Preview Your Greatest **** Up/Biggest Regret

[captain blood 17]

Shit, as a 41 year old I have so many many **** ups!

The one that stands out to me though would be when i landed a really important job. I managed to get the roll as a Account Manager for Telstra dealing with larger business, ones who's telco bills range in the 25K+ mark a month. It was huge for me as I worked hard to qualify for the role and it was the perfect job to have on my resume to get a proper Sales/department Manager role.

Anyway, a day before start I had been struck down with a really bad case of gastro. I have 4 school age kids and the shit they bring home from primary school is nasty lol. Anyway, the doc tells me I need to have a minimum 4 days off work and drink lots of fluid. Anyway, there was no way, on my first day would I start of as sick. I man up and go to work.

I am in Collins street having a morning tea time smoke, my gut was feeling like shit and for some reason, i still try to think why I thought a smoke would settle my gut, I had that blasted smoke. Anyway as soon as I was half way through I knew I needed to take a shit. Its that moment when your ass tightens and your gut cramps you have a decision to make...1 finish your smoke and the pressure will recede or 2 put your smoke out and make a dash for the toilet.

Anyway, again like an idiot I figure it was a false alarm and I could ride it out. I finish my smoke and make my way to the elevators. I get in, thank god there was only 2 people in with me. I decided to release some pressure to allow me to make the toilet, so i fart. Firstly that fart was way louder then i intended and secondly and it was like Mosses parting the res sea, I started shitting in my pants. I had zero muscle control due to the Gastro, I was in a panic, I knew I had just done a load in my undies, the other 2 people with me were gasping for air giving my strange looks.

I promptly get off at the next stop and made a mad dash out of the elevator into the stair well. I was on about level 5 when i found a quite spot and cleaned out my undies. I tried to make sure my pants did not get any stains and lucky for me my undies blocked any of the shit from seeping out. I quickly undress, remove my undies with the offending deposit, re put on my pants and make my way quickly to the toilet on my level.

Anyway needless to say I worked the rest of the day paranoid about any lingering smell. I had sprayed so much aftershave on myself during the day I smelt like Myers lol.

This wins the Internet.

 

[captain blood 17]

Deb ball party (in Metung). Year 10. I used to drink stones green ginger wine ($5 a bottle) and beer. For some reason I decided this night to go orange and vodka UDL's. About 4 in, and the gut just wasn't sitting right. But, was looking for the sexy sex. So, dropped the line "you wanna go for a walk?" and yes she did.
At third base (we were lying down) when out of nowhere I did this volcanic spew. So from tongue kiss to bang. Without a word of a lie, it cleared our feet. Not a drop on us. And it was thunderstruck big. It kind of killed the mood, but, she came back for more CB17 at the next party.

 

[sante]

The moral of this thread is that you're all shit when it comes to women

 

[telsor]

The moral of this thread is that you're all shit when it comes to women

I wish I could argue the point, but...Yep.

 

[RichoLedio]

The moral of this thread is that you're all shit when it comes to women

I've known it for a while

 

[Truetiger]

Shit, as a 41 year old I have so many many **** ups!

The one that stands out to me though would be when i landed a really important job. I managed to get the roll as a Account Manager for Telstra dealing with larger business, ones who's telco bills range in the 25K+ mark a month. It was huge for me as I worked hard to qualify for the role and it was the perfect job to have on my resume to get a proper Sales/department Manager role.

Anyway, a day before start I had been struck down with a really bad case of gastro. I have 4 school age kids and the shit they bring home from primary school is nasty lol. Anyway, the doc tells me I need to have a minimum 4 days off work and drink lots of fluid. Anyway, there was no way, on my first day would I start of as sick. I man up and go to work.

I am in Collins street having a morning tea time smoke, my gut was feeling like shit and for some reason, i still try to think why I thought a smoke would settle my gut, I had that blasted smoke. Anyway as soon as I was half way through I knew I needed to take a shit. Its that moment when your ass tightens and your gut cramps you have a decision to make...1 finish your smoke and the pressure will recede or 2 put your smoke out and make a dash for the toilet.

Anyway, again like an idiot I figure it was a false alarm and I could ride it out. I finish my smoke and make my way to the elevators. I get in, thank god there was only 2 people in with me. I decided to release some pressure to allow me to make the toilet, so i fart. Firstly that fart was way louder then i intended and secondly and it was like Mosses parting the res sea, I started shitting in my pants. I had zero muscle control due to the Gastro, I was in a panic, I knew I had just done a load in my undies, the other 2 people with me were gasping for air giving my strange looks.

I promptly get off at the next stop and made a mad dash out of the elevator into the stair well. I was on about level 5 when i found a quite spot and cleaned out my undies. I tried to make sure my pants did not get any stains and lucky for me my undies blocked any of the shit from seeping out. I quickly undress, remove my undies with the offending deposit, re put on my pants and make my way quickly to the toilet on my level.

Anyway needless to say I worked the rest of the day paranoid about any lingering smell. I had sprayed so much aftershave on myself during the day I smelt like Myers lol.

lol Very funny maybe next time when the doc says time off you might take notice So what happened after that everything went alright

 

[Bojangles17]

The moral of this thread is that you're all shit when it comes to women

How do you know, u haven't see the thread yet, greatest triumphs,

 

[Tiger71]

lol Very funny maybe next time when the doc says time off you might take notice So what happened after that everything went alright

Yeah mate. They found the offensive deposit and sent out a department wide email stating the importance about hygenine at the work place lol. I was a bit worried though, my wife labels my kids underwear and she took the piss out of me telling me she did the same to mine!. Had a couple of sleepless nights, i can tell you lol.

The silver lining was that I was so close that day to wear my boxers. thank god i didn't lol

 

[_Wang_]

Mine was when I had to get my favourite anal beads removed under a local anesthetic at the local medical centre..

 

[RichoLedio]

Mine was when I had to get my favourite anal beads removed under a local anesthetic at the local medical centre..

They still your favourite?

 

[Wacky Tiger]

When I was about 12 we made it to our first Grand Final in the history of the Under 13s for our club. We had this weird award for whoever had the biggest shank would win 10 bucks.

So it was the last quarter and we were up by about 30. I took a mark about 20 meters out straight in front and thought
"We can't lose, we're 30 points up and it's the last quarter so I'll just shank this and win the ten bucks" So I put it out on the full but I had to make it look like I was trying to kick the goal. We ended up losing the match by 3 points and I'm still regretting it now. But I did win the ten dollars

Not the biggest but one of them

And that is how match fixing started boys and girls

 

[_Wang_]

They still your favourite?

lol

 

[TheLoungeLizard]

Yeah mate. They found the offensive deposit and sent out a department wide email stating the importance about hygenine at the work place lol. I was a bit worried though, my wife labels my kids underwear and she took the piss out of me telling me she did the same to mine!. Had a couple of sleepless nights, i can tell you lol.

The silver lining was that I was so close that day to wear my boxers. thank god i didn't lol

Plot twist, I am your boss from then and I now remember you!!!

 

[Wacky Tiger]

Plot twist, I am your boss from then and I now remember you!!!

And did you go through the undies to try and find the name that the wife put on them??? Ewwwwww

 

[TheLoungeLizard]

And did you go through the undies to try and find the name that the wife put on them??? Ewwwwww

No, I had my PA do that.

I was busy drinking coffee and sending out emails

 

[CLFC23]

Let's do a vote who's stuff up was the biggest

 

[Wacky Tiger]

Let's do a vote who's stuff up was the biggest

match fixing is pretty serious

 

[Groupie_]

Being born.

 

[CLFC23]

Groupie back mate

 

[The Rusty Trombone]

Mine was when I had to get my favourite anal beads removed under a local anesthetic at the local medical centre..

I'll never forget that day Wang, the look on your face when you walked in my office and found out if be doing the procedure . Priceless !!!!

 

[_Wang_]

Being born.

Hey man good to see you back

 

[Groupie_]

Hey man good to see you back

Thanks for letting me out

 

[_DBF_]

Welcome back, Groupie_

 

[Truetiger]

Thanks for letting me out

lol ahh Groupie_ finally come out

Let's do a vote who's stuff up was the biggest

Tiger71 gets my vote lol due to how funny it was

 

[Groupie_]

lol ahh Groupie_ finally come out