Health Depression

[Daniel6]

I haven’t worked in 6 years and found out 2 weeks before Christmas that my accounting license (Public Practice certificate) was revoked. 2 weeks before Christmas I had my 50th birthday. No life, no direction, no job prospects and my physical and mental health is up shit creek.

7 years ago, I had a mental breakdown and one afternoon I received a very triggering e mail from my new boss and I just stopped caring about anything as I had enough and just snapped. Total breakdown.

I walked into his office and started verbally attacking him with inappropriate language and threatening behaviour and have been battling depression since. I was charged with misconduct and have not worked since.

In September I applied for my accounting license back as I had a very good 18 months working with my psychologist but 2 weeks before Christmas, I received an email from them saying they feel I am still a threat based on my misconduct.

Now, my full on depression is back as I feel useless, a burden on my family and never going to work again. I play out my suicidal every night I go to sleep as I have no job, no money, a broken down car, a shit life and a partner who is sick if listening to me and basically told me to stop talking about it.

 

[DemurePrincess]

I haven’t worked in 6 years and found out 2 weeks before Christmas that my accounting license (Public Practice certificate) was revoked. 2 weeks before Christmas I had my 50th birthday. No life, no direction, no job prospects and my physical and mental health is up shit creek.

7 years ago, I had a mental breakdown and one afternoon I received a very triggering e mail from my new boss and I just stopped caring about anything as I had enough and just snapped. Total breakdown.

I walked into his office and started verbally attacking him with inappropriate language and threatening behaviour and have been battling depression since. I was charged with misconduct and have not worked since.

In September I applied for my accounting license back as I had a very good 18 months working with my psychologist but 2 weeks before Christmas, I received an email from them saying they feel I am still a threat based on my misconduct.

Now, my full on depression is back as I feel useless, a burden on my family and never going to work again. I play out my suicidal every night I go to sleep as I have no job, no money, a broken down car, a shit life and a partner who is sick if listening to me and basically told me to stop talking about it.

Awww mate! Keep talking please

 

[WCErevival]

Ever thought of trying another form of work? Even if its just something part time to get back into the groove.

 

[Daniel6]

Awww mate! Keep talking please

Thank you.

The hardest part is when you can sit down and think and that’s usually during the day Monday to Friday. Having the house to yourself and you start to think.

 

[Daniel6]

Ever thought of trying another form of work? Even if its just something part time to get back into the groove.

If only it was that simple. I’ve explored those positions. Full time, part time, volunteering, social groups. Depression and social anxiety stop people from taking that step and going out of your comfort zone.

And yes, I have applied for many jobs and get the same answer, no. Or no answer at all.

 

[DemurePrincess]

Thank you.

The hardest part is when you can sit down and think and that’s usually during the day Monday to Friday. Having the house to yourself and you start to think.

This is a safe space here. Talk as much as you need. There is plenty of support here with people who have either felt like you or have over come it but whatever you do please….. Keep talking bc you matter

 

[Daniel6]

This is a safe space here. Talk as much as you need. There is plenty of support here with people who have either felt like you or have over come do it but whatever you do please….. Keep talking bc you matter

Thank you. Appreciate your olive branch.

 

[MP_]

Thank you.

The hardest part is when you can sit down and think and that’s usually during the day Monday to Friday. Having the house to yourself and you start to think.

Do you have any hobbies you can do just to enjoy for a while and give your mind a rest. I paint and listen to music to give my mind a rest from telling how shit a person I am.

 

[Daniel6]

Do you have any hobbies you can do just to enjoy for a while and give your mind a rest. I paint and listen to music to give my mind a rest from telling how shit a person I am.

Hobbies? No, not really but football certainly does help, and it gives me something to look forward to during the week. A reason to continue on this journey.

Last night was a relatively bad night, lots of bad feeling and lack of future. The negative thoughts were very high and the future seems nonexistent, but today was a good day.

 

[MP_]

Hobbies? No, not really but football certainly does help, and it gives me something to look forward to during the week. A reason to continue on this journey.

Last night was a relatively bad night, lots of bad feeling and lack of future. The negative thoughts were very high and the future seems nonexistent, but today was a good day.

I’ve mentioned this a few times to people in this thread because it’s actually really important to realise that your mind is a trickster and that you are not your mind it is simply a part of you. A huge problem with depression is that we start to believe what our mind is saying. If you’d could take a moment and watch the video it will help explain it better. Unfortunately people like you and me we start to believe what our mind is saying, then we take it on board and ruminate over it and our bad thoughts just become a habit. I have suicidal ideation at night, it’s become a habit that actually puts me to sleep. Every night for years now my mind plans ways for me to end my life, it’s terrible and draining but I also know it’s not real. I haven’t yet worked out how to break this habit.



Just keep posting in here, it helps to write it down, we’re all in the same sort of boat. We don’t judge because we know how you feel.

I just lost a workmate who was my favourite person at work to suicide last week. I haven’t cried as hard as I did for anyone in my life , because it really hit me what family and friends actually go through when someone takes their life. In a way it’s probably helped me realise that taking my own life is not the answer.

Anyway if you want to chat privately I’m here for you and for anyone else that needs a chat. You don’t have to feel like you’re alone.

 

[Daniel6]

I’ve mentioned this a few times to people in this thread because it’s actually really important to realise that your mind is a trickster and that you are not your mind it is simply a part of you. A huge problem with depression is that we start to believe what our mind is saying. If you’d could take a moment and watch the video it will help explain it better. Unfortunately people like you and me we start to believe what our mind is saying, then we take it on board and ruminate over it and our bad thoughts just become a habit. I have suicidal ideation at night, it’s become a habit that actually puts me to sleep. Every night for years now my mind plans ways for me to end my life, it’s terrible and draining but I also know it’s not real. I haven’t yet worked out how to break this habit.



Just keep posting in here, it helps to write it down, we’re all in the same sort of boat. We don’t judge because we know how you feel.

I just lost a workmate who was my favourite person at work to suicide last week. I haven’t cried as hard as I did for anyone in my life , because it really hit me what family and friends actually go through when someone takes their life. In a way it’s probably helped me realise that taking my own life is not the answer.

Anyway if you want to chat privately I’m here for you and for anyone else that needs a chat. You don’t have to feel like you’re alone.

Great response and thank you.

Your response is very good and quite appropriate, however l really struggle to overcome those suicidal thoughts, but that’s all they are as thoughts. During those dark days, I have those suicidal thoughts and every thing feels real, but it never goes any further. Deep down I know it’s not an answer and it’s extremely selfish as I won’t have to deal with the consequences after the event.

I’m sorry if the above isn’t very articulate or easy to follow. I’m just really struggling right now to put my feelings into words and describing the holistic feelings around my version of depression.

 

[MP_]

Great response and thank you.

Your response is very good and quite appropriate, however l really struggle to overcome those suicidal thoughts, but that’s all they are as thoughts. During those dark days, I have those suicidal thoughts and every thing feels real, but it never goes any further. Deep down I know it’s not an answer and it’s extremely selfish as I won’t have to deal with the consequences after the event.

I’m sorry if the above isn’t very articulate or easy to follow. I’m just really struggling right now to put my feelings into words and describing the holistic feelings around my version of depression.

Yep I totally get you, my ideation is just that, ideation. Problem is that can lead to it becoming deep and real. Have you seen the doctor about getting a mental health assessment and plan. I’ve done this a couple of times and it will give you access to the help you need and at little to no cost (sometimes cost can be a factor in not seeking help).

You don’t need to feel sorry for anything, you’re dealing with something real and deep that is actually really hard to explain, but we all understand. You need to find something that will give your head a rest. If you have kids , play a game with them, or do a puzzle if you like them. For me I also enjoy 90’d dance music as it brings me back to a time that I felt truly happy in life. You just need to turn off that internal monologue even for a bit to help reset.

 

[Daniel6]

Yep I totally get you, my ideation is just that, ideation. Problem is that can lead to it becoming deep and real. Have you seen the doctor about getting a mental health assessment and plan. I’ve done this a couple of times and it will give you access to the help you need and at little to no cost (sometimes cost can be a factor in not seeking help).

You don’t need to feel sorry for anything, you’re dealing with something real and deep that is actually really hard to explain, but we all understand. You need to find something that will give your head a rest. If you have kids , play a game with them, or do a puzzle if you like them. For me I also enjoy 90’d dance music as it brings me back to a time that I felt truly happy in life. You just need to turn off that internal monologue even for a bit to help reset.

I have been going to a psychologist for about 3 years. I’m very lucky, my sister has a very good job and her renunciation is very good. She helps me out a lot with medical costs and different stuff like as she knows I could not find the help I need.

No kids. Just my and my sister but I understand what you are saying. It might sound silly, but I just love watching travel Vlogs on YouTube. It allows, as you said, to allow my mind to go back to a happy time and I use that as motivation and a goal to keep going. Something to strive for instead of just giving up.

 

[brutus76]

Changing fields might be a good thing.

My brother's been a mechanic or worked at a car dealership in spare parts for 20+ years

Had enough of the BS and is now a groundskeeper at 2 schools. Loves it. Teachers and students are nice to him and respectful. He's his own man. Tinkers around with the ride on mowers, hedge trimmers, whipper snippers etc.

Looks 5 years younger!

 

[MP_]

I recently read my my friends “goodbye” note. One of the saddest things I’ve ever read. I made contact with one of his best friends and she said they had no idea how bad things were for him. She only saw him the day before and everything seemed fine. This is how well people hide their pain. It hurts more because I’m sure if we’d known he was struggling with his health as much as his note said we could have helped but he couldn’t deal with it anymore. His comment that he was no longer living hit me really hard. I’m finding it very hard to believe he is gone, he was such a strong part of my worklife that I can’t imagine him not being there.

 

[DemurePrincess]

I recently read my my friends “goodbye” note. One of the saddest things I’ve ever read. I made contact with one of his best friends and she said they had no idea how bad things were for him. She only saw him the day before and everything seemed fine. This is how well people hide their pain. It hurts more because I’m sure if we’d known he was struggling with his health as much as his note said we could have helped but he couldn’t deal with it anymore. His comment that he was no longer living hit me really hard. I’m finding it very hard to believe he is gone, he was such a strong part of my worklife that I can’t imagine him not being there.

I’m really sorry you are dealing with this grief mate.

 

[MP_]

I’m really sorry you are dealing with this grief mate.

Yeah it’s a surreal feeling. Me and him could just chat all day about everything, he was such a genuine quirky guy who told the best stories. Work won’t be the same without him , I’m really not looking forward to going back without him there. I’m not angry at him though as I’ve been so close mentally to where he was to do this. I completely understand, I just regret I didn’t get to speak to him.

 

[Howard Littlejohn]

If only it was that simple. I’ve explored those positions. Full time, part time, volunteering, social groups. Depression and social anxiety stop people from taking that step and going out of your comfort zone.

And yes, I have applied for many jobs and get the same answer, no. Or no answer at all.

I get that. It can be hard enough just surviving, especially if you have to deal with Centrelink (although everyone says they are a little less deliberatly soul-destroying once you hit around 50), and trying to make a career switch over the age of about 30 is nigh on impossible even when at your peak.
You would think there would be a simple cross-over for someone with an analytical mind, which (ethical) accountancy requires. But it really isn't that simple. Even spending years doing a post-grad degree probably leads nowhere at our age. Its a rough world for one frustrated mistake that hurt nobody else.

 

[MP_]

trying to make a career switch over the age of about 30 is nigh on impossible even when at your peak.

just on this point i want to share with you my story which is an exception to what you are saying. I got kicked out of uni for failing everything, got a labouring job at 20 and absolutely loved it but crap money. At 21 I met my future wife and she and her dad suggested I look at the IT industry. So at 22 I got a full time job for an internet help desk. Did tech support, then moved in to ADSL sales and tech support then onto wireless technology. Hated my 7 years doing this job but last long enough to get my pro rata long service leave. Packed our home up in Blair Athol and moved our life to a small town on the river. My wife easily found work whilst I studied for a career change in horticulture. Passed that with flying colours as I had a passion for it. Had a couple of government jobs up there that were only temporary then got a seasonal job at a native plant nursery, my dream job. 15 years later I’m still there (although I’m on leave due to a back injury) and still I still love it an now supervise a great team who love what they do. It is possible to change your career it takes strength and is a huge risk but it is still possible and the results can be amazing but I know I’m lucky that it has worked out for me. But it’s better to take a risk and try than to always wonder what might have been.

 

[Daniel6]

just on this point i want to share with you my story which is an exception to what you are saying. I got kicked out of uni for failing everything, got a labouring job at 20 and absolutely loved it but crap money. At 21 I met my future wife and she and her dad suggested I look at the IT industry. So at 22 I got a full time job for an internet help desk. Did tech support, then moved in to ADSL sales and tech support then onto wireless technology. Hated my 7 years doing this job but last long enough to get my pro rata long service leave. Packed our home up in Blair Athol and moved our life to a small town on the river. My wife easily found work whilst I studied for a career change in horticulture. Passed that with flying colours as I had a passion for it. Had a couple of government jobs up there that were only temporary then got a seasonal job at a native plant nursery, my dream job. 15 years later I’m still there (although I’m on leave due to a back injury) and still I still love it an now supervise a great team who love what they do. It is possible to change your career it takes strength and is a huge risk but it is still possible and the results can be amazing but I know I’m lucky that it has worked out for me. But it’s better to take a risk and try than to always wonder what might have been.

It also comes back to the employer and their willingness to give someone an opportunity.

Way back in the day I had a mate who was studying education (teaching) at Uni and on one if his school practicums, his mentor teacher who happened to be in her mid 40’s female made his life so hard he quit and went out on stress leave. He could not do a single thing right. So you may have all of your ducks in a row, only for 1 person to dislike you and spoil your pathway.

He ended up dropping out and doing engineering and is now a university lecturer somewhere in Canada.

 

[Daniel6]

I get that. It can be hard enough just surviving, especially if you have to deal with Centrelink (although everyone says they are a little less deliberatly soul-destroying once you hit around 50), and trying to make a career switch over the age of about 30 is nigh on impossible even when at your peak.
You would think there would be a simple cross-over for someone with an analytical mind, which (ethical) accountancy requires. But it really isn't that simple. Even spending years doing a post-grad degree probably leads nowhere at our age. Its a rough world for one frustrated mistake that hurt nobody else.

My GP was able to get me onto a DSP for mental health and dealing with Centrelink is such a pot luck. If you get a good person who is empathic, understand and willing to help, everything can move smoothly, but if you don’t, Centrelink will just do your head in.

But as I said the other day, I am still willing to get back to work and actually applied for a few jobs today with the national census. A bit of part time work. Fingers crossed.

 

[Macca180]

Way back in the day I had a mate who was studying education (teaching) at Uni and on one if his school practicums, his mentor teacher who happened to be in her mid 40’s female made his life so hard he quit and went out on stress leave. He could not do a single thing right. So you may have all of your ducks in a row, only for 1 person to dislike you and spoil your pathway.

ahhh yes the middle aged female Karen super teacher. Hated by staff, hated by students, hated by parents.

She has no life, she's fat, control freak and she knows everything about everything, just ask her.

Yes we all nod our heads, agree with everything she says, tell her how great she is, run the other way when we see her and formulate strategic escape routes in our heads to avoid any risk of being stuck near her in a meeting or at lunch to hear more about all the wonderful things she is doing with her learners.

 

[Macca180]

Daniel you tried meds big fella?

You taken a trip to Thailand. Pattaya may sort you out for a bit.

Get over to Melbourne with some mates to watch the Crows then head to Kittens.

Adelaide can't be helping mate. What are you gona do there?

What have you tried mate?

 

[Dan Moody]

Daniel you tried meds big fella?

You taken a trip to Thailand. Pattaya may sort you out for a bit.

Get over to Melbourne with some mates to watch the Crows then head to Kittens.

Adelaide can't be helping mate. What are you gona do there?

What have you tried mate?

All of your other advice is 100%, but with all due respect, this place is an absolute ****en shithole at the moment.
My advice would be Noosa for a week or so

 

[Daniel6]

Daniel you tried meds big fella?

You taken a trip to Thailand. Pattaya may sort you out for a bit.

Get over to Melbourne with some mates to watch the Crows then head to Kittens.

Adelaide can't be helping mate. What are you gona do there?

What have you tried mate?

I’ve tried taking Ritalin but that didn’t work, turned me into a zombie , but now I take 60 ml of amitriptyline to help with the stress, depression and sleep.

Na, going over seas right now is near on impossible, money is quite tight right now.

We try and get over to Melbourne for a crows game at least once a year. I like Melbourne for a few days, but could never live their.

As I said a few days ago, I see a psychologist once a week to help with depression, trauma, PTSD.