You know, those baseless generalizations that are supposed to somehow cover an entire supporter base?
Well here they are!
Give us some of your own
Collingwood/Port Adelaide
The toothless feral.
Foul language and vile racial slurs are seen as acceptable social behaviour by these sub human species. Sporting the latest model track pants from Dimmeys, the feral will fare-evade their way to the game, greeting anyone who dare look at them along the way with a “What the **** are you looking at ****?”
Once at the game, they proceed to unleash a barrage of abuse on the umpires, opposition players, opposition supporters, ground staff and little leaguers.
Carlton
Young male, of Greek or Italian heritage, extremely self absorbed and highly arrogant. Carlton fans travel in packs, often mistaking glances of disgust from female fans as “she’s full checking you out bro!” They spend their time at Friday night games planning hookup strategies for CQ after the game, which inevitably results in failure anyway.
Richmond
The eat your own supporter. Feral, irrational and mentally unstable are all apt descriptions of Richmond supporters. They are known to resort to extreme measures in order to get their message to the club, such as dumping chicken manure at the club headquarters, as regular methods of communication are beyond the average Richmond supporter. Much like their idol Richo, they mistakenly think of themselves as well liked and respected, when in reality people just enjoy laughing at their hysterical outbursts.
Western Bulldogs
The downtrodden, depressed loners. With failure in their blood, the doggies have come to accept failure as a part of their football club and life in general. Doggies supporters aim low and achieve even lower. With 5 generations of labor voting janitors as their heritage, they are at the bottom of the socio-economic tree. The highlight of any Western Bulldogs supporter’s existence is when an increase in the minimum wage allowance is announced.
Essendon
The bandwaggoners. The most fickle fans in the league, Dons supporters love to appear when times are good and go into hiding when they are not. Interests outside of AFL include ‘supporting’ teams such as the Lakers, the Yankees and Manchester United. Dons fans believe that by supporting a successful sporting team, they can cover up for the numerous shortcomings in their personal life. Bragging about premierships is their favourite pastime, as any debate that requires greater insight than looking at a number is deemed too difficult.
Geelong
The simple country supporters. Missing several chromosomes, Geelong supporters are affectionately known around the league as being a little bit slow. Unfortunately for the simple folk down at Geelong, there is very little else going on in their lives outside of supporting their beloved cats.
West Coast/ Adelaide
Clueless franchise supporters. Despite being in the league for over 20 years these supporters still demonstrate little to no understanding of the tactics or rules of the game. These brain-dead zombies turn up each week, probably due to there being **** all else to do in Perth and Adelaide. Their vocab at the footy consists of “BAAAAALLLLL!!” and “You’re kidding me umpire!!”
Hawthorn
The closet homosexuals. They love to deny it but it is well known that Hawthorn has the highest percentage of gay supporters in the league. Many of them yearn for the glory days when Crawf, Croady and Thommo were all running around together. They can often be overhead commenting on how Buddy/ Sewell/ Mitch has buffed up over the pre-season.
Melbourne
Upper middle class, polite and harmless but completely devoid of personality. Dressed in polo shirts and sweaters while sitting in the mcc, must have items at the footy include the newspaper (always a broadsheet), a thermos of tea and some homemade lamingtons and scones. Will occasionally glance up from the paper to take a look at the action on the field.
North
Chip on the shoulder specialists. The draw, Friday nights,club finances, you name it, North fans have a chip on their shoulder about it. The serial whingers also get ultra defensive should anyone dare question their clubs history, their finances, their recruiting or their onfield performances. Shy and timid in real life, North fans find their true voice on football forums, where they feel safety in numbers.
St Kilda
The victims. Saints supporters love to believe that the whole world is out to get them. Ranging from umpires to drug use by the other team to aurora borealis, Saints fans are armed with a list of excuses a mile long. Paranoid thoughts fill the Saints supporter’s brain about how the AFL/ Channel 7/ the CIA/ Soviet Union are out to thwart their latest premiership assault.
Well here they are!
Give us some of your own
Collingwood/Port Adelaide
The toothless feral.
Foul language and vile racial slurs are seen as acceptable social behaviour by these sub human species. Sporting the latest model track pants from Dimmeys, the feral will fare-evade their way to the game, greeting anyone who dare look at them along the way with a “What the **** are you looking at ****?”
Once at the game, they proceed to unleash a barrage of abuse on the umpires, opposition players, opposition supporters, ground staff and little leaguers.
Carlton
Young male, of Greek or Italian heritage, extremely self absorbed and highly arrogant. Carlton fans travel in packs, often mistaking glances of disgust from female fans as “she’s full checking you out bro!” They spend their time at Friday night games planning hookup strategies for CQ after the game, which inevitably results in failure anyway.
Richmond
The eat your own supporter. Feral, irrational and mentally unstable are all apt descriptions of Richmond supporters. They are known to resort to extreme measures in order to get their message to the club, such as dumping chicken manure at the club headquarters, as regular methods of communication are beyond the average Richmond supporter. Much like their idol Richo, they mistakenly think of themselves as well liked and respected, when in reality people just enjoy laughing at their hysterical outbursts.
Western Bulldogs
The downtrodden, depressed loners. With failure in their blood, the doggies have come to accept failure as a part of their football club and life in general. Doggies supporters aim low and achieve even lower. With 5 generations of labor voting janitors as their heritage, they are at the bottom of the socio-economic tree. The highlight of any Western Bulldogs supporter’s existence is when an increase in the minimum wage allowance is announced.
Essendon
The bandwaggoners. The most fickle fans in the league, Dons supporters love to appear when times are good and go into hiding when they are not. Interests outside of AFL include ‘supporting’ teams such as the Lakers, the Yankees and Manchester United. Dons fans believe that by supporting a successful sporting team, they can cover up for the numerous shortcomings in their personal life. Bragging about premierships is their favourite pastime, as any debate that requires greater insight than looking at a number is deemed too difficult.
Geelong
The simple country supporters. Missing several chromosomes, Geelong supporters are affectionately known around the league as being a little bit slow. Unfortunately for the simple folk down at Geelong, there is very little else going on in their lives outside of supporting their beloved cats.
West Coast/ Adelaide
Clueless franchise supporters. Despite being in the league for over 20 years these supporters still demonstrate little to no understanding of the tactics or rules of the game. These brain-dead zombies turn up each week, probably due to there being **** all else to do in Perth and Adelaide. Their vocab at the footy consists of “BAAAAALLLLL!!” and “You’re kidding me umpire!!”
Hawthorn
The closet homosexuals. They love to deny it but it is well known that Hawthorn has the highest percentage of gay supporters in the league. Many of them yearn for the glory days when Crawf, Croady and Thommo were all running around together. They can often be overhead commenting on how Buddy/ Sewell/ Mitch has buffed up over the pre-season.
Melbourne
Upper middle class, polite and harmless but completely devoid of personality. Dressed in polo shirts and sweaters while sitting in the mcc, must have items at the footy include the newspaper (always a broadsheet), a thermos of tea and some homemade lamingtons and scones. Will occasionally glance up from the paper to take a look at the action on the field.
North
Chip on the shoulder specialists. The draw, Friday nights,club finances, you name it, North fans have a chip on their shoulder about it. The serial whingers also get ultra defensive should anyone dare question their clubs history, their finances, their recruiting or their onfield performances. Shy and timid in real life, North fans find their true voice on football forums, where they feel safety in numbers.
St Kilda
The victims. Saints supporters love to believe that the whole world is out to get them. Ranging from umpires to drug use by the other team to aurora borealis, Saints fans are armed with a list of excuses a mile long. Paranoid thoughts fill the Saints supporter’s brain about how the AFL/ Channel 7/ the CIA/ Soviet Union are out to thwart their latest premiership assault.
