Dad jokes - add yours

[gokangas]

Need a bit of cheering up today so add your dad jokes here please. I will start.

I went to the optometrist today and found out I was colour blind. Didn't expect that - I thought "well that news just came out of the purple".

 

[Firestarter]

Why are libraries the tallest buildings? They have lots of stories.

 

[the big lebowski]

Do u have to be a dad to contribute?

 

[MagicDaw]

I use to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

 

[Kanga Glory]

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke? He won the no-bell prize.

 

[Firestarter]

Do u have to be a dad to contribute?

I'm not.

 

[rickety]

Old bloke looking pretty sad, sitting on a park bench. Jesus is walking by and wonders why he is so sad, so he asks, "Tell me old man, why are you so sad?" Old bloke replies " I miss my son. I haven't seen him an ages and I don't know where he is. I miss him so much" "That's a bit sad" says Jesus, "but I know a few people, perhaps we can find him if we all look, what does he look like?" "Well" starts the old man "he has a couple of rather distinguishing features". "That should make it easier for us" says Jesus, "what are they?" "Well he has holes in both his hands, and both his feet" says the old man. Jesus, is a little stunned, and looks at the holes in his own hands and feet, before spreading his arms and excitedly whispering "FATHER!" "PINOCCHIO!!!!!" exclaims the old man

 

[spurs]

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke? He won the no-bell prize.

Irish knock knock joke....
You start first....
You: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?

 

[gokangas]

My friend started a bonsai nursery - business is so good he is moving to smaller premises.

 

[JZTIME!]

i used to be a werewolf but im not anymooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooore

 

[gokangas]

Do u have to be a dad to contribute?

Nope - but you have to have had one.

 

[billnats]

What do you get if you cross a pirate and a pedophile?

Arrr Kelly

 

[the big lebowski]

What do you get if you cross a pirate and a pedophile?

Arrr Kelly

Hahahaha I’m stealing that

 

[roos_fanatic08]

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

“Where’s my tractor?”

 

[FootySmartSimpson]

I like to tell dad jokes. Sometimes he even laughs.

 

[spurs]

What’s the difference between an egg and a beetroot.....you can beat an egg but you can’t beat a root

 

[Mav]

What do Mexicans use to keep warm?

They use chicken fajitas.

 

[rickety]

What do you get if you cross a pirate and a pedophile?

Arrr Kelly

Well then, given the current climate ........ What time does a paedophile go to bed? When the big hand is on the little hand :-(

 

[rickety]

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy

 

[rickety]

My little mates' favourite What do cows watch on tv? Mooooovies

What are the best type of bees? Boobees :-D

 

[Mav]

Why did the baker have smelly hands?

Because he kneaded a poo.

 

[Phillyroo]

What did the fish say when it swam into the wall??

“Dam”

 

[Mav]

I know a frog.
The frog had a car.
But the car croaked it.
He had to get it toad.

 

[benbanjo]

What do you call a Brazilian who loses his car?






Carlos

 

[Luke72]

What do you call a Brazilian who loses his car?






Carlos

What do you call a lady lying across a trench?


Bridget