Lame Jokes Part 2

[Hard Ball Get]

The old one reached over 1000 posts so here is part 2.

A nice lame start...

What do you do with a dog that has no legs?
Take him out for a drag.


How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?

 

[pacemaker]

I liked 2121's lame jokes better . At least they were funny in a stupid way

 

[ClarkeM]

I used to do drugs, I still do, but I used to, too.

 

[pacemaker]

LOL, What is this Clarkey?

 

[ClarkeM]

I want to hang a map of the world in my house, and then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to.
But first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.

 

[Damp Squarie]

A Pakistani dies and goes to Heaven. .

He knocks on the Pearly Gates and St. Peter opens them. ....

"Yes?", asks St. Peter. .

"I am here for Jesus", says the Pakistani. .

St Peter turns around and shouts, "Jesus, your taxi's here"

 

[DeanoT]

I used to do drugs, I still do, but I used to, too.

I want to hang a map of the world in my house, and then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to.
But first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.

Should we re-label this thread the Mitch Hedburg tribute quote thread?

 

[ClarkeM]

Should we re-label this thread the Mitch Hedburg tribute quote thread?

Yeah why not.

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?

 

[Mofra]

Yeah why not.

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?

I like rice...

 

[ClarkeM]

I like rice...

...rice is great

 

[Bomber32]

Q: What are vegetables known as in math class?

A: Square roots.

 

[MightyMark]

I went to the library the other day and tried to take out a book on suicide. The cow at the desk told me to piss off cos i wouldn't bring it back.

 

[WheatsWorshipper]

I went to the library the other day and tried to take out a book on suicide. The cow at the desk told me to piss off cos i wouldn't bring it back.

sickipedia?

 

[MightyMark]

sickipedia?

Uncle. Original origin unknown.

What do you call an afghan virgin?

Never-Been-Laid-on!

 

[Bomber32]

Q: Did you hear about the two ants on the toilet seat?

A: One of them got pissed off.

 

[worbod]

A wealthy Texan was showing his new estate to his friends.
"You will observe," he said proudly, "that I have three swimming pools."
"I did notice that," said a friend. "But why so many?"
"Well," said the Texan, "the first pool is filled with cold water and is for the use of my friends who enjoy a cool dip. The second pool is filled with warm water and is for the use of my friends who like to go swimming in warm water."
"And how about the third pool?" asked the friend. "I notice that it has no water in it at all."
"Ah yes," said the Texan. "That pool is for the use of my friends who can't swim."

 

[Adrian Shelton]

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe
She had so many children her uterus fell out!!!

 

[greg62]

Hear about the two baked beans that headed north?
They ended up in Cairns!

 

[TheStinger]

...rice is great

if you're really hungry and want 2000 of something.

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

 

[ClarkeM]

if you're really hungry and want 2000 of something.

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

I'd like to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real ****in' big!

 

[jdisc]

Q: What's big, green and will kill you if it falls out of a tree and lands on you?


A: A snooker table.

 

[Bomber32]

Q: What was the centrepiece of the annual Anorexia and Bulimia sufferers convention?

A: A cake jumping out of a girl.

 

[belfast_bomber]

What's the difference between people from Dubai and people from Abu Dhabi?

People from Dubai don't like the Flintstones, whereas people from Abu Dhabi do.

 

[Quadzilla]

Down Collingwood way they may not be able to read or write but they sure know how to draw

 

[Sunburn18]

What do you do with an epileptic lettuce?

You make a seizure salad