Banter Dad Joke Quarantine Thread

[Portwon]

Would have told him I ain't gonna help....

fix it Yusuf...

 

[Grave Danger]

 

[philreich]

Policeman: Why didn’t you report your stolen credit card earlier?

Man: Because the thief was spending less than my wife.

Policeman: So why are you reporting it now?

Man: Because I think the thief’s wife has started using it!!!

 

[Jojay]

 

[bomberclifford]

 

[SC_Power]

One of my favourite memories as a kid was when my brothers used to put me inside a tire and roll me down a hill. …

Ah, those were the Goodyears.

 

[SC_Power]

On my first day of school, the principal came up and introduced himself to me and my Dad.

“What's your name?" he asks me.
I said "D-d-d-dav-dav-David, sir."

He looks at me, then asks my Dad "How long has David had a stutter?".
“No sir, he’s fine but I do ….. and the hospital clerk who filled out his birth certificate was a real jerk."

 

[GremioPower]

Easter is coming

 

[JimmyBC]

Policeman: Why didn’t you report your stolen credit card earlier?

Man: Because the thief was spending less than my wife.

Policeman: So why are you reporting it now?

Man: Because I think the thief’s wife has started using it!!!

Why would you disagree with a joke Schulzenfest ?

 

[Schulzenfest]

Why would you disagree with a joke Schulzenfest ?

Because on top of not being funny it's also outdated misogynistic s**t.

 

[JimmyBC]

Because on top of not being funny it's also outdated misogynistic s**t.

Ahh the white knighting for the womens routine, jeezus it's the most inoffensive joke imaginable.

 

[Grave Danger]

I only know two, maybe three Mowtown puns

Four tops

 

[Portology]

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[pastmyprimus]

Husband : for the last 28 years, all you’ve done is find mistakes in anything I say

Wife : that’s 29 years

 

[Ford Fairlane]

Gonna admit, I was waiting for the running dude to grab a rifle from out of the truck.

 

[SC_Power]

Lachie Jones and Charlie Dixon

22

Charlie Dixon

Age

33

Ht

200cm

Wt

110kg

Pos.

Fwd

Career

Season

Last 5

D

11.7

3star

K

6.9

3star

HB

4.7

3star

M

4.0

4star

T

2.2

4star

G

1.6

5star

D

10.5

3star

K

7.0

3star

HB

3.5

2star

M

5.0

5star

T

1.5

2star

G

2.5

5star

D

8.2

2star

K

4.4

2star

HB

3.8

3star

M

2.0

3star

T

1.8

4star

G

0.8

4star

went to the Bend for a drag race.
They inched to the line… the race caller announced “On Your Mark”….
Charlie put one hand in the air, Lachie dropped the clutch…..

 

[Grave Danger]

conjunctivitis.com

 

[pastmyprimus]

A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit “what’ll ya have?” The rabbit says “I dunno. I’m only here because of autocorrect”

 

[philreich]

Husband : for the last 28 years, all you’ve done is find mistakes in anything I say

Wife : that’s 29 years

Can relate - I've been married for 28 years!!!

 

[VineValerian]

Can relate - I've been married for 28 years!!!

Same here!