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Had a rather 'intelligent' spider the other day...
He thought he would try and attack my anus whilst he sat in my toilet bowl... in the water.
However being a pretty large spider, I quite easily spotted him.
I honestly don't know what he was thinking, so I just flushed the toilet, and itsy bitsy spider went down my shitter.

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Welcome home after your summer hol![]()

Had a rather 'intelligent' spider the other day...
He thought he would try and attack my anus whilst he sat in my toilet bowl... in the water.
However being a pretty large spider, I quite easily spotted him.
I honestly don't know what he was thinking, so I just flushed the toilet, and itsy bitsy spider went down my shitter.
That second photo just looks like the shadows of cracks in the window or something. Last time I checked spiders legs didn't vary between four and nine legs.

Found him.good luck with that.....

I was kinda thinking that too after looking at photos, but it did have markings on it's back similar to a wolf spider (which aren't visible in the photos).Looks like a hunstman to me.
Didn't know we had Wolf Spiders in Melbourne? Never seen one lol.
Then the other day I was in there...all looks normal...get what I need then turn to go out and there is the biggest ****ing spider ive ever seen live on the edge of the door. It was green and was the size of my outstretched hand. Scared the crap out of me. Quickly bolted out the door...forgot something in there, went back in, had a look and it was gone. Nowhere to be seen. That was worse as I had no idea where it went so quickly.
Havent been in there since.
Also, for those of you intending to post in this thread in the future, please keep your posts relatively short. Some of us use the time in between posts to look around for spiders, and if you're typing long posts, you're increasing my likelihood of death by spider. kthxbi.
Scary thread. I hate spiders!
Anyway, I found one of these hanging outside my window about 12 months ago:
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A 'St Andrew's Cross Spider' according to Museum Victoria. Its meant to be harmless, but I didn't know it at the time. Saw the f&cker and nearly pooped myself from the fright it gave me. I emptied half a Mortein can on the thing, but it just sat there unmoved. I didn't have the balls to try and squish it. This things body looks almost plastic, and I had this weird (irrational) feeling that if I tried to squish it the thing would just casually bench press the shoe/newspaper off itself.
So I grabbed some deodorant, a lighter, and fried the little bastard with my flame thrower!
Take note kids: Half a can of mortein stuck to the web & house wall + flamethrower = big focking fire! Probably lucky I didn't burn down the house in the end.