LeverPuller
BigFooty Tanker
- Jun 23, 2011
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- #251
Melbourne talks to West Coast about Cale Morton:
Certified Legendary Thread The Cut
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Wonaeamirri33
Lovable Whore With A Heart Of Gold
10k Posts
Bay 13: Flog of the Year
Chocolate
Artist
Ruby
- May 10, 2009
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Sadly, it seems my W33 YouTube id and the glorious contents within, such as those that occupied this thread, have also now been cut, mainly because Fox didn't like me posting any Simpsons clips, and with YouTube being Fox's bitch, well... 
Got a new JackViney id there now, but all the previous material will be resurrected in time on a video host which still remains a bastion of freedom, namely Vimeo.
Got a new JackViney id there now, but all the previous material will be resurrected in time on a video host which still remains a bastion of freedom, namely Vimeo.
LeverPuller
BigFooty Tanker
- Jun 23, 2011
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- #254
I got 4 of the 6, not too shabby!
- May 6, 2012
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The conversation which lead to the trade of Cale Morton:
Cale: Hey Mark, I think I'm gonna come to pre-season a week late this year. Just wanna freshen' up you know?
Neeld: Umm excuse me.
Cale: Yeh, I heard a couple of the boys say it would be fine, I mean C'mon Needly, Bails let us re-schedule our 3km trial because a couple of the boys had a big night out. And I even heard that Daniher played Adam Yze in the seniors, when even Adam knew he shoulda been played in the two's.
Neeld: Well then Cale, since you put it that way, sure, you can have an extended break. And who were the other boys who put you up to this?
Cale: Oh, umm you know just Me Bater, Ricky and JB. Yeh, we all thought of it.
Neeld: Oh well, you boy's have just earned your self some extra time off. In fact this took real courage Cale.
Cale: Why it certainly did Neeldy, to be honest I was afraid you'd say no.
Neeld: Nooo, why would I say that? In fact, you boys outta' be in the leadership group the way you just came in here and told me how it is.
Cale: Really!
Neeld: No you piece of string! You go tell that pin head pettard and that pussy Bennell that they're never to step foot in this club again!
Cale: oh, and what about bater?
Neeld: what about him?
Cale: well what should I tell him? Is he cut?
Neeld: WTF? I thought i already told that petty excuse for a 'muso' his time was up. Hell, he's still probably in my office trying to complete the turning circle out the door.
Cale: Harsh, but true. So what about me, i take it I'm not getting an extra week off?
Neeld: Oh, know you'll be getting a week off Cale, we're even gonna let you have a holiday back to your homeland.
Cale: Oh gee Neeldy, how can I repay you? What do you want in return?
Neeld: Nothing Cale, that's why we were so happy when we got pick 88.
Cale: Hey Mark, I think I'm gonna come to pre-season a week late this year. Just wanna freshen' up you know?
Neeld: Umm excuse me.
Cale: Yeh, I heard a couple of the boys say it would be fine, I mean C'mon Needly, Bails let us re-schedule our 3km trial because a couple of the boys had a big night out. And I even heard that Daniher played Adam Yze in the seniors, when even Adam knew he shoulda been played in the two's.
Neeld: Well then Cale, since you put it that way, sure, you can have an extended break. And who were the other boys who put you up to this?
Cale: Oh, umm you know just Me Bater, Ricky and JB. Yeh, we all thought of it.
Neeld: Oh well, you boy's have just earned your self some extra time off. In fact this took real courage Cale.
Cale: Why it certainly did Neeldy, to be honest I was afraid you'd say no.
Neeld: Nooo, why would I say that? In fact, you boys outta' be in the leadership group the way you just came in here and told me how it is.
Cale: Really!
Neeld: No you piece of string! You go tell that pin head pettard and that pussy Bennell that they're never to step foot in this club again!
Cale: oh, and what about bater?
Neeld: what about him?
Cale: well what should I tell him? Is he cut?
Neeld: WTF? I thought i already told that petty excuse for a 'muso' his time was up. Hell, he's still probably in my office trying to complete the turning circle out the door.
Cale: Harsh, but true. So what about me, i take it I'm not getting an extra week off?
Neeld: Oh, know you'll be getting a week off Cale, we're even gonna let you have a holiday back to your homeland.
Cale: Oh gee Neeldy, how can I repay you? What do you want in return?
Neeld: Nothing Cale, that's why we were so happy when we got pick 88.
Franky_024
Club Legend
- Oct 18, 2011
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Mark: I'm sorry, Cale, but it's over. So here's all your Creedence Clearwater albums back.
Cale: And now, a sad moon is on the rise.
Mark: I know, devastating. But it's not you, it's your weak womany hands.
Cale: They're not...
Mark: It's like being choked by a child. Which I thought would be hot, but...
Cale: No, wait! I'll take steroids!
Mark: I can't wait! I need a man now, with monster hands.
Dawes: When can I put my things boss?
Neeldy addressing the players after the indigenous rumor was leaked to the media
Neeld: All right which one of you sold me out? OK, OK I'm gonna turn around and close my eyes, and I want the guilty party to step forward. No judgments you won't be punished I just want to know who did it, OK.
[Cough]
Neeld: Traitor! Dirty bastard traitor! I knew it was you, number ...
Royal: 36.
Neeld: Number 36! Strike him from the roster, Brian!
Cale: And now, a sad moon is on the rise.
Mark: I know, devastating. But it's not you, it's your weak womany hands.
Cale: They're not...
Mark: It's like being choked by a child. Which I thought would be hot, but...
Cale: No, wait! I'll take steroids!
Mark: I can't wait! I need a man now, with monster hands.
Dawes: When can I put my things boss?
Neeldy addressing the players after the indigenous rumor was leaked to the media
Neeld: All right which one of you sold me out? OK, OK I'm gonna turn around and close my eyes, and I want the guilty party to step forward. No judgments you won't be punished I just want to know who did it, OK.
[Cough]
Neeld: Traitor! Dirty bastard traitor! I knew it was you, number ...
Royal: 36.
Neeld: Number 36! Strike him from the roster, Brian!
- Apr 2, 2012
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- Moderator
- #257
In light of recent events:
Dean Bailey: (Answering a mysterious late night phone call) Yelloh?
Caller: Dean, this is God... Frey Jones from the TV magazine show 'Rock Bottom'. We're aware of your problems and Mr Bailey, we'd like to help.
Bailey: Hmmm I saw that report you did on Sasquatch, it was fair and even-handed. I'll do it!
The next day Bailey is interviewed.
Bailey: Well someone had to coach the Dees at the end of 2007 so I offered to take the job. Then I noticed in late '09 we were sitting in last place. So I, and the football department planned to hold a think-tank before the Richmond game to discuss our list management strategy and prepare for the upcoming draft when we'd have some juicy picks to use. Oh lord, just thinking about how good those picks were! Arghghhh (drools).
But the most important part is, we didn't tan-
Jones: That was really great Mr Bailey, we got everything we need.
That evening, Dean sits down with his family to watch the interview:
Bailey: He he, here comes the bouncing ball of justice!
TV: Tonight on Rock Bottom, we go undercover on a sex farm for sex hookers. But first: They were a bunch of talented young athletes who'd devoted their lives to football, until a grossly overweight pervert named Dean Bailey gave them a crash course in depravity; 'Baileyball and the beast'
Bailey: Awww crap.
TV (Bailey, from earlier): Well someone had to coach the Dees at the end of 2007. Then I noticed in late '09 we were sitting in last place. So I, and the football department, planned to - tank the Richmond game - and planned to - tank - for the upcoming draft - we'd have some juicy picks - tank - for ju-ju-juicy picks. Oh lord just thinking about those juicy picks!
Presenter: So Mr Bailey, you admit you tanked for draft picks, what do you have to say in your defence?
...
Mr. Bailey your silence will only incriminate you further.
NO! Mr. Bailey don't take your anger out on me! Get back, get back! Mr Bailey noooo!
Dramatisation, may not have happened.
(Bailey turns of the TV, turns to his wife and kids)
Bailey: Pack your things kids, we're going to start a new life... under the sea!
Dean Bailey: (Answering a mysterious late night phone call) Yelloh?
Caller: Dean, this is God... Frey Jones from the TV magazine show 'Rock Bottom'. We're aware of your problems and Mr Bailey, we'd like to help.
Bailey: Hmmm I saw that report you did on Sasquatch, it was fair and even-handed. I'll do it!
The next day Bailey is interviewed.
Bailey: Well someone had to coach the Dees at the end of 2007 so I offered to take the job. Then I noticed in late '09 we were sitting in last place. So I, and the football department planned to hold a think-tank before the Richmond game to discuss our list management strategy and prepare for the upcoming draft when we'd have some juicy picks to use. Oh lord, just thinking about how good those picks were! Arghghhh (drools).
But the most important part is, we didn't tan-
Jones: That was really great Mr Bailey, we got everything we need.
That evening, Dean sits down with his family to watch the interview:
Bailey: He he, here comes the bouncing ball of justice!
TV: Tonight on Rock Bottom, we go undercover on a sex farm for sex hookers. But first: They were a bunch of talented young athletes who'd devoted their lives to football, until a grossly overweight pervert named Dean Bailey gave them a crash course in depravity; 'Baileyball and the beast'
Bailey: Awww crap.
TV (Bailey, from earlier): Well someone had to coach the Dees at the end of 2007. Then I noticed in late '09 we were sitting in last place. So I, and the football department, planned to - tank the Richmond game - and planned to - tank - for the upcoming draft - we'd have some juicy picks - tank - for ju-ju-juicy picks. Oh lord just thinking about those juicy picks!
Presenter: So Mr Bailey, you admit you tanked for draft picks, what do you have to say in your defence?
...
Mr. Bailey your silence will only incriminate you further.
NO! Mr. Bailey don't take your anger out on me! Get back, get back! Mr Bailey noooo!
Dramatisation, may not have happened.
(Bailey turns of the TV, turns to his wife and kids)
Bailey: Pack your things kids, we're going to start a new life... under the sea!
Marlowe
𝓤𝓷𝓽𝓸𝓾𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓫𝓵𝓮
- Mar 12, 2012
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Now it's time for the 'Innocence Report' with Dean Bailey.
Dean Bailey: Hello. I am Dean Bailey, or as some of you wags have dubbed me, "Father Goose". You know, everybody believed the worst about me right away; nobody cares that I didn't do it. But I didn't! Okay, look: I've done some bad things in my life, but tanking games is not one of them! Like one time, we were having this race with the stupid old-timey bicycle with the big wheel in front, so I figure, "We'll see about that!" So I get this big chunk of cinderblock, and --
Chris Connolly: [making choking noises]
Dean Bailey: Whoop, gotta go! Remember: innocent!
Dean Bailey: Hello. I am Dean Bailey, or as some of you wags have dubbed me, "Father Goose". You know, everybody believed the worst about me right away; nobody cares that I didn't do it. But I didn't! Okay, look: I've done some bad things in my life, but tanking games is not one of them! Like one time, we were having this race with the stupid old-timey bicycle with the big wheel in front, so I figure, "We'll see about that!" So I get this big chunk of cinderblock, and --
Chris Connolly: [making choking noises]
Dean Bailey: Whoop, gotta go! Remember: innocent!
tasmanlvr
Club Legend
2009: Before 'The Vault' meeting:
'Greetings, friends. Do you wish to look as happy as me? Well, you've got the power inside you right now. So, use it, and send yourself to see Happy Dude, at the Junction Oval, St Kilda. Don't delay, eternal happiness is just a tank away!'
2012: Melbourne lose pick four:
'Hello, this is Cameron Schwab, a.k.a. Happy Dude. The club has ordered me to call every member in town to apologise for my tanking scam. I'm sorry. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, send one dollar to Sorry Dude, Casey Fields, Cranbourne. You have the power.'
'Greetings, friends. Do you wish to look as happy as me? Well, you've got the power inside you right now. So, use it, and send yourself to see Happy Dude, at the Junction Oval, St Kilda. Don't delay, eternal happiness is just a tank away!'
2012: Melbourne lose pick four:
'Hello, this is Cameron Schwab, a.k.a. Happy Dude. The club has ordered me to call every member in town to apologise for my tanking scam. I'm sorry. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, send one dollar to Sorry Dude, Casey Fields, Cranbourne. You have the power.'
Bluelegs
Celebrating what we're good at
Dean Bailey wakes up inside the vault, he is lying down, with his arms and legs restrained by cuffs spread to the edges of the table he is lying on.
Connolly: Good evening, Coach 26
Bailey: My name is Dean Bailey
Connolly: And members of your curious profession are few in number. You have been recognized - let's say by one of your players, who is licensed to play. Oh that interesting tank of yours! I too have a new toy, but considerably more practical. You are looking at an industrial tank which emits an extraordinary ability to lose matches, not to be found by the AFL. It can force players to kick clangers or at closer range, cause serious injury during play. I will show you.
Connolly snaps fingers towards control room, the tank activates with a red laser emitted from it, aimed between Bailey's legs, slowly burning through the tabletop. Connolly points to the draft order.
Connolly: These are priority picks Mister Bailey. All my life I've been inlove with its potential, its options, its divine trade value. I welcome any enterprise which will increase my stock, which is considerable.
The laser continues to move closer to Bailey's crotch.
Bailey: I think you've made your point, Connolly. Thank you for the demonstration.
Connolly: Choose your next witticism carefully, Mister Bailey. It may be your last. The purpose of our previous partnership is now very clear to me. I do not intend to be distracted by another. Good-night, Mister Bailey.
Bailey: Do you expect me to tank?
Connolly: No, Mister Bailey. I expect you to die!
Connolly: Good evening, Coach 26
Bailey: My name is Dean Bailey
Connolly: And members of your curious profession are few in number. You have been recognized - let's say by one of your players, who is licensed to play. Oh that interesting tank of yours! I too have a new toy, but considerably more practical. You are looking at an industrial tank which emits an extraordinary ability to lose matches, not to be found by the AFL. It can force players to kick clangers or at closer range, cause serious injury during play. I will show you.
Connolly snaps fingers towards control room, the tank activates with a red laser emitted from it, aimed between Bailey's legs, slowly burning through the tabletop. Connolly points to the draft order.
Connolly: These are priority picks Mister Bailey. All my life I've been inlove with its potential, its options, its divine trade value. I welcome any enterprise which will increase my stock, which is considerable.
The laser continues to move closer to Bailey's crotch.
Bailey: I think you've made your point, Connolly. Thank you for the demonstration.
Connolly: Choose your next witticism carefully, Mister Bailey. It may be your last. The purpose of our previous partnership is now very clear to me. I do not intend to be distracted by another. Good-night, Mister Bailey.
Bailey: Do you expect me to tank?
Connolly: No, Mister Bailey. I expect you to die!
MAXIMUM GRUNDAGE
Premiership Captain
Vlad: Ms. Wilson we've been in here for four months. Do you have any evidence of Melbourne's tanking at all?
Caro: Well, Andrew. We've plenty of hearsay and conjecture. Those are kinds of evidence.
Caro: Well, Andrew. We've plenty of hearsay and conjecture. Those are kinds of evidence.
- Apr 10, 2010
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00Stinger
100 - 7
(Many MFC players, coaching staff, officials and reporters are gathered at a press conference)
AARON DAVEY:
Morton, Martin and Bennell were like teammates to me
And when i say teammates, I don't mean an actual teammate......
but I mean it the way umpires use it
which is more meaningful, I think.
If there's anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us...
it's that a Male Melbourne Football player's life is a precious, precious commodity.
Just because we have a tanking culture...
and a patheic win/loss ratio...
it doesn't mean that we can't get delisted by a freak hard-ass coach.
So today, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to take this opportunity...
to announce my retire...
(The speach is interupted as Jack Viney walkes into the room accompanied by a dj belting out the MFC theme song)
TIM HARRINGTON:
Viney........
He's so hot right now
Viney
AARON DAVEY:
Morton, Martin and Bennell were like teammates to me
And when i say teammates, I don't mean an actual teammate......
but I mean it the way umpires use it
which is more meaningful, I think.
If there's anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us...
it's that a Male Melbourne Football player's life is a precious, precious commodity.
Just because we have a tanking culture...
and a patheic win/loss ratio...
it doesn't mean that we can't get delisted by a freak hard-ass coach.
So today, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to take this opportunity...
to announce my retire...
(The speach is interupted as Jack Viney walkes into the room accompanied by a dj belting out the MFC theme song)
TIM HARRINGTON:
Viney........
He's so hot right now
Viney
Ha, they don't half look alike either.
Actually not sure which I'd be more uncomfortable with managing our list tbh...
tasmanlvr
Club Legend
Revealed: Brock McLean's farewell speech to his teammates.
McLean: Oh gosh. You know, I'm not much on speeches, but, it's so gratifying to leave you wallowing in the mess you've made. You're screwed, thank you, bye.
Bailey: He's right. He ain't much on speeches.
McLean: Oh gosh. You know, I'm not much on speeches, but, it's so gratifying to leave you wallowing in the mess you've made. You're screwed, thank you, bye.
Bailey: He's right. He ain't much on speeches.
00Stinger
100 - 7
Ha, they don't half look alike either.
Actually not sure which I'd be more uncomfortable with managing our list tbh...
I hear he got Davey to play on next season by offering to build him 'The Aaron Davey centre for kids who can't play footy good'. But it has to be 5 times bigger according to Davey
Bluelegs
Celebrating what we're good at
At least!
tasmanlvr
Club Legend
With all this 'development' over some of our blokes getting asked for a picture by a gang member in Vegas, I couldn't help but think of the Simpsons episode with the lemon tree.
Mark Neeld: Pardon me, neighbourinos. Some of our boys are hanging around with gang members in Vegas. You wouldn't have happenned to see them, by any chance?
Collingwood official #1: Sounds like Melbourne's got a discipline problem.
Collingwood official #2: Maybe that's why we beat them at football nearly half the time.
Schwab: How's Brent's new career going?
Neeld: Schwabby, the only thing Brent's doing is hanging around with gang members in Vegas.
Schwab: Come again?
Neeld: Schwabby, Brent went with a bunch of Melbourne players to pose in photos on gangster's Facebook pages.
Schwab: Connolly, come quick. Brent quit Melbourne and joined a violence gang!
Mark Neeld: Pardon me, neighbourinos. Some of our boys are hanging around with gang members in Vegas. You wouldn't have happenned to see them, by any chance?
Collingwood official #1: Sounds like Melbourne's got a discipline problem.
Collingwood official #2: Maybe that's why we beat them at football nearly half the time.
Schwab: How's Brent's new career going?
Neeld: Schwabby, the only thing Brent's doing is hanging around with gang members in Vegas.
Schwab: Come again?
Neeld: Schwabby, Brent went with a bunch of Melbourne players to pose in photos on gangster's Facebook pages.
Schwab: Connolly, come quick. Brent quit Melbourne and joined a violence gang!
tasmanlvr
Club Legend
Meanwhile, the tanking investigation continues.
Haddad: Chris, I had a lot of calls about you. Investigators love your no-pressure approach.
Connolly: Well, like we say, the right person for the right investigation.
Haddad: Listen, it's time I let you in on a little secret, Chris. "The right person" is the person that's involved, the "right investigation" is this tanking scandal.
Connolly: But all I did was tell the truth.
Haddad: Of course you did. But there's "the truth" (shakes head) and "the truth." (smiles wide)
Jack Viney's first game.
Todd Viney: Now son, on your first day of your football career, I'd like to pass along the words of advice my father gave me. [thinking what Grandpa told him]
Viney's dad: Todd, you're as dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you the ball, I say take it!
Todd Viney: Lousy traumatic childhood.
And finally, Morton's first day at West Coast training camp.
Worsfold: [Draws a name] John Worsfold, and [draws another] Cale Morton?
Morton: [Dissapointed] AWWW!!
Morton's Brain: Quiet, you idiot. You're on the only team that can't possibly be fired.
Morton: [Intrigued] Oh..
Haddad: Chris, I had a lot of calls about you. Investigators love your no-pressure approach.
Connolly: Well, like we say, the right person for the right investigation.
Haddad: Listen, it's time I let you in on a little secret, Chris. "The right person" is the person that's involved, the "right investigation" is this tanking scandal.
Connolly: But all I did was tell the truth.
Haddad: Of course you did. But there's "the truth" (shakes head) and "the truth." (smiles wide)
Jack Viney's first game.
Todd Viney: Now son, on your first day of your football career, I'd like to pass along the words of advice my father gave me. [thinking what Grandpa told him]
Viney's dad: Todd, you're as dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you the ball, I say take it!
Todd Viney: Lousy traumatic childhood.
And finally, Morton's first day at West Coast training camp.
Worsfold: [Draws a name] John Worsfold, and [draws another] Cale Morton?
Morton: [Dissapointed] AWWW!!
Morton's Brain: Quiet, you idiot. You're on the only team that can't possibly be fired.
Morton: [Intrigued] Oh..
d33my
Club Legend
Melbourne Demons - Jake Lever Player Sponsor 2018
Melbourne Demons - Katherine Smith AFLW Player Sponsor 2018
Unofficial Preview of the Year
Melbourne Demons - Ben Kennedy Player Sponsor 2017
Melbourne Demons - Katherine Smith AFLW Player Sponsor 2017
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Melbourne Demons - Dom Barry Sponsor 2014
Bigfooty Board: You know, there are three things we are never going to get rid of here at Melbourne. One; the shocking disposal efficiency of our midfield. Two; our inability to score in the first five minutes of a third quarter. And three; our most annoying defender, the moustached, brawl-inducing, free-kick milking, team-mate spraying Lynden Dunn.
Dunn: Hey! I no longer have a moustache.
Dunn: Hey! I no longer have a moustache.
LeverPuller
BigFooty Tanker
- Jun 23, 2011
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- #271
Quality bump.
RandB
Brownlow Medallist
- Sep 9, 2007
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- MUFC Norwood
The monster awakens.
LeverPuller
BigFooty Tanker
- Jun 23, 2011
- 35,101
- 40,615
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- Melbourne
- Other Teams
- Newcastle United Seattle Seahawks
- Thread starter
- #273
Mark Neeld: I've decided to bring in a few ringers, professional footballers. We'll give them token jobs at the MCG and have them play on our football team. Ivor Warne-Smith, Allan La Fontaine, Norm Smith...
Jason Taylor: Uh, Mark?
Neeld: What is it, Taylor?
Taylor: I'm afraid all those players have retired and, uhh...passed on. In fact, your central midfielder has been dead for 53 years.
Jason Taylor: Uh, Mark?
Neeld: What is it, Taylor?
Taylor: I'm afraid all those players have retired and, uhh...passed on. In fact, your central midfielder has been dead for 53 years.
tasmanlvr
Club Legend
Spencer: 'SAY IT NEELD, SAY I'VE NEVER WON YOU A GAME OF FOOTBALL... before.'
Neeld: 'Won? By you my primitive friend I'm afraid not. Your kind has neither the cranial capacity nor the opposable digits to correctly win us a game of football. The one who won us the game was... AHH! AHH! JAMES SELLAR!
[Mark Neeld is contemplating asking the AFL for permission to play Jesse Hogan in the 2013 premiership season, and he imagines several past Melbourne Football Club footballers talking to him.]
Neitz: Go ahead, Mark. Play-a the Hogan.
Schwarz: The AFL, she's so rich! She'll-a never notice!
Lyon: Duh, it's the company's fault for making you want it so much.
Morton: Don't do it, son. How's that kid going to improve your club?
Melbourne fans: Just take it! Takeit-takeit-takeit-takeit-takeit! Take it!!!
It's July 2013 and Melbourne have still not paid for their tanking fines.
Demetriou: Sorry we're late. Can we have the money now?
McLardy: The answer is no.
Demetriou: I'm afraid I must insist. You see, Gillon McLachlan, he has been most vocal on the subject of the tanking monies. "Where's the money? When are you going to get the money? Why aren't you getting the money now?" And so on. So, please, the money.
Neeld: 'Won? By you my primitive friend I'm afraid not. Your kind has neither the cranial capacity nor the opposable digits to correctly win us a game of football. The one who won us the game was... AHH! AHH! JAMES SELLAR!
[Mark Neeld is contemplating asking the AFL for permission to play Jesse Hogan in the 2013 premiership season, and he imagines several past Melbourne Football Club footballers talking to him.]
Neitz: Go ahead, Mark. Play-a the Hogan.
Schwarz: The AFL, she's so rich! She'll-a never notice!
Lyon: Duh, it's the company's fault for making you want it so much.
Morton: Don't do it, son. How's that kid going to improve your club?
Melbourne fans: Just take it! Takeit-takeit-takeit-takeit-takeit! Take it!!!
It's July 2013 and Melbourne have still not paid for their tanking fines.
Demetriou: Sorry we're late. Can we have the money now?
McLardy: The answer is no.
Demetriou: I'm afraid I must insist. You see, Gillon McLachlan, he has been most vocal on the subject of the tanking monies. "Where's the money? When are you going to get the money? Why aren't you getting the money now?" And so on. So, please, the money.
- Apr 2, 2012
- 9,869
- 12,365
- AFL Club
- Melbourne
- Moderator
- #275
Might be beating a dead horse here with the Morton/Cook bashing, but whatever:
(Roughly to the tune of Gilbert and Sullivan's 'Modern Major-General', although I think I went off the rhythm quite a bit)
Cale Morton: I am the very model of the modern squib in footy ball,
I'm prone to making efforts only half-hearted and pitiful,
I'm afraid of Brendan Lade, he makes my testicles retreat full,
Whenever I get a kick it's quite often unsuccessful,
Prendergast must lay awake at night rather regretful,
But who could guess I'd turn out to be so utterly shittyful?
At least Mark Neeld woke up and offered me up as trade bait,
Shame all he could get for me was pick number eighty-eight,
I'm quite superb at racking up a lofty loot of clangers,
From 20 yards I'd scarcely hit the side of an aircraft hanger,
In short, in matters at all relating to the sport of football,
I am the very epitome of everything detestable.
Over to Lucas Cook for the 2nd verse!
I think there's weights in the gym but I cannot tell for sure,
For in my time of playing sport I've never been through the door,
In the face of a contest I will approach with trepidation,
I think some of the boys believe I've undergone a castration,
Two seasons on the list without a single senior appearance,
At least Mark Neeld realised there was no point in perseverance,
But don't blame me for a decision of Barry Preder-ghastly!
It's not my fault that, that dumb prick got Melbourne to draft me,
Under any physical pressure I will fold like an accordion,
Even down at Casey I was woeful as a Scorpion,
In short, in matters at all relating to the sport of football,
I am the very epitome of everything detestable
And here's big Jake Spencer to close it out:
Why I'm still on the list is a point of much discussion,
Everybody knows our midfield's rooted without the Russian,
At least my performances offer up moments of comedy,
Although each of my kicks is an absolute atrocity,
But as a ruckman you should give me time to mature,
And hopefully I perform better than a pile of horse manure,
But in the meantime enjoy my potato-esque rendition,
And understand my shitness is not of my volition,
I see supporters turn away each time I take possession,
My mistakes on field are known to induce in some poor folks depression,
In short, in matters at all relating to the sport of football,
I am the very epitome of everything detestable
(Roughly to the tune of Gilbert and Sullivan's 'Modern Major-General', although I think I went off the rhythm quite a bit)
Cale Morton: I am the very model of the modern squib in footy ball,
I'm prone to making efforts only half-hearted and pitiful,
I'm afraid of Brendan Lade, he makes my testicles retreat full,
Whenever I get a kick it's quite often unsuccessful,
Prendergast must lay awake at night rather regretful,
But who could guess I'd turn out to be so utterly shittyful?
At least Mark Neeld woke up and offered me up as trade bait,
Shame all he could get for me was pick number eighty-eight,
I'm quite superb at racking up a lofty loot of clangers,
From 20 yards I'd scarcely hit the side of an aircraft hanger,
In short, in matters at all relating to the sport of football,
I am the very epitome of everything detestable.
Over to Lucas Cook for the 2nd verse!
I think there's weights in the gym but I cannot tell for sure,
For in my time of playing sport I've never been through the door,
In the face of a contest I will approach with trepidation,
I think some of the boys believe I've undergone a castration,
Two seasons on the list without a single senior appearance,
At least Mark Neeld realised there was no point in perseverance,
But don't blame me for a decision of Barry Preder-ghastly!
It's not my fault that, that dumb prick got Melbourne to draft me,
Under any physical pressure I will fold like an accordion,
Even down at Casey I was woeful as a Scorpion,
In short, in matters at all relating to the sport of football,
I am the very epitome of everything detestable
And here's big Jake Spencer to close it out:
Why I'm still on the list is a point of much discussion,
Everybody knows our midfield's rooted without the Russian,
At least my performances offer up moments of comedy,
Although each of my kicks is an absolute atrocity,
But as a ruckman you should give me time to mature,
And hopefully I perform better than a pile of horse manure,
But in the meantime enjoy my potato-esque rendition,
And understand my shitness is not of my volition,
I see supporters turn away each time I take possession,
My mistakes on field are known to induce in some poor folks depression,
In short, in matters at all relating to the sport of football,
I am the very epitome of everything detestable
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