anything at all. At worst all they have to do is say what an honour it is to be the best man and how good the bride looks.

One of these weddings was for one of my best mates, I wasn't in the wedding party (the brides 3 brothers got the nod instead) and with it now looking like I'll never be in a wedding party, for my mate to have the honour of being the best man and not doing anything during the service or ceremony at all will always annoy me for some reason!

Tbh of the weddings I don't remember the speeches. Seems like a weird formality no one cares about. Only really want to hear from the bride and groom and best man/bridesmaid if they're funny. Do that then someone toast.
Who cares what anyone else says?

 

[utility]

Yep. Big massive orgy, involving copious amounts of blow, the fiance and also some farm animals.

Was quite the evening.

I thought that was the standard Friday night in Geelong after a few ales at the Barwon...

 

[utility]

Not sure why you'd turn it down. It's not like he wants to bone you... unless his fiance is a lady boy... then I can understand.

 

[Shell]

I thought that was the standard Friday night in Geelong after a few ales at the Barwon...

Dunno, you'd have to direct that question to someone who lives in Geelong

 

[Scotland]

I can understand wanting to turn it down if the relationship isn't that important to you. It'd be an awkward position to in.

 

[ShooterMcGavin8]

Not sure why you'd turn it down. It's not like he wants to bone you... unless his fiance is a lady boy... then I can understand.

Because it's an absolute mess of a situation with someone who has Anxiety issues. I'm not saying OP has social anxiety but yeah....

 

[FRUMPY]

Been best man for a mate twice, told him i wont do it a 3rd time as maybe im the bad luck charm.....(if there is a 3rd time)

 

[burge13]

Tbh of the weddings I don't remember the speeches. Seems like a weird formality no one cares about. Only really want to hear from the bride and groom and best man/bridesmaid if they're funny. Do that then someone toast.
Who cares what anyone else says?

It's easily the most boring part of the reception but depending on who's talking it can't be funny or awful.

A good speech is a couple of jokes, love you both, thanks for coming all, toast
A bad one is done by someone who loves just attention, bit of 'look at me time', terrible long-winded story 80% of the guests weren't there for and don't follow, no laughs, and finally a sigh of relief from everyone when they're finally done!

Sadly most of the weddings I've been to had the latter. Don't get me started on ones that do bad speeches twice for both families' languages.