Dad jokes - add yours

[see see]

Did you hear about the circumcision Dr?

He slipped and got the sack.

He also works for tips.

 

[Luke72]

He also works for tips.

He had a wallet that if you rubbed turned into a briefcase

 

[ChoppyGun]

Daughter - "How do I look tonight, Dad?"

Dad - "With your eyes, darling"

 

[gokangas]

If a drummer comes out of retirement, would there be repercussions?

 

[andana]

I got sacked from the calendar factory after
I took a couple of days off.

 

[gokangas]

You hear about the drummer who had twin girls. Called them - anna 1, anna 2........

 

[Hojuman]

You hear about the drummer who had twin girls. Called them - anna 1, anna 2........

I heard they married twin sons of a Mexican fireman, JoseA and JoseB.

 

[jimandphilbadge]

Did you hear about the circumcision Dr?

He slipped and got the sack.

I remember hearing that one at primary school and telling my dad after. He asked me to explain the punchline and I had no idea

 

[gokangas]

At a concert, how do you know when the stage is level?

The drummer dribbles out of both sides of his mouth at the same time.

 

[Cold Gin]

Probably doesn't qualify as a dad joke, but...

An Israeli doctor says; “In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a mans testicles, put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work”.

The German doctor says;” That’s nothing, in Germany we take a part of the brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work”.

The Russian doctor says; “Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another’s chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work”.

The Australian doctor laughs; “You are all behind us. We took a man with no brains, no heart, and no balls and made him premier of Victoria. Now the whole state is looking for work!”

 

[gokangas]

I just found out Forrest Gump’s password. 1forrest1.

 

[gokangas]

If you tell dad jokes but don’t have any kids does that make you a faux pa?

 

[gokangas]

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.

 

[gokangas]

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Its ok - he woke up.

 

[gokangas]

Do you think those new glass coffins will be a success? Remains to be seen.

 

[gokangas]

The rotation of the earth really makes my day.

 

[gokangas]

I just saw a car being driven by a sheep in a swim suit. I think it was a lamb bikini.

 

[gokangas]

A mate got run over by a rental car. Said it Hertz.

 

[andana]

The local swimming pool reopens today
Because of social distancing only alternate lane will have water in it.

 

[andana]

As I suspected, someone has been secretly dumping sand on my garden.

The plot thickens.

 

[LETSGOKANGAS]

What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

One's a superhero, the other a command.

 

[gokangas]

I am old enough to remember when tinder was how a New Zealander liked his steak.

 

[KiwiRoo]

I am old enough to remember when tinder was how a New Zealander liked his steak.

much like Saint Kilda took "throwing a shrimp on the barbie" a bit too literally back in the day

 

[gokangas]

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey.
Then I turned myself around.

 

[gokangas]

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad an electrician I am.