Health Depression

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Shell

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Another option, and I know it's bloody hard to even contemplate when you're floored, is volunteering with a charity/community service. Great social connection with amazing people and a wonderful sense of purpose.
Totally agree, but in this current climate its a bit hard. I've tried several times to do volunteer work at animal shelters, cause I know I'd benefit massively from it, but they just dont accept volunteers while we're in LD. Even when not in LD its very hard to get in.
 

Deliverance

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Totally agree, but in this current climate its a bit hard. I've tried several times to do volunteer work at animal shelters, cause I know I'd benefit massively from it, but they just dont accept volunteers while we're in LD. Even when not in LD its very hard to get in.
Yeah, thas a definite issue. There are only limited volunteer services allowed at the moment, so it's definitely harder to find one that fits your individual style.
 

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Perth gal

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It’s ******* hard. Everything I worked towards, gone. I don’t have a plan B. I built a household and a family. I don’t want my daughter growing up between houses like I did
I understand that’s it’s hard. As a child I grew up in that situation with parents who didn’t give a crap about the emotional fallout . But there is life after a divorce. There is. My Dad was absolutely devastated when Mum left him but after a long time single he met someone and now he’s very happy. It was the best thing that could have happened to him. Right now you need support to profess the deep grief you are experiencing. Your mutual friends are not the answer, they have divided loyalties. You need someone that can be there for you 100%. Please keep trying to find a good psychologist. One that gets you and is skilled enough to know how to help you. Your daughter needs you but you cant pour from an empty cup. Unless you process your emotions and learn how to look at them a different way you can’t move on. Not to mention the massive hit to your self esteem. You can do this.
 

GoEaglesGoSGIO

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It’s ******* hard. Everything I worked towards, gone. I don’t have a plan B. I built a household and a family. I don’t want my daughter growing up between houses like I did
You say you have no plan B but then in the next sentence you fully discuss a plan B? Plan B exists I think. Just gotta throw yourself into it at the same time as maneuvering other aspects of your life as well to remove your sense of loneliness. I think you are dealing with a sense of failure which quite simply isnt there nor has it even came close to happening. Your daughter is 4 years old. You are not even close to being in the same breathe as a failure to her. Id argue also the fact you are even having this conversation means you will succeed too and have the desire too. 90% of divorced dads would not talk like you so feel proud of this.

Id recommend the below well and truly.

1. Try to find a group of like minded people. So many dads are in your shoes and I think finding solace in people who have been through the same will help you big time. Many places have the divorced dad groups doing the rounds. Schools too for example. It will help big time
2. Motivate yourself around yourself and remove the ties to others. I think your self worth was tied to the aesthetic parts of being in a relationship when it probably needs to be tied to your ability to provide within it. What I mean is being in a family by living in the same house doesnt mean you are in a family and it sure as hell doesnt mean you are a good father. The things that make you a good father is doing things with your daughter, helping her learn, taking her to fun things and letting her experience life. The location you sleep in doesnt make a difference, It did in 1970. In 2021 with the technloigy, transport, better legal systems etc you are in a much better spot

I guess the best way to escape your own mind at times is to forget about a static picture. Focusing on a static concept or ideal can leave the present behind. I think if you have focus on your present more as well you will find some calm in that too.
 

Kram

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Totally agree, but in this current climate its a bit hard. I've tried several times to do volunteer work at animal shelters, cause I know I'd benefit massively from it, but they just dont accept volunteers while we're in LD. Even when not in LD its very hard to get in.
What about a vet nurse/assistant one of my friends loved that
 

Macca19

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I was left for another man, after 22 years, then she came back to me and did it all again. That was a year ago on Fathers Day (the second time) and I thought I’d move on but it’s just not going to happen. I’ve made several attempts on my life but fortunately I suppose I have no idea what I’m doing and keep messing it up. Maybe the self sabotage is deliberate. I have a 4 year old daughter I don’t want to leave behind but when I get down I don’t care. Drugs haven’t helped. Psychs haven’t helped. Friends are over it, I don’t care for their opinion anyway as they’re shared friends, all married with young families because that’s who you hang out with when you’re married with a young family. As I’ve said previously, business is through the roof. Sadly, I work alone with my thoughts. I keep pushing through, trying to show her that I’m successful and I’m worth it. That’s my only motivation. It’s in vain. I keep holding out hope that simply doesn’t exist but when that hope runs out…🤷🏻‍♂️
Stay strong for your daughter mate.
 

Marklar_33

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You say you have no plan B but then in the next sentence you fully discuss a plan B? Plan B exists I think.

The location you sleep in doesnt make a difference, It did in 1970. In 2021 with the technloigy, transport, better legal systems etc you are in a much better spot
What do you mean by the first part, that I should just do it all over again?

Tge second part, it makes a difference to me. I don’t want a few minutes screen conversation. I want to be there every day.
 

GoEaglesGoSGIO

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What do you mean by the first part, that I should just do it all over again?

Tge second part, it makes a difference to me. I don’t want a few minutes screen conversation. I want to be there every day.
You can do it all over again in the sense of creating the family concept within your new surrounding. Family life exists outside of divorce for sure. My brother is in the same situation you are in today 12 months removed and in advance and his 2 daughters are the happiest I have ever seen them. You have experienced a concept where divorce ended family life but in 2021 I think society has moved beyond that and it is now achievable. Ive seen it happen myself

You are there every day. Physical contact isnt everything to a child especally in 2021. This is the life we all have. Its not all bad in that it means emotional and psychological contact trumps all in 2021. I hope you see that in yourself and focus on that.
 

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Electronic_Renaissance

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How's everyone
Not good. Yesterday all hell broke loose with me and my sister and her husband. This seems to happen every couple of months.

I've currently blocked them on my phone. As they are family I don't know whether to talk to them about it or just cut them off completely.

They are manipulative and nothing is ever their fault. It's always my fault. I'm the problem, apparently.

I not entirely innocent either but at least I can admit it.
 

Pickitt

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Not good. Yesterday all hell broke loose with me and my sister and her husband. This seems to happen every couple of months.

I've currently blocked them on my phone. As they are family I don't know whether to talk to them about it or just cut them off completely.

They are manipulative and nothing is ever their fault. It's always my fault. I'm the problem, apparently.

I not entirely innocent either but at least I can admit it.
If it's ok to talk about, what were the incidents about? Like, was it severe or? And how many 'chance'/times' has this happened?
 

Electronic_Renaissance

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If it's ok to talk about, what were the incidents about? Like, was it severe or? And how many 'chance'/times' has this happened?
To me it's just petty crap that I would normally just forget the next day. Problem with the brother in law is he is always reading into things that aren't true and he just can't let go. They also manipulate my Mum against me. If it wasn't for my Mum I would just cut them off, but she is into family harmony.

One example is that we were at my brothers house the other night. The brother in law and I were talking, I thought everything was fine. Next thing I know a day later he is telling my Mum (not me) that we were talking and I suddenly got up and left him to speak to someone else. I had no idea what he was talking about.

Luckily my brother has security cameras everywhere. He checked it out and both him and his wife agreed I did nothing wrong. When this was raised with them, no apology and they (sister and brother in law) go into a defensive/aggressive mode. Which spilt over last night.

It's just so petty, but it wears you down.
 

Pickitt

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To me it's just petty crap that I would normally just forget the next day. Problem with the brother in law is he is always reading into things that aren't true and he just can't let go. They also manipulate my Mum against me. If it wasn't for my Mum I would just cut them off, but she is into family harmony.

One example is that we were at my brothers house the other night. The brother in law and I were talking, I thought everything was fine. Next thing I know a day later he is telling my Mum (not me) that we were talking and I suddenly got up and left him to speak to someone else. I had no idea what he was talking about.

Luckily my brother has security cameras everywhere. He checked it out and both him and his wife agreed I did nothing wrong. When this was raised with them, no apology and they (sister and brother in law) go into a defensive/aggressive mode. Which spilt over last night.

It's just so petty, but it wears you down.
That's so strange? What I mean by that, fit gets to a point they accuse you of getting up and leave something is wrong, what happened between you and the in-law? Any really bad incidents happen or? Just find it strange they do that with no warning randomly
 

Electronic_Renaissance

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That's so strange? What I mean by that, fit gets to a point they accuse you of getting up and leave something is wrong, what happened between you and the in-law? Any really bad incidents happen or? Just find it strange they do that with no warning randomly
No big incidents I can think of, but like I said he reads something into anything. If I accidently didn't hold the door open for him, he would carry on, not to me though, to my Mum. This guy is over 40 by the way.

I get these random messages sometimes about something so petty I can barely remember it, if at all. That's why I've blocked them both while I decide what to do. The problem is my Mum falls for his antics, which puts me in the bad books. That's what gets me, he doesn't speak to me just my Mum about what's going on and I cop it from her as she just believes him.
 

Pickitt

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No big incidents I can think of, but like I said he reads something into anything. If I accidently didn't hold the door open for him, he would carry on, not to me though, to my Mum. This guy is over 40 by the way.

I get these random messages sometimes about something so petty I can barely remember it, if at all. That's why I've blocked them both while I decide what to do. The problem is my Mum falls for his antics, which puts me in the bad books. That's what gets me, he doesn't speak to me just my Mum about what's going on and I cop it from her as she just believes him.
Sounds SUPER petty, does he ever have a full mature convo with you about what you even did wrong? And what's the time frame they've done this in? If it started last year it could be pandemic effects and ta stuff
 

Electronic_Renaissance

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Sounds SUPER petty, does he ever have a full mature convo with you about what you even did wrong? And what's the time frame they've done this in? If it started last year it could be pandemic effects and ta stuff
It may have started last year, but I think it was before that. We've had the convo a couple of times. Everything is good until it is bad again.

He never exactly says what I did, it's always vague stuff like "what did we do to make you not like us?". Never a specific incident.

He also comes across passive aggressive with stuff like "be a man and talk to me about it". I just ignore it. Otherwise it just goes into a back and forward of nothingness.

He is also from South East Asia, I wonder if it could be a cultural thing?
 

Pickitt

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It may have started last year, but I think it was before that. We've had the convo a couple of times. Everything is good until it is bad again.

He never exactly says what I did, it's always vague stuff like "what did we do to make you not like us?". Never a specific incident.

He also comes across passive aggressive with stuff like "be a man and talk to me about it". I just ignore it. Otherwise it just goes into a back and forward of nothingness.

He is also from South East Asia, I wonder if it could be a cultural thing?
Have you talked to him about it?
and do you not like them? unprovoked I mean, not after these incidents
 

Electronic_Renaissance

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He's been around for 10 odd years and we used to get on fine.

I had no problem with them before these incidents, but at the moment they are convinced I have something against them.

I will talk to them to try and sort it out for my Mums sake. Otherwise I would be quite happy to have nothing to do with them ever again.

With all the other stuff going on in my life this is something I just don't need.
 

Pickitt

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He's been around for 10 odd years and we used to get on fine.

I had no problem with them before these incidents, but at the moment they are convinced I have something against them.

I will talk to them to try and sort it out for my Mums sake. Otherwise I would be quite happy to have nothing to do with them ever again.

With all the other stuff going on in my life this is something I just don't need.
How does the rest of your family get along? Extended or close
 

Electronic_Renaissance

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How does the rest of your family get along? Extended or close
We all live close to each other. My brother does have a problem with my sister, whether that extends to her husband I'm not sure. But he sees them a lot less than I do. My other brother is a FIFO worker so don't see much of him.

I think my Mum has a soft spot for my sister, she's her only daughter. I think that extends to her husband and their kids.

My Dad really couldn't give a sh*t and I don't blame him. He is retired and just wants to relax.
 

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