Media Bob's Stats - The Free Kick Table For Season 36

[Tonga Bob]

free kick (noun - /ˌfriː ˈkɪk/): in football, an opportunity to kick the ball without the other team getting involved, allowed when a player from the other team has not obeyed one of the rules.

How good are rules hey nerds? They frickin' rule!!!! pun absolutely intended

Welcome back to the seventh edition of Sweet's pre-eminent analysis of how qooty fortunes are subject to the whims of qumpires. Don't believe me? Well here's a definition of what this all means from... well, also me:

"Free kicks are a very emotive topic in football, however it seems that the 'random' nature of qootball displaces that emotion from umpires to the sim. One way to look at this is a free kick differential, which aggregates free kicks over a period of time and shows which teams receive more than others.

My Free Kick Table takes this one step further, and aggregates the impact of free kicks on a game-by-game basis to see who won the free kick count in each game. So pretty much what would happen if you replaced goals and points scored with free kicks received and conceded."

And if it's prizes you want, boy howdy I've got prizes coming out of my ears (please send a doctor, they won't stop and my ears hurt). The team that finishes the home and away season on top of the Free Kick Table wins the coveted Silver Whistle Trophy. And those individuals that catch the eye of the qumpires for either good or bad reasons will be in the running for individual gongs such as the Little Spoon Trophy for the player with the most free kicks received in the season or the Big Spoon Trophy for the player that concedes the most frees in the season. And even if you aren't bestowed with such accolades, merely reading this thread over the course of the season through to an inevitable conclusions is its own reward.

So like, subscribe, rub it for luck. Whatever. The Free Kick Table for season 36 is open for business!!!

 

[Tonga Bob]

Here's the updated season board up from when I joined the league (ie: when the league really started) until the end of last season.


Loonerty Elton Johns Wig Robertio MP_ Millky95 Cap Pugsley StFly Bradesmaen Brick Loosener damicky moginie Wosh tigs2010 ClarkeM ​

 

[Tonga Bob]

Now we take a walk down memory lane. Starting with an overall table of the past seven seasons for the TL/DR crowd:



Then we turn to last season where the 'Rats rose:

Media - Bob's Stats - The Free Kick Table For Season 35

You said it, Ray. I'm sure that you're pleased to find out I'll be doing my now adored and highly anticipated* Free Kick count in season 35. Six seasons deep, this piece of media buffoonery comes to you from thanks to the good person at Bob's Statistics (a division of Bob's Shitpostsᵀᴹ)...

www.bigfooty.com

Season 34 was when the Deez climber the mountain:

Media - Bob's Stats - The Free Kick Table For Season 34

We're back, babey!!!!! That's right, one of Sweet's longest currently running statistically-laden media pieces is now in its fifth season as the Free Kick Table returns for season 34 thanks to the good person at Bob's Statistics (a division of Bob's Shitpostsᵀᴹ)!!! Here's the now customary...

www.bigfooty.com

The Caliphate carried it out in season 33:

Media - Bob's Stats - The Free Kick Table For Season 33

Yo nerds, guess what? [unrealistic pause for a reply that will never come] I may be with captaincy this season, but that's not gonna stop me from getting back on my bullshit by giving you the stats that you neither requested nor craved. That's right - the Free Kick Table returns for season 33...

www.bigfooty.com

It was a dumpster dive in season 32:

Media - Bob's Stats - The Free Kick Table For Season 32

Hello nerds! In what has quickly become a highlight of the SFA season, Bob's Statistics (a division of Bob's Shitpostsᵀᴹ) is once again delighted to present to you the Free Kick Table for season 32! For those of you that are either new to the SFA or have repressed any memory of its existence...

www.bigfooty.com

Roy got it done in season 31:

Media - Bob's Stats - The Free Kick Table For Season 31

*fanfare noises* Hello nerds. Welcome back here to the SFA, and welcome to our rookie group for the very first time. The municipality of Sweet is buzzing in anticipation in this the first round of season 31! There's a lot to get excited about - the banter, the camaraderie, the quality media...

www.bigfooty.com

While it was Gumbiemania in season 30:

Media - Bob's Stats - The Free Kick Table For Season 30

I learned many things about the SFA last season: That it exists; That it's a community of many campaigners with many different personalities from all walks of life (and that's just TJASTA); That the sim is an evil sentient genius that, underneath its randomness has patterns that it forms; That...

www.bigfooty.com

And finally it was Roy again in season 29:

​

 

[Tonga Bob]

Here's pics of teams receiving Silver Whistles




Here's some Little Spoons:



And here's some Big Spoons:


​

 

[Jabba73]

Baghdad Bombers already have received the lowest number of free kicks for this round.

Sigh, some things never change.

 

[Tonga Bob]

Baghdad Bombers already have received the lowest number of free kicks for this round.

Sigh, some things never change.

Aw mate! Don't go changing!!!

 

[Tonga Bob]

​

Round One is in the books, so let's have us a butcher's at what went down...



There were five teams that got off the mark in round 1, while the Rats 'n' Deez ended in a stalemate. The affirmation noises at Van Cortlandt Park were terrifying so the qumpires gave my boys the most frees, while conversely Spotswood was quiet as heck and the travelling Bin Chickens made out like... well, bin chickens. Both games had the highest margin of the round with six. The Colosseum was also rowdy who, unlike the Warriors Royals & Gumbies, had the sim on their side to record a qooty victory to go with their free kick win.

Now to the Spoons:

​

The perpetually aggrieved running machine GWS Goose and bin chicken TY24 have raced out of the blocks, picking up 8 free kicks in the opening round of the Little Spoon count to enjoy a two kick lead over Royal hotchilli. Rounding out the top five are Chilli Willy's teammate Membling and the WA SoO co-captains in Tarkyn_24 & TheInjuryFactory

On the other side of the coin, there are three players who conceded four frees to lead the Big Spoon at this early juncture - Firestarter Van_Dyke & tigs2010 (who was kissed on the peen by the sim so much in round 1 that there's a dedicated category to him on QornHub. Meanwhile there's a shitton of people who conceded three frees - Allikat Ant Bear big_icky Bluelegs damicky GremioPower guero Rioli2Rioli The Cryptkeeper Ticky009 & Yakker

That'll do for now. The pub awaits...

 

[GWS Goose]

This is the year I finally win this thing. I'm up there every year but never seem to get the chocolates.

 

[Jabba73]

Still not a single Bomber with a free kick this season. Sigh

 

[damicky]

Still not a single Bomber with a free kick this season. Sigh

Are you sure?

 

[Jabba73]

Are you sure?

It’s the vibe, pretty sure

 

[Tonga Bob]

​

Howdy nerds, it's your oldmate Bob here with the skinny on free kicks in round two. Who got 'em, who gave 'em away, who really cares. All this and more is about to be discussed... right now.


Three teams in the Royals, the Phoenix and the Gumbies have a perfect record after two round while only a bye has prevented the Bombers from joining them. The Royals and Gumbies are playing this week though so one or both of them will lose their perfect record. On the other side of the ledger the Dragons, Roy & Furies start their seasons on 0-2. And in a sign that the qumpires impact games, five of the six teams that won the free kick count in round two also went on to win the qooty match (the bin chickens being the exception).

Who were the star individual free kickers?

​

That's who.

Mountain-based angler Yakker has had a blinder to take the lead in the Big Spoon with 11 frees for. That's one more than the pair of GWS Goose and hotchilli while the ursine Senor M and Yakker's teammate Tarkyn_24 are a further kick behind in equal fourth place.

The Roys are normally receiving free kicks, so it's something of a surprise that tigs2010 leads the Little Spoon for free kicks conceded. His six kicks are one clear of GremioPower Grockadoc RonnieRaven Van_Dyke and Tarks again. Always it's Tarks.

And that's that from the world of free kicks for another week.

 

[Yakker]

 

[Tonga Bob]

 

[Tonga Bob]

​

It's that time of the week again nerds. You got it, time to go to the pub! But before I do that we've got some free kicks to scrutinise. Lesssgo!



The top two teams leading into round three in the Royals & Gumbies drew in their FKMotR, so remain on top of the table. The Phoenixerianites were one kick away from joining the Royals & Gumbies on two wins and a draw, but the Swamprats did them by that single kick. The Bombers have two qooty wins and a bye, but lost their free kick count to the Deez to lose their perfect record. That leaves the Wonders as the only team to have won all of their free kick counts, along with all of their qooty games. Really makes you wonder aye [turns to camera and winks].

Roy finally got off the mark in season 36 by doing the OOFs in their Mobbsathon. This leaves the Dragons & the Furies as the only winless teams, however the lizards have played an extra game.

Spoon time!

​

The qumpires gave Mount Buller's resident angler Yakker another four frees for to see his lead in the Little Spoon extend to two from hotchilli & Senor M who are on 13. Three people are tied in fourth place to round out the top 5, being ant555 (who suddenly has hair again) norway blue (who got seven frees this round the big suck up) and Tarkyn_24 (Tarks).

Yes, Tarks.

Not only is Tarkyn_24 in the top 5 of the Little Spoon, he's leading the Big Spoon on 9 conceded frees after giving away four of them in round 3. So if you're wondering then yes. Yes Tarks is spooning himself! Gun Warrior Agent93 sits second, one kick behind Tarks with rappin' RonnieRaven a further kick behind in third place. We have six people tied in fourth place who have all conceded six frees. They are milestone Gumby Barrybran, gauche gaucho GremioPower, 70% alcohols drinker Jhye Clark 13, Dick Smith's arch enemy Tandy, former leader tigs2010 and elderly frontman U2tigers.

Until next week whistle blowers!

 

[Yakker]

 

[tigs2010]

* I was terrible last weekend. 0 FA

 

[Agent93]

Gun Warrior @Agent93 sits second

Holy s**t the sim has it out for me. I'm not even playing midfield.

 

[Tonga Bob]

* I was terrible last weekend. 0 FA

F*cken lift campaigner!

 

[tigs2010]

F*cken lift campaigner!

Just gotta make sure the roundhouses aren’t so far behind play the umps notice them this time.

 

[Tandy]

Was hoping to sneek through the season undetected! Maybe I'll win an award at the end of the year? This is badge worthy! If so I'll continue to coathanger the opposition

 

[Tonga Bob]

​

It's that time of the week again nerds, so allow me to reveal the Margins of Mystery for this round.



Thanks to both the Gumbies and the Wonders receiving sizeable defeats to the OOFs & Deez respectively, the Monarchists are now the only remaining undefeated team with a 3-1-0 record as well as the highest percentage of all teams. They are a game clear of the Deez, Gumbies, Bears & 'Rats.

The Dragons & Furies on the other hand have played seven games between them and have lost all seven to remain stuck on the bottom of the ladder as if free kicks were like tony's cement shoes ("Fighting Furies sleep with the fishes" and so on).

Some trends are starting to emerge at this juncture as well. The Wonders are the team most affected by the influence of affirmation noises on qumpires, given their +15 free kick differential playing at home vs playing away. The Gumbies are the opposite, with a -10 home vs away differential. And when we look at free kick wins affecting qooty results, it's the OOFs that are getting the rub of the green thanks to their +16 differential of free kicks received in qooty victories vs qooty defeats, while my Wazzas with our -8 differential are doing the needful despite the qumpires doing us dirty correcting us for our anti-social behaviour on field. Thank you Sir, may we have another?

As for the Spoons...

​

It's still the Tarkyn_24 show, as everything should be. Tarks is generous enough to allow teammate Yakker to lead the Little Spoon on 20 frees for, as both of them received five frees in their round 4 drubbing of the Wonders, leaving Tarks to sit in third spot on 16 kicks. Sandwiched in between them is Bear Senor M on 17 frees for, while hotchilli (15) & norway blue (14) round out the top five.

If Tarks was generous with frees for, he's greedy for conceding them as his 10 frees against sees him lead the Big Spoon tally by two. Agent93 Cap & rappin' RonnieRaven have given away eight frees each, one more than Barrybran CakeEater GremioPower Senor M & tigs2010 who round out a Rubenesqe top five.

That'll do for now nerds, until next week.

 

[Tarkyn_24]

Tarks

 

[Yakker]

Yaks

 

[Tonga Bob]

Oh hi nerds. Working week is almost done, weather's grim but it's warm in the pub. And it's time to reflect upon free kickery for round five, so let's get into character.



Despite drawing with the Bears 11-11, the Monarchists retain top spot on the table for the fourth straight week as the only team to have not lost a free kick count in season 36. The Deez remain second after inflicting the fifth straight loss on the Dragons, who are only saved from the bottom of the table because the also winless Furies have a lower free kick differential (-16) in four games than the Dragons (-11) have in five.

Elsewhere the Wonders had the biggest win of the round beating the once-invincible Roys 16-10, while the Phoenix Bombers & Warriors also tasted qumpiring favour in round five.

Meanwhile in Spoonsville...

​

As Peter Garrett sang in that song he sung, "The rich getting richer, the poor get the picture..." as both spoon leaders maintain and/or extend their margins. Yakker is now five frees for in the lead for the Little Spoon thanks to the three frees he received. Senor M is in second spot, a single kick ahead of norway blue and Tarkyn_24 who both are on 17. ant555 hotchilli & tigs2010 are a further kick back in equal fifth place.

Tarks also conceded two kicks to move to 12 frees against, maintaining his two kick Big Spoon lead over Cap who also gave away a brace. In equal third are _Mike_ (who conceded three frees) Senor M & tigs2010 (both giving away two each) who are a further kick behind. What's interesting this season when compared to others is the fact that three people are in both of the top fives simultaneously. Bloody big fat greedy gutses.

Anyhooselbies, that's enough qumpiring analysis for one week. I shall return with more in about seven Fridays time.