Syd said:Never mind that, just get out and buy one of those little outfits for yourself!
Me or Heals?
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Syd said:Never mind that, just get out and buy one of those little outfits for yourself!
Syd said:derrrrr, you. Healy aint got the legs for it.
Healy said:Hi everybody,
Wow its now summer. I love summer even though there's no footy. Last year my friend Daniel and me would go to the beach on hot days and look at the girls who had no tops on. Daniel kept telling me I should ask one of them out but I didn't because I didn't want them to think I was just speaking to them so I could look at their boozies.
Daniel got in trouble one day. I wasn't there but he told me that he took his camera and he was taking photo's of one lady and her boozies and her husband saw him and he came up to him and got very angry at Daniel. I think he said he was going to jam Daniels camera down his throat or something.
Hopefully this year I won't need to do this because I will be going to the beach with a girlfriend of my own, although I don't think I would like it if she showed her boozies. You might get people like my friend Daniel taking pictures and stuff.
On Sunday I saw Paula and her family drive threw the gates. I didn't want them to see me so I went and stayed in my room and cut out some pictures of cats players from the papers to put on my wall.
There is a girl who I work with who I think is kinda cute. She is one of Santa's elves. I was thinking of asking her for a date but I am not sure?
C'MON THE MIGHTY CATS GET IT ON!
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I think you may need your own thread..LoneStar said:Hello Pat! Although I'm certain things have taken yet another slide in your simple life, I sincerely hope your elf job and your search for love are both going well. Season's greetings to you and yours Pat!
Which shopping centre are you working at? I took my 4-year-old nephew to a shopping centre over the weekend and it made me think about you! We were in line to visit Santa's workshop and the wait was soooooooooo long. I learned they also employ "special" elves and the elves had made a huge mess of the whole endeavor!
It seems Mrs. Santa had suffered a technical glitch with her camera and several "special" elves were attempting to ineptly resolve her problem by forcing a new roll of film into her digital camera. As a result, the line had come to a standstill while Mrs. Santa fended off the assistance of the "special" elves while attempting to repair her camera.
During the ensuing wait, twin 5-year-old girls escaped from their mother while she was being distracted by a crying infant and several other young children that were apparently her offspring as well. The girls vaulted the candy-cane fence and were attempting to mount two of Santa's reindeer when a diligent "special" elf attempted to persuade the twins to abort their attempt to ride Santa's property. As he gently swung a cricket bat at the girls, they nimbly ducked out of harm's way and ran back towards the litter from which they came. The bat struck two of the mechanical reindeer and sent the dismembered heads flying across the room.
Among a shower of sparks and flashing lights, Prancer's head flew directly at Santa, who had taken a break from his duties and was sneaking a sip of refreshment from a bottle stashed inside his red toy bag. Caught unawares, the reindeer's head struck Santa squarely in the mouth as he was placing the whiskey bottle to his lips. The bottle shattered, soaking Santa in bourbon and causing him to loudly utter the bad word.
With his mouth bleeding and his beard smoldering, Santa made a run for the "special" elf whose actions had instigated the calamity. Santa slipped in the puddle of whiskey, tripped over a mechanical penquin, lost his balance and crashed into the large Christmas tree. The tree toppled under Santa's bulk and both collapsed onto the floor. The "special" elf quickly tried to extinguish Santa's beard with the cricket bat! A musical angel from the tree's upmost branches had landed in a nearby pram and was still playing Santa Claus is Coming to Town while babies cried and Santa screamed the bad word repeatedly!
Meanwhile, Dancer's smoking head had flown high into the air and exploded when it hit the roof of Santa's workshop. It then rolled off the roof, bounced off several wrapped presents and landed in Santa's sleigh, starting several small fires in the process. A "special" elf standing near the burning holiday wonderland attempted to douse the flames by spraying fake snow onto the fires. Unfortunately, the fake snow was highly flamable and caused the small fires to become much larger fires.
Undaunted, the "special" elf dropped his can of fake snow and grabbed a smaller "special" elf and used her to repeatedly beat back the flames.The sleigh and many presents were pounded flat, but the fire was subdued and the workshop saved. Bruised and scorched, the small "special" elf was treated by the emergency workers when they arrived a few minutes later. They declared her a hero and assured her that her hair would grow back before next winter.
During the excitement, I noticed a large "special" elf hiding behind a big snowman, seemingly oblivious to the flames and destruction only a few feet from his sanctuary. Looking closer, I could see that he was not cowering in fear, but was busy "wrapping his own package" inside his baggy elfen britches and hadn't noticed the commotion occurring nearby.
I yelled, "Pat...is that you?" but he didn't reply. Maybe the sounds of crying children and screaming parents made it impossible to hear my question. Maybe he was just preoccupied with his "work". The firemen ushered us outside before I could get his attention. It probably wasn't Pat, but I still wonder.
They bandaged Santa up and soon let the kids meet him outside in the carpark. He sat in a lawn chair, his beard streaked with crimson and black, as calm as if he'd found another bottle of Kentucky bourbon before getting back to business. My nephew sat on his lap and asked for Captain Feathersword's magical music box and a fire engine. It was a bit anti-climactic really.
Then I had to take him home and explain to my sister-in-law why his clothes smelled like Jack Daniels and why he was chanting the bad word over and over again!
Get better HealsHealy said:Hi everyone
Sorry for not been here but i have been sick for the last week. I keep spewing and doing poos.
I am sooo bored. I have to lie in my bed all day. I have started making a new Cats scrapbook. I have put lots of pictures of Nathan in it. I have also been watching a show called Bold and Beautiful. I like it, some of the girls on it are really pretty.
I've got to go now as I need to go to the toilet again. I come back when I am better.
C'MON THE MIGHTY CATS GET IT ON!
lol.. ur a funny guy. GO THE PIES!!!!Healy said:Wow, I had the acest time on new years eve. Daniel and his mum and dad picked me up and we went to their beach house at Lorne. It was great.
After we had dinner Daniel and I headed off down to the beach in front of the surf club. There were lots of people there and some pretty girls as well. After a little while Daniel said we should try our luck at the pub, but it was too crowded. We then met this man who said we should go with him to some place called the aqautic club. His name was Barry.
The place was this little sort of club house down by the pier where there was a bar, pool table and little beer garden. Apparently all the fisherman drink there. Barry had to sign us in. He asked us what we wanted to drink and I told him a coke. He got a little angery and said c'mon pat, you've got to have some alchohol. He got me a beer. I haven't had beer before and when I had my first sip it made me screw up my face. I didn't like it much. After that Barry got me a thing called a breezer, this was much nicer it was like punch. Yummy.
We spent quiet a bit of time there with our new friend Barry. Daniel was getting a bit worried as there were not many girls here. I didn't mind because Barry kept getting me lots of those very yummy breezer drinks. Barry was very nice and he listened to all my cats stories and I tolod him how good Nathan would be for us this year. He seemed to be really interested in me. After a few hours he asked us if we wanted to go back to his place.
He told us that he was a photographer and thought that Daniel and I should get some pictures taken as we could be models.
Daniel said he didn't want to. I didn't care as Barry said he had Breeezers back at his house. Barry said he need to see us with our t shirts off to make sure we had the right stuff to be models. Daniel whispered to me that he thought this was a bit suss and told Barry that we were going back to the beach.
We left and went back to the beach. It was almost 12 o'clock. By this time there was lots of people on the beach and I was finding it hard to walk straight and my head felt really really light. All of a sudden fireworks started going off. They were ace. I was staring at them when this girl came up to me and said Happy New Year and then she started kissing me. She was pushing her tongue in my mouth and everything.
It was so cool. I looked over and Daniel was standing there staring at us, but no one was kissing him. He tried to kiss the girl I was with but she told him to get lost and then started kissing me again. When I next looked Daniel had gone.
I was kissing for ages and at one stage I thought I saw that Barry guy staring at me from a behind the corner of the building but when I looked back he was gone.
At 12.30 I had to go as Daniels mum said we had to be home by 12.45. I asked my new girlfriend what her name was but she wouldn't tell me. She said I was her one night special friend whatever that means. I left and when I got back Daniel was already in bed. He said that after leaving me he met this girl who was a model on holidays and that he had kissed her and that she had even let him touch her boobs. Wow Daniel is always sooo lucky when it comes to girls.
The next morning I had a big headache and felt sick. For the next two days I looked everywhere for my new girlfriend but didn't spot her. We also never found Daniels model. She must have left already. Although I did see that Barry guy at the trampolines watching some kids. They must have been his children but I don't remember him saying he had kids.
C'MON THE MIGHTY CATS GET IT ON!