Me neither (or wives for that matter).
Actually on topic I'm utilising after school care to go to the RSL and have a few schooners, sort of feels a bit wrong but my son enjoys it.
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The Parenting Thread
- Thread starter Cruyff14
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Me neither (or wives for that matter).
Actually on topic I'm utilising after school care to go to the RSL and have a few schooners, sort of feels a bit wrong but my son enjoys it.
- May 16, 2016
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My kids are 16 and 13 (not really kids anymore) hence prime targets for gaming, social media etc. Neither of them give two shits about SM which I am ever so thankful for however my son loves gaming but so do I. We don't really set a limit but we do ensure it doesn't get out of hand by doing family things together.
My son really wanted a decent gaming pc and I wasn't about to fork out for that so I made him a deal.that if he was serious I'd match what he saved to get one, little prick saved two grand........
What's with kids and beating these savings goals?! I told my two they could get a Nintendo Switch if they saved up for it thinking no ****ing chance a 5 and 7 year old can save up that much money without blowing it on lollies and stuffed toys. They outsmarted me - pooled their money together and went halvsies. When I was a kid the biggest purchase I made was a $45 bookcase. Every other time I got a couple of bucks it burnt a hole in my pocket.
My oldest (12) sucks at saving. Doesn't help that there is a 7/Eleven between school and my place. But to his credit he's generous at least. Always wants to buy something for his mates or little brother.
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That’s sweet of him
Shell
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Happy Mother's Day mums 
Son walked home from school for the first time today, his mate was coming over though they could walk together, asked the parent if they could and all good. Plus good for me, I got to chill at home.
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Poor little toddler has her surgery on Monday, more than likely she won't be able to weight bare for six weeks.
It's going to be a really shitty time for all involved.
It's going to be a really shitty time for all involved.
can't wait to see my kiddies tomorrow
My 7 year old came home from school with the two drink bottles he lost last week 
However he has lost his entire lunchbox
However he has lost his entire lunchbox
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- #62
I think our daughter was fine from memory. The proper tantrums definitely came into play.
But let me tell you, from about 2.5, it's the absolute best age (so far), they pick up so much.
But let me tell you, from about 2.5, it's the absolute best age (so far), they pick up so much.
Jatz
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He's already picking up heaps, genuinely surprises me some of the things he does/knows.
The other thing that gives us anxiety, he's a climber. I don't mean a little bit either. We were at a park the other day and he walked up to a vertical rock climbing wall that was easily 10-15 times his height. I instinctively told him no, you're not big enough yet buddy...and then proceeded to watch him scale this thing like it walking up a step.
The other thing that gives us anxiety, he's a climber. I don't mean a little bit either. We were at a park the other day and he walked up to a vertical rock climbing wall that was easily 10-15 times his height. I instinctively told him no, you're not big enough yet buddy...and then proceeded to watch him scale this thing like it walking up a step.
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I remember my daughter having some sleep struggles at that same age, and nothing seemed to work except for car rides too. She’d just fight bedtime so hard, but a quick drive would calm her down. Sometimes these sleep phases just resolve on their own, you just have to be patient. For the sibling stuff, we just kept reminding over and over that gentle hands are for babies, and tried to give extra cuddles and attention after any rough interactions. When we planned our son’s baptism, it felt huge to want it to be special with everything else going on, so I spent time looking for meaningful ways to mark the day. I saw some beautiful ideas from Lovia and loved how custom and thoughtful they were.
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The hardest thing ive found about parenting is maintaining that connection with your partner especially if you have multiple kids.
My relationship with my partner has now evolved into a platonic one
Everything evolves around the kids, all the appointments, after school or weekend activities, kids birthdays. Trying to get them to sleep at a decent time. We're juggling all these things we dont have the time to invest in our relationship and its at a point where its bugging me.
Well there is the time, ive often said why dont we ask the grandparents to look after the kids while we go get dinner or possibly they stay the night so we can spend some time together...but all i got was that its hard to line up the time with the grandparents....ok fair enough....but then a month later shes organised the youngest kid to stay overnight at her parents so she can do a ladies night....that really hurt me as i felt dismissed based on the outcome of the previous conversation.
Another occasion a movie preview popped up and i said "oh id like to see that"...she was like "yeah me too"...a month later i was asked if it was ok if i could look after the kids for a few hrs so my wife and her friend can see the exact movie i mentioned i wouldn't mind seeing a month ago. I just said "sure".
Im finding it really hard to tell her how i feel. Initally i was asking for some "sexy time" as we havent been intimate for months....i got the "oh im just to tired after sorting the kids out"..i dont want to make her feel forced into doing it so after a few times of being turned down i stopped asking. But in all honestly its not even the lack of intimacy that worrys me...i just dont feel important or special to her anymore, or just worth her time making an effort to maintain any sort of chemistry with me. Im just a co-parenting flatmate.
Ive tried to bring it up a couple of times but it comes out wrong or shes just too tired to hear it, i just feel its not getting through so i shut down.
Its really been effecting my mental health. i wheels start turning in my head thinking about all this when i go to bed which then wakes me up as i feel my heart pounding against the mattress.
Just wondering if others feel the same or are going through something similar and have any suggestions?
My relationship with my partner has now evolved into a platonic one
Everything evolves around the kids, all the appointments, after school or weekend activities, kids birthdays. Trying to get them to sleep at a decent time. We're juggling all these things we dont have the time to invest in our relationship and its at a point where its bugging me.
Well there is the time, ive often said why dont we ask the grandparents to look after the kids while we go get dinner or possibly they stay the night so we can spend some time together...but all i got was that its hard to line up the time with the grandparents....ok fair enough....but then a month later shes organised the youngest kid to stay overnight at her parents so she can do a ladies night....that really hurt me as i felt dismissed based on the outcome of the previous conversation.
Another occasion a movie preview popped up and i said "oh id like to see that"...she was like "yeah me too"...a month later i was asked if it was ok if i could look after the kids for a few hrs so my wife and her friend can see the exact movie i mentioned i wouldn't mind seeing a month ago. I just said "sure".
Im finding it really hard to tell her how i feel. Initally i was asking for some "sexy time" as we havent been intimate for months....i got the "oh im just to tired after sorting the kids out"..i dont want to make her feel forced into doing it so after a few times of being turned down i stopped asking. But in all honestly its not even the lack of intimacy that worrys me...i just dont feel important or special to her anymore, or just worth her time making an effort to maintain any sort of chemistry with me. Im just a co-parenting flatmate.
Ive tried to bring it up a couple of times but it comes out wrong or shes just too tired to hear it, i just feel its not getting through so i shut down.
Its really been effecting my mental health. i wheels start turning in my head thinking about all this when i go to bed which then wakes me up as i feel my heart pounding against the mattress.
Just wondering if others feel the same or are going through something similar and have any suggestions?
Jatz
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I certainly appreciate your sentiment there.
We've had to acknowledge that our marriage isn't going to be what it was before the two little gremlins turned up.
It's obviously difficult but open communication will be the most important thing. If she's dismissing it or downplaying it, I'd suggest trying to make sure she understands it's causing your mental health to take a hit etc. It's easy to pass things off when you're busy but that doesn't mean they should be ignored.
Maybe encourage her to share as well. She might be able to tell you why she'd rather go to the movies with a friend etc. I think feedback is generally better received when everyone feels heard.
I don't know how much it'll help you but we try to do even smaller stuff just the two of us. Need to go to Bunnings? We drop the kids at her parents place (unfortunately mine live too far away) and we go by ourselves. Might only be 30 mins/1 hr but it's just time where you can switch off to the needs of children.
We've had to acknowledge that our marriage isn't going to be what it was before the two little gremlins turned up.
It's obviously difficult but open communication will be the most important thing. If she's dismissing it or downplaying it, I'd suggest trying to make sure she understands it's causing your mental health to take a hit etc. It's easy to pass things off when you're busy but that doesn't mean they should be ignored.
Maybe encourage her to share as well. She might be able to tell you why she'd rather go to the movies with a friend etc. I think feedback is generally better received when everyone feels heard.
I don't know how much it'll help you but we try to do even smaller stuff just the two of us. Need to go to Bunnings? We drop the kids at her parents place (unfortunately mine live too far away) and we go by ourselves. Might only be 30 mins/1 hr but it's just time where you can switch off to the needs of children.
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- #67
Sit down and talk to her about it. Marriages change after kids, ours definitely has. Things are different. The kids are the priority in their younger years and your own relationship takes a back seat. It's difficult, but it's the way it is.
I can relate in some aspects of your post for sure.
You should definitely speak to her about how you're feeling.
I can relate in some aspects of your post for sure.
You should definitely speak to her about how you're feeling.
I think you need to be more direct. Instead of "I'd like to see that", how about "let's go see this together".
Does she get much social time? I really crave time with my girlfriends and need to have it regularly. Maybe she's similar.
Also, I would consider how the mental load is divided in your house and whether she has a lot on her plate. Childcare and chores might be evenly split but who books the doctors appointments? Who buys the birthday presents? Who makes sure the kids have the next size up in clothing? Who pays the activity fees? Who fills out the calendar to make sure nothing is missed? It all adds up and gets exhausting when you're the one primarily responsible for everything.
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Absolutely correct. My wife takes the full mental burden for 80% of all that. i just dont think that can be split evenly. Someone has to take the lead on that.
Jatz
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The perennial conversations around dinner at our place haha.
It drives my wife mad that I say 'no idea'
There's no doubt my wife picks up all that slack in our house. Even things like inviting friends around etc. I generally focus on the bigger picture items (house/cars etc).
I think the burden of the mental load is often underestimated. I'm responsible for all of it and it's exhausting. My husband takes care of all the outdoor work (lawns etc), does all the dishes/laundry/general tidying. But all kids activities, the social calendar, medical appointments, school stuff, meal planning, cooking and the entire rest of the mental load is on me. It's a lot.
Maybe it can't be split 50/50 but I think we could all work a bit harder to get closer to it. There's no reason one parent can't take control of the school and activity side of things and the other be in charge of medical needs, kids parties, and clothes for example. It's just divide and conquer.
How old are the kids in this scenario? Mine are 5 and 7 and it's gotten much easier for each of us to have social time out of the house on our own. In terms of hanging out together though, it's rare. We only have one person who assists with babysitting (my mum) and half the time she has to cancel due to her health. It's just the season that we're in.
Maybe it can't be split 50/50 but I think we could all work a bit harder to get closer to it. There's no reason one parent can't take control of the school and activity side of things and the other be in charge of medical needs, kids parties, and clothes for example. It's just divide and conquer.
How old are the kids in this scenario? Mine are 5 and 7 and it's gotten much easier for each of us to have social time out of the house on our own. In terms of hanging out together though, it's rare. We only have one person who assists with babysitting (my mum) and half the time she has to cancel due to her health. It's just the season that we're in.
Jatz
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Yours sounds exactly like our relationship Mebby.
It can get a bit much at times for my wife but she's also on maternity leave at the moment and she's just far more across it all than I can be. It will ebb and flow more once she's back at work (she'll be doing nights/weekends once she's back) but for now it works as well as it can.
I generally question things more on a weekend when I'm home - for instance, does the first born not have enough long pants or are they just in the wash because we're toilet training. Things like that - then if we do need to do something about it, we go get it sorted.
The little unit is still breastfeeding so she's only been able to get limited time away from us at the moment but I do try and encourage it where I can.
It can get a bit much at times for my wife but she's also on maternity leave at the moment and she's just far more across it all than I can be. It will ebb and flow more once she's back at work (she'll be doing nights/weekends once she's back) but for now it works as well as it can.
I generally question things more on a weekend when I'm home - for instance, does the first born not have enough long pants or are they just in the wash because we're toilet training. Things like that - then if we do need to do something about it, we go get it sorted.
The little unit is still breastfeeding so she's only been able to get limited time away from us at the moment but I do try and encourage it where I can.
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- #74
Sounds the same as our house.
I do all the cleaning, washing, outdoor stuff, but my wife is all over nap times, meal times etc. She will buy the kids new clothes, book apts etc. She will cook most of the time, but I do help with dinner where I can. She does meal planning but we do work out together what we feel like (we do eat the same meals often though).
Our kids are much younger than yours so no sports/activities atm, but I am sure she'll manage that too.
Yeah this is my point you guys.
It's (almost) always the wife who carries the full mental load and then people wonder why we're so exhausted and not as much fun as we used to be.
It's (almost) always the wife who carries the full mental load and then people wonder why we're so exhausted and not as much fun as we used to be.
