Dad, women won't like being shot in the face.
Women will like what I tell them to like.
Women will like what I tell them to like.
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Entertainment & Music The Simpsons Part 3
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Captain Awkward
Take a walk
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Now this next one's for the ladies. How many times have you gals been late for a high-powered business meeting only to realize you're not wearing makeup? That's every woman's nightmare.Dad, women won't like being shot in the face.
Women will like what I tell them to like.
That's why I invented this revolutionary makeup gun. It's for the woman who only has four-fifths of a second to get ready. Close your eyes, Marge.
And now you're ready for a night on the town.
Homer, you've got it set on ''whore.
Uh, oops okay. This time, try to keep your nostrils closed.
“Alright, here’s your last question. What was the cause of the Civil War?” – Citizenship Test Guy
“Actually there were numerous causes, aside from the obvious schism between abolitionists and anti-abolitionists, economic factors, both domestic and international, played a significant-”
“Hey, hey.”
“Yeah?”
“Just, just say ‘slavery’.”
“Slavery it is, sir.”
brahj
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matt_897
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The part where he somehow falls off half way through that jump makes that. Gets me every time.
Igloo
Not a mod
Bart: What do you mean the bank is out of money?
Bart: In Solvent!!!
Bart: Not enough money for the next three customers.
Bank Clerk: Ehhh I don't have your money, It's in Fred's house and Bill's house.
Moe: What the hell are you doing with my money in your house Fred!
Bart: In Solvent!!!
Bart: Not enough money for the next three customers.
Bank Clerk: Ehhh I don't have your money, It's in Fred's house and Bill's house.
Moe: What the hell are you doing with my money in your house Fred!
Don’t ask me, I don’t know anything. I’m product of American education system. I also build poor quality cars and inferior style electronics.
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Norm Smith Medallist
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Hey! I wasn't asleep I was drunk!
Mrs. Skinner: I collect pictures of cakes that I clip out of the magazines. It all started in 1941 when "Good Housekeeping" featured a photo of a lovely cake.
Bart: You wouldn't happen to have any real cakes around here, would you?
Mrs. Skinner: Oh, my, no. I don't care for cake, too sweet. Now, this is called a Lady Baltimore cake. At my age, I don't have much saliva left, so you'll have to lick my thumb before I can turn the page.
Bart: Oh, can't I just turn the page for you?
Mrs. Skinner: No! But you can pick out any picture you want to take home with you.
Bart: Okay ... that one.
Mrs. Skinner: No! You can't have that one! That's a coconut cake!
Bart: You wouldn't happen to have any real cakes around here, would you?
Mrs. Skinner: Oh, my, no. I don't care for cake, too sweet. Now, this is called a Lady Baltimore cake. At my age, I don't have much saliva left, so you'll have to lick my thumb before I can turn the page.
Bart: Oh, can't I just turn the page for you?
Mrs. Skinner: No! But you can pick out any picture you want to take home with you.
Bart: Okay ... that one.
Mrs. Skinner: No! You can't have that one! That's a coconut cake!
Captain Awkward
Take a walk
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Teacher: Miss Simpson do you find something funny about the word "tromboner"?
Lisa: No, sir. I was laughing at something outside.
Sherri: She was looking at Nelson!
Lisa likes Nelson!
Milhouse: She does not!
Milhouse likes Lisa!
Janie: He does not!
Janie likes Milhouse!
Uter: She does not!
Uter likes Milhouse!
Teacher: Nobody likes Milhouse!
Lisa: No, sir. I was laughing at something outside.
Sherri: She was looking at Nelson!
Lisa likes Nelson!
Milhouse: She does not!
Milhouse likes Lisa!
Janie: He does not!
Janie likes Milhouse!
Uter: She does not!
Uter likes Milhouse!
Teacher: Nobody likes Milhouse!
I’ve always admired car owners, and I hope to be one myself as soon as I finish paying off Mother. She insists I pay her retroactively for the food I ate as a child.
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Bart: I can't believe Krusty is really gone.
Homer: Don't worry son, I'm sure he's up in heaven right now laughing it up with all the other celebrities: John Dillinger, Ty Cobb, Josef Stalin, (sigh) I wish I were dead.
Homer: Don't worry son, I'm sure he's up in heaven right now laughing it up with all the other celebrities: John Dillinger, Ty Cobb, Josef Stalin, (sigh) I wish I were dead.
lmach
Naitanui2Yeo
Hey! No eating in the tank.
Go to hell.
Go to hell.
GOAUS!
Norm Smith Medallist
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Norm Smith Medallist
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Chief Wiggum: I'd like to help you ma'am, but, heh heh, I'm afraid there's no law against mailing threatening letters.
Marge: I'm pretty sure there is.
Chief Wiggum: Hah! The day I take cop lessons from Ma Kettle....
Lou: Hey, she's right, Chief.
Chief Wiggum: Well, shut my mouth. It's ALSO illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling. (Eddie has squirrels running down in his pants, and a bunch of cops watching and laughing) Boys, knock it off!
Marge: I'm pretty sure there is.
Chief Wiggum: Hah! The day I take cop lessons from Ma Kettle....
Lou: Hey, she's right, Chief.
Chief Wiggum: Well, shut my mouth. It's ALSO illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling. (Eddie has squirrels running down in his pants, and a bunch of cops watching and laughing) Boys, knock it off!
Dear Mr. President,
There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three.
P.S. I am not a crackpot.
Captain Awkward
Take a walk
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But first, she was a university honors student who devoted her life to kids. Until the night a grossly overweight pervert named Homer Simpson gave her a crash course in depravity. "Babysitter and the Beast."
Homer: Somebody had to take the babysitter home. Then I noticed she was sitting on her sweet can I grabbed her sweet can Oh, just thinking about her can I just wish I had her sweet, sweet, sweet can.
So, Mr. Simpson, you admit you grabbed her can. What do you have to say in your defense?
Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further.
No, Mr. Simpson, don't take your anger out on me. Get back. Get back! Mr. Simpson, noooo!
Dramatization: May not have happened.
Homer: Somebody had to take the babysitter home. Then I noticed she was sitting on her sweet can I grabbed her sweet can Oh, just thinking about her can I just wish I had her sweet, sweet, sweet can.
So, Mr. Simpson, you admit you grabbed her can. What do you have to say in your defense?
Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further.
No, Mr. Simpson, don't take your anger out on me. Get back. Get back! Mr. Simpson, noooo!
Dramatization: May not have happened.
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