Health Depression

[Daniel6]

I haven’t worked in 6 years and found out 2 weeks before Christmas that my accounting license (Public Practice certificate) was revoked. 2 weeks before Christmas I had my 50th birthday. No life, no direction, no job prospects and my physical and mental health is up shit creek.

7 years ago, I had a mental breakdown and one afternoon I received a very triggering e mail from my new boss and I just stopped caring about anything as I had enough and just snapped. Total breakdown.

I walked into his office and started verbally attacking him with inappropriate language and threatening behaviour and have been battling depression since. I was charged with misconduct and have not worked since.

In September I applied for my accounting license back as I had a very good 18 months working with my psychologist but 2 weeks before Christmas, I received an email from them saying they feel I am still a threat based on my misconduct.

Now, my full on depression is back as I feel useless, a burden on my family and never going to work again. I play out my suicidal every night I go to sleep as I have no job, no money, a broken down car, a shit life and a partner who is sick if listening to me and basically told me to stop talking about it.

 

[DemurePrincess]

I haven’t worked in 6 years and found out 2 weeks before Christmas that my accounting license (Public Practice certificate) was revoked. 2 weeks before Christmas I had my 50th birthday. No life, no direction, no job prospects and my physical and mental health is up shit creek.

7 years ago, I had a mental breakdown and one afternoon I received a very triggering e mail from my new boss and I just stopped caring about anything as I had enough and just snapped. Total breakdown.

I walked into his office and started verbally attacking him with inappropriate language and threatening behaviour and have been battling depression since. I was charged with misconduct and have not worked since.

In September I applied for my accounting license back as I had a very good 18 months working with my psychologist but 2 weeks before Christmas, I received an email from them saying they feel I am still a threat based on my misconduct.

Now, my full on depression is back as I feel useless, a burden on my family and never going to work again. I play out my suicidal every night I go to sleep as I have no job, no money, a broken down car, a shit life and a partner who is sick if listening to me and basically told me to stop talking about it.

Awww mate! Keep talking please

 

[WCErevival]

Ever thought of trying another form of work? Even if its just something part time to get back into the groove.

 

[Daniel6]

Awww mate! Keep talking please

Thank you.

The hardest part is when you can sit down and think and that’s usually during the day Monday to Friday. Having the house to yourself and you start to think.

 

[Daniel6]

Ever thought of trying another form of work? Even if its just something part time to get back into the groove.

If only it was that simple. I’ve explored those positions. Full time, part time, volunteering, social groups. Depression and social anxiety stop people from taking that step and going out of your comfort zone.

And yes, I have applied for many jobs and get the same answer, no. Or no answer at all.

 

[DemurePrincess]

Thank you.

The hardest part is when you can sit down and think and that’s usually during the day Monday to Friday. Having the house to yourself and you start to think.

This is a safe space here. Talk as much as you need. There is plenty of support here with people who have either felt like you or have over come it but whatever you do please….. Keep talking bc you matter

 

[Daniel6]

This is a safe space here. Talk as much as you need. There is plenty of support here with people who have either felt like you or have over come do it but whatever you do please….. Keep talking bc you matter

Thank you. Appreciate your olive branch.

 

[MP_]

Thank you.

The hardest part is when you can sit down and think and that’s usually during the day Monday to Friday. Having the house to yourself and you start to think.

Do you have any hobbies you can do just to enjoy for a while and give your mind a rest. I paint and listen to music to give my mind a rest from telling how shit a person I am.

 

[Daniel6]

Do you have any hobbies you can do just to enjoy for a while and give your mind a rest. I paint and listen to music to give my mind a rest from telling how shit a person I am.

Hobbies? No, not really but football certainly does help, and it gives me something to look forward to during the week. A reason to continue on this journey.

Last night was a relatively bad night, lots of bad feeling and lack of future. The negative thoughts were very high and the future seems nonexistent, but today was a good day.

 

[MP_]

Hobbies? No, not really but football certainly does help, and it gives me something to look forward to during the week. A reason to continue on this journey.

Last night was a relatively bad night, lots of bad feeling and lack of future. The negative thoughts were very high and the future seems nonexistent, but today was a good day.

I’ve mentioned this a few times to people in this thread because it’s actually really important to realise that your mind is a trickster and that you are not your mind it is simply a part of you. A huge problem with depression is that we start to believe what our mind is saying. If you’d could take a moment and watch the video it will help explain it better. Unfortunately people like you and me we start to believe what our mind is saying, then we take it on board and ruminate over it and our bad thoughts just become a habit. I have suicidal ideation at night, it’s become a habit that actually puts me to sleep. Every night for years now my mind plans ways for me to end my life, it’s terrible and draining but I also know it’s not real. I haven’t yet worked out how to break this habit.



Just keep posting in here, it helps to write it down, we’re all in the same sort of boat. We don’t judge because we know how you feel.

I just lost a workmate who was my favourite person at work to suicide last week. I haven’t cried as hard as I did for anyone in my life , because it really hit me what family and friends actually go through when someone takes their life. In a way it’s probably helped me realise that taking my own life is not the answer.

Anyway if you want to chat privately I’m here for you and for anyone else that needs a chat. You don’t have to feel like you’re alone.

 

[Daniel6]

I’ve mentioned this a few times to people in this thread because it’s actually really important to realise that your mind is a trickster and that you are not your mind it is simply a part of you. A huge problem with depression is that we start to believe what our mind is saying. If you’d could take a moment and watch the video it will help explain it better. Unfortunately people like you and me we start to believe what our mind is saying, then we take it on board and ruminate over it and our bad thoughts just become a habit. I have suicidal ideation at night, it’s become a habit that actually puts me to sleep. Every night for years now my mind plans ways for me to end my life, it’s terrible and draining but I also know it’s not real. I haven’t yet worked out how to break this habit.



Just keep posting in here, it helps to write it down, we’re all in the same sort of boat. We don’t judge because we know how you feel.

I just lost a workmate who was my favourite person at work to suicide last week. I haven’t cried as hard as I did for anyone in my life , because it really hit me what family and friends actually go through when someone takes their life. In a way it’s probably helped me realise that taking my own life is not the answer.

Anyway if you want to chat privately I’m here for you and for anyone else that needs a chat. You don’t have to feel like you’re alone.

Great response and thank you.

Your response is very good and quite appropriate, however l really struggle to overcome those suicidal thoughts, but that’s all they are as thoughts. During those dark days, I have those suicidal thoughts and every thing feels real, but it never goes any further. Deep down I know it’s not an answer and it’s extremely selfish as I won’t have to deal with the consequences after the event.

I’m sorry if the above isn’t very articulate or easy to follow. I’m just really struggling right now to put my feelings into words and describing the holistic feelings around my version of depression.

 

[MP_]

Great response and thank you.

Your response is very good and quite appropriate, however l really struggle to overcome those suicidal thoughts, but that’s all they are as thoughts. During those dark days, I have those suicidal thoughts and every thing feels real, but it never goes any further. Deep down I know it’s not an answer and it’s extremely selfish as I won’t have to deal with the consequences after the event.

I’m sorry if the above isn’t very articulate or easy to follow. I’m just really struggling right now to put my feelings into words and describing the holistic feelings around my version of depression.

Yep I totally get you, my ideation is just that, ideation. Problem is that can lead to it becoming deep and real. Have you seen the doctor about getting a mental health assessment and plan. I’ve done this a couple of times and it will give you access to the help you need and at little to no cost (sometimes cost can be a factor in not seeking help).

You don’t need to feel sorry for anything, you’re dealing with something real and deep that is actually really hard to explain, but we all understand. You need to find something that will give your head a rest. If you have kids , play a game with them, or do a puzzle if you like them. For me I also enjoy 90’d dance music as it brings me back to a time that I felt truly happy in life. You just need to turn off that internal monologue even for a bit to help reset.

 

[Daniel6]

Yep I totally get you, my ideation is just that, ideation. Problem is that can lead to it becoming deep and real. Have you seen the doctor about getting a mental health assessment and plan. I’ve done this a couple of times and it will give you access to the help you need and at little to no cost (sometimes cost can be a factor in not seeking help).

You don’t need to feel sorry for anything, you’re dealing with something real and deep that is actually really hard to explain, but we all understand. You need to find something that will give your head a rest. If you have kids , play a game with them, or do a puzzle if you like them. For me I also enjoy 90’d dance music as it brings me back to a time that I felt truly happy in life. You just need to turn off that internal monologue even for a bit to help reset.

I have been going to a psychologist for about 3 years. I’m very lucky, my sister has a very good job and her renunciation is very good. She helps me out a lot with medical costs and different stuff like as she knows I could not find the help I need.

No kids. Just my and my sister but I understand what you are saying. It might sound silly, but I just love watching travel Vlogs on YouTube. It allows, as you said, to allow my mind to go back to a happy time and I use that as motivation and a goal to keep going. Something to strive for instead of just giving up.