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Scotland said:
Meanwhile you match with a girl, look at her photos and bio to see if you have any common ground to start a conversation and go with that and you get nothing or deleted...
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Testify, brother. Amen.

I recommend looking at some YourWingMam ( <-- note the M) clips on youtube. That, and some Darius M if you're in need of a good venting session.
 

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Scotland said:
Is it just me or do girls (and presumably guys) go in waves of behaviour? I'm talking collectively, not individually.

I used to find that it was pretty common to get a match, initiate conversation and then just get deleted. Awesome. Then over time that changed to just not responding so you'd have all these matches just sitting there. Awesome. If I wanted to look at Instagram accounts I'd just look at Instagram. Recently I've noticed a lot of girls engage in conversation for one message and that's it. What's the point? It's not Bumble, you aren't going to lose your validation matches...

7:00pm: 'Hey how are you blah blah?'
7:05pm: 'Yeah really good thanks blah blah how are you blah blah?'
7:10pm: 'Great thanks blah blah are you heading away this holidays blah blah?'

*deafening silence*

When that happens 10, 20 times (all different people, all different conversations) I scratch my head and wonder why anyone bothers.
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validation my friend....validation. Women seek it in quantity, not in quality
 
Talk about green flags..

Met this gorgeous Peruvian girl from Hinge at the start of the week. Been here for a few years, yoga instructor, bit of a hippie, really nice energy. Saw her again on NYE as her plans fell through due to her friends getting COVID, so she crashed a party with my mates, was all good.

Anyway as I said she is a bit of a hippie, or considers herself one - so much to the point she seems to think she has psychic/medium powers sometimes. So I'm at the races on Saturday for my brothers bucks, she messages me and just says - "next race, designer chef to win". I'm like ah **** it, chucked $20 cash on it and it was paying $23, little $460 return on my only bet of the day.

I cop all sorts of abuse from everyone else at the bucks for not sharing this 'tip'. Trying to explain to a bunch of pissed blokes (whom are all married with children) that I got the 'tip' from a girl I met 4 days ago from a dating app who thinks she is psychic proved to be difficult.
 
chunkylover53 said:
Talk about green flags..

Met this gorgeous Peruvian girl from Hinge at the start of the week. Been here for a few years, yoga instructor, bit of a hippie, really nice energy. Saw her again on NYE as her plans fell through due to her friends getting COVID, so she crashed a party with my mates, was all good.

Anyway as I said she is a bit of a hippie, or considers herself one - so much to the point she seems to think she has psychic/medium powers sometimes. So I'm at the races on Saturday for my brothers bucks, she messages me and just says - "next race, designer chef to win". I'm like ah fu** it, chucked $20 cash on it and it was paying $23, little $460 return on my only bet of the day.

I cop all sorts of abuse from everyone else at the bucks for not sharing this 'tip'. Trying to explain to a bunch of pissed blokes (whom are all married with children) that I got the 'tip' from a girl I met 4 days ago from a dating app who thinks she is psychic proved to be difficult.
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Find her and marry her ASAP
 
The psychological state you'd need to be in to emotionally protect yourself from waves of rejection, ghosting, no responses would be so counter productive for finding a relationship to actually be vulnerable in.

It's like it would require you to be so armored up that you're impenetrable, just to make it through, that you will be distant and cold - or pretending not to be while half you brain is already planning your next move.
 
wut?

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ive never been on a dating app and the only thing that is stopping me from dating women not on dating apps is going outside
 
Scotland said:
I've seen some of those.

A common one is girl acts like selfish campaigner, gets called out for being a selfish campaigner, complains about guys treating her like she's a selfish campaigner, gets reinforcement for how stunning and brave she is...

Others I've seen are Bumble conversations (where a girl has to at least say hi to get anything in return) like this:

Girl: hi
Guy: do u wear g-strings?

My friend (girl) sent me the one above once (word for word) and I just shake my head. That's the competition? Wow. Meanwhile you match with a girl, look at her photos and bio to see if you have any common ground to start a conversation and go with that and you get nothing or deleted... and unless you have abs like 90s Peter Andrew just saying 'hey' won't cut the mustard either.

You reap what you sow as far as I'm concerned. The number of times I've internalised "Just ******* respond you rude b*tch" would have that many zeroes on the end Google would probably tell me it's a googol. But there's nothing to be gained from it other than a momentary satisfaction of venting. Guy, girl, other - if you treat people as disposable then don't expect anything else in return. I don't know what it's like in big cities but over here everyone knows everyone within a few degrees of separation.

It's not limited to dating apps either. People say all kinds of sh*t on Instagram accounts of people they've never met or 'befriended'. I can't imagine seeing a girl on Instagram that is a total stranger then private messaging her something then abusing her for not responding to my message or whatever. But it happens. IMO dating apps existing is a security blanket. Even if they aren't on one people know they can get instant gratification so will just stop texting/calling if it suits them.
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You're not covering yourself in glory with this one.

Reckon your views might come across a little more clearly in your messages than you think
 
Just as a general comment if you think girls have their pick of 10s on the apps as opposed to their pick of 10s of unsolicited dick picks and misogynistic w***ers who think their shit don't stink...


You should probably steer clear of redpill YouTube channels and reddit pages
 

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Taylor said:
The psychological state you'd need to be in to emotionally protect yourself from waves of rejection, ghosting, no responses would be so counter productive for finding a relationship to actually be vulnerable in.
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It can be tough. But it can also be rewarding.

It's like it would require you to be so armored up that you're impenetrable, just to make it through, that you will be distant and cold - or pretending not to be while half you brain is already planning your next move.
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Some people do just that. The sage advice is to always have several conversations happening so you can filter out those who are incompatible without leaving yourself stranded. I can't do that; if someone is attractive enough to me that I start having serious, genuine conversations (progressing from app messaging to txts to voice calls) then I pause the dating apps and send messages saying I'm talking to someone and if it falls through I'll be back in touch.

Being burned goes with the territory, and it goes both ways. I think its important to retain your perspective and give (and expect to receive) respect. And if it doesn't happen, it's nothing personal, just move on. I filter out smokers / drinkers / antivaxxers etc just as I expect to be filtered out by those not looking for someone like me. But sometimes you need more contact and a closer look before you can give a definite no or else commit to seeing if a relationship is likely to develop with the other person.
 
Gralin said:
You're not covering yourself in glory with this one.

Reckon your views might come across a little more clearly in your messages than you think
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As usual you have no idea what you are talking about. Since you didn't ask, last girl I asked out on a dating app said yes then we kept chatting and she ghosted when I suggested a specific day. End of conversation as far as I'm concerned. Life goes on. As I've already said, what's the point of making a song and dance about it? People who are busy respond when they are able to, people who don't want to respond don't. I guess my "views came across too clearly". Pretty misogynistic to ask something like "would you like to have a drink on Sunday evening?".

As someone who doesn't send dick pics (group chat fodder, I've even had the misfortune of being handed a phone being passed around. Note to self never ask a group of girls looking at a phone why they are all giggling), abusive messages etc. I don't have much sympathy for people who do getting called out on it, just I don't have much sympathy for people whose behaviour warrants being called out getting called out. What's the big deal? Let's say you have a wife or girlfriend and date girls on the side. If 5 out of 5 girls don't call you up on it when they find out does that make it acceptable behaviour? If 2 do and 3 don't is getting angry at the 2 really addressing the issue at hand? 'Be good human' didn't stop being a thing.

Gralin said:
Just as a general comment if you think girls have their pick of 10s on the apps as opposed to their pick of 10s of unsolicited dick picks and misogynistic w***ers who think their sh*t don't stink...

You should probably steer clear of redpill YouTube channels and reddit pages
Click to expand...

See above. Redpill YouTube channels WTF? I had to Google what that was (yes I know the Matrix ref) and I think I'll pass.
 
when i first started using the apps 5 years ago i guess it was now, i used it for hook ups and was moderately succesful. went in waves.
once i got that out of my system, and wanted something more than a hook up, i found that simply writing something in my bio (yes, words!) along the lines of "if any girls on here are looking for some old fashioned dating, you know, meet for a coffee or drink a few times, see if we click, then head to dinner or movies or something and see where it goes" worked a treat. i got replies from girls saying finally, someone normal, someone not holding a fish or have a shirtless selfie taken in a bathroom, someone looking what i am looking for etc etc. met some lovely girls this way, had a coupe of 2-3 month things that petered out, and the final one i am still with 4 years later.
 
I had pretty much the same reaction. I did my profile offline, extensively edited and chopped it, got it schmick, went to put it up and hit a maximum character limit. Had to cut another third out of it and lost some really good bits. Even so I got a "its brilliant, you know how long I've been waiting for someone who actually put some work into his profile?"

There's a school of thought that says keep it short and minimal so you've got something to talk about. I'm more along the lines of this is who I am, this is who I'm looking for, and give enough detail that I've already ticked a lot of the boxes for the ones who DO contact me, and they're far more likely to have ticked mine.
 
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