Games & Recreation Post a joke

[Hodgepodge]

Dear Dr. Phil
I was watching my next door neighbor's daughter sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. Now as I was having a wank, I turn to notice my wife, just standing there, arms folded.....watching me. Is she a pervert??



Like many people, I love this time of year... it's the only time you can watch pr0n with the volume on max and your wife thinks you're watching the tennis.

 

[TheStinger]

Port Power.

 

[Hodgepodge]

There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush.

By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now, if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses,

how should he express himself?



Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer...








































































He opens his mouth and says. 'I would like to buy a pair of Sunglasses.'

If you got this wrong, please turn off your computer and call it a day.

I've got mine shutting down right now.


(You know you missed it too, so shut down your computer.)

 

[TheStinger]

 

[Eddie Dingle]

Port Power.

Or the footy club with 26 spoons and 1 flag.



It's funny cos it's true.

 

[Coledinho]

What do you call a cat holding a bag of cement


Crandle

 

[Messenger]

Let's keep the racism out of this thread if you please.

 

[Robbo2003]

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb?


I want to ride my bike.

 

[SugarShane]

I wish we had a whole board full of jokes, could probably call it something like the humour board or whatever.

 

[Messenger]

I wish we had a whole board full of jokes, could probably call it something like the humour board or whatever.

We could. I wonder how you'd find such a board?*



* happy for the thread to continue.

 

[Byron_Clanger]

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
A: She wanted to lay it on the line.

 

[gareth36]

How do you know princess diana had dandruff problems ?

Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.

 

[gareth36]

What do wayne bridge and john terry have in common ?

They have both slept with wayne's girlfriend.

 

[happy_eagle]

What do you call a cat holding a bag of cement


Crandle

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
A: She wanted to lay it on the line.

[youtube]NOob3ga5EIk[/youtube]

 

[flamethrower]

Three old football fans are in a church, praying for their teams.The first one asks, "Oh Lord when will GWS win their first game?"

God Replies, "In the next five years."

"But I'll be dead by then," says the man.

The second one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Richmond next make the finals?"

The Good Lord - answers, "In the next twenty years."

"But I'll be dead by then," says the man.

The third one asks, "Oh Lord when will the Western Bulldogs win another Premiership?".

God answers, "I'll be dead by then!"

 

[tb_fanboy]

Two scientists walk into a bar
The first one says “I’ll have some H2O.” The second one says, “I’ll have some H2O too.” Then he dies.

 

[buzzbuzz]

Man: Doctor, I think I'm addicted to Twitter!
Doctor: Sorry, I'm not following you.

 

[savagelunchbox]

Q: What's the difference between pubic hair and parsley?
A: Nothing. You push them both aside and keep on eating.

 

[thecatattack]

Womens rights.

 

[Byron_Clanger]

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jaws!
Jaws who?
Jaws truly!

 

[savagelunchbox]

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Jaws!
Jaws who?
Jaws truly!

Sorry son,

 

[raskolnikov]

Two guys turn up to a party, dressed in casual clothes. The doorman says, "Sorry this is a fancy dress party. You need to come dressed as an emotion". The two guys walk away. They come back half an hour, both starkers. However, one guy has a pear on the end of his dick, while the other has a custard tart on the end of his. "You were meant to come dressed as an emotion", says the doorman.

"We are", replied the guy with the custard tart on the end of his dick. "He's deep in despair and I'm f**king disgusted".

 

[MoscowHawk]

my wife's filthy habits disgust me

just yesterday I went to piss in the sink and it was still full of dirty dishes

 

[bradrowe#32]

So there's a chicken and an egg laying in bed beside each other.
The chicken looks all relaxed and content, and is smoking a cigarette.
The egg, however, looks grumpy and frustrated.
The egg looks over to the chicken and says angrily ''well... i guess we know the answer to THAT question!''

 

[bradrowe#32]

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear
He tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear.
Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said,
''That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?''
The father replied, ''From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law.''