Freaks on the Train...

[CJH]

After taking the train – mostly on the Frankston line - to and from work every day now for the past 13 or so years, I seen a fair few freaks in that time.

Who are some of the freaks you’ve seen on the train and what were their antics?

 

[CJH]

These are a collection of a few of my favourites:

Screaming Dude

There is a chap who gets on the train in peak time, runs down the centre aisle from one end of the carriage to the other screaming at the top of his voice (“AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!”), bowling people over before selecting a vacant seat, sitting down and quietly reading his paper as if nothing had happened..

After a few minutes the whole thing would be repeated as he barrelled back up the to other end of the carriage.

Hanging Dude

This space cadet gets on the train and hooks his legs through over the bar next to the doors where the straps are and just hangs there upside down like a bat. Once at his stop he just quitely gets down and alights.

Boorish Dude

I only saw this guy once – thankfully!

I got onto the train and sat opposite this couple who were in animated discussion – well at least half of them were! The male had this massive, booming voice that easily carried the whole carriage and which he used to utter every single word.

He was doing most of the talking and it sounded like two friends who hadn’t seen each other for a long time and where catching up. You know, lines like:

“I saw So and So last week and he’s sure put on weight ….”

and

“Do you rememeber So and So, she’s now married and has moved to… “

and

“ I went to this great party last week and …”

All the lady really could contribute was a knowing nod and an occasional “Uh huh”.

I got on at Flagstaff and this conversation carried on until the bloke got off at Cheltenham – nearly 40 minutes worth.

After he alighted, the lady slumped in her seat with relief and said “Thank God for that!”

I asked, didn’t she like him?

“Like him?” she replied, “I’ve never met him before in my life!”

Music Hating Dude

I was sitting opposite someone who was in the extreme corner of the train (in the newer types). He was listening to some music though all I could hear was the faint “Pfft Pfft Pfft” of the bass drum.

The train itself was chockers, with people filling all the doorwells. In the doorwell closet to us – two rows away – a guy starts screaming at the top of his voice to the person sitting opposite me.

“Hey! Turn that down. How inconsiderate having that music so loud. How can anyone around you relax with that going on.”

This barrage continued on for a few minutes before the victim finally submitted – despite our reassurances that his music wasn’t a problem.

I have encountered him a second time, again lambasting someone for listening to music on the train – this time he was up the other end of the carriage.

Singing Dude

A person who sits quietly on the train, entirely normal, but after getting off sticks his head back in the door and sings a line of a blues song. Each time he does it, it is a different song.

“My baby went down to Bourbon Street …”

 

[Pornstar]

Bogan Dude

Tall skinny bogan gets on at Footscray station with a pot of beer in his hand yelling at a bunch of guys who had just boarded the train. He keeps holding the doors open so the train can't go anywhere. After 2 minutes of holding the door open and yelling at these guys he gets on the train and we take off. He spends the next 10 minutes challenging these guys to a fight and telling everyone on the train how tough he is. He had a freaky little mate with him who spat on the ground near these guys and tells them he has Hepatitis. Eventually they get off without causing any further trouble.

Druggy Threesome

A guy and 2 chicks get on, and they are obviously off their face on drugs, but they seem fairly harmless. After a while the guy starts pashing one of the chicks. A moment later i look over and he's on with the other chick. The next time i look over the 2 chicks are going at it together, and then the bloke joins in with them.

Old guy with no shirt

It wasn't a particularly warm day, but this old guy who must have been 60 at least gets on the train wearing pants and no shirt. He corners some poor lady and talks to her non-stop for the duration of his time on the train. She was just reading a book and cringing.

 

[Blues2001]

The guy who recites football facts

See this guy from time to time and once I remember him saying this out loud spontaneously:

"Kevin Bartlett played 403 games for the Richmond football club from 19?? to 1983(?). He was a brilliant goalkicker for the tigers, kicking 7 in the 1980 Grand Final against Collingwood to snare the Norm Smith medal........" and on he went.

The anti fast food guy

This guy I haven't seen for years but I used to see him on the way to school in the Hawthorn/Kew area. He'd creep up behind all the school kids once they got off the train/tram/bus and scream at them "DON'T GO TO MCDONALDS! DON'T GO TO MCDONALDS! DON'T GO TO MCDONALDS, PIZZA HUT, KFC, RED ROOSTER! DON'T GO TO MCDONALDS!"

Used to see this character quite a lot - we had a bit of fun with him.

 

[DEES RULE!]

LOL, well I don't see freaks like those mentioned above, but there are a fair few druggies (I too take the Frankston line ), and once I saw these two boys inhailing paint... and there are always the occasional person who skips through carriages!

 

[Macca19]

Originally posted by Blues2001
The guy who recites football facts

See this guy from time to time and once I remember him saying this out loud spontaneously:

"Kevin Bartlett played 403 games for the Richmond football club from 19?? to 1983(?). He was a brilliant goalkicker for the tigers, kicking 7 in the 1980 Grand Final against Collingwood to snare the Norm Smith medal........" and on he went.

So youve met Dan26 before??

 

[Macca19]

Originally posted by DEES RULE!
LOL, well I don't see freaks like those mentioned above, but there are a fair few druggies (I too take the Frankston line ), and once I saw these two boys inhailing paint... and there are always the occasional person who skips through carriages!

remember when we were on the train going back home and that freaky guy was having a go at his girlfriend/wife?? He was off his nut on something....his pupils were really tiny and he looked like he was about to beat the crap out of his wife! That was pretty wierd

 

[DEES RULE!]

Originally posted by Macca19


remember when we were on the train going back home and that freaky guy was having a go at his girlfriend/wife?? He was off his nut on something....his pupils were really tiny and he looked like he was about to beat the crap out of his wife! That was pretty wierd

LMAO, I totally forgot about that.... the train smelled like weed and the guy was telling the girl what a bitch she is coz she was telling him to get a job or something! LOL

 

[daddy_4_eyes]

Newspaper Guy

I was coming back from the city once when I had a "weird" experience with this hippy. He was wearing rags, bare footed, and smelt like weed. The really weird thing was he had several hundred of those free newspapers you pick up at the train stations. I swear he must of had every newspaper published that day. Naturally, I grabbed me one...surely he could spare at least one As soon as I picked it up he ripped it out of my hand and quietly whispered "i haven't finished reading yet".

Absolute tosser

Bout 8am, i was coming back from a club with some mates. This guy, totally off his face, pulls his di(k out of his shorts and just starts tossing. Bloody disgusting

Real stinker

Nothing weird about him, except that he stunk worse than sewerage. The carriage was packed, but there was no one within 10m of him.

 

[jefffff34]

There is a chap who gets on the train in peak time, runs down the centre aisle from one end of the carriage to the other screaming at the top of his voice (“AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!”), bowling people over before selecting a vacant seat, sitting down and quietly reading his paper as if nothing had happened..

Is that the bloke who is always on platform 1 at flinders st?

 

[Shermanator]

We too have some odd individuals over here in WA.

DOG LADY

My home town of Kalgoorlie, we had the famous 'Dog Lady' she used to wear a flea collar, flea powder on her face and eat packet dog food. She used walk down town panting like a puppy and as you passed her she would bark her derranged head off, but the most bizzare antic she used to perform was co(king her leg in public.

 

[RacerX]

Classic stuff CJH, even over here in Perth I can relate to many of the people you describe from the Freo line.

Heres one I've noticed quite often:

Friday Evening Drunk Guy
Some normal working guy who must have got plastered at after work drinks. Staggers to nearest seat, sits down then promptly falls asleep. He later wakes up, swears while peering out the window because he has missed his stop.

I was that guy on a number of occasions, but fortunately mine was the last stop. I defy anyone to say it hasn't happened to them if they are a regular train commuter.

 

[Balip]

Originally posted by Shermanator
We too have some odd individuals over here in WA.

DOG LADY

My home town of Kalgoorlie, we had the famous 'Dog Lady' she used to wear a flea collar, flea powder on her face and eat packet dog food. She used walk down town panting like a puppy and as you passed her she would bark her derranged head off, but the most bizzare antic she used to perform was co(king her leg in public.

I remember her, we were in Primary school up there and she always gave us a great deal of amusement!

 

[PowerGirl36]

LOL, love this thread!! I've seen wayyyy too many freaks.

Druggy Guy
Only saw him one time...me and a few friends were sitting at the back of the carraige in this little compartment when this full on druggy guy comes in and is trying to get us to give him whatever drug it was that he wanted! He was trying to be all secretive and were just like okkkk then, do we look like druggys to you?! Then we made up an excuse and left and he just sat there smoking the rest of what he had!

Carpet Guy
This guy is weird, he catches the train constantly and his hair is matted onto one side of his head and it looks like carpet!! It's like a combover and I bet there's spiders living in it. Weird how when you don't see them for a while and you miss them!!

 

[RacerX]

Originally posted by Shermanator
We too have some odd individuals over here in WA.

DOG LADY

My home town of Kalgoorlie, we had the famous 'Dog Lady' she used to wear a flea collar, flea powder on her face and eat packet dog food. She used walk down town panting like a puppy and as you passed her she would bark her derranged head off, but the most bizzare antic she used to perform was co(king her leg in public.

Wow - that is a pretty weird one

 

[FreoDocker]

South African Moral Conscience Guy
This species is truely rare.
He is found at Perth Trainstation at night, slightly bald and has a problem with his split personalities.
This guy conducts conversations between his personalities on topics such as Aboriginal Youth, Train Security, South Africa, Drugs, Pornography and Prostitution. He asks himself questions and then proceeds to answer them in a slightly different voice.
One actual "conversation" we heard was about the train security and kids pushing drugs and pornography at a trainstation in South Africa, before he started having an argument with his split self and even stood up shouting at himself.

I've only seen him twice, but the guy is a true icon of the TrainStation.

 

[Nic]

Geez, I really feel like I'm missing out on the good stuff down here in Geelong.

 

[35eye]

Originally posted by Blues2001
The guy who recites football facts

See this guy from time to time and once I remember him saying this out loud spontaneously:

"Kevin Bartlett played 403 games for the Richmond football club from 19?? to 1983(?). He was a brilliant goalkicker for the tigers, kicking 7 in the 1980 Grand Final against Collingwood to snare the Norm Smith medal........" and on he went.

I have heard this guy before on crowded peak hour trains but have never seen him. He is really funny.

Autistic Adam
Speaks very loudly and attempts to engage in conversations with strangers. Usually begins with, "YOUR NAME?" If you choose not to ignore him, you will be asked a series of questions. He will remember you time & time again and recite these facts back to you. You can usually hear him coming up the train platform repeatedly yelling, "YEAH!" "YEAH!" "YEAH!"


Blind Guy With Persecution Complex
Now I know this guy is not fully blind and he is a real jerk. Never stands back and lets passengers alight the train preferring to barge through the doorways. Never offer this guy your seat because he will GO OFF!

Overly Affectionate Private School Girl
This chick has got this Brittany Spears look perfected. The every single morning as she meets up with her girly friends its a hug & kiss on both cheeks for every one of them. What's with that? She disapproves of girls who talk about sex even though her and her boyfriend Clint are doing it regularly.

Academy Girl
This chick is butt ugly. She has some fairly attractive friends who she travels with and knows that she would be considered the guard dog. They attend one of the beauty schools in the city. Every day its a different bad hair style/colour/experiment and she will spend the whole journey applying more coats of make up and teasing up her shag pile while complaining about how unattractive she is.

Stan, Eric & Kyle
I avoid this carriage now but these three annoying 14 year olds will spend the entire trip conversing in Southpark voices amongst other things. They are loud, obnoxious and un-funny. Sometimes they bring toy guns and stuff along to play with. I wish they'd grow up soon.

 

[DEES RULE!]

Originally posted by 35eye

Overly Affectionate Private School Girl
This chick has got this Brittany Spears look perfected. The every single morning as she meets up with her girly friends its a hug & kiss on both cheeks for every one of them. What's with that? She disapproves of girls who talk about sex even though her and her boyfriend Clint are doing it regularly.

It couldn't be me could it??
Nah I never disapprove of people talking about sex!

Well talking about school kids... there is this boy's school with the ugliest uniform you have ever seen (lime green and blue!! ), and they always stand in the doorways talking about drug dealing and screaming out to each other.
And there is this girl we see on the train all the time, she is in year 11 I would guess and in the morning she is on the tram passionatly kissing this guy, and in the afternoon she is on the train passionatly kissing this totally different guy!

 

[Macca19]

This guy has a job!

This guy with down syndrome catches the ame bus at the same time at about 4:25. As soon as he gets on the bus he'll tell the bus driver "i got a job......its been..6 years now...yeah...i got a job...my names shane". He will then tell anyone and everyone on the bus that his name is shane, and hes got a job, and its been 6 years now!!!

First is Best
One lady who gets on the bus HAS to be the first out the door at her stop....if she is rarely to slow to get to the door first then she will go to the stop later just to make sure she is the first out the door. She'll even run and push someone out the way to be first out the door!!!

Movin to the country, gonna eat a lot of peaches!
This one guy...hes real nice...i usually always chat to him when i see him on the bus, hes a can short of a 6 pack basically...and he LOVES his music....especially Presidents of the USA.
He'll sit down next to anyone and just start up a conversation about music or movies or anything....he's a real nice guy....always say gday to him! Harmless really

 

[aggels]

Originally posted by Blues2001
The guy who recites football facts

See this guy from time to time and once I remember him saying this out loud spontaneously:

"Kevin Bartlett played 403 games for the Richmond football club from 19?? to 1983(?). He was a brilliant goalkicker for the tigers, kicking 7 in the 1980 Grand Final against Collingwood to snare the Norm Smith medal........" and on he went.

I've seen this guy too. I thought at first he was talking into a voice recorder or something, but I don't think he was.

overly familiar old guy
There's a lot of them I think, the sort of person who says hello to everyone who happens to sit around them as if they're lifelong friends, but after a while of travelling public transport you don't tend to notice them anymore. This one guy though happened to notice me when I was changing trains after getting off at Spencer Street Station, from a much later train than usual. I'd never seen him before, but he came up to me and said "Wow, you weren't on the train this morning." and then proceeds to tell me about these people that were on the train that morning. I saw him several times after that.

vomit dude (alright I'm not overly creative)

One of the early trains on a Saturday or Sunday morning, he's talking to his friends about the party they went to the night before, and then jokes loudly about a girl who'd thrown up in front of everyone. A few minutes later he disappears to the toilet (a vline train) and the whole carriage went quiet, and all we could hear was heaving noises coming from in the toilet which went on for about 10 minutes. He came out to a whole lot of smirks.

racist old man
I'd noticed an aboriginal guy get on at one stage in the morning, and he then had a conversation with another complete stranger. He later fell asleep, and I noticed an old guy get on the tram. I smiled to myself because he looked like a really nice guy, but when he noticed the aboriginal guy asleep, first he yelled at him to get his feet off the seat, which I suppose was fair enough, but just before his own stop, he began poking him with his walking stick. The aboriginal guy had done absolutely nothing wrong. As the old man got off I heard him mutter under his breath something derogatory, as well as "he's either high, or drunk, we should stop giving them bloody money", and I'd seen absolutely no reason for him to do that. That shocked me, because before that I'd always been extremely sheltered from such blatant racism.

I'm sure there's been others, but like I said, after spending so much time on public transport, you kind of forget about individuals.

 

[Malibu]

What about the bird man in Elizabeth Street, catches trams as far as I know. Makes different bird noises to each person at his end of the tram, you'll also find him fossiking through rubbish bins.

 

[Captain Random]

Once had an old guy sitting next to me tell me the entire history of the Schrader valve. And a fascinating history it was too

 

[35eye]

Club Jacaranda

I'm just reminded of this bird in a wheel chair. Made news headlines after a failed attempt at suing an unlicensed swingers' club which did not provide adequate disabled facilities.

I see her on my train line sometimes. Bikini top, covered in tatts, often speaking to her partner & children really loudly. Its more about who she is than what she does.

Local legend!

Elvis

What ever happened to this guy that used to position himself on a prominent platform at Richmond station some years back with his ghetto blaster pumping out Elvis tunes while he sung & swivelled along? Did they lock him up?

 

[brampta]

The trains in Perth weren't so bad, in hindsight. The dregs of society were actually more likely to be riding at nighttime more so than daytime in my experience. However, the buses were a completely different story. I can remember sitting there minding my own business when I was 14 and some woman taking a passing shot at me and called me a **** as she got off the bus.
Melbourne has been a different kettle of fish altogether. I can remember being absolutely disgusted after watching some chic vomit all over the train floor and then sit in amongst it. The train line that I ride on seems to bring out all sorts of characters, particularly when heading out further into the suburbs