Religion Most outrageous bible verses

[Kangaroopit]

Luke 1:34-35 (KJV):

"Then said Mary unto the angel, How shall this be, seeing I know not a man?

And the angel answered and said unto her, The Holy Ghost shall come upon thee."

Quite.



On a heavier note, there's also John 8:44 in which Jesus declares that any Jew who does not love him is a child of the Devil. The Jews he says this to don't take kindly to it.

 

[Mr Q]

(KJV):

The hard-on some fundies have for this version of the Bible is absolutely hilarious.

 

[deeman12]

I read the Orthodox Study Bible. It contextualises the teachings of Christ according to Jewish rites, rituals and customs of the time, thus making sense of the seemingly incomprehensible and nonsensical. It also highlights the links between the OT and NT which pertain to the validity of Christ being the Messiah. An Orthodox commentary is also provided at the bottom of each page.

You heathen gentiles are missing out. I endorse it.

 

[GeorgeGrljusich]

I read the Orthodox Study Bible. It contextualises the teachings of Christ according to Jewish rites, rituals and customs of the time, thus making sense of the seemingly incomprehensible and nonsensical. It also highlights the links between the OT and NT which pertain to the validity of Christ being the Messiah. An Orthodox commentary is also provided at the bottom of each page.

You heathen gentiles are missing out. I endorse it.

I am somewhat perplexed deeman. I have talked to 6 different Christians who have offered 6 different versions of your tome.
All 6 were adamant that their versions interpretation was correct.
You now make it 7.

 

[deeman12]

I am somewhat perplexed deeman. I have talked to 6 different Christians who have offered 6 different versions of your tome.
All 6 were adamant that their versions interpretation was correct.
You now make it 7.

Perhaps you can elaborate for me. Were your Christian friends Catholic? Mormons? Pentecostels? Jehovas Witnesses? Babtists?

 

[GeorgeGrljusich]

Perhaps you can elaborate for me. Were your Christian friends Catholic? Mormons? Pentecostels? Jehovas Witnesses? Babtists?

You elaborated it perfectly mate.

 

[deeman12]

You elaborated it perfectly mate.

American Christian evangelicals are probably the most egotistical w***ers on the planet. Their interpretations almost always revovle around their country, or whichever war they're currently fighting. I just shut the door.

This bible doesn't just include the Orthodox interpretation though. It contextualises what Christ was saying according to the Jewish rites, rituals and customs of the time. A lot of these things flew over my head when I read the standard NKJV. It also highlights the subtle and nuanced links between the OT and NT.

I recommend it my gentile friend.

http://orthodoxwiki.org/Orthodox_Study_Bible#General_Editors

 

[GeorgeGrljusich]

American Christian evangelicals are probably the most egotistical w***ers on the planet. Their interpretations almost always revovle around their country, or whichever war they're currently fighting. I just shut the door.

This bible doesn't just include the Orthodox interpretation though. It contextualises what Christ was saying according to the Jewish rites, rituals and customs of the time. A lot of these things flew over my head when I read the standard NKJV. It also highlights the subtle and nuanced links between the OT and NT.

I recommend it my gentile friend.

http://orthodoxwiki.org/Orthodox_Study_Bible#General_Editors

I have read the New King James word for weary word.
I'm not planning on doing it again. Regardless of the version.
No offense, but I am happy in my skin.

 

[deeman12]

I have read the New King James word for weary word.
I'm not planning on doing it again. Regardless of the version.
No offense, but I am happy in my skin.

That's fair enough. There is no compulsion in religion as the muslims say.

 

[Monniehawk]

American Christian evangelicals are probably the most egotistical w***ers on the planet. Their interpretations almost always revovle around their country, or whichever war they're currently fighting. I just shut the door.

I share your concerns! But be careful of such generalisations. There was a powerful movement in the U.S. Bible Belt that swept Bush into power and ultimately threatened to dominate Evangelical and Christian thought. Courageous and committed intelligentsia within the Evangelical movement dared to challenge that status quo and issued their own challenge to Evangelical Christians which questioned the Rightists view of Biblical thought. As a mongrel humanist/agnostic/Christian(?), I can't help but be impressed by such committed people as middle America's Rev. Jim Wallis and the Evangelical social justice movement 'Sojourners'. They inspired Christians, and specifically Evangelicals, to challenge the dominant 'evangelical Right's' interpretation the of the Bible and to question their attitudes to social justice. Ultimately they were proven to be correct and they may well rank with Avaaz as the most important social movement in the present era.
http://www.sojo.net/
Check them out before you make any sweeping pejorative assumptions about Christians, or Evangelicals in particular.

 

[midorigreenwood]

The hard-on some fundies have for this version of the Bible is absolutely hilarious.

too right....

depending on who you ask...

the New International Version (NIV) is either

1) conspiracy perpetrated by Roman Catholicism/Conspiracy against roman catholicism
2) homosexual conspiracy
3) spawn of Satan

 

[Mr Q]

too right....

depending on who you ask...

the New International Version (NIV) is either

2) homosexual conspiracy

That would be quite ironic given the KJV was commissioned by a guy who was pretty much into a bit of backdoor shenanigans.

 

[CDFCLad]

Worst Bible verse? That's easy.

Judges 11: 31-40. The sacrifice of Jephthah's daughter to Yahweh.

The mental gymnastics fundmentalists use to worm their way out of this one always makes good reading, especially when they are the ones who say you must take the wording at face value.

 

[Mitchell Madness]

i dont know the verse, however, some guy says to an intruder "please take my daughter and leave my sons" i thought god created all people equal

that and all slaves are of a "darker" race

 

[Pie eyed]

i dont know the verse, however, some guy says to an intruder "please take my daughter and leave my sons" i thought god created all people equal

that and all slaves are of a "darker" race

Maybe this;

Genesis 19:7
Lot offers his virgin daughters to the angry mob.

They called to Lot, and said to him, "Where are the men who came in to you this night? Bring them out to us, that we may have sex with them." 6 Lot went out to them to the door, and shut the door after him. 7 He said, "Please, my brothers, don't act so wickedly. 8 See now, I have two virgin daughters. Please let me bring them out to you, and you may do to them what seems good to you. Only don't do anything to these men,

or this;

Judges 19:23

"Bring out the man who came into your house, that we may have sex with him!" 23 The man, the master of the house, went out to them, and said to them, "No, my brothers, please don't act so wickedly; since this man is come into my house, don't do this folly. 24 Behold, here is my virgin daughter and his concubine. I will bring them out now. Humble them, and do with them what seems good to you; but to this man don't do any such folly." 25 But the men wouldn't listen to him: so the man laid hold of his concubine, and brought her out to them; and they had sex with her, and abused her all night until the morning: and when the day began to dawn, they let her go. 26 Then came the woman in the dawning of the day, and fell down at the door of the man's house where her lord was, until it was light.
27 Her lord rose up in the morning, and opened the doors of the house, and went out to go his way; and behold, the woman his concubine was fallen down at the door of the house, with her hands on the threshold. 28 He said to her, "Get up, and let us be going!" but no one answered. Then he took her up on the donkey; and the man rose up, and went to his place. 29 When he was come into his house, he took a knife, and laid hold on his concubine, and divided her, limb by limb, into twelve pieces, and sent her throughout all the borders of Israel.

 

[Nasma]

Worst Bible verse? That's easy.

Judges 11: 31-40. The sacrifice of Jephthah's daughter to Yahweh.

It's a beauty that one. But I'm sure upon a closer reading of the text it'll turn out to be a 'metaphor'.

 

[azreal]

It's not all bad.

"Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord." (Ephesians 5:22)

Yeah!

 

[azreal]

Timothy 2:12, in which the saint says: "I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, she must be silent."

 

[sherrinorburley]

Timothy 2:12, in which the saint says: "I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, she must be silent."

Timothy and other's of the like may have been ****da's.

 

[Ice-Wolf]

Timothy and other's of the like may have been ****da's.

To be fair to Timothy, it is a well know fact that the women of his family and his village were incredibly stupid.

 

[JoondalupJ]

There's a billboard near where I live with the message "Read Your Bible". Personally I think this is a great idea, as I think that people should have a good understanding of what they profess to believe in. At the very least, they would realize that there's a whole lot of stuff in there that no-one takes seriously. In this spirit, I'd like to see the most outrageous quotes that others can find in the good book.

My vote is for Deuteronomy 22: 28-29.
Not much more needs to be said about this one, this "punishment" is not appropriate in any cultural context. Let's not forget Matthew 5:17


Anyway, please submit your own. Extra points for brevity.

My problem would be with Abraham, I think it was him. On a mountain and god told him to slit his sons throat to prove that Abe trusted the lord. Well, he was going to do it too.
What if he was a slick hand with a knife and slit the youngster real quick . God would have had to have thought up a good excuse "Gee that was a bit quick Abe, just testing mate, geees".
Jokes aside, what kind of god asks that of someone they love, certainly not the kind I'd follow. Pretty cruel I'd say, in fact a god that wants you to burn in hell for eternity if you don't get on your knees to HIM??? HER??? IT??? well I'd prefer a gentler one that doesn't make threats. Of course religion is all man made. But none of us know what this really is that we live on or in, our existence etc, so if we have an almighty power I hope its friendly. Because I'm friendly, I'd like to enjoy my eternity, perhaps with a couple of beers. I wonder if god has a beer or a wine. I think mother nature will sort all this out.
She never wrote a book ,you know.

 

[JoondalupJ]

Timothy and other's of the like may have been ****da's.

Yes yes yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! good point.

 

[JoondalupJ]

Which he was when he spent 40 days being tempted by the devil.

So not outrageous at all.

These are words god used to the new West Sydney membership.

 

[JoondalupJ]

A curse on him who keeps his sword from bloodshed!" (Jeremiah 48:10)




"But anyone who says 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell." (Jesus) Mat 5:22

"You fools!" (Jesus) Luke 11:40
"You blind fools!" (Jesus) Mat 23:17
"How foolish you are" (Jesus) Luke 24:25
"But God said to him, 'You fool!' " (Jesus) Luke 12:20
"You foolish Galatians!" (St. Paul) Galatians 3:1
"You foolish man" James 2:20

These are the words god used when speaking to the new West Sydney membership.
Sorry wrong button.

 

[Mitchell Madness]

It's a beauty that one. But I'm sure upon a closer reading of the text it'll turn out to be a 'metaphor'.

but i thought we werent allowd to interpret the bible and it had to be as written