Remove this Banner Ad

Beauty & Style Defecating oneself

  • Thread starter Thread starter cats81
  • Start date Start date
  • Tagged users Tagged users None

🥰 Love BigFooty? Join now for free.

Log in to remove this Banner Ad

Iv never actually shit myself, but have had few near misses with pissing. most recent being yesterday. was in drama, and see, normally i have bladder of steel, unless i laugh. then it just crumbles. anyway we were doing stereotyped acting, like hero, villain, damsil in distress and sidekicks. i had to be damsil in distress, and the 'hero' was holding me in the rescue position, you know the one. anyway, the people in my group were just being stupid and i was having a laugh attack and I was thinking "OMG WHAT IF I RELEASE MYSELF WHILE HE'S HOLDING ME!" i was really busting, as well, and we were on the senior campus and the toilets are way up the other end so i wudn't be able to get there anyway! I somehow got thru our group's performance, the walk back to the other campus and to the toilets. close call! :)
 
10 pint bottles of Bulmers at an inner city pub...the sulphites are a killer in those bottles.

I destroyed 3 shitters on my way to the next destination. Stomach churning like a mother****er...only a little mess to clean. Got through it remarkably well.

Had massive food poisoning which started at work. Luckily didn't shit between leaving work sick and home. Was vomiting and shitting concurrently for 3 days...lost 15 kgs. Best diet ever.
 
Tucker Max tells a very funny story about shitting oneself:

I hadn’t realized how supremely shit-housed I was until we stumbled into our room at the Embassy Suites. You ever been so drunk you forgot that you have to shit until the last minute? Well I was at that stage. I nearly had my pants completely off when SlingBlade snaked past me and got into the toilet first. Fine, I go get out of my bar clothes and change into a t-shirt and pink Gap boxers to sleep in. I wait patiently for about three minutes, then I start pounding on the door, screaming at him that I am going to shit on his bed if he doesn’t get out of there.

A short time later he opens the door laughing his ass off, and says, “That was perhaps the most prodigious shit ever. I just put that toilet into therapy.”

I take a gander into the bathroom. It looks like Revelations. The toilet is overflowing, brown shit water is spilling out all over the bathroom floor, and the tank is making demonic gurgling noises.

THE MOTHER****ER CLOGGED UP A HOTEL TOILET!

Hotel toilets are industrial size; they are designed to be able to accommodate repeated elephant-sized shits, and their ram-jet engine flushes generate enough force to suck down a human infant, yet skinny ass 170-pound SlingBlade completely killed ours.

I nearly panic. I let loose a flurry of unintelligible curse words at SlingBlade, punctuated by a “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!,” and knock over the lamp in my dash out of the room. The turtle is sticking his head out, and he is coming whether I am on a toilet or not.

I figure that there must be a bathroom somewhere in the lobby, so I shoot down the hall and hop in the elevator. Once in the lobby I can’t seem to spot a bathroom anywhere. So, I head around the corner to the front desk, which doesn’t face the lobby. It’s about 4am, and no one is at the desk. I furiously hit the bell for at least a minute–CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG –until some poor lady comes out with sleep lines all over her face and tells me that the bathroom in the corner of the lobby.

It is hard to describe, so let me give you an aerial picture of what the lobby looks like:

I turn the corner from the front desk into the lobby and realize I don’t know which side of the triangular lobby she is talking about. I don’t have time to go back and ask her, and I see a white door at the end of the left-hand side, so I quickly waddle towards it. Why am I waddling? Because I have to physically hold my butt cheeks together to prevent myself from crapping all over my pink Gap boxers. I am literally pressing my ass cheeks together with my hands. One of the prouder moments of my life.

I nearly bust the door off it’s hinges as I plow through it. I hear a loud, “AYYYY!!,” that almost literally scares the shit out of me. I jump back to see that this is a janitor’s closet, complete with a small Mexican lady janitor. I momentarily contemplate taking a dump in the janitors bucket, but decide against that, mainly because of the presence of said female janitor.

I try to be as diplomatic as possible, considering that I am about to crap my pants:

Tucker “WHERE IS THE BATHROOM?”
Janitor “No, no se habla Ingles.”
Tucker “WHAT?!? Huh, uh…DONDE ESTA ****ING BANO?”
Janitor “AYA, AYA!”

She points across the lobby. About 60 yards from where I am standing, at the complete other end of the lobby, there is a set of doors that have a large “Restroom” sign over them. Right where the front desk lady said it would be, except on the opposite side of the lobby.

I have about half a second to make a crucial decision: I can either sprint and hope I make it there before I shit in my boxers, or I can stick my thumb up into my ass and shuffle the 60 yards to lavatory freedom. The decision is simple: I break into a full-on dead-ass sprint.

I am a decent athlete, I played football, baseball and basketball in high school, and I stay in good shape. I have run from cops before, I have run from guard dogs, from a legitimate drive-by shooting once while in Kentucky, but I don’t think I have ever run that fast in my life. Nothing motivates like the prospect of being covered in human excrement.

Unfortunately, I was not fast enough. It went something like this:

-20 yards into the run I feel my boxers start to sag.
-30 yards into the run, about halfway, I feel my ass crack and legs get noticeably wet.
-40 yards into the run, my boxers have slid down to mid thigh. I am struggling to keep it together.
-50 yards into the run, I can feel wetness all over me and little specs of something hitting the back of my head and ears.

By the time I get to the bathroom door, the end of the 60 yards, I have completely lost it.

I am shitting myself. Full on crapping in my pink Gap boxers.

I step out of my boxers as I crash through the door. Shit is puddled in the seat. I blindly hurl them away from me, and nearly break the door to the first stall. I plop down on the seat and immediately slide off, because my ass is covered in slimy, runny feces. All the while, my butt hole is spouting forth waste. I finally get situated on the toilet and lose perhaps 20 pounds in the next 2 minutes.

During a short respite in my nearly superhuman flow of crap, I notice that the toilet is almost completely full of shit, so I flush. Predictably, the toilet overflows. Great. I move to the next stall, and continue my little adventure, except this time I courtesy flush every few seconds.

By the time I finish, I am physically exhausted, completely dehydrated, and my eyes are tearing up from shitting so hard. I laugh at the inadequacy of toilet paper to clean my body. I take my shirt off and see that the back of it is completely covered in little specks of shit that my heels kicked up from the diarrhea that ran down my legs as I ran. I throw the shirt in the trash, and then see the mirror. My pink Gap boxers are crumpled in a ball on the sink, with a thick black streak leading from the top of the mirror down to them. This is their final resting place.

Completely naked and covered in my own poop, I chuckle, because at this point if I don’t laugh I have to cry. As I open the bathroom door to the lobby, I think to myself, “Who else on earth could be having a worse night than me?”

My question is immediately answered.

I see a trail of shit, starting very wide at my feet, getting progressively smaller until it apexes at the chunky white shoes of none other than the small Mexican lady janitor.

Her eyes met mine. We may have been separated by numerous religious, language and socioeconomic barriers, but the “What the **** just happened?” expression on her face crossed all boundaries.

Now really–picture this scene: I am butt-ass naked, crap plastered all over my ass, legs, back and head, standing about 20 yards away from a Mexican maid, with a trail of black liquid shit leading from her directly to me. What would you do? I wasn’t sure. I don’t think there is any defined etiquette for this situation.

I shrug my shoulders, say, “Uhh, sorry. I mean, uh–lo siento. Good night. Buenos noche–or whatever,” and calmly walk to the elevator.

From the glass window in the elevator, I can see her sobbing. The rest of the lobby tells me why: Not only had my legs kicked shit up on the back of my ears and head, they had sprayed little specs of poop all over EVERYTHING. The couches, the walls, everywhere.

Come to think of it, she wasn’t sobbing. I believe “hysterical crying” would be a better descriptive term. Oh well, someone has to clean up my messes, and it sure as shit isn’t going to be me.

When I get back to the room, SlingBlade is already in bed. He rolls over, takes one look at me and, never one for sympathy, begins laughing uncontrollably. He literally has to stop laughing because he strains his abdominal muscle. It takes him five whole minutes before he can get the words out,

SlingBlade “Where–where the **** are your pants?”
Tucker “**** YOU arseh*le. This is all your fault, Mr. Rhino Dump. If you hadn’t had that miscarriage in our toilet I wouldn’t be COVERED IN SHIT!”

He couldn”t stop laughing long enough to respond. I took what remained of my dignity and got in the shower. As I was cleaning the poop off my back, I could hear him yell out:

“This is clear proof that there is a God, and he is just!”
Click to expand...
 
Never really shared the story of how I lost my v-plates with anyone so here goes GD.

Ok, well when I was 17 my girlfriend at the time was finally ready to have sex. I, as one might expect of a 17 year old, was very excited. Neither hell nor high water was going to stand between me and my final destination.

I got ready for the night, trim my pubes and shower extra well. Unfortunately there was also an issue which I still have to this day. I have a digestive disorder that sometimes causes my shit to become large and quite solid whilst still inside me. At the time, I wasn't aware it was treatable and just thought everyone had to deal with the equivalent of anal kidney stones. So anyway I bring this up because that day I was brewing a mighty log which had been loaded into the gun for several days.

Let me set the scene. My girlfriend's parents are away so we have her house to ourselves. She was always a little kinky so she demands we do it on her parents bed.

I walked into a damn candle holocaust. She's been working on this all day apparently, and its as bright as high noon in there with the lights off. She proceeds to do a sweet, sexy little dance for me. At 16, she was AMAZING. Then again, she was a Britney Spears fan and always watched her music videos. For those of you who never experienced a female at that age, I pity the fool.

Now I'm sitting on the bed, watching this dance. I smile and think about how good she looks but unfortunately, a lot of my attention is focused on the dull throbbing in my sphincter and the large amount of intestinal discomfort associated with not dropping duce in days. Somehow though I still get hard and we go to town.

She starts out on top, then we switch. I bent her over the bed, and I even smacked her ass hard (I consider this a ballsy move for your first time, but she actually seemed to love it). Due to my built up 'distraction', I last for what seemed like forever. She couldn't stop moaning and telling me how good it felt even though she was in some pain, and then she says what every man loves to hear - "I want you to go in my mouth".

So she goes down on me. She was always average at best in this department but at least she tried. She then takes my dick out of her mouth for long enough to look up at me and say "tell me if you like this". Then I feel it.

She stuck her finger up my ass.

My brain hits the panic switch and every muscle in my entire body locks up tighter than a three year old virgin. But its too late.

I take a massive, PAINFUL, PAINFUL shit, all over her parents comforter.

No. You don't understand. I mean large. Huge. IMMENSE. Take the largest shit you've ever done and multiply that by 42 and you might have an idea of what flew out of me.

And gents, when I say flew, I don't mean your regular dump. I mean projectile. I mean "hurricane force winds hitting an umbrella stand". And due to my condition, it comes out as a large, dark brown, rotten harpoon.

I know some of it hit her even though I didn't see it. She ran out screaming "OH MY GOD OHMYGODOHMYGODEEEEEWWWWWWWW" I always imagined that, due to her position, it hit her right in the chin. Or at least the ****.

I would like to say that I got up to go after her but she was too quick. I heard the bathroom door shut so I just stood there frozen in shock. Then the smell hit me after a few seconds. It smelled like someone rolled a cat in shit and threw it into a tire fire. I looked down and saw, to date, the largest bowel movement I've ever done laying on the bed. Then I noticed the blood, and when I did, I noticed the pain.

Apparently the fact that it was so large caused it to rip my anal walls a little bit and thus bleed (I thought I was bleeding from the inside but the doctor's trip the next day is what taught me of my actual condition in the first place).

There was a small pool of blood where my ass had been near the bed. A final reminder of the exact place and moment I lost my virginity. I will treasure this memory for all my days.

I had to try to fix the situation so without giving a ****, I grabbed my shit with both hands and go to her downstairs bathroom. I throw around a third into the toilet and flush, fearing any more will clog it and only add to my already significant woes.

I go back to the bedroom and I'm just standing there in disbelief, holding the remaining two thirds of my biggest shit of all time, before feeling a trickle of blood flow down my leg, whilst trying to ignore the sharp stabbing pain in my rectum. I find myself wishing I had a photo of this to take to a psychologist.

Anyway, I finish flushing my baby, clean off my hands, jam toilet paper between my cheeks for the blood (I skipped the bandaid as it was too small) and went upstairs. I could hear my girlfriend sobbing from behind the bathroom door. I decided not to say anything to her and just keep moving. The smell in her parents room was abysmal. Its like when you take a shit and walk out of the bathroom and think "hey not so bad today", but then you walk back in to grab your magazine and go "****!!!". It was one of those moments.

The scene is burned behind my eyelids for eternity. My life. My shame. My very first time smelled like a pile of dead babies. I quickly got dressed since the heat from ten thousand candles was making the room feel more like a port-a-potty. I was aware enough to grab the comforter on my way out and drag it downstairs to their washer. Also the top and bottom sheets since the blood had leaked through all the way to the mattress. Still no sign of my girlfriend but at this point I considered it a blessing that she still wasn't there.

I jammed the sheets in the washer with 3 loads worth of detergent and set it on spin, knowing that not even the hand of God would save these linens, let alone Omo.

Then I left. I avoided my girlfriend's calls for days until we arranged for her to come to my house. We had a long talk about what happened. Talk being synonymous with "breaking up with me because I had shat on her". And it was all over. We had broken up. She promised not to tell a soul and I don't think she ever did. She was probably as ashamed as I was about the whole deed. The moment she lost her virginity was also the first time she got hit by a stray. But for me, I will always remember this as the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened in my life.

so yeah, tl;dr
 

Remove this Banner Ad

Incredible.

I also used to build monumental shits as a kid. Best one I had was after a 8 day (eight! day!) hiatus from the loo during school camp. When I finally got home I sat on the toilet for a full hour massaging the upside down U-shaped engorged mass that was bowels into the bowel. The experience would be similar to shoving your entire arm shoulder deep into your anus. Now I take a shit and wipe in the same time I take a long piss. Cured!
 
Alright...I don't care if you guys believe me ... it's real. This is the the most embarassing thing that I've ever experienced... it was a horrible night for me.. and I'm sharing it with you guys because I don't want any of my misc brahs to have to go through this.. especially since it all could have been EASILY prevented. It's very long, but I'll do my best to recount all of the important details. no ****ing cliffs..... read it to save yourself from something like this...

Anyway...
If you've been following my social anxiety thread you would have learned that I got an asian girls number during my last update (the encounter wasn't recorded unfortunetely because my Camera froze). But anyway, it's been over a week and I was feeling like taking a break from exam studying, and I figured that if I didn't call her before exams were done then I wouldn't get a chance to see her until after the break (which would be too long perhaps). So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee. Well she said yes, and we met at a campus cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said "hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed". Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further. So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don't crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.

Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)... and ****... I had to take take a sh!t really badly... and I also had to take a piss really badly (I had been holding that too since I didn't bring my pee bottles with me to the date)... I really didn't want to use her washroom because I didn't want stink the place up... but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the **** popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I'm not sure why.. but that's what happened). So I rushed to the washroom... and thus begins the worst possible scenario imagineable.

I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO.... AND I have an erection.... what the **** do I do? Which do I do first??

So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can... but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my **** start to come out at the same time!

So then I'm like "**** this... I'll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out"... so I sit on the can... grasp my penis hard to try and "block" it... and I then tried to let the crap come out....that didn't work so well...

As I relaxed my anal sphincters... my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor... I started panicking at this point... so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet. Once it was in... I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive **** started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.

I then closed everything off again (you can't imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly)... wtf was I supposed to do? I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor....then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head.

I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there... I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor....

At that point things get even worse...

The **** wouldn't ****ing dissolve... and the damn bish was asking me wtf I'm doing showering in her washroom....

I then answer "yea lol... I'm showering... is that ok?"...

she says: what the hell? why?? you don't think we're having sex do you???

At this point I can't even think straight and I jokingly (******edly) say: yes we are lol

she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke... get out of there!!

I say: no please don't come in... I'm not done yet...

At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid... the girl could smell it and she said: "why the hell does it smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???"

I say: please don't come in... trust me.. you'll regret it...

she says: **** this... get out now or I'm unlocking the door..

I beg her not too... but she loses her patience and then opens the door. She stops dead in her tracks. There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass,large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can... I was so ****ing embarassed... I started shivering... she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers... "wtf did you do???"...she was starting to cry... I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself "I tried my best ... I... I'm sorry"... She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she's calling the cops. I agree to do it.

She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper... pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually). I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor... I'm literally crying at that point... I look for the plunger but I couldn't find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet...I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf... she's crying... as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now... I try to explain that the toilet is clogged... but she doesn't let me ... she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now... she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave... I leave.

about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her dorm room (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water). At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrasment.

TL DR (NSFW): http://double-chinned.mirror.waffleimages.com/data/3f/3fee153000d5421a0b56a96ad85eee9752cab11f.gif
 

🥰 Love BigFooty? Join now for free.

nobody with a functioning brain/pair of legs should be shitting themselves after the age of 5
 
Lance Uppercut said:
Tucker Max tells a very funny story about shitting oneself:
Click to expand...
With a mate called 'slingblade" and repeated references to "pink gap boxers", it really is no surprise this storyteller suffered this fate.
This thread is dangerous. I can see the more naive types realistically attempting to "out-do" these stories.
Better than "planking" I guess.
It would be good to see Stevanovic or Newman covered in actual shit rather than their metaphorical variety.:thumbsu:
 

Remove this Banner Ad

Remove this Banner Ad

🥰 Love BigFooty? Join now for free.

Back
Top Bottom