Perfect long term relationships that go sour

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deedog2 said:
Just woke up... wow... had an epically awful nightmare, the worst one yet, it was the first one without any hope on my part that we could be together again. The last thing I remember is me asking 'are you doing this because you want to be with other men?' and she replied, 'Yes...'.

I'm literally shaking and crying as I type.

This is just pure torture.
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Long time reader/lurker , first (or rather , second technically ^) time poster
I’m so sorry that you’re hurting ❤️
Dreams can be our worst enemies sometimes - in that they can manifest our worst fears

I know it doesn’t feel like it at the moment , but you will get through this
It’s not only ok but good to cry and express your emotions . The fact that you’re talking about it shows that it’s a step in the right direction .

Others have given excellent practical advice on focusing on yourself , mindfulness, taking up new hobbies , getting into (or even more into ) shape , seeking professional help etc
We are here for you if you ever want to vent anonymously online (whether on the forum , or via PM). Take care and all the best x
 
Billy ray said:
it sucks man.
it really does.

but you will get through this.
have you started exercising? watching lots of footy? hanging out with mates more? even doing things on your own and being comfortable with who you are? things like hiking or going to a movie ?
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Thanks BR, I've been going to the footy a fair bit. In regards to exercising I'm trying, it's just many days the gym slowly turns into the pub on the way home. Alcohol is giving me some respite from the constant thoughts. I know its not the answer but I just... can't help it...

Im just really struggling with doing any activity that we used to do together. Even going food shopping at the moment is just so difficult...
 
MWPP said:
Long time reader/lurker , first (or rather , second technically ^) time poster
I’m so sorry that you’re hurting ❤️
Dreams can be our worst enemies sometimes - in that they can manifest our worst fears

I know it doesn’t feel like it at the moment , but you will get through this
It’s not only ok but good to cry and express your emotions . The fact that you’re talking about it shows that it’s a step in the right direction .

Others have given excellent practical advice on focusing on yourself , mindfulness, taking up new hobbies , getting into (or even more into ) shape , seeking professional help etc
We are here for you if you ever want to vent anonymously online (whether on the forum , or via PM). Take care and all the best x
Click to expand...

Thanks so much, it really means a lot.
 

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deedog2 said:
Thanks BR, I've been going to the footy a fair bit. In regards to exercising I'm trying, it's just many days the gym slowly turns into the pub on the way home. Alcohol is giving me some respite from the constant thoughts. I know its not the answer but I just... can't help it...
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Would going to the gym at a different time of day help ? Alcohol (even coming from someone who rarely /almost never drinks ) is indeed a quick fix for many people but as you said , it’s never the answer . You mentioned your friends/family earlier in the thread didn’t you ? They may not have gone through what you have , but more importantly , they love /care/look out for you

Im just really struggling with doing any activity that we used to do together. Even going food shopping at the moment is just so difficult...
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Reminders can be tough :(
Sometimes , all it takes is mixing up your routine a little (and creating new ones)

Would changing your food shopping routine eg going to a different supermarket , or even going at a different time of day /week help ? Or even going there instead of the pub on the way back from the gym ? (That’s actually when I tend to do my own grocery shopping haha. Cue jokes about shopping in activewear but who cares what others things :p)

I would suggest online ordering , but also think that simply heading out can also help .

I’m glad you have been going to the footy a fair bit (despite it only being round 1)

You’ll get there - with support and time ❤️
 
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MWPP said:
Would going to the gym at a different time of day help ? Alcohol (even coming from someone who rarely /almost never drinks ) is indeed a which fix for many people but as you said , it’s never the answer . You mentioned your friends/family earlier in the thread didn’t you ? They may not have gone through what you have , but more importantly , they love /care/look out for you


Reminders can be tough :(
Sometimes , all it takes is mixing up your routine a little (and creating new ones)

Would changing your food shopping routine eg going to a different supermarket , or even going at a different time of day /week help ? Or even going there instead of the pub on the way back from the gym ? (That’s actually when I tend to do my own grocery shopping haha. Cue jokes about shopping in activewear but who cares what others things :p)

I would suggest online ordering , but also think that simply heading out can also help .

I’m glad you have been going to the footy a fair bit (despite it only being round 1)

You’ll get there - with support and time ❤️
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Thanks for all your advice.
 
GotTheGoodes said:
Life has been great thanks heypenny!

It's been a while since I've dated & it's been a bit of an eye opener! The online dating thing is a bit harsh & superficial but seems to be the way it's done now. (I just don't get people trying to not look like themselves in their photos, anyway...). I've met up with a handful or so matches from Tinder & POF + met a few lovely women via friends of friends etc. Unfortunately none of them have lead to anything more serious than at most a few initial catch ups & 2 of which we might've hooked up a few times.

The one's that intrigued me the most I messed up by being bumbling awkward me... But life goes on! :)

Really enjoying the freedom of single life atm. I've been able to better focus on my career & planning things around me. Like footy, holidays, even small things like what to watch on telly, what to eat for dinner or what sheets to put on the bed. It's been good & I'm planning on making this year even gooderer :p
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Good to hear mate!

Re the one that got away. It is no fault of yours. I fully expect I was bumbling and awkward with my Mrs in the early days. It just wasn’t meant to be. You’ll find the right one.

Glad the year got better as it went on and you’re embracing single life! All the best


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Affirmations mate are the way to go.

Write down about 20 I am statements that you aspire to be.

Ie I am healthy, I am wealthy , I am enough, I am strong etc...

Say them out loud every single day.

Watch your mindset change.

I've been doing it only a couple of weeks and already I feel a subtle shift.

Try it.
 
Had a great weekend and things are good at the moment. It really helped my wife talking to somebody during the week. Over the weekend it was my birthday, my sons birthday and Easter so lots of opportunities to connect. But we also got some help from an unexpected place. My wife reconnected with an old friend on Saturday. They hadn't spoken for about 3 years. But apparently she was really advocating for me and helped bring a lot of things into perspective.

So, still things to strengthen and work on for the moment but a tension has been lifted and our connection has been rejuvenated. It took a lot of talking, rehashing of old issues and knowing when to walk away and take a breath. Our kids and some friends added some perspective and lightheartedness. Anyway, marriage is always work and needs to be tended to. We're off for a 7-day family trip on the weekend and I can't wait.
 
Catfish Alley said:
Had a great weekend and things are good at the moment. It really helped my wife talking to somebody during the week. Over the weekend it was my birthday, my sons birthday and Easter so lots of opportunities to connect. But we also got some help from an unexpected place. My wife reconnected with an old friend on Saturday. They hadn't spoken for about 3 years. But apparently she was really advocating for me and helped bring a lot of things into perspective.

So, still things to strengthen and work on for the moment but a tension has been lifted and our connection has been rejuvenated. It took a lot of talking, rehashing of old issues and knowing when to walk away and take a breath. Our kids and some friends added some perspective and lightheartedness. Anyway, marriage is always work and needs to be tended to. We're off for a 7-day family trip on the weekend and I can't wait.
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Good on you both for putting in the hard yards to fix things.
 
I can understand that feeling but that sounds miserable. It sounds like you had some great times together and eventually you’ll be able to look at that at smile. You’ll find something better.

Now is obviously not the time but eventually you’ll want to open up. You’ll find someone that will make your heart race again and hopefully you’re not so closed off that you’ll overlook it.
 
Catfish Alley said:
I can understand that feeling but that sounds miserable. It sounds like you had some great times together and eventually you’ll be able to look at that at smile. You’ll find something better.

Now is obviously not the time but eventually you’ll want to open up. You’ll find someone that will make your heart race again and hopefully you’re not so closed off that you’ll overlook it.
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Thanks, I know it sounds melodramatic, I just didn't know any other way to describe that feeling.. .
 

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today is 2 years since I walked out of my marriage. today is also the day I've shut down my own personal blog. I've taken a copy of it as i'd like to get it printed out one day for my own personal records. 178,000 words of pain, exhaustion, emotions.

i'm 18 months in my relationship with loz. things going extremely well. speak with the kids every couple of days, we've got a great routine. divorce is finalised, I got all the debt, but I got to keep all my super. strangely happy with that

when I think back to the memories I've got, I don't long for those days to return or anything like that, rather I look at them and know they helped me get to where I am today. I was a guy who should have realised a long time before I actually did that I deserved better. And now, I've got better. I've got a beautiful girl who loves me for all my flaws and imperfections and intricacies.

for those who are still hurting. let it out, keep on venting. I promise you it will get better
 
I am in a good place now, and to be honest the thought of getting serious with someone again is terrifying, when early on I thought I needed someone straight away.

I am living back in town, see the kids every second weekend and have them for dinner Tuesday and Wednesday nights as well. Thursday night is golf with mates and I look forward to my down time now. A quiet Monday night and my weekend off is spent slacking around the house/going out for a drink with mates/having a date.

The ex has already married the guy she left me for, ~15 months after we split, that was tough, mostly reading comments on wedding photos, which were along the lines of 'I wish you all the happiness in the world/congratulations/you deserve this'. I was so tempted to comment, and i'm glad I didn't. Thing is, I don't miss her at all, I just wish everyone could see her for the liar she is, but I think some already suspect that.

Since that day though, I've been quite happy.
 
W. Smithers said:
The ex has already married the guy she left me for, ~15 months after we split, that was tough, mostly reading comments on wedding photos, which were along the lines of 'I wish you all the happiness in the world/congratulations/you deserve this'. I was so tempted to comment, and i'm glad I didn't. Thing is, I don't miss her at all, I just wish everyone could see her for the liar she is, but I think some already suspect that.
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* she didn't waste any time did she
 
It's only been 4 months but it feels like an eternity.

My pattern at the moment is Sunday's and Monday are just a nightmare...still utter disbelief and I just still cannot accept it, even though my psychologist says I have to.. .

The next couple of days I am plagued with guilt, I try and stop the thoughts but they don't stop, like waves crashing into a shoreline...

Towards the end of the week I start to thing negative thoughts about her, about how I maybe deserved more (even though I don't believe thats true)

Some respite on the weekend... footy and not staring at a computer all day like I do during the week.

Rinse and repeat...

I get hammered on weekends, and try not to drink during the week.

I need to go to the gym more, but I'm just like, what's the point?

I want her to message me... with something...i know she won't, I haven't messaged her because I know she won't reply...

It just a vicious bastard of a nightmare that wont end...
 
deedog2 said:
It's only been 4 months but it feels like an eternity.

My pattern at the moment is Sunday's and Monday are just a nightmare...still utter disbelief and I just still cannot accept it, even though my psychologist says I have to.. .

The next couple of days I am plagued with guilt, I try and stop the thoughts but they don't stop, like waves crashing into a shoreline...

Towards the end of the week I start to thing negative thoughts about her, about how I maybe deserved more (even though I don't believe thats true)

Some respite on the weekend... footy and not staring at a computer all day like I do during the week.

Rinse and repeat...

I get hammered on weekends, and try not to drink during the week.

I need to go to the gym more, but I'm just like, what's the point?

I want her to message me... with something...i know she won't, I haven't messaged her because I know she won't reply...

It just a vicious bastard of a nightmare that wont end...
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One day at a time mate. Go back and read some of the positive advice in this thread provided to you and to others. It'll take time but it will get better.

Get to the gym. Working out and other forms of physical activity can definitely ease symptoms of depression or anxiety and make you feel better.
 
Continuing on from Catfish Alley story, I really encouraged my gf (of 5 years or so, I probably should know that?) to catch up with her friends a lot in the beginning and to be honest I don't even have to suggest she go catch up with friends any more, she probably hangs with her friends more than I do at present.
When you're living together and seeing each other every single day it becomes quite easy to start to get tired of the whole thing and going out with each other becomes a chore.

Where if we go out to do something together now it's cool. She gives me some grief for not attending all of the social events her friends group has (I'm talking brunch on a Sunday etc etc) but I am an absolute believer that if you're not actually going to enjoy yourself you're better off not going and bringing your partner down by being a miserable git.

I 100% don't believe in soul mates and I feel some people think that if everything isn't perfect then that person isn't the one for you. In my relationship we take the piss out of each other a lot and for me if I couldn't do that with someone then it wouldn't work. We all do things that annoy others and if you can rip on your partner for all that dumb stuff without them taking it as a personal insult then you're half way there.
 
Like others on here I'm starting to get used to being on my own
I hang out for the time I spend with my kids and work a lot
If I have spare time I like to take off randomly for a day and night somewhere on my days off
I still get very upset when she torments me, it's like a sport
I've thought of trying the dating thing but not there yet
I hope everyone is doing ok
Hearts take a long time to mend
 
Glacier said:
Like others on here I'm starting to get used to being on my own
I hang out for the time I spend with my kids and work a lot
If I have spare time I like to take off randomly for a day and night somewhere on my days off
I still get very upset when she torments me, it's like a sport
I've thought of trying the dating thing but not there yet
I hope everyone is doing ok
Hearts take a long time to mend
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It’s a tough journey but you sound like you’re nearly there
 
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