What would you in the situation?

[Sydneyfan]

What would you do in the situation?

I was just thinking about the Wayne Carey - Kelli Stevens affair. Putting aside what kind of relationship they were having, whether it was purely sexual or there was an emotional attachment as well. Assuming they have fallen in love with each other and both happen to be married, Kelli with a small child, what would you do in the situation?

I'd like to think that I'd never get myself into a situation like this if I was married, having an affair with a close friend's wife, but people do make mistakes and stupid decisions sometimes without fully thinking about the ramifications.

Let's assume, Wayne and Kelli realised 8 months ago (when the affair first started) that they are truly in love with each other. What would you do in the situation considering the circumstances, being married and Kelli having a child?

If you realised that you truly loved someone other than your marriage partner:

• Try to forget about this new lover and get on with your relationship with your spouse?
• Leave your spouse for your new lover?
• Test the waters - Taking the affair with your new lover while remaining with your spouse?
• Do you know what you'd do in this situation?

It's a very tough question and I guess you never really know what you'd do if you got into the situation. Ideally, you'd never want to get into the situation and if you did, would like to minimise the hurt you're inevitably going to hurt people close to you. I guess in these situations, honesty is the best policy but it sure isn't easy if you're definitely going to hurt people but it's better doing it sooner rather than later if you know that you love someone other than your spouse.

I know's it all hypotheticals, and none of us know the full story of the Wayne Carey - Kelli Stevens affair. I don't want to drag on too much about the Wayne Carey affair because it's already been mentioned a lot over the last few days but, assuming that they truly love each other, what would you do in the situation?

Would the whole saga have been completely different if Wayne and Kelli opened up about the affair to their spouses early on in the affair, possibly before any sexual encounters occurred?

 

[The Hitman]

Firstly, last night Ricky Nixon said that they weren't in love and it wasn't a relationship-type affair.

Secondly, I wouldn't get myself into the situation. Even if I had a thing for or thought I loved a friends wife, I could never cheat on my own wife, as well as tear apart my mates family. Add to that the situation of the football club, media attention, etc. - I just couldn't.

The Hitman

 

[Jars458]

AGreed Hitman

Most Human Beings couldn't

Lowest of the Low

Carey just became too rich and too arrogant for his own good

He thought he was invincible

his behaviour defies beleif and he deserves no sympathy at all

Kelly deserves no sympathy either.


If you are truly in love - you tell your current partner first and get out of that relationship first

The honesty of htat path would have made some difference

And if of course he doesn't love her - its all about sex and that is truly beyond comprehension considering he had it all in life.

 

[sbagman]

Well obviously if I fell in love with someone else I would know something was seriously wrong.

This kinda happened to me in the last few months, I had to be honest and break it off with my then-girlfriend. It was very painful, but I find honesty is the best policy. If you can't be honest with your so-called "soul mate", there really isn't any point in continuing anyway.

Sbaggers.

 

[Sydneyfan]

I too seriously doubted that it was more than just a sexual fling, I was curious on people's responses if the situation was different and that the two people involved truly loved each other. Would have the scenario been different in anyway? Honesty is the best policy and if you stuff up, a person of character is one who stands up and admits it straight away, and takes the punishment. Rather than just going along with it and hoping no one finds out. I don't think I could ever do it and would be deeply ashamed of myself if I did, however it's easier to say that when you're not in the situation, but nevertheless that doesn't make it right. I'm still baffled by the whole thing, how did they think they'd get away with it? What were they thinking, if they were thinking all it?


I guess it goes to show what happens when you let your ego get the better of you.

 

[sbagman]

Isn't it highly unlikely that of all the people one could fall in love with, it would be the wife of your best friend, and your vice-captain? To me it sounds like incredibly poor judgement, or a massive ego trip.

 

[Sydneyfan]

I guess a lot people in Carey's situation would be bound to gain a massive ego. He's been a highly vaulted player winning accolades and adulation from the public, and being held on a pedestal. He's arguably been the best player on the field for the last decade in a sport where players are revered like royalty. Everywhere, he goes people would clamour to get his autograph or speak to him. At the same time it's difficult to have a private life being in the spotlight all the time.

Some footballers come across as more gounded and humble, keeping their ego in check despite their football prowess and publicity, guys like Brett Ratten and Paul Kelly come to mind as some example of great footballers but also guys quite humble of their achievements. I guess, some guys who are naturally self-confident and outgoing may have more trouble keeping their ego in line when they hit the big time and exposed to all sorts of temptations and opportunities that many 'ordinary' people don't experience.

 

[NICK THE PIE MAN]

Agree 100% Hitter.

 

[The Hitman]

Originally posted by NICK THE PIE MAN
Agree 100% Hitter.

I damn well love it when you say that, Nick.

The Hitman

 

[Dan26]

Why can't you be in love with more than one person?

 

[Bee]

Originally posted by Dan26
Why can't you be in love with more than one person?

Exactly Dan, it happens.

 

[Dan26]

Originally posted by Bee


Exactly Dan, it happens.

Thankyou, Bee.

What perplexes me, is comments like this from Hitman:

Originally posted by The Hitman
Secondly, I wouldn't get myself into the situation.

How exactly would you "avoid" falling in love with another person other than you partner? What are you going to do - not speak to anyone other than your partner for the rest of your life, so you don't risk falling for someone?

And what about this comment from sbagman:

Originally posted by sbagman
Well obviously if I fell in love with someone else I would know something was seriously wrong.

Why does that mean something is seriously wrong? Wrong with what? With you? I you fall in love with someone else it doesn't mean you don't love your wife - it just means you have fallen for a second person. Sometimes in life this kind of thing happens. Wrong with your relationship? Not necessarily, because your relationship could be very strong, and can remain strong even though you love two people.

It is extremely naive to think you can't fall in love with a second person, just because you are married/committed to another.

 

[The Hitman]

Dan, I wouldn't get myself into that situation because it is stupid. Yes, people do stupid things, and obviously Carey did.

Personally, I would think I have more control, and I think things through before I do them. Actions always have reactions - Carey didn't think of the concequences before his actions. Also, he wasn't in love with Kelly.

I don't care if you label me Mr. Morals or what, but you just don't do that sh*t.

Firstly, cheating. If you've been around a while, and you have read most of my stuff, you will know my thoughts on this. I could never do it for a few reasons which I won't go into here. The wrongest thing bar murder or rape for me.

Secondly, with your mates and teammates wife. Er, like this won't come back to bite you on the arse a trillion times harder than any normal affair.

He tore apart two marriages, a football club, and his own career.

It's called consideration Dan. You consider a situation, then decide what you do. It is quite easy to say no and not get involved.

The Hitman

 

[NICK THE PIE MAN]

Dan,
You might fall in love with a second person while already in a relationship. Granted.

But, seriously, if you already love someone, you should be able to show self-control and discipline. And instead of thinking with your d*ck, realise the severe consequences of your actions and show some consideration to the person you are in the relationship with.

 

[Betty Boop]

Well gee, all I know is if you love someone you love them no matter what but I do agree that you can love more than one person. The thing is though there is a big difference between loving someone and lusting after someone.

 

[The Power Guy]

Carey? He's an idiot....
Put simply, you don't bonk your mates wife!

 

[sbagman]

Originally posted by Dan26



And what about this comment from sbagman:



Why does that mean something is seriously wrong? Wrong with what? With you? I you fall in love with someone else it doesn't mean you don't love your wife - it just means you have fallen for a second person. Sometimes in life this kind of thing happens. Wrong with your relationship? Not necessarily, because your relationship could be very strong, and can remain strong even though you love two people.

My point was that if that happened, it would be obvious to me that something was wrong with the relationship. I wouldn't be getting everything I needed from it, and that is why I would have to carefully examine it.

I just don't think you can be "in love" with two people. Love, yes. But not be "in love". To me, "in love" means you don't have eyes for anyone else, you think about this person all the time. I just don't believe you can be in love with two people. Perhaps they might be two different kinds of love... but you would have to choose between them, I don't think it's fair or anyone to offer them something less than total commitment.

 

[Dan26]

Originally posted by The Hitman
Firstly, cheating, you will know my thoughts on this. I could never do it for a few reasons which I won't go into here. The wrongest thing bar murder or rape for me.

Worst thing with the exception of murder and rape? You've got to be kidding, Hitters.

So, armed robbery is not as bad as cheating then? What about fraud? Attempted murder? Extortion? Cheating is worse than all those things is it?

Give me a break. Cheating might be immoral, but it's just following nature and it certainly isn't breaking any laws - just hearts.

 

[The Hitman]

Originally posted by Dan26


Worst thing with the exception of murder and rape? You've got to be kidding, Hitters.

So, armed robbery is not as bad as cheating then? What about fraud? Attempted murder? Extortion? Cheating is worse than all those things is it?

Give me a break. Cheating might be immoral, but it's just following nature and it certainly isn't breaking any laws - just hearts.

I'd rather be held up than cheated on. Both have happened to me. The latter hurts more...

The Hitman

 

[Dan26]

Yes, but the person who is doing the "holding-up" is commiting something far worse than the person cheating. One is breaking the law- the other isn't.

 

[The Hitman]

Originally posted by Dan26
Yes, but the person who is doing the "holding-up" is commiting something far worse than the person cheating. One is breaking the law- the other isn't.

Believe it or not Daniel, law isn't the only thing that determines what is right or wrong. Also, it is obviously a personal thing whether infidelity is a major issue or not.

Perhaps if you hadn't seen your father for 15 years after he took off with another woman to Queensland after cheating on your mother for about a year, and not getting paid child support for those 15 years, or having have two of your last three girlfriends cheat on you, you would know how much it hurts.

Ignorance is bliss Daniel, and you have to realise that sometimes things aren't as black and white as you think.

What damn well right do you have to question my beliefs or morals? They are mine, not yours.

The Hitman

 

[Dan26]

Hitman,

Obviously your personal experiences have - justifiably - contributed to your view. However I cant agree that cheating is worse than armed robbery.

 

[mantis]

Getting back to the topic.

You have 1 soulmate, you may never find them, but if you do it is a wonderful thing, but that soulmate can turn out to be a tosser, nothing you can do about it, but you will never be able to feel that same kind of love for anyone else, you might have a relationship with someone else, but inside you know that is not the right person for you.

So if you find your soulmate & do the wrong thing by them for a casual fling, you will never get back that feeling.

 

[The Power Guy]

Carey bonked her at a party too... what did he expect getting caught out? He just thought hey, no-one will notice, it's just a bit of fun. But, hey, things went the way they did and he got caught. Now there is little he can do about it but try and mend the hurt he has caused. Which, by all accounts, is next to impossible. There will always be (in Sally's heart) that little bit of her that knows she can't trust him and knows that he has cheated on her before. Seeing as a relationship such as this is built on trust and a mutual understanding then it will be hard to salvage, as one of its true foundations has been destroyed.