Dad jokes - add yours

[Harvey Manfrenjensenden]

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

You marry it



Why do men pass more gas than woman?

Because woman can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure

 

[see see]

View attachment 912258

She has a lovely poosay.

 

[gokangas]

What do you call a donkey with three legs? A wonkey.

 

[gokangas]

To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft Office. I will track you down - you have my Word.

 

[gokangas]

What do you call a factory that sells passable quality goods? A satisfactory.

 

[Hojuman]

A Richmond player, a Brisbane player and a North player walk into a bar. Tiger buys the first round, Lion buys the second. North player gets the third and drops all 3 glasses on the way back to the table.

 

[big_e]

What do you call a donkey with three legs? A wonkey.

What do you call a donkey that only has three legs, one eye, likes to listen to country music, is quite tall and slim, smells really bad, gets up early and hasn't had any coffee, is always getting up to mischief but is quite good looking?

A spunky hanky panky cranky stinky dinky lanky honky tonky winky wonky donkey.

 

[krakouers]

A Richmond player, a Brisbane player and a North player walk into a bar. Tiger buys the first round, Lion buys the second. North player gets the third and drops all 3 glasses on the way back to the table.

C'mon, now, honestly...

The North guy gets mugged in the bar while on CCTV, tape is wiped, no witnesses come forward and the North player is then forced to pay a fine and do 500 hours of community service

 

[KiwiRoo]

A Richmond player, a Brisbane player and a North player walk into a bar. Tiger buys the first round, Lion buys the second. North player gets the third and drops all 3 glasses on the way back to the table.

There's more to this story !
The Richmond players"owns" the bar through a third party so that they stay under their salary cap ,the Brisbane player is using additional funds approved by the AFL ,and the North player had to pay full price for the 3 beers because it was a Sunday night and it was his fault the place wasnt full

 

[see see]

What do you call a donkey that only has three legs, one eye, likes to listen to country music, is quite tall and slim, smells really bad, gets up early and hasn't had any coffee, is always getting up to mischief but is quite good looking?

A spunky hanky panky cranky stinky dinky lanky honky tonky winky wonky donkey.

 

[Harvey Manfrenjensenden]

I went to the Doctor's the other day and he said "You need to stop masturbating"

I said "for how long?"

He replied "At least until I finish this prostate exam"

 

[krakouers]

There's more to this story !
The Richmond players"owns" the bar through a third party so that they stay under their salary cap ,the Brisbane player is using additional funds approved by the AFL ,and the North player had to pay full price for the 3 beers because it was a Sunday night and it was his fault the place wasnt full

It’s almost a Dad joke on itself

 

[Bertie22]

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

He acquired his size from too much pi.

 

[Bertie22]

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

 

[jimandphilbadge]

A mechanic carrying jumper leads walks up to a nightclub entrance. The bouncer says "you can come in, but don't start anything"

 

[WayneShimmiesTheBush]

Razor Ray walks into an umpires bar. Obviously its been set real low.

I'll see myself out.

 

[Samsquanch]

A little boy asks his dad "Where does poo come from?"


His father is taken aback by the question but decides to give his son the facts straight up.

"Well son," he says, "food passes down the esophagus by peristalsis. It enters the stomach, where digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in the alimentary canal. This contracts the protein before waste enters the colon. Water is absorbed, whereupon it enters the rectum finally to emerge as poo."


"Wow," says the boy. "So where does Tigger come from?"

 

[krakouers]

 

[Hojuman]

View attachment 917383

 

[Bertie22]

The World Health Organisation has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. So, dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

 

[see see]

The World Health Organisation has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. So, dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

Quality

 

[Bertie22]

While I am on a roll...There will be a minor baby boom in 9 months and then in 2033 we shall witness the rise of the quaranteens.

 

[krakouers]

My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.

Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.

 

[ferball]

My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.

Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.

If it were served really really hot would it be justeam or juststeam?

 

[Bertie22]

What do you call panic buying of sausage and cheese in Germany?

The Wurst Kase scenario.