McGuire spoof - "Action will be taken"

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Zahki

Zahki

Norm Smith Medallist
Aug 13, 2009
5,548
529
AFL Club
Collingwood
Looks like Eddie is finally going to be taking a look at this injury toll.

Collingwood President Eddie McGuire has assured members that appropriate action will be taken to address his clubs slumping on field form due to the injuries sustained during the season. In a press conference held today McGuire admitted club officials have known there was an issue for weeks, “We had fears,” McGuire said, “but we hoped we were just being paranoid. Unfortunately those fears have been confirmed and the club has a serious problem we need to start fixing, I am of course talking about the curse that has been placed on the club.” McGuire elaborated saying the officials had reason to believe the curse was 'ancient and powerful', "We've dealt with curses before at Collingwood but this one looks like it is especially potent, potentially dating back from antiquity". However McGuire admitted he doesn't yet know where the curse orignates from. “I just want to assure the members we're doing everything in our power to right the ship, we've got a young priest and an old priest, an amazonian witch doctor , a shinto priest and a congolese medicine man. We don't know where it came from but we're certain we can get the club exorcised before the 2015 season.”

Coach Nathan Buckley expressed doubts the curse has anything to do with the vacation to Morocco he took during the mid season bye week. “No, I don't think that's the case.”, Buckley said, “It's true I took a quick vacation to Morocco and bought a monkey's paw from the shady part of Marrakesh but I don't think that would have anything to do with the injuries we're getting at the moment, if anything it was probably Rodney's fault when he got the evil eye from that woman on the tram a few months ago”. Eade quickly dismissed the theory stating that “She did give me the evil eye when I refused to give her my seat, however there is no reason to believe that she was a practicing witch and besides I was carrying my Hamsa like I always do, any curse placed on me would bounce off me like rubber and stick to her like glue.”

Collingwood fitness guru Bill Davoran added "We're deeply concerned about this curse in the fitness department, we're taken extra measures to keep players fit and ready to play including filling the ice baths with holy water and wrapping up Pendles knee in the Shroud of Turin, I'd like to see a curse get through that!" he scoffed before throwing a pinch of salt over his shoulder and rapping his knuckles on the table twice.

“We are looking at every possible cause”, McGuire reiterated, “All the way from the severed cow head we keep overlooking the club training facilities to the lost pirate gold we used to fund the Westpac Centre redevelopment. No stone will be unturned.”, while waving his hand over to a sinsiter clown doll that was sitting in the corner.

Investigations into whether former coach Mick Malthouses gypsy third cousin is involved are ongoing.
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Bill Davoren....Absolute useless muppet. For the welfare and safety of your players get rid of him.

During his one year tenure at StK we saw our players lose size and have the body of 12 year old girls. Is it any wonder his background is in woman's triathlon? Woman's triathlon for christ sake.

Is it any wonder StK agreed to release him from his three year contract only one year into it?

Highly regarded by Eade after they worked together at the Dogs. Hopefully the correct decision is made and he's told where the door is.
 
Davoren has set us back, lucky if he ever gets another gig, such a rookie.
 
TheLastEmperor said:
Bill Davoren....Absolute useless muppet. For the welfare and safety of your players get rid of him.

During his one year tenure at StK we saw our players lose size and have the body of 12 year old girls. Is it any wonder his background is in woman's triathlon? Woman's triathlon for christ sake.

Is it any wonder StK agreed to release him from his three year contract only one year into it?

Highly regarded by Eade after they worked together at the Dogs. Hopefully the correct decision is made and he's told where the door is.
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Did the bolded actually happen? That's alarm bells stuff if you're doing your job when hiring him.
 
Quicky said:
Did the bolded actually happen? That's alarm bells stuff if you're doing your job when hiring him.
Click to expand...

Yep, due diligence. Surely we did that, in depth? Or did Butters leaving take us by surprise?
 

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TheLastEmperor said:
He asked to be released presumably because he was offered a gig with you guys.
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That's a bit different I guess. But still, this injury run is ridiculous. We can't be competitive until we fix this. The club has some serious soul searching ahead of it.
 
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