Pickup lines that could get you killed...

[you_idiot]

From an old and classic e-mail of mine... edited for some reasonable form of cleanliness...

PICKUP LINES THAT MAY GET YOU KILLED
1 If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?
2 I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.
3 If it's true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!
4 How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?
5 I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name to go with your face.
6 My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
7 Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I would love to tap that ass!
8 If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, could I meet you between the holidays?
9 You remind me of a championship bass, I don't know whether to mount you or eat you!
10 Could I touch your belly button . . . from the inside?
11 How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and
I'll give you the meat.

And my favourite...

12 How about you and I play "army"? I'll lie down and you can blow the hell outta me.


Anyone else have any other favourites?

Cheers,
William

 

[carlyp]

A personal favourite of mine:

If I said that you had a good body would you hold it against me

 

[BomberGal]

Originally posted by you_idiot
8 If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was

Variation:

This leg is Christmas, this one is Easter, wanna come between the holidays?

 

[you_idiot]

Yeah, BomberGal, the one I posted was the Americanised variation.

Cheers,
William

 

[TADS]

I think this is a Classic:

I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one
talking to you.

And these ones went with it:

I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth
tonight.


Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a
light switch away.

Are those real?

You must be the limp doctor because I've got stiffy.


If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by
morning.

(Look down at your crotch) Well, it's not just going to suck itself.


You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.


F**k me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom?

Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom
floor.

My name is ***** remember that, you'll be screaming it later.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?


My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.


If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we
could do it in public.

Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don't you like
pizza?

Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without
me.

(Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these
wetclothes !

Hi, I'm just a shy guy with a big **** ... ok ok ok ... I'm not
really shy.

 

[M29]

Here's a favourite of mine:

Walk up to girl:
You: "Excuse me dear, do you like jewelary?"
Girl: "Why Yes!" (Most likely to say yes.)
You: Grab nuts and procliam "Well suck my ¢ock! It's a GEM!"

 

[Longboysfan]

Re: Re: Pickup lines that could get you killed...

Originally posted by BomberGal


Variation:

This leg is Christmas, this one is Easter, wanna come between the holidays?

Well she's not a love em and leave em gal.

 

[Slax]

I can't believe you missed one of the all time shockers

Have you got any Italian in you? Well I can fix that.

Also some other notable mentions:

I hear you've got an upset stomach. I've got soemthing you can swallow to fix that.

Honey I bet I can give you the best sex of your life. If I don't you can teach me how.

I should tell you now that I have to be up early in the morning so my alarm doesn't bother you too much.

 

[Slax]

Do you cum here often? or do you prefer the bedroom?

 

[Pessimistic]

Hi My Name's Tony. Remember it as you'll be screaming it later.


Girl: What winks and ****s like a bunny ?

Guy: I dunno.

Girl?: Winks continously.


And this one is very common.

Girl, early in night out: I don't normally sleep with someone on first date but you're different.

(This is where you try very hard not to treat her like a 'sure thing' in case she get's embarrassed.

But Damien's lines were the classics. I'm tuned into your radio station etc etc. They seemed to fall for it. No wonder some guys don't respect girls.

 

[The A-tron]

Is that a mirror in your pocket? 'cos I can see myself in your pants.

 

[PeteLX]

Nice shoes, wanna ****?

 

[milo]

You smell, wanna take a shower together?

 

[M29]

Originally posted by The A-tron
Is that a mirror in your pocket? 'cos I can see myself in your pants.

And the ever so hurtful comeback

"No thanks, I already have 1 arseh*le in here."

 

[BIG POPPA PUMP]

I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long.

 

[Eagle_Fan]

Originally posted by M29
And the ever so hurtful comeback

"No thanks, I already have 1 arseh*le in here."

That was YOU?!?!?